Part One

It is with our passions, as it is with fire and water, they are good servants but bad masters.

~Aesop

Jack ran a hand through his hair and blew out a long, frustrated breath. It had been a difficult day, full of conflict and death. Not unusual for Torchwood, but he felt far more drained than he usually did at the end of a bad day. He also felt very much alone, and really wanted a scotch.

Was it the creature they'd been forced to kill, stranded on earth, tortured, and in pain? Was it the bastards who'd been using it to make money, carving up a living creature to sell for profit? Was it Gwen, doubting and questioning him over and over since he'd returned?

It was everything, though something bothered him that he couldn't put his finger on. Or maybe he was avoiding it, refusing to name it.

He stretched his neck and tried to put the terrible images from the warehouse out of his mind: the creature in chains, crying in agony; Gwen, holding her bleeding fiancé; Ianto, captured and fighting to escape. It was over, they'd done their job and stopped the alien meat operation. He might feel awful about, but they'd caught the bad guys and he hadn't lost anyone, and in the end, that was what mattered for the people of Cardiff. He hung his head and sighed, still unsatisfied, which was how Owen found him, walking in unannounced.

"At least you turned off the bloody CCTV," he said, standing in front of Jack's desk without invitation. "Does that mean you're done brooding for now?"

"I wasn't brooding," Jack replied, sitting up straighter and instantly annoyed. "What do you want?"

"Oh, brooding and impatient," Owen said. "Even better. Look, we're all beating ourselves up over this, but it's over. We did what we had to do."

Jack gave him an irritated look. "And that's what you came in here to say?"

"No, I thought you might want to see something. The one interesting spot in an otherwise shit day."

"I'll pass," Jack said, standing up to leave. He wasn't sure why, but he had a sudden need to find Ianto. To see the Welshman, to talk to him. Maybe that was what was bothering him. Ianto had been distant all day, particularly since they had returned. He could be injured, or like Jack, upset about what had happened at the warehouse. Jack had to find him, to make sure Ianto was all right.

"Seriously, you should see this. Tosh sent up the CCTV footage from the warehouse before she wiped it out."

"They had cameras in there? With an alien?"

Owen rolled his eyes. "Even dumber than we thought, this lot. Pull it up. You'll see."

Jack started to protest, but Owen shook his head and motioned toward Jack's computer. "Trust me, Jack. It's worth watching."

Confused and annoyed, Jack turned back to his computer and pulled up the video files Tosh had sent him. He watched as Ianto took down one of the men from the warehouse, before he was caught and tied up with Rhys Williams. The scene shifted to the room housing the space whale, where Ianto fought with the leader after getting out of his ropes. Jack cringed as Dale fired directly at Ianto. He saw himself shout at Ianto to go after them. The scene shifted again.

Ianto took out the doctor. He kicked in a door and stunned another man. And then he slammed the weapon from the leader's hand and placed his stun gun at the man's forehead. CCTV didn't tell him what Ianto said, but it was clearly very serious. Dale looked terrified before he fell to the ground, and Ianto turned and left. He tracked down the last man standing before he could escape and stunned him as well.

Jack watched, Owen still standing behind him, as Ianto began to truss up the men on his own. He then started cleaning up the office, gathering papers and files, even a computer, as evidence. He didn't stop once, working with an almost frantic energy that bordered on furious. Jack wondered what Ianto was so upset about: the space whale, being captured, or the mess?

The footage ended. Owen stepped back and sat down next to Jack's desk, nodding approvingly. "Teaboy kicked arse in there, Jack."

"Yes, he did," Jack said. He wasn't surprised, and yet he was. It was impressive by anyone's standards, taking out so many men on his own, and with nothing but a stun gun. It reminded him once again how strong Ianto was, how good his team could be. Where was Owen going with this?

"And yet no one's seen him since Gwen stormed off in a strop." He paused. "Nice work there, by the way." He clearly didn't mean it.

"Not my best moment, no," Jack admitted. "She has a point, like she usually does, but she also has a way of expressing it that tends toward…"

"Overdramatic bordering on disrespectful and insubordinate?" Owen suggested. "Rules are rules, Jack. Gwen shouldn't get to break them just because she can throw the biggest tantrum."

"We can't afford to lose her," Jack said. It was a poor response, though, because Owen was right and it rankled.

"Sure we can," Owen snapped. He pointed at the computer. "Ianto in full blown warrior mode is worth two of her any day."

