hey. I already have 15 chapters of this story uploaded to archiveofourown. I decided to post it here so more people can discover. im always interested in hearing your thoughts so enjoy. And if you think I stole it, oh well.

SEPTEMBER 3 1988

Hi. My name's Michael Wheeler, and I'm a psychopath.

I get out of bed and stretch. It's the first day of school. I'm completely naked. It's better to sleep that way. The sun is already out.

As I stare out the window, I think about my life.

I don't have feelings of love and peace. They're nonexistent. Instead, I have urges.

I have an urge to kill. I think about it everyday. I think about killing people in different ways, brutal ways. Seeing the blood almost gives me an orgasmic feel, it's hard to explain.

I was adopted by the Wheelers, Ted and Karen. They took me in as one of their own. My foster father explained to me that my foster mother really wanted a boy, but she didn't wanna get pregnant again. They also saw adopting me as doing a good deed. To me, they aren't my foster parents, they're my real parents.

I don't know who my biological parents are and I don't care to know. For all I know, they could be across the country.

My father saw the evil in me at a young age and taught me to suppress it.

When I was 8, I killed the neighbor's dog by stabbing it with a kitchen knife. Father caught me killing it in our backyard and yelled at me. He was shocked and furious. He asked me why I did it. I told him that I felt I needed to.

His face turned red. He knew how much I meant to my mother. She loved me to death.

I can't love anything, I'm emotionless.

My father got afraid. He loaded the dog in the back of his truck and dumped it in the woods somewhere. When he got back, he cleaned the bloodstains. He blatantly lied to the neighbors and said he hadn't seen their dog. I wondered why he did it. He said he loved me.

Although it was stupid to kill that dog, I don't regret it. Regretting it means I'd have to feel something.

I have been staring out of this window for five minutes.

I need to take a shower.

I warm up the water before getting in. I step inside and start washing.

Showers feel amazing, even I have to admit that.

I love the soap, it feels so smooth against my skin.

Washing the genitals is important.

Speaking of the genitals, I masturbate around two to three times a day. It's not something I take pride in doing, it's something that I have to do to suppress my violent urge to kill. I usually rub one out in the morning, when I get home, and before I go to bed.

This morning is different.

I'm going to see some familiar faces today. I want to have that urge. I shouldn't, but I need it. I need to have it sometimes to feel alive…

I'm 6"1. I have brown eyes and dark brown hair covering my entire forehead.

I'm in good shape. I exercise daily to help release some of the dark energy inside of me.

After I get out of the shower, I dry off and brush my teeth. I get dressed in my normal clothes. I pick out a plain black t-shirt, black pants, and black shoes. I guess black just suits me. I put on some deodorant. Smelling good is important.

I walk downstairs to find Mom reading her news paper.

Dad died of cancer two years ago. It shocked all of us, even me. He taught me so much in such a short amount of time. It hit my mom and sister hard.

Oh yeah, my sister. Her name's Nancy. She's a couple years older than me.

She graduated high school and started working as a waitress. She still lives with Mom and I.

She glances up at me as I walk downstairs. She gets this goofy smile on her face that she only gets when she sees me.

"There's my handsome senior!" Mom shouts.

I give her a fake smile.

I walk up next to her as she remains seated.

"I remember when you were so little, it was the cutest thing! Now you're a senior!" Mom can't contain her excitement.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, baby, you are so handsome. Your dad would be so proud," She puts her hand on my arm and gives me a warm smile, a smile I can't imitate.

"I love you, Mom," I lean down and kiss her on the cheek.

"But… I gotta get to school. I kinda overslept. I'll see ya when I get home, alright?"

Mom looked sad. She wanted me around her at all times.

"Oh, okay…. I understand that this is a big day!"

Mom waves at me. I give her one last smile before walking out.

She's right, this is a big day.

I get in my 1966 Ford Mustang and drive to school. The color of the car is black. I like being surrounded by darkness. It used to be Dad's car before he died.

