All that you are

Is all that I need

Rising like the smoke

You linger on me

All that you are

Is all that I need

Rising like the smoke

You linger on me

You got me so high,

I can finally breathe…

(Show Me, Alina Baraz)

Monsy rolled over and tried to pull the blankets over her chilled skin. When the fabric wouldn't budge she muttered "cold" and tugged harder. She had spent several hours pacing and then several hours making Cesar reassure her that he was still very much alive and now she needed more sleep.

"Sorry, some chick climbed in my window last night and was all over me before I had a chance to close it." She felt the bed dip a little and then shake as Cesar cranked the window shut. She smiled to herself as a warm arm pulled her against an even warmer body. She snuggled in deeper. She could get used to this. Except it felt like only a few seconds before pounding on the outside door was intruding on her early morning dozing. "Who knew badass cholos like Oscar were early risers." She tried to pull the pillow over her head to block out the sounds.

But in a stroke of cruelty the pillow was whipped out from under her head. "Come on lazy bones. We have to get moving."

"Who you calling lazy?" She mused her hair out of her eyes. She really would like to go back to sleep but she wasn't going to let him have anything to lord over her, because she knew Cesar would use it to his advantage. "Five bucks says I can be ready as fast as you."

"Ha, I'm not taking that bet because I have it on good authority that you don't have five bucks." Cesar grinned before pulling on a worn pair of baggy shorts. She watched his abs flex as he threaded a belt around his waist. Too bad he couldn't go shirtless all day long. That would help take her mind off of everything. "C'mon. You are so losing this bet already."

"Then turn around so I can get up!" She hissed. "Besides I thought you weren't taking the bet?"

"Why do you get to ogle me and I don't get to even see you? Doesn't sound fair to me." Cesar dropped to the edge of the mattress, so close she could simply curl at her middle and wrap around his back.

She laid her head on his thigh, "Because you're..you know..you... and I'm just…ugly, gangly me." She hadn't meant to say that out loud. She never wanted to fish for complements. But now that it was out there...well it wasn't a perfect explanation but she didn't know exactly why she could be completely uninhibited when they were fooling around but feel ridiculous picking up her clothes off the floor afterwards.

Cesar paused, one long sock dangling from his fingers. "Is that what you think?" She nodded, wishing she could be one of those girls that was comfortable in her skin all the time.

He turned and pushed her hair off her face. "You're beautiful Monse, inside and out." The pads of his fingers grazed her cheek. "And I know sometimes I've been an ass but if I've ever made you feel anything less than that, I am a fool, and I'm sorry."

She blinked in surprise a few times. One thing she loved about Cesar was that he had no poker face. She could see what was coming almost before he knew it himself. It made it awfully hard for him to lie to her. It also meant that she could see the sincerity in his wide eyed, almost reverent stare. "Yeah? Sometimes you make me feel that way…beautiful I mean."

"Oh yeah? Cesar smirked. "So what are you saying? It doesn't last long enough? You need a top up before your day?" He bent down to kiss her, one hand curving behind her neck. It only took a few moments before she let him haul her into his lap and she had forgotten about school and everything else.

There was a pounding on his door. "Cesar, get up or you'll be late. I need you to move my car."

She let him up for air. "I'm busy!' Cesar called over his shoulder with a chuckle before returning to nibble his way along her collarbone.

"Then get unbusy. Besides you have school. Weren't you giving me a hard time about pulling you out of school for too many…ah, appointments just yesterday." Monse swore she heard a feminine giggle in the hallway outside Cesar's door.

"Sorry ese, this is more important." Cesar countered his brother's command. But he must have heard the giggle too because he didn't return to her lips. Instead he cocked his head to the side, brow furrowed.

Then they heard a woman's voice for sure. "Uh, don't sweat it Mr. Ah.."

"Diaz, It's Oscar actually, Oscar Diaz. Can I get you some coffee? I'll just be a minute and then I'll get some shoes and move the car. I've got too many in the drive for the boys to work on so I had to park a few on the street. So you just moved into old Mr. Romero's spare room? I'll just have my kid brother take the one blocking your drive to school. Are you from L.A.?"

"Is Oscar talking to a woman like she's a human and not a piece of meat?"

Cesar nodded, "Babbling like he's lost all his game."

"We gotta see this!" Monse scrambled off his lap, reaching for her bra and shirt in a hurry. Cesar laughed and grabbed his own shirt but she pushed him toward the door. "No time for that. Use your lovely figure to distract her and stall so I can see what kind of chola gets Spooky to move his car for her before 8 AM."

"Fine, fine. But I see you using me as a sexual object." He chuckled as he stepped out into the hall shutting the door behind him. His voice carried through the house as he called. "Yo Oscar! You didn't tell me we were having such a pretty guest for breakfast."

Oscar made introductions. "This is my brother Cesar, the nerd."

"A nerd who is too busy to go to school in the morning?" The woman's voice was full of laughter and lightness, not what Monse would expect to attract Oscar.

"Yeah fool, what's so important that you would skip..." Monse winced as Oscar caught on. "Well you might as well tell Monse she can have a ride to school."