"Warrior mode?" Jack tried not to smile; Ianto would hate the term.

"You know what I mean. He's usually so reserved, but when he lets go, he can take down three guys in a row and clean it up afterward." Owen shook his head as if amazed. Jack wasn't sure why, when Ianto had demonstrated more than once how much he was capable of. And yet more often than not they still viewed him as their administrator.

"Like you said, he's normally more reserved," Jack said. "That's why we have Gwen, who never holds back."

"That's not a good thing, Jack," Owen pointed out. "She can't be allowed to dictate the rules around here."

"I know," Jack agreed. "She can't."

"Oh, so you're actually going to do something about her disobeying orders in the warehouse? For refusing to follow protocol and Retcon Rhys?" Owen shook his head again. "Of course not. You'll give her a few days off to let her recover from the trauma of her boyfriend getting shot so she can come back and do it all again."

"I'll talk to her, Owen," Jack ground out. He hadn't thought about it that way until that moment, but Owen was right. Gwen had pushed the limits on this case, both personally and professionally. She needed to be reined in before she did something that hurt them all. The problem was, Jack wasn't sure how to do that with Gwen Cooper.

"I hope so," Owen replied. "We need to know that we can count on her to have our backs, not threaten to quit every time we don't do what she wants. Otherwise I want Ianto in the field with me, stunning people in the forehead."

"I get it!" Jack exclaimed. "She messed up, Owen. And there's a good chance she gets it, too. Rhys was shot, you know."

"He was shot because you brought him in on the case," Owen replied. "What I can't figure out is whether you did it to piss her off, or because you actually thought he could help us."

"I thought he could help us," Jack said, though he now questioned his motives. Had he agreed to work with Rhys because he genuinely believed in the man, or for other reasons, ones he'd rather not think about? "And he did. Besides, you saw him when he got here. He practically goaded me into it."

Owen snorted. "You keep telling yourself that, Jack. He wasn't the one who got into a pissing contest with a civilian." He leaned back, crossed his feet at the ankles. "So, you shagging Ianto again?"

"Excuse me?" Jack asked, stunned at the abrupt turn in the conversation. "Again?"

"Come on, we all know you were at it before you ran off. Did he take you back then?"

"Take me back?" Jack shook his head to dismiss the conversation.

"He was looking pretty smug when we were talking about dating earlier. So it's either you or some random lay at his local."

"It's none of your business."

"No, but your shagging partner almost got shot today."

"But he didn't," Jack said.

"That bloke pointed his gun right at Ianto and pulled the trigger twice, Jack. I would have shit my pants."

"Yeah, well," Jack started, but stopped, not sure how to respond. "What's your point?"

Owen stood up. "You're down here moping—yes, moping—over Gwen while Ianto's up in the tourist office practically punching a hole in the computer writing it up. Something's wrong with that picture." He started to leave the office. "Oh, and Tosh and I are leaving for the day. I'll finish my report tomorrow."

Jack waved him away as he dropped his head again and rubbed at his neck. How had he managed to surround himself with so many people who didn't hold back? First Gwen, now Owen. He wondered if Tosh had anything else to add.

Owen was right, though, and now that Jack had seen the footage, he couldn't keep ignoring it. Ianto had almost been shot. Jack had been avoiding the keening space whale and hadn't seen the entire fight with Dale. He'd heard the shots, of course, but when he'd seen Ianto on the ground, he'd assumed Ianto was uninjured and hadn't even asked if he was all right. For all Jack knew, he could have sent Ianto after those men with a bullet in his shoulder. He was ashamed, that he hadn't asked, and that Owen had to point it out to him, when Jack was the one sleeping with Ianto.

Pulling up the cameras in the Hub, Jack found Ianto still in the tourist office. He was typing at the computer, his face tight, his fingers hitting the keys hard, his lips occasionally moving as he either read his words out loud or simply muttered to himself. He was still in his shirt sleeves and waistcoat, with an empty glass on the counter next to him. No wonder he'd needed a drink when they'd got back; he'd had a close call, and then gone on to subdue the rest of the crew and clean it up without a single complaint—or a single word from Jack. He needed to apologize, to tell Ianto he'd done well, and to make sure Ianto was all right after almost getting shot.

Jack waited until Tosh and Owen had left and made his way upstairs to the tourist office. Ianto was no longer at his computer, and Jack worried that Ianto had left in the few minutes it had taken him to come upstairs. He glanced around and called out. "Ianto?"