School, what a concept. It's just an excuse for horny teenagers and trouble makers to hang out. I don't think I've learned anything useful at this piece of shit school, like for example:

What's the best way to kill someone?

Where's the best place to kill someone?

Where's a good place to dispose of a body?

Ugh.

I enter the school to find that the hallways are loud and packed. It's always a bunch of freshman who have no idea where their classes are. Poor souls.

I go upstairs and walk into first period, English.

I'm the fifth person to walk into the class. I walk to the back of the class and take my seat. The back is nice because no one notices you. I like that.

A couple of minutes go by. Students are walking through the door in a neat line.

When everyone takes their seats, there's some commotion, and it's the type of commotion that makes my urge to kill grow stronger.

This is what I've been waiting for…

Troy sits down in the seat beside me. Troy is the biggest asshole in this entire school. I'm his number one target when it comes to bullying. He's the star QB of the football team. He always brags to me about how much pussy he gets and that I'm just a weird virgin.

He is obviously first on my kill list.

Troy and I turn our heads to face each other. He gives me this smirk. I hate that smirk.

"Hey, Wheeler, never thought I'd see you again. I thought by now you'd just kill yourself," Troy laughs at his horrible joke.

"I guess you thought wrong," I smile sarcastically at him.

"Yeah, maybe I won't be by the end of the school year."

Troy gives me that mean stare, but it doesn't bother me anymore.

"How the hell did you even get this far in school? You have like, an IQ of 35."

Human insults are the closest I've come to sounding and feeling human, because I somewhat mean it.

"When you win state championships and fuck your hot math teacher, IQ don't mean shit, Wheeler," Troy crosses his arms with pride.

I shake my head and give him a blank stare.

Can I just kill him already?

The teacher is sitting at his desk, bored and tired. He's white, bald, and in his mid thirties. He's waiting for the announcements to come on and get finished.

The announcements eventually come on. It's the same fake shit they say every year. Wooooo, welcome back to Hawkins High, we hope you have a great year! Yeah, bullshit, all of it.

The announcements go off. The teacher sighs and slowly stands up, a little overweight.

"Alright, class, today is the first day of your senior year, for most of you anyway. I'm Mr. Brown, you all know the ropes by now, so I'm not gonna explain to you what this class is. It's English. We read.

The teacher gives us our English textbooks.

"Since it's the first day, I'll go a little easy on ya. Turn to page 34 and read the story. We'll go over it tomorrow. I don't want to hear any talking!"

The teacher sits down at his desk and reads the daily newspaper.

The story is A Dark Brown Dog. Great.

If I could feel guilt for killing the neighbors dog, I sure would feel it right about now.

I finish the short story fairly quick. I close the book and realize that nobody else has finished.

I guess I'll just wait?

A piece of paper rolled up into a ball hits my face.

Troy…

"You're such a nerd," Troy whispers, then proceeds to giggle.

My urge…. Want to kill… FUCK.

I stand up with a sense of urgency.

"Can I go to the bathroom, Mr. Brown?" I try to calm myself down.

Everyone's looking at me now. Troy is so happy to see me in this position.

"Are you finished reading?" Mr. Brown asks.

"Yes…"

"That fast?"

"It was a short story," I shrug my arms and give him a fake smile.

"OK, Michael, you know I don't allow student to go to the bathroom."

OH MY GOD, I WANNA KILL HIM NOW.

"Sir, I have to go," I put on my desperate face.

"Damn, Wheeler, whaddya eat?" Troy says out loud.

Almost everyone in the class laughs at his joke.

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!

"TROY!" Mr. Brown quickly puts Troy in his place.

Mr. Brown sighs and looks at me. I can tell he feels sorry for me by the look he has.

"Ok, Wheeler, how about this. Give me a good summary of the story, then I'll let you go."

I nod and smile at him, knowing that I got this in the bag.

