#055 - On the 10th anniversary of the death of his family, Jane gets drunk and visits Lisbon's house late at night. Things happen and they end up having sex. Then he leaves for Vegas the next morning without a word. One month later Lisbon finds out she is pregnant with Jane's child. Will Jane ever come back and will he ever love another child given the killer of his first child is still alive.

A/N: My first fanfic and it kind of got away from me - I'm having a lot of fun writing it, so I hope you enjoy it. I have written 13 chapters so far, but still have to finish and edit, so I'm not sure what my publishing schedule will be. Thanks to Leafenclaw for organizing this CreativeFest!

AU after Red Rover, Red Rover - a new version of The Crimson Hat + the Red John arc. Some dialogue has been borrowed from the show.

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"I'll come by your place tonight, we'll talk it out, okay?"

"You're sweet."

"Let me help you."

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It was late, probably close to midnight. Lisbon's mood was darker than the night sky. She was too worked up to sleep, so she hadn't even bothered changing into her pajamas. She muttered under her breath as she straightened her living room. She pushed the clutter around an end table and dusted it. One of the trinkets reminded her of Jane and she scowled at it before chucking it into the nearest drawer.

A loud knock sounded on the front door. Lisbon looked up abruptly, dropping her dusting cloth. She wasn't sure if she should be hopeful or cautious, so she unconsciously tiptoed her way to the entry and peered through the peephole.

Jane.

She skipped quickly over the relief phase straight to anger. She twisted the locks sharply and yanked the door open.

"Where the hell have you been?" She barely looked at him while she moved aside to let him in. "I went by your place, and not only were you not there, it was empty. The cleaning lady said the occupant checked out! And you wouldn't answer your phone. I mean, were you going to tell me about it? You told me you weren't leaving."

Lisbon closed the door and reengaged the locks before finally turning to look at him. Her anger deflated and she stepped closer to him. Jane's eyes were dark, his hair disheveled and his clothes a mess. His jacket was missing and his vest was unbuttoned. He was looking at her intensely, but still hadn't said a word. For a few moments they just looked at each other. Jane swayed a little and shifted his feet.

Lisbon reached out to him. "Jane? You okay?"

In one swift movement, Jane pulled her to him and kissed her, his lips pressed roughly against her own. Electricity jolted down to her toes. After the initial surprise, Lisbon found herself melting into his embrace. Their lips moved together in a sensual dance. When his tongue pushed into her mouth and she got the full taste of whiskey on his breath, Lisbon's brain caught up with her actions and she pulled away from him. He followed her movement, trying to stay close and continue their kiss. She shoved him away and stepped back, creating a distinct distance between them. They were both breathing heavily. There was an unfamiliar gleam in Jane's eye.

"What the hell, Jane! Are you drunk?"

He shook himself out of the awkward pose she had left him in. "I don't get drunk," he said defensively, his voice a little rough. He tugged on his vest to straighten it, then looked at it with a confused expression before trying to fasten the top button.

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "You drink enough, you get drunk, Jane. Even you. I know it's been a hard week -"

"That's an understatement," Jane muttered, cutting her off. He gave up on the buttons and looked at her. They stood that way for awhile, studying each other. His eyes kept drifting to her mouth. His own mouth turned up into a sly smile. He took a step closer. Lisbon stepped back, maintaining their distance.

"Maybe we could talk about it?" She gestured toward her living room and Jane looked at her couch thoughtfully for a moment.

"Sure. I think I may have done things out of order." He swayed on his way to the living room and Lisbon instinctively stepped under his arm to support his weight, keeping him steady. He held her tightly, running his open hand down her arm as she dropped him off at the couch.

Lisbon lifted her eyebrows and stepped back. "Exactly how drunk are you?"

Jane chuckled. "Don't worry, Lisbon, your lampshades are safe." His brow furrowed. "But I do have a headache."

"I'll get you some water."