After a moment, the other man appeared from behind the beaded curtain that lead to the backroom. He was wearing his suit coat again, with his Burberry thrown over his arm. When he saw Jack, his entire body tensed.

"Yes, sir?" he asked, then walked over to the printer nearby and took several sheets from the tray. He read through them, inserted them into a file folder, then glanced up at Jack. "Can I help you?"

Jack was thrown off by the other man's impersonal attitude. Ianto was clearly upset about something, and Jack had the instinctive feeling that it was him. "I don't know, maybe…are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Ianto replied. "I've completed my report, but if you don't mind, I'd prefer to go over it tomorrow. If you'd like to read it before then." He handed Jack the folder, then began to pull his overcoat on.

"I'll read it with the others, but I still have one question."

"Yes, sir?" Ianto was avoiding his eyes, holding himself at a distance. Jack didn't like it. He'd already been given an earful by Gwen and then Owen, and didn't appreciate the cold shoulder from Ianto. Still, Ianto had been through a lot in the warehouse and handled himself incredibly well. Jack owed it to Ianto to try and understand what was bothering the Welshman, to help him if he could, especially when he had failed to check on him until then. He crossed his arms and took a deep breath, resisting the impulse to walk away from the tension he felt growing between them, but didn't understand.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "I know something's bothering you, you're not even looking at me."

"I told you I'm fine," Ianto replied.

"Are you injured?"

"No."

"You almost got shot back at that warehouse."

"But I didn't," Ianto replied. Jack had to hold back a smile, since he'd said the exact same thing to Owen earlier. Sometimes he and Ianto were too similar, refusing to acknowledge the things that bothered them, like almost dying.

"It was a close call," Jack said, trying to soften his voice. A part of him wanted to shake it out of Ianto, but Ianto would only shut down even more.

"There were no more bullets," Ianto returned with a shrug.

"Did you know that at the time?" Ianto didn't respond. "It's hard, going through that. It was a difficult day all around."

"I'm fine," Ianto ground out. "I got captured, not killed. If you don't have any more needless questions, I'd like to go home."

He started to walk away, but Jack reached out for his elbow. Ianto shook him off hard, the look on his face venomous for a split second before his usual mask slipped back into place.

"What the hell is wrong?" Jack exclaimed. "I want to help!"

"And I want to leave," Ianto snapped.

"Not until you tell me what's going on. This isn't like you." He knew he'd said the wrong thing when Ianto gave him an utterly disdainful look.

"Then I guess I'm not the only one acting out of character," he said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jack had no idea what was going on, why Ianto was so upset, and why he seemed to be directing it at Jack. Well, he could think of a few things, but Ianto didn't tend to lash out at Jack when he had professional issues, he spoke to Jack calmly. It was something that Jack appreciated tremendously, Ianto's composed questions as opposed to Gwen's insistent demands for answers.

Ianto was glaring at him, and Jack could tell from the set of Ianto's face that it wasn't just professional this time, it was personal as well. Ianto was usually very guarded, preferring to keep his thoughts and feelings to himself, but Jack knew that Ianto felt things deeply, from love and grief to pain and anger. At that moment, Ianto Jones was pissed off, and Jack reacted exactly as he knew he shouldn't: frustrated and defensive.

"So what did I do?" he asked, his tone more challenging than understanding. "Since I assume I'm the one acting out of character. What did I do?"

It was a clear measure of Ianto's anger and reluctance to express it that he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he replied. "I'm going home. I'd rather talk about it in the morning, if at all."

He turned to leave, and this time Jack moved in front of him to stop him. Ianto responded with a raised eyebrow, which was better than a fist in the face, but still cut deep. "Don't be childish, Jack."

"Then don't be mulish."

Jack knew he should back off, but he couldn't. He was already irritated with Gwen and Owen, and he needed to know what he had done wrong with Ianto. He didn't like this cold Ianto, directing his anger at Jack but refusing to voice it. He needed Ianto's support, not silent condemnation. He'd come to rely on it before he left, and it was one thing that had got him through a difficult return.

Ianto narrowed his eyes and stepped closer, lowering his voice and speaking slowly. "I'm leaving," he said. "I will see you tomorrow."

"No, we work it out now," Jack said. "Now or never."

"Don't threaten me," Ianto replied, his voice condescending. "We both know it means nothing."

"Then talk to me!" Jack exploded. "This is ridiculous!"