She finished knotting her shoes and grabbed a bandana from Cesar's desk to throw around her hair. It was going to be gigantic on account of not showering today but she could deal. To her reasoning, the best thing about her hair was the ability to mold the puff how she liked.

She'd never gone into the rest of the house in the morning. A plate covered in paper towels sat at the edge of the stove and the smell of bacon told her what it was. A carton of eggs sat open on the other side and bread was already in the toaster. She snagged a few pieces of bacon and sandwiched them between a slice of the bread on her way out the door. If they were going straight to school she needed sustenance.

Cesar was talking to Oscar out in the hall. "You know I don't have a license, right?"

"You gonna take Monse to school on your fuc-rigging skaetboard fool?" Oscar countered.

The other girl in the house giggled. She sounded so innocent that Monse was dying to get a look at her. She edged closer to the hallway. She couldn't see past Cesar and Oscar's backs filling the narrow space and for a moment she was distracted by the contrast. Although they wore nearly identical cargo shorts held up with worn black leather belts, she realized that although shorter, Cesar was of slightly heavier build than his brother, his muscles defined simply by the light and shadows falling on his bare skin while Oscar sported a black ink mural of their neighborhood edged by old English script lettering that made his upper back look somehow more muscular than it really was.

"Uh hi." She was standing on tiptoes trying to see so when Oscar and Cesar both turned away from the girl she nearly fell over. Ignoring the sparkle in Cesar's eye as he caught her around the waist and the glare in Oscar's, her eyes went wide. She had been expecting the most chola of cholas with heavy make up, a low cut tight fitting top and baggy pants. But instead the woman in front of her was petite and slim. Her makeup, if she wore any, was neutral and her jewelry delicate. From the tips of her nude pumps to her form fitting pastel pink business suit she was the picture of a demure, professional woman. The only sign of any rebellion about her was a one inch bright pink streak dyed into her perfectly ironed blond hair.

"Hi! I'm Cecily. I just started renting a room next door. As I was saying to Mr. Diaz, I am so sorry to bother your family so early. But I have an interview this morning and I want to go early, just in case I have a hard time finding the place." She extended her hand toward Monse.

As soon as she collected her wits Monse gave her hand a polite shake. "Welcome to the neighborhood Cecily. I'm Monse" she pasted on her best grin. Either the woman was so innocent she had no idea she was standing in the front hall of the baddest of the bad in the entire neighborhood or she was completely bonkers. Either way, she wanted to get to know her. "And we had to be up for school anyways. C'mon Cesar. I heard I'm getting treated to a ride this morning."

She was about to head for the front door when Oscar snatched her bacon sandwich. "That's not for you homegirl. I owe Cheeto a decent meal this morning."

Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. Oscar generally didn't even acknowledge her presence never mind address her directly. But before she had a chance to protest Cedar steered her toward the door. "Let's roll, we have wheels. That means we have time for a donut run. My treat."

"Awe, they are so cute. Funny how one takes after you and the other must take after their mother."

Monse nearly choked on her tongue and Cesar cracked up as they ran for the car. After she dropped into the front seat she looked back to see the new neighbor's eyes on Oscar who was now leaning against the front doorframe, head tipped back, laughing so hard the cross tattooed on his neck shook. "Holy Mary Cesar, I have never seen your brother like this."

Cesar grinned. "Imagine that! The mighty Oscar Diaz, OG of Los Santos, brought down by a woman who drives a baby blue Prius!" He pointed toward the car in Mr. Romero's driveway left with its driver's side door open. "If that was just about any other driveway in Freeridge she'd be down a stereo and headlights by now." He slid an arm over the back of the seat to turn and watch as he carefully backed up the car so Monse naturally slid into the spot. She had never been in the front of Oscar's car.

"You do actually know how to drive this, right?"

Cesar dropped a quick kiss on her mouth before nudging her aside and shifting the long arm on the column into drive. "Yes, of course. But you better put on your seatbelt because if I so much as get a fingerprint on his precious car we'll probably be haunted by the ghost of Lil Ricky for the rest of our days."

She waved goodbye to Cecily, who was now picking her way around the gravel in the yard with dainty steps, Oscar calling to her to come over if she needed anything at all. Sad Eyes and Cheeto were walking up to the house from the other direction. They stared at the red Chevy, obviously confused to see the younger Diaz behind the wheel.

Whatever funk she'd been in when she came over the night before now cleared away, buoyed by the elation of watching the house disappear into a long line of houses just like it.

"You think Ruby and Jamal want donuts?" She asked Cesar as he turned the corner to Ruby's street.

"No doubt." He grinned.

Monse stuck her hand out of the window, feeling the delightful tickle of fresh morning air rippling her skin and smiled.

And this part was for her

And this part was for her

This part was for her

Does she remember?

It comes and goes in waves,

I Am only led to wonder why

It comes in goes in waves,

I Am only led to wonder why

Why I, why I try

This is for the ones who stand

For the ones who try again

For the ones who need a hand

For the ones who think they can

It comes and goes in waves,

I Am only led to wonder why

It comes and goes in waves,

I Am only led to wonder why

Why I, why, why I try

(Comes and Goes, Greg Laswell)