"A Dark Brown Dog is a story about cruelty and sorrow, and it has two levels to it. The first is a sad story about a dog and a young child, who are responsible for both protection and cruelty, until the dog dies at the hand's of the child's father. It's also an allegory and social criticism of post-Civil War Reconstruction. The dog represents freed slaves who continue to be mistreated, even though they're supposedly free. The child is the new generation of white Southerners who attempt to protect African Americans, but haven't matured enough to offer a safe environment. The father obviously personifies Jim Crow Laws, which enforced segregation and suppression of African Americans. It stripped them of their rights, even though they're supposedly freemen."

Everyone in class stares at me like I'm the second coming of Jesus Christ.

Mr. Brown slowly nods his head.

"Not bad, Wheeler, not bad at all. You can go," Mr. Brown looks impressed.

I hate being smart, because it's not even something you can brag about! But it does help hide the darkness inside of me.

I walk out of the class and go downstairs. Instead of going to the bathroom, I go to the football field.

I did this in years past. I'd say that I'm going to the bathroom, but then sit on the bleachers and stare at the football field for 15 minutes.

I'm doing it again. I'm sitting down on the top row of the bleachers, breathing in and out with my eyes closed as I try to control my urge…

I feel something tapping my shoulder. I panic and open my eyes wide. It's a girl. She has brown hair and brown eyes. Her hair is short, but not too short. She looks to be around 5"3. She's wearing fairly normal clothes for a girl. And now she's awkwardly staring at me.

"Are you okay?" the girl asks.

I get startled but quickly come back to reality.

"Uhh, yeah."

She gives me this look that nobody else has ever given me before. It kind of makes me wonder if she knows who I really am, but I know there's no possible way of her knowing that. She decides to sit next to me.

"So… Why are you here?" She asks as she nervously scratches her head.

"I said I was going to the bathroom, but I was really just mad, so I came here to cool off," I reply with honesty.

"Why were you mad?" She asks, sounding concerned.

"I don't know, it's stupid, just forget about it."

It gets quiet….. Too quiet.

"So…. Why are you here?" I ask.

I'm just trying to make it less awkward.

"I'm skipping class," she shakes her head.

"You're skipping class? Why?" I ask, trying to get the most out of this situation.

"I don't know, it's stupid, just forget about it."

It gets quiet again.

I sigh.

"I got mad because Troy was annoying me in class. I didn't want to do something that I would regret."

I'm somewhat truthful.

"Troy?! You mean the star athlete, Troy?" the girl is somewhat spooked by his name.

"Uh, yeah, why? You know him?"

"Know him? The guy's a mouth breather, a jerk, an asshole!" the girl raises her voice.

I'm wondering if this is one of his ex girlfriends that he fucked and kicked to the curve. If so, that's a shame. She seems somewhat decent, something I'll never be.

"Yeah, I figured that out a long time ago," I reply while looking straight ahead.

It gets silent again. The silence is natural to me at this point.

The girl sighs.

"I'm skipping class because I have anxiety."

I know what anxiety is, but I can never have it. That requires feeling.

"Any reason you have anxiety, or….?" I try to keep the conversation going for a little longer.

"I…. It's irrational anxiety. Sometimes I think about things that have happened in my life, and that gives me this feeling of worry. I've constantly thought about certain things this morning, and I shouldn't've because I was already stressed about the first day of school."

Although I'm curious to know about the things she thinks about, I have to get going.

"I'm glad I could talk to someone. I have to get back to class," I give her that fake smile, get up, and start to walk down the bleacher steps.

"Hey, wait!" She stands up and shouts.

I turn my head back to her.

"Yeah?"

"You never told me your name?"

I might as well tell her my name, she seems harmless.

"Mike Wheeler."

"Mine's Jane Hopper," she replies.

Wait, Jane Hopper? As in… Jim Hopper's daughter? Hopper is well known in Hawkins for being the Chief of Police.

Maybe I should stay clear of her… for safety reasons.

"Maybe I'll see you around?" Jane sounds optimistic.

