Chapter Thirty - Heartbreak

Both Minerva and Severus had a full day with back-to-back classes, having split Lyra's classes between them. It was easy to take over from her as she had each day planned and most of it was revision for the students anyway as their final exams were scheduled for the following week.

Severus found himself in a constant state of anxiety through the day, his stomach churning and his patience short for any student who would toe his boundaries.

He suspected that Lyra was pregnant. It made sense. It explained her fatigue over the past few weeks as well as her overly sensitive nipples although when he had dropped by the Hospital Wing, Poppy had insisted that Lyra merely had a stomach bug. He attempted to see her but she was asleep. He had hoped it was just a stomach bug but his gut told him otherwise.

Lyra was pregnant. She was expecting a child. His child.

He had never desired children, he had already discussed that with her. Yet, he found himself toying with the idea in his head. Him, Lyra and a child. A small baby. Their baby. He could see so perfectly its smiling face and Lyra's adoration for both it and him. The way her eyes would light up and sparkle, the warmth that light would bring.

Perhaps he could be a father. He felt as though if he were with Lyra he could do anything. But for now he was worried; anxious to know the truth, anxious to see whether she was alright.

The day seemed to last forever. Every minute dragged on.

He had his own class to finish the day and once that had concluded and the room was tidied he found his way up to Classroom 3C to see whether Lyra was back from the Hospital Wing.

When he entered the classroom he realised all her things were gone. Those glass cabinets with projections of creatures were gone and her table was bare. The museum like atmosphere she had created was gone and instead the classroom was empty, except for the furniture that was already there. His stomach twisted, a chill ran down his spine and his nerves felt alight, his hands were shaking as his head began to spin slightly. He feared the worst, that she had left without a trace. Before he allowed himself to lose his nerve entirely he strode up the staircase that led to her office and pressed the door open.

Lyra didn't even acknowledge him as he entered the room, still flicking her wand and packing her things away.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Packing my things," she replied in a bored tone, not even bothering to look up.

"Why?"

"Because I'm leaving," she slammed the case in her hands shut before heading for her bedroom door.

Severus reached out and grabbed her by the arm, "Lyra."

"What?" she spat, glaring up at him. He tried casting legilimens but she rolled her eyes, pulling away from him and continuing into her bedroom.

"Why are you leaving?" he asked.

"You think someone as intelligent as you would've figured it out already," she said, "I'm pregnant."

"That's no reason to leave," he began, ready to give her a speech.

"It's not yours," she replied carelessly, flicking her wand at her suitcase and opening it, sending her clothes in.

Those words cut deep. Like a knife tearing through his heart and his stomach. He felt ill. He felt like crying. He felt so much. He felt too much.

"The wedding?" he asked, slightly dazed.

"Obviously," she replied, "I was drunk and I forgot to cast the charm."

"I should've gone with you," he said softly. His hands were trembling. A lump caught in his throat. Gods, he was going to lose her and he couldn't. "Lyra, we should talk about this," he said, attempting to say it as clear and precisely as possible.

"Talk about what?" she snapped, "About how I fucked someone else?"

"Lyra, you don't need to leave," he said, "We can sit down and talk about it, we can discuss your options."

"What options are you referring to?" she asked, "Do you think I'd shed pureblood?"

He swallowed hard as his insecurities began to bubble up. Of course she'd screw someone pureblooded, how could he live up to that? How could he compare?Desperation began to take hold of him as he tried to cling to Lyra and the remains of their relationship.

"Lyra, I still want you. We can still be together, we can raise this child together."

"You want to raise a kid that isn't yours?" she asked, "You don't even want your own fucking kid."

"I could it if it was with you," he insisted.

"I knew I was a good fuck but I didn't know I'd make you this desperate," she said with a laugh, "How pathetic."

"I thought- I thought you loved me," he said, becoming uncertain of himself.

She laughed again, "Oh Sev." She stepped forward and stroked his cheek in a condescending way for a brief moment. "You really should've listened to your doubts all along. I've been owling Ilya since I saw him at New Years. I fucked him when I got my Order of Merlin and I fucked him at the wedding."

"You're lying," he shook his head in disbelief.

"I only kept you around to warm my bed and because you were a decent shag," she said, "Our arrangement was convenient and amusing."

"No, what about Lucius?" he asked, "He slapped you and made you cry."

"I needed him to believe it so you in turn would believe it," she shrugged, "It was also amusing getting under his skin. Who knew I could piss him off that badly just by fucking his best friend? I've always known my place but god, he hasn't shut up about it for years. I can't believe he was going to marry me off to Carrow. I thought I'd see how he felt if I fucked one of his other Death Eater buddies. It was enough for him to give up that idea."

