It was at exactly 5:30 AM that Holly White found herself awake in her bed. She was having a weird dream about cows and horses and living in a farm house with her mother and Flynn. Flynn was not married yet and he was much younger than he originally was and they were all playing catch out in the evergreen corn fields. It was a normal day, the sun was shining brightly in the blue sky, the birds were chirping and there was a mild breeze blowing from the west. The only thing that stood out the most really was her mom laughing without a worry in the world; of course, that alone confirmed that it was only a dream but there was something else.

Holly stared at the old cracked white ceiling, reimaging the strange man in her dream. He was bald, tall, probably in his fifties with a van dyke kind of beard, he looked badass; she scoffed at the thought, closing her eyes to remember his face. It was wrinkled and serious, probably because he was frowning all the time, lips pressed in a thin line and he was only standing there, watching them. No one noticed him though except for Holly, after a moment she too stopped playing and stared at him only to find him staring back. She didn't feel scared or nervous at all, just curious although the man's presence seemed glooming and dark, she couldn't take her eyes off of him.

Suddenly the deep cracks on the ceiling weren't as interesting to her anymore. Holly sighed and slowly sat crossed legs on the bed. It was still dark outside and a gentle breeze was blowing in her room, causing the white curtains to dance lightly. She put her head down to her chin and for a long time just sat there, looking at nothing in particular, her mind going back and forward into the world of dreams and what she'd been doing the previous evening. She couldn't sleep anymore, that was for sure.

Giving up after a while, she threw her head back and fell onto the dark mattress. She couldn't remember what happened next, did the man even talk? what did he say? She wished he would have said something like Holly, I loved you, I'm always watching you. But nope. She didn't particularly believe in the afterlife, yet again she wanted, deeply and eagerly wanted for her father to at least send a sign, even if it's in a stupid dream.

He never did though, all the dreams Holly had ever had about him was just him standing there and looking pissed like she had done something wrong. She just wished she knew more about him, like who he was, why he did what he did. Exasperated Holly bent and brought up her laptop from under her bed and flipped it open. On the background was a picture of her younger self with Flynn, laughing. She would've lied to herself to say that she didn't miss him, especially since Flynn was the one who practically raised her.

It'd been a while since she'd seen him. Shortly after he moved to Dallas to work as an investigator in a DEA office, Flynn said that he'd met a girl. Holly was happy for him; he deserved to have a life of his own and be happy, especially after supporting her and her mother for so long. She duly noted that she'd call her brother today, just to see how he was.

Slowly, she opened a new tab and stared at the title. The words were written in bold and capital letters " LETTERS TO YOU ". She leaned against her pillow then and put the laptop on her lap and started typing"

November 13th, 5:37 AM

Today is the fucking 18th birthday you miss dad. I'm sure even now if I ask them about you, I will still get the same old answer. What I have read in the newspapers and on the stupid internet so much, that you were a monster and I should fucking hate you cause you either murdered people or ruined lives of millions. I sometimes think about it though, I seriously consider hating you but how can I hate a man I have never known.

Flynn used to think my obsession with knowing more about you would upset mom more than she normally is. That she, drinking and smoking all the time and skipping her rehab program is because I push things too far sometimes. Well guess what? I don't fucking care. I think she feels guilty about you, that's why she can't bear to have a normal conversation with me even about my school subjects... especially chemistry. Anyway…the thing is, you should be forgotten, buried six feet under, never even brought back to the memories but I'm not sure if I want to do it… I…

She stopped typing, staring at her own sentences. This was ridiculous; sooner or later she had to drop it. There was no point to it and she knew it. Holly only pushed things because deep down she felt content angering her mother. She was that stubborn. The way that her room was covered floor to ceiling with rock posters, tie-dyed fabrics, beer bottles, candles, half-smoked cigarettes, and dirty laundry, proved it even more.

Holly hated to admit it but she knew it was immature, still… perhaps on her 18th birthday, she had to finally grow up and forget about it all, about her dad, Mr. Chemistry teacher, family man, Walter White or the drug kingpin, the great Heisenberg.

She pressed her hands against her eyes and let out a loud yawn, closing the laptop and getting out of the bed to start the first day of her 18th year into this world of chaos and anarchy and oh boy, how she felt enthusiastic about it all.

"Holly! Breakfast's ready!"

Skyler sat at the small table, behind the counter in the kitchen. Their house was so much smaller than the previous one. The previous one… she hated to think about it but there were days that she couldn't just stop her thoughts from reverting back to how things had been and it all made her nervous and frustrated. It was eighteen years already, she ought to forget or at least tried to. The alcohol helped but at some point, it made it even worse by making her more sensitive about certain things. Skyler didn't have OCD but oh who was she kidding, she didn't have insomnia, drinking problems and anxiety either, it all started out back in 2009 and after that, it was all like drowning into a black hole, she couldn't stop it and no one seemed to be able to help her.