There was a pointed silence. "You won't like it."

"I can take it."

Ianto shook his head. "Don't fire me, then."

Jack planted his feet and offered a crooked grin. "I didn't fire you when you punched me in the face, when you pushed me through a space-time portal, or when you opened the rift to turn back time. Tell me what's wrong."

Ianto looked away as Jack recited his list of past transgressions, his jaw so tight it might crack. When he turned back, his eyes were blazing. "You, Jack. Everything you did today was wrong. It's a wonder the day didn't end worse than it did."

"Hey," Jack said, his shields up once more. He knew he'd messed up, but had it been so bad that Ianto, who usually supported him after a difficult day, was furious about it? "I think we made out pretty well, all things considered."

"All things considered?" Ianto looked amazed. "Jack, we didn't save the alien. Those men got off easy and don't even remember what they did. Rhys was shot, and Gwen…" He shook his head. "Gwen gets the night off for mucking it all up."

Jack wasn't sure how all of it was his fault, aside from the issue with Gwen that Owen had already pointed out to him. Maybe Ianto felt overwhelmed, like Jack did. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry we couldn't do more, about all of it. And Owen has already pointed out how much I screwed up with Gwen, I promise I'll—"

"You'll what?" Ianto ask. "You'll talk to her? And tell her what? You're sorry for constantly enabling her disrespect and defiance?"

"I don't enable her," Jack protested, hurt by the accusation even as he recognized a small truth to it. "And I certainly don't control her—"

"Exactly," Ianto interrupted again. "You don't control her. Because you're too busy appeasing her, encouraging her—enabling her. Jack." He took a deep breath. "Everything that happened today with Gwen, from the very beginning of this whole mess—it's on you."

Jack bristled and stepped back, needing to put distance between him and Ianto before he lashed out physically. He sensed this was what Ianto meant when he'd said Jack wouldn't like what he had to say.

"I'm not responsible for her choices," he said, but Ianto shook his head.

"You are, though. You're our leader, her leader. You've let her have her way so many times that now she expects it. She thinks she's always right because you've let her think she's always right!" Ianto paced in a small circle before facing Jack again. "She shouldn't have been in the situation she was in today, Jack. You put her in that situation, by bringing Rhys Williams in on the case."

"He got himself involved," Jack said. "And Gwen brought him in the rest of the way."

"Because you let her!" Ianto exclaimed. "Jack, he's a civilian. He's a civilian engaged to an active Torchwood agent. He never should have been involved in this case. Bringing him in put us all in danger—and him most of all."

"We needed his help." Jack knew his defense was growing weaker and weaker. Owen had said something similar, but Ianto was brutally laying out the truth of it. "He had a way into the warehouse."

"He was untrained and inexperienced. Gwen had every reason to be pissed off about him getting involved, every right to be terrified. But instead of stopping it, instead of helping her, you let him in, Jack—why?" When Jack didn't answer, Ianto shook his head. "That's what I can't figure out. Why, Jack? Why do that to him, to Gwen, to us? Was it some kind of warped jealously? Some way to get back at Gwen after she told him about us?"

"He had information," Jack ground out, but he was shamefully aware that Ianto might be right: Rhys Williams was a civilian. He should not have been involved. It was Gwen who had brought him in, but it was Jack who had used the unsuspecting man after Rhys had stood up to him, right in front of the entire team. That confrontation still rankled, and Jack was forced to admit his response had been disappointing, to say the least. Had he really been trying to hurt Gwen for revealing their secret? "He was an asset."

"He's Gwen's fiancé!" Ianto snapped. "And I know you care about her, so don't try to beg off with any excuses. You didn't like her telling him, because now you have to share her. So you used her fiancé against her. It was unnecessary and uncalled for, Jack. It was the wrong decision."

Jack gaped at him, speechless because it was the truth, cold and hard and ugly. "You're right," he said. "I don't like what you have to say."

"Then fire me now," Ianto said. "Because I'm not done. You brought him in and then let her stay on the case. She should have stood down, coordinated from the Hub or something. But she insisted on going in and you let her. Then she gave up her cover when they threatened him."

"Of course she did," Jack said. "Can you blame her?"

"No, except she put the mission at risk and the rest of the team in danger," Ianto said. He pointed a finger at Jack. "And then you—you did the same damn thing, Jack! What were you thinking?"