"So I was just a pawn in your game?"

"Come on, Sev," she said with a smirk, "Don't think about it like that. It was more like you were a toy that I got bored of, something that was filling the place until something bigger and better came along and it did."

He closed his eyes and swallowed, his mind and thoughts were now twisted with doubt as Lyra's words poisoned him.

"Did you really think you'd ever be good enough for me?" she asked with a small laugh, "A filthy mudblood fit for a Lestrange."

"Don't say that word," he said.

"Mudblood?" she said in a taunting tone, "But that's all you are Sev, a mudblood who thinks he's better than the rest when you are no better than the dirt on my shoe."

A large crack echoed in the room.

Severus' hand had connected with Lyra's face, slapping her. Her head turned from the impact but she gritted her teeth and looked at him with a fire in her eyes and firm expression. "Get out," she said, "I'm done."

Severus turned his heel and left, slamming the door in his wake. He barged through packs of students with a furious expression on his face. He barrelled into his quarters and tore the room apart with his wand, smashing things, tearing apart his furniture, allowing it to break as he threw each piece.

He couldn't allow himself to stop. Memories of the past few months threatened to play in his head. Her voice was already taunting him.

Heavens. How could he be so naive to think that she would love him. Of course it was all a sick ploy. He shouldn't have expected anything better from a Lestrange. How she had gotten under his skin and torn him apart.

He didn't even realise that an angry yell was ripping through his throat the entire time. Once he had run out of energy he looked around and saw the mess he made, he fell to his knees and he cried.

God. How his heart ached like no other time before it. It was almost as though his heart had hardened and shattered into a million pieces, each shard imbedding itself in his chest.

How could he allow himself to be played by her?

There was no chance that she ever loved him. Who would love someone as ugly and horrible as him? She just used him and now he was left here, burning in the aftermath of their love affair.

He stayed there and cried, sobbing until his tears ran dry and numbness overcame him.

It may have been an hour or two before he found the strength to get back up. He headed for the bathroom and stripped, getting into the shower. He allowed the water to wash over him, hoping it would wash her away but her touch still haunted him. Her essence was still thick in the air and all around him. He reached for the bar of soap and began to scrub, trying to erase any trace of her but it still lingered.

He cried out once more, falling to the floor. His knees were pressed up to his chest and he just held them tightly to himself, trying to give himself so comfort. He felt so empty, so hollow, so broken. Oh, how he'd been played.

Severus didn't come out of his room for days. He didn't want to eat. He couldn't even sleep in his own bed because he had shared it with her. Everything was tainted with the memory of her. Everything just hurt way too much and he wanted it all to stop so he tried to numb himself with alcohol.

"Severus, what do you think you're doing?"

He turned his head and saw that the Headmaster had breached the protective barriers he had placed around his quarters. He gritted his teeth and turned back, staring at the fireplace that flickered with a fire.

Albus approached him and sat next to the Potions Master, "Interesting redecorating."

Severus didn't answer him, his eyes were fixed on the flames.

"Severus, let this be a lesson to not get distracted," he said.

"So did you put her up to this?" Severus asked, "Because it doesn't make sense. None of it makes sense. Lyra was genuine."

"Lyra is a Lestrange, through and through," Albus said, "She is her mother's daughter, as cruel as Bellatrix no doubt. I was misguided, Severus and I apologise. I should have listened to you when you expressed your concerns, she had us all fooled."

There was still a part of Severus that doubted it, doubted that she was that cruel. Surely it was a rouse. Lyra had felt so real, so loving, so genuine. His mind had been swirling with the memories of her for days.

"Severus, I need you to be strong," Albus continued, "I know it is hard to have your heart broken once more but please, allow it to strengthen your resolve than weaken it."

"For what purpose, Albus?"

"Lily Evans' son will be starting this coming term," he said, "And I fear that is when Voldemort will attempt his return. You must protect him, Severus."

"I can't," he said, his voice was broken.

"You can and you must."

Author's note: I wanted to leave this blank but I can't just leave without saying goodbye. What an adventure but there's still so much more to come. I plan on taking a small break to go back and fine tune some things and then start posting what I have written of the sequel which will be titled Keeping Promises. Please comment, let me know what you think otherwise you can contact me on tumblr. I'm still roleplaying Lyra there so hit me up with your questions :) under the usernames sleeplesspensieve and lyraxlestrange