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I have really enjoyed writing this and would like to continue. Please please please let me know if I should continue this.

SUMMARY

Dean was done. Done with what? The simple answer was everything. He'd been planning on ending his life for months, With Sammy basically abandoning him he felt alone and unloved. John made no effort to comfort his son for what was essentially the complete loss of his brother. Often times he just made it worse for Dean.

Dean sighed as he took another swig of whiskey. He'd decided tonight was the night though he'd been saying that almost since Sammy left seven months ago. Dean was beyond exhausted. He looked like he was already deceased. Dean was thinner than ever before, his hair now grown longer than his signature haircut, and his skin almost ghostly white except for the dark purple under his sunken eyes.

Dean sat in the empty motel room where his dad would eventually come back to find his lifeless body. No telling how long that would take. John had already been gone for two weeks despite their promise to meet back with each other after they each finished there assigned hunt. Maybe Dad just decided to leave my worthless piece of shit behind Dean thought.

Dean rubbed his hands over his face stopping to scratch his scruff once he'd reached his chin. "I can't" Dean whispered aloud. "I can't...I can't" Dean said louder and louder as the rage inside him grew. Suddenly Dean was on his feet throwing his whiskey bottle at the motel wall watching it shatter into what seemed like a million pieces.

Dean's own actions took him by surprise.

Dean panted suddenly feeling dizzy.

Falling back into the mattress.

I don't want to die. I just want my life back. I want Sam to talk to me again to look up to me as his big brother. He hasn't seen me in seven months. Hasn't spoken to me in four. Do I dare even attempt to call him and say goodbye? Dean pulls out his phone and checks the time. 2:48 A.m. He'll be pissed if he actually does answers but Sam does at least deserve a goodbye right? Sam at least had the courtesy to say goodbye before he left for Stanford Dean thought.

The next thing Dean remembers is waking up around noon. I must've passed out. Ha. Dean chuckled aloud. Dean's phone begins to ring the distantly familiar ringtone...Sammy's ringtone. "Sammy..." Dean sluggishly reaches for his phone answering it without a second thought.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT LAST NIGHT DEAN!" Sam yelled. "YOU CAN'T JUST CALL ME AND SAY ALL THAT SHIT. I WORRY ABOUT YOU. YOU KNOW THAT YOU STUPID ARROGANT PRICK." Sam stopped harshly drawing a breath of air. "AND THEN YOU JUST HANG UP BEFORE I EVEN GET THE CHANCE TO SAY ANYTHING."

"Sa-mmy I uh...don't know what to say." Dean rasped out. Dean couldn't remember most of the events of last night but if the bottle of prescription anti-depressants he'd been neglecting to take and his pistol conveniently laying beside the bottle on his motel nightstand was any indication he was going to finally end it.

Sam could tell something wasn't right. Dean didn't sound like himself especially during last nights phone call.

Sam recalled the events of last night.

_

Sam woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. It was Deans special ringtone. He didn't want to pick it up but it was late and it had been weeks since Dean's last attempt to talk to him. Sam was unnerved it wasn't like Dean to call under the circumstances unless something has happened.

"Dean it's almost three in the morn-" Sam was cut off.

"I'm so sorry Sammy but I can't anymore. I don't know if you even care anymore and I just can't. I can't" Dean paused and took a breath into the phone. "I don't want to do this...I really don't I wish I didn't feel like it's my only option. Forgive me, please. Tell Dad and Bobby I'm sorry too. Goodbye Sa-mmy...I love you" That was it. After that, he'd hung up on Sam.

Sam was stunned. He tried calling back but of course, Dean wasn't picking up. He even attempted to contact John and Bobby but didn't have any luck with them either. Sam knew that after what Dean said he wouldn't be able to sleep. Sam just sat on his bed for a long time feeling the empty void the dark room presented. What's wrong with him? Sam asked himself.

_

"Dean what do you mean you don't remember?! What the hell did you do?"

I don't think I did anything I'm still here ain't I. "I uh... don't know. I'm okay so-rry for bothering you Sammy" Dean paused "Sam" Dean corrected swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Dean please I'm worried." Sam's voice cracked he was on the verge of tears.

Do I tell him? Do I let him know I cannot do this anymore? Would he try to talk me out of the inevitable?

"Sorry, Sam, just been having a hard time I guess," Dean whispered into the phone.

"Dean aren't you with dad?" I swear if dad fucking left Dean alone.

"N-not anymore...he left me here." Dean was defeated both men could hear it in his voice.

Sam wasn't sure what he was going to do but he couldn't let Dean suffer like that. He couldn't lose both him and their dad it wasn't fair.

"Dean where are you? I'm on my way."

So I'm probably posting this a little prematurely but I'm excited about this. I don't know how many chapters I could do I'm not that confident in my ability to write. Please give me feedback whether it's encouraging or not.