A moment later she was back with a tall glass of water and some painkillers. She held out the pills. Jane took them and swallowed them along with the full glass of water. He set the glass on the end table and then eyed Lisbon who was still hovering nearby. He reached for her clumsily and she stepped back, sitting heavily in a nearby chair.

"Come on, Lisbon. You're not my boss anymore."

Lisbon raised her eyebrows at his uncharacteristic comment. "Is that what this is about? Wainwright firing you? I can go in with you, try to work something out. I mean, it won't be easy, you'll probably need to apologize -"

Jane waved her into silence. He closed his eyes and leaned back into the couch, trying to get comfortable. "No. If I wanted my job back, I wouldn't need your help."

Lisbon's heart sank. "I thought you weren't planning to leave the CBI."

He continued to shift on the couch. "It wasn't my original plan, but I think a change of scenery is in order." He moved closer to the middle of the couch and tried to burrow into the back. "This couch is horrible."

"You're leaving." Her voice was small, her expression lost as she stared at a fixed point somewhere past his head.

Jane stopped his fidgeting. "I didn't say that."

"You checked out of your hotel."

He moved himself back into her frame of focus and her eyes shifted to his. "Change of scenery, Lisbon. I have a new place lined up."

"Here in town?" He pursed his lips, avoiding the denial. She sighed. "Can I call you?"

Now he looked away. After a moment he swallowed thickly and looked back to her. "Yeah, I'd like that."

The air grew thick with their silence. Their eyes were locked together. Jane licked his lips and braced himself to get up and move in her direction when Lisbon stopped him with her words.

"Is this about Red John?"

Jane fell back into the cushions. "I told you I was done with him."

"I don't believe you."

"I burned that bridge."

"Yeah, and almost the CBI with it. It's been ten years, Jane. You can't just walk away."

His voice raised just a fraction in frustration. "Nothing has worked so far, Lisbon. He changed his game, I've gotta change mine." He closed his eyes and leaned further into the cushions.

Lisbon pressed her lips together in reaction to his little tantrum. She understood it, but he was giving her no answers. She spoke gently. "What's this about, Jane? Why are you here?"

He looked at her again, the fight gone out of him. His eyes roamed her face, settling briefly on her lips before meeting her eyes. He smiled gently. "To seduce you."

Time seemed to stop with these words, uttered so casually. Lisbon considered the options. Was he joking, trying to break the tension from their slightly heated discussion? Was he trying to rile her up, for his own entertainment? She felt a slight flutter of hope that it could be the truth. After all this time, was he really ready to open himself up in this way? She licked her lips as she thought of that searing kiss. It was hard to decipher his expression, but there was that look in his eyes. It could just be alcohol induced lust, but he could surely find an easier mark than her if that was his primary goal. The possibilities swirled in her head, then the pressure found an outlet.

Lisbon laughed and Jane smiled wider. "How is that going for you?" she asked.

"Not so great. But I didn't intend to jump you right after I got here. You are just so hot when you are angry."

The smile left Lisbon's face as it flushed. This was too much.

Jane shrugged one shoulder. "Probably shouldn't have told you that, you'll just use it against me."

Lisbon shifted uncomfortably in her chair, her eyes once again settling on a distant point. She took a fortifying breath and forced herself to look at the man again. "Jane?" she queried weakly, out of her element.

Jane breathed with her. "Listen, I'm going to use your bathroom. Then can we start over?"

She nodded and Jane rose, sending her a comforting smile and only wobbling a little on the way to her bathroom.

Alone again and suddenly nervous, Lisbon stood up also and rolled her neck. She paced a little bit in the small space. Her mind went into overdrive again. She felt her own headache coming on. She pushed against a knot in her neck and closed her eyes, hissing softly in pain.

"Can I help you with that?"

She stilled at Jane's voice and dropped her hand. She turned to face him and crossed her arms in front of her. "No."