If Jack had been speechless moments earlier, now he was struck dumb for several seconds. Never in a thousand years would he have thought Ianto might call him out for the same thing as Gwen. And yet, hadn't he done the exact same thing? He'd shook his head at Gwen, been furious when she'd stepped out anyway and set down her gun after those thugs had threatened Rhys. But of course she did, she loved him. He was in danger and she'd do anything to protect him.

And then they'd grabbed Ianto and shoved a gun under his chin, and Jack had stepped out with his weapon raised. Jack had done the same thing.

Why?

He didn't reply, not sure if Ianto was actually looking for an answer or throwing more accusations at him. He didn't know what to say anyway. He was beginning to sense an uncomfortable truth developing deep within him.

"Jack?" Ianto asked, sounding even more annoyed. "If you have nothing to say, I'm going home." He turned to leave, but Jack stopped him, this time with a gentle hand on his arm, and softer words.

"I wasn't thinking," he said. "You were in danger. I had to step out."

"You lost control of the situation the moment you did," Ianto said. "Gwen was trying to let them feel like they were in control, but you jumped in and tried to take it back. You pissed them off by talking about aliens and rifts in time, which made the situation worse and got Rhys shot."

Ianto was right. Rhys had been shot because Jack had ignored all protocol, all training, all logical thinking and simply reacted. Just like he had when Gwen had brought Rhys into the Hub. Just like he had when Gwen had refused to Retcon Rhys. Just like he usually did, only this time he'd been wrong.

"I'm sorry," he said, hands held helplessly before him. "You're right. All if it—you're exactly right."

"Don't apologize to me," Ianto said. "Apologize to Gwen, to Rhys. They're the ones who almost lost each other."

"They're not the only ones," Jack pointed out without thinking. That was the something niggling at him, the thing that bothered him that he hadn't been able to name. Now he could. Rhys had been shot, but Ianto had been captured as well, and had come damn close to being killed in that warehouse. Why had it taken Jack so long to realize it? Ianto delivered a cutting eye roll in response.

"Please, Jack. Don't flatter me. You stepped out because you were distracted by Gwen and didn't think I could handle it."

Jack shook his head, wondering how he could convince the Welshman otherwise. "No, you're wrong. I know you can handle yourself."

"Then you should have let me!"

"Our cover was blown."

"And I was fine," Ianto snapped.

"You had a gun pressed to your head!" Jack exclaimed. "You're not immortal, Ianto. He could have killed you."

"Maybe with you blundering in," Ianto replied. "Gwen was talking him down while I was trying to escape. We've been trained to respond in those kinds of situations and you should have let me respond."

"You can't respond with a bullet in your brain," Jack hissed, moving closer. "I'm sorry if gave up my position to save you, but I didn't want you to die."

Ianto did a turn, tugging at his hair in frustration. "You don't get it! When you stepped out, you not only ruined Gwen's chances at resolving the situation peacefully, you made the entire situation worse. You put me in more danger, Jack. You."

While he saw Ianto's point—yes, he may have made Dale even more agitated by running his mouth—he also couldn't believe that Ianto didn't see the truth. Jack had been genuinely frightened for Ianto in that moment. He had stepped out of cover and stumbled into the confrontation without thinking of how he was negatively affecting the situation. It wasn't because he didn't trust Ianto to handle it, but because he'd needed to do something, even if it meant surrender. Jack had only wanted to help, to get Ianto out of danger and convince those men that what they were doing was wrong; he hadn't anticipated their response because he had been too worried about Ianto.

"Fine," he said, withdrawing completely. He hated being wrong, and he didn't like the reasons he'd been wrong even more. Like he usually did, he retreated from the truth. "I'm sorry. Next time you're a hostage, I'll look the other way. I won't try to help."

Ianto stared at him, his mouth literally hanging open. "Fuck off," he finally said, and stormed through the tourist office door, leaving Jack standing alone, knowing he had made a terrible mistake. The problem was, he wasn't sure how to fix it.

Author's Note:

Ah, where to start! So many thanks to humany-wumany-stuff for letting me run with a Tumblr discussion about the episode 'Meat.' The idea of Jack seeing footage from the warehouse is all theirs! We've had many great discussions about the aftermath of everything that happened in this episode and I have enjoyed them all so much – thank you! And many thanks, as ever and always, to the beautiful summerstar, who also helped me work through Jack and Ianto's issues here and read the piece to reassure me it actually made sense and flowed toward the point I was trying to make. Thank you! That point is in the second part. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy the rest!