I still have my head turned to her, although it's starting to hurt my neck.

"Maybe," I try to sound optimistic as well.

I walk away from the football field and return to my class.

When the class ends, I get up and start walking to my next class, Calculus.

A girl comes up to me to start conversation. Ugh.

Her name's Stacey Jenkins. She's kind of annoying and obviously likes me.

"Hi, Mike!" Stacey looks up at me with a wide smile, holding textbooks in her hands.

"Hey, Stacey, what's up?" I try to sound enthusiastic but completely fail.

"I was wondering if you'd like, wanna come to my house this weekend?" her voice is shaking, she is blushing, and she looks like she's about to have a panic attack.

"This weekend? Aw, man, I don't think I can make it. I'm gonna be busy with work."

I love lying.

"Oh, right, of course. I'm sorry."

She walks away from me at a fast pace.

Girls. They can't help but love me, but I can never love them. I'm a monster.

I've thought about getting into a relationship before, to help hide the monster inside of me, of course.

I can never be in a relationship. It requires too much emotion, too much passion, too much… feeling…

Eleven and Max are in El's room. It's nighttime. El and Max are sitting on the edge of the bed. They are talking about the first day of their senior year.

So then I met this guy named Kyle, and he had like, the bluest eyes ever, it was insane!" Max looks at El with joy on her face.

Max notices that El looks depressed.

"What's wrong?" Max asks.

"I had the dream again…"

Max immediately knows what El's talking about.

"El, that part of your life is over. The badmen are gone!" Max comforts her, but El is unsatisfied.

"What if they're not?! What if they sneak up on me in the middle of the night?" El is scared to death of that even being a possibility.

"El, you're being paranoid. And besides, you got your powers, you're fine. You've killed a Demogorgon, you closed a gate to another dimension, you've done all sorts of crazy shit! And now you just need to live your life, man."

El knows she should listen to Max, but she's too traumatized by the past.

El sighs.

"But I'm too awkward. I totally blew it with a guy today," El accidentally blurts out, then regrets it.

"Wait, you talked to a guy today?!" Max is shocked, but at the same time, she's happy for El.

Max can't help but get this big smile on her face.

"It wasn't even like we talked. We were just sorta… there…"

"El, the only guys you've ever talked to is Lucas, Dustin, and Will. This is newsworthy shit!" Max raises her voice.

She's too excited.

"Max, it's nothing, really," El is embarrassed and wants to say nothing else.

"Tell me his name!" Max demands, making El blush a little.

El caves in.

"His name's Mike Wheeler."

Max is even more amazed.

"Mike Wheeler?! The Mike Wheeler?! The Mike Wheeler that's never had a girlfriend, ever?!"

"I don't know where you got that from, but I guess," El scratches her head.

"Don't get me wrong, he's cute, hot even, but I've heard rumors that he's gay."

"He's… gay?! W-W-Why? How do you know?" El is suddenly saddened.

Max realizes that she's made El upset. She quickly tries to make her happy again.

"I mean, it was only a rumor. Maybe he's just not a people person, I guess?" Max shrugs her shoulders.

El is a little relieved, but still worried.

"What did you guys talk about? Like, how did you blow it with him?" Max wonders.

El sighs and shakes her head.

"Why the hell do you care so much?!" El can't help but get annoyed with Max.

"Because, I'll be honest, Mike is probably the hottest guy in the entire school. And… you… talking to him….. He just… never talks to girls! Maybe he connected with you or something, I just wanna know what was said."

El appreciated her long explanation.

"We talked about our problems, nothing romantic. He didn't seem interested, that's why I think I blew it," El sounds defeated.

She stares at Max, looking desperate as ever.

"He doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would be into the lovey dovey shit. Something's off about him," Max says while nodding her head.

"Maybe that's why I like him…"

"You like him because he's weird?" Max chuckles, causing El to smile.

"No…"

As El starts to think about her conversation with Mike, she has this feeling inside of her.