He dropped back onto the couch and reached out towards her. "Sit with me?" She glared at him in response, but he didn't waver. "Please? No funny business, I just want to talk." He had taken some time to clean up. His vest was buttoned. His hair was still a mess, but it somehow looked intentional now. His expression was open and friendly, the predatory gleam was gone.

She kept her arms folded, but dropped sideways onto the couch beside him, one leg tucked under her and her back against the arm cushion. She glowered. "I'm listening."

Jane chuckled. "Can you just relax?"

She pointed her chin at him. "You want to talk, so talk."

"Right." He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a shaky breath. "Well, as you've already pointed out, this has been a lousy week."

He paused and Lisbon's scowl faded. "Yes, it has," she prompted.

Jane glanced at her before continuing. "A couple days ago I was remembering.. Well, it was the worst day of my life. Finding them."

Lisbon's arms unfolded and she leaned towards him. "I'm so sorry, Jane."

He held out a hand to keep her back. "It's okay, Lisbon. Just let me talk. Please."

She put her hands in her lap and nodded. Jane released another deep breath.

"Tonight I wanted to make the effort to remember better times. It's been so long, it's getting harder. I mean, sure I can remember some of the specifics like holidays and birthdays and family outings, that kind of thing. But a lot of what comes to mind are the feelings associated with those good times. Feeling loved, belonging to something better. We were strong together - they were the only people who really knew me and they loved me anyway." He smiled self deprecatingly. "I was a different man then, not so easy to love."

Lisbon snorted and Jane shared his smile with her, winking.

"Anyway," he continued, getting serious again. "I realized something tonight. And maybe I've always known, but I made a new connection." He met her gaze. "I haven't lost those feelings. I still feel loved, needed, part of something. I feel… known." He coaxed one hand from her lap and played with her fingers. "You know me, Teresa." He took another careful breath. "You are the most important person in my life. I would be lost without you."

She raised one eyebrow at him. "So you decided to drop everything and seduce me?"

He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling as if searching for answers. "The alcohol may have short circuited a couple ideas." He closed his fingers around her hand, resting a fingertip on her wrist. Then Jane looked at her boldly. "I came here because I realized something. And I suddenly had to be here, with you. I won't be at the CBI tomorrow, but I can't imagine waking up knowing that I won't see you. The truth is," he paused, swallowing a lump in his throat. "The truth is, I love you. I wanted you to know that. I needed you to know." He drew one finger along her cheek, then dropped it back to her hand as she looked at him, her mouth open in shock. "Then you were yelling at me and looked so lovely," he trailed off and got a dreamy smile on his face as he remembered their kiss. He shrugged one shoulder. "It was inspiring."

Now Lisbon drew in a quick breath, her muscles tightening under Jane's fingers, her pulse quickening. She searched his face. "I always thought - I mean it didn't seem like you could move on without closure. What about -"

"No." Jane's face became dark. "We're not mentioning him tonight. This is between us. I've buried my feelings too long, Teresa. Sure, I am terrified - for obvious reasons. I don't want to live by his rules anymore." His eyebrows lifted as he qualified, "I mean, we don't need to rush anything. We could just talk for awhile, or get some sleep, whatever. It's late. And if you don't want this, I'll understand. It could be dangerous. I just want to be here with you, if you'll have me. Because I love you." It was easier to say the second time.

Lisbon looked at him carefully, a little surprised at the openness that he was showing her. He squeezed her hand. She smiled, one side of her mouth quirking up in amusement. He tilted his head in an unspoken question.

"I never would have suspected you for an honest drunk."

Jane rolled his eyes. "I'm not drunk," he growled.

"Sure, whatever." Lisbon turned serious. She turned her hands in his, enjoyed the slide of his skin against hers. "I just hope you won't regret this in the morning."

"I haven't done anything to regret-"

And then she was kissing him, pushing him back into the couch cushions. Jane moaned into her mouth and untangled his arms so he could hold her closer, savoring the heat of her.