She rubbed her brow, staring at the hot black coffee in her white mug, nervously chewing at her bottom lip; she truly didn't want to mess this up. It was Holly's birthday and she knew how much of a bad parent she really had been so she didn't want mess this up, not today. She took Holly's bad habit of smoking or staying past the curfew outside, upon herself but even then she still couldn't stop herself from yelling and ordering the young woman to at least try to behave and of course, she was stubborn and oh what a great liar. Still, she was her daughter and she didn't want to disown her. Skyler loved Holly and she needed to know that. Holly was all she had now.

It took the young woman a full 20 minutes to finally show up. Her bleached blond hair was tied into a messy bun and she wore a heavy coat of black mascara, she'd even worn a pair of ripped blue jeans and a black t-shirt that said I've tried to stop swearing but I CUNT under her red leather jacket. All of which would completely exasperate Skyler. But of course, an exasperate Skyler was better than an anxious one.

"Hey, mom." Holly murmured but Skyler was too busy taking in her looks. Of course, it wasn't new to her but after the long lecture she'd given Holly last night, she at least expected a little bit of decency to change before convincing herself that it was probably only a phase and it will all pass soon. She didn't even know how judgmental she looked when finally Holly threw her hands up in frustration and walked to the door.

"Hey… um…" Skyler got up, almost shocked, still trying to smile and lighten up the mood she said, "What about breakfast?" she pointed at the plate full of hot pancakes but Holly only shrugged.

"I'll get something at school. " She blurted out and opened the door, leaving without saying another word.

Holly didn't feel like spending another minute in that house with her mom, zoning out on her. She had a pretty solid fight last night with her and now it was both awkward and tiring to just sit at the same table and pretend that nothing is wrong. Everything was wrong with their relationship and Holly hoped that her mother would know that.

She shook her head and adjusted her backpack on her shoulder, not really wanting to show up this early at school, she decided to take a lazy walk to her friend house, Lara first. But she still hasn't gotten too far away from the house yet as she noticed a yellow Chevy Spark, parking in front of their house. Taking another step closer to the car, she assumed it was either new or perfectly car washed, still, that didn't explain why it had to be parked in front of their house.

Did it belong to someone she knew? She was still staring at its windows and the shiny hood cluelessly when the front door opened and her mom stepped out, fiddling with something in her hand. Holly immediately straightened, glancing at her mom before rolling her eyes and walking away. Still, though she hasn't even moved a muscle yet as her mom walked down a few stairs on the porch and threw a biggest, weirdest smile, Holly had seen in her life.

"Surprise!"

Honestly, it was funny and Holly felt like bursting out laughing in her face, instead though she found herself frowning so hard, she felt her brow went numb, her mouth open in an O form, she was looking probably dumbfounded at her mom as her eyes traveled to her hands.

Mom took a few more steps and stood at the other side of the car, she lightly tapped the roof and smiled a little more awkwardly, " Happy birthday honey, I… uh… I wanted it to be a surprise. "

Holly needed a minute to gather her thoughts, she couldn't still believe that it was actually real, she started with her mouth, slowly closing it and blinking for a few times. " Mom… th-this… this is my car?"

Skyler nodded kindly as Holly jumped on the other side of the car and started touching the hood. " Whoa… wait a second like for real? This is my car? wow… mom… " a wide grin now plastering on her face, " But what about the financial problems you were getting through … you said that you couldn't… " she still couldn't believe that her mom had bought it. They had numerous discussions about it several times, all of them ending with Skyler saying that they still didn't have enough money.

Skyler waved her hands in dismissal, "Uh… don't worry about it, okay? I worked it out."

"Fucking yes!" Holly cared less now, all she was thinking about was to take her friends for a ride around the town now. She already knew that tonight was going to be lit.

"Holly… language."

"fuc… yeah sorry… mom…" She mumbled, looking up. Her eyes lit up," this is… can I have the keys please?"

"Sure." Skyler finally gave her the keys with a ribbon wrapping around the keychain. Holly practically threw herself on the hood, grabbing the keys and getting into the car.

" Holly…?"

"Yeah?" She paused looking at the uncertain Skyler, there was no telling that what her mom was thinking about. Holly could only wish that she wouldn't regret buying it. But then she smiled again, it was kind of sad… like she was struggling with something inside and when she looked up, her bright blue eyes were beaming with something that seemed like tears.

"I want you to know that I… I love you, no matter what." She finally said, nodding and stepping back and at that moment Holly seriously considered, walking to her and hug or kiss her on the cheeks or do something that would show an affection of some sort. She didn't though, it was all foreign and strange to her. She simply nodded back, getting into the car, shouting.

"Yeah… cool mom… thanks!"

With that, she didn't wait for another response from Skyler and simply drove away, she didn't even hear the last words her mom said to her, over the sound of the engine and the shrieking tires.