"I like him because I see something in him. Whenever I looked into his eyes, I saw myself in him. I saw a pain inside of him. You can think I'm crazy, Max, but whenever I talked to him, I felt like I was talking to myself for some reason. It's stupid, I'll stop talking."

Eleven knows she sounds crazy, but she can't ignore this feeling inside of her.

"No, it doesn't sound stupid at all," Max replies, sounding serious.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. You two will make the cutest weirdest couple ever!" Max giggles, causing El to blush and slap her arm.

"Max!" El giggles. She can't help but give Max a smirk.

Hopper bursts through the door.

"What are you two girls giggling about?"

Hopper can't help but be nosy about two teenage girls in his house. He is a concerned dad, and he will protect his daughter at all costs.

"Nothing, Dad!" El is annoyed.

Hopper quickly shakes off El's comment.

"Max, time to go home."

Whenever Hopper says it's time to go, it's time to go.

Max rolls her eyes at him and slowly gets up.

"Why can't I just stay here one time, just one time, Hopper?!" Max asks in a light-hearted tone.

"Because your parents make the decisions, not you, and I don't wantcha here either if I'm being honest," Hopper smirks at her.

"I guess you win… again," Max jokes.

Max walks out of the room with Hopper and shuts El's door.

Eleven can't stop thinking about that moment when he opened his eyes and saw her.

For a brief moment, she saw something insanely scary in his eyes.

She knows what she saw.

She saw herself in him…... When she was nothing but a test subject to the badmen and Papa.

It gives her goosebumps just thinking about that look.

She needs to see him again. She needs to see that look again.

SEPTEMBER 7 1988

El sighs.

She's stuck at this arcade with Max and the boys. It's not that games are boring to her, it's just that the arcade is filled with little kids running around. It gets annoying.

Will watches Dustin and Lucas battle each other in Street Fighter. They don't even take the time to blink, they are so focused on the game.

Max and El look at each other and roll their eyes. They know that these boys will be here for a while.

"Hey, let's go get some food?" Max suggests, having to raise her voice a little.

El nods her head yes.

"Sure."

Max and El walk to the concession stand and get popcorn and soda. Things are quieter, but still loud. The girls take a seat at one of the tables.

Max eats some popcorn before smiling uncontrollably.

As El eats her popcorn, she notices Max, who's sitting opposite of her. She makes this goofy smile, which makes El raise her eyebrows.

"What is wrong with you?" El is concerned for Max's health.

"It's nothing," Max still can't get the smile off of her face.

El shakes her head and takes a sip of her drink.

"It sure seems like something."

Max can't help herself. She has to tell somebody!

"I think I like Lucas again."

El's heard this one before.

"Max? Again?! Come on, they're our friends, not some tools you can just pick out!" El shakes her head in disgust.

Max opens her mouth wide. She is shocked at El's comments.

"What's so wrong with liking a boy?!" Max asks.

"Nothing. It's when you like them, and then you stop liking them, you like them, and then you stop liking them."

Max gets confused.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Max, you've broken up with Lucas four times in the past three years! Haven't you figured out by now that maybe you two just aren't meant to be?!" El is hard on her.

This upsets Max. She looks down at her legs, saddened by what could be the harsh truth.

"I don't know. It's just… I've never met a boy like him. I keep thinking I can move on from him, but that just makes me love him more. I'm so stupid," Max shakes her head.

El is supposed to be a good friend.

Max was there to comfort her, so now she has to comfort Max.

"You're not stupid, Max. I get it. I know what it feels like to meet a boy that's special."

Max looks up at her with confusion on her face.

"Wait, you do? Who?"

El really needs to stop blurting out things about Mike.

"Uhhhh," El is too shy to even say his name.

Max gets in a good mood after she sees El blushing hard.

Max snaps her fingers.

"Wait, it's Mike, isn't it?!"

"What?! NO!" El sounds super defensive.

"Have you talked to him some more or what?!" Max asks.