A few minutes later they were both breathing heavily, Lisbon's shirt was riding up in the back and Jane was eagerly exploring her skin there. Lisbon pulled back and rested her forehead against Jane's. "Bedroom?" she suggested.

"Great idea," agreed Jane. "This couch is killing my back."

Lisbon smiled and stepped back, pulling Jane up with her. He kissed her softly and traced one hand down her arm, linking their fingers together.

"I love you," he stated tenderly.

She smiled and traced his face with her other hand. "I feel the same way."

They met in another kiss and eventually made their way clumsily up the stairs to the bedroom.

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Lisbon woke slowly. The room was bright and instantly she knew that she had overslept. As she stretched her sated body, she couldn't seem to bring herself to care about it, and smiled widely to herself. She looked at the other side of the bed, unsurprised that it was empty. She felt a pang that he was gone. In the darkness they had whispered sweetly to each other. They hadn't talked about what came next. Even with Red John banished from their discussions, he cast a shadow on their happiness. Their time felt fragile, precious. She had held him impossibly close and he cradled her soothingly.

Now, reflecting back on their time in the light of day, she couldn't help but think that each sweet kiss had felt like an apology… and a goodbye.

She smoothed her hand over the place Jane had slept and got out of bed to shower. Afterward, Lisbon noticed the time and grimaced. She sent a quick text to Cho. "On my way in. Let the team know I'm bringing lunch." No one had felt like case closed pizza after Jane's crazy stunt ended with his job termination.

Lisbon strolled into the bullpen with an armload of paper wrapped sub sandwiches. She stopped between Cho and Rigsby's desks and called out to include Van Pelt. "Hey guys, let's snag a conference room, I brought lunch."

Rigsby stood up instantly. "Did you go to that new sandwich shop on 9th? I've been meaning to check it out."

Lisbon nodded. "That's the one."

The team filed into the closest empty room with a table and Lisbon laid out the spread, five large sandwiches and chips.

Van Pelt eyed the offerings. "What are the options?"

Rigsby grabbed the closest sandwich without waiting for an answer, but Lisbon smoothly took it from his hands and pressed a different sandwich in its place. She gave the rescued sandwich to Van Pelt with a smile. "This one is for you. Turkey avocado."

"Sounds great, thanks."

Cho looked at the remaining sandwiches. "Looks like you got one too many, boss."

"No. I got an extra one for Rigsby. Do you want roast beef or club?"

"Doesn't matter," said Cho, reaching for the closest one.

Rigsby smiled widely over his half eaten sandwich.

"Wait, Jane's not coming?" queried Van Pelt.

Lisbon gave her an odd look. "He was fired yesterday."

"Yeah, but you were gone all morning, we hoped -," she trailed off.

Lisbon looked at her team. "You hoped I was negotiating to get his job back?"

They all nodded, avoiding her eyes.

"Guys, he's okay. We talked last night, he said he's ready for a 'change of scenery,' whatever that means. Give it a couple weeks, then he'll be bored and begging to come back. In the meantime we'll just have to solve a couple cases on our own."

Rigsby started to unwrap the last sandwich. "It's going to feel strange around here."

"We'll be okay," Lisbon insisted.

"Sure," started Van Pelt.

"It'll be weird," deadpanned Cho. Van Pelt gestured her agreement.

Lisbon took a bite of her sandwich and changed the subject. "Anything exciting happen around here this morning? What have you been working on?"

"Nothing much," answered Rigsby.

Cho started to give her the boring details.

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An hour later, Lisbon was in her office doing paperwork. It all reminded her of Jane. She grimaced while filling out the report for his final case. She still couldn't believe he buried a man alive to get a confession. The perp was probably going to walk. No judge was going to let that stick, even with the other evidence they found. She looked out her office window at Jane's empty couch. The team was right. It already felt weird.

She decided she had exercised enough self restraint. She pulled out her phone and smiled at his picture on her contact screen and put the call through. It rang several times. He didn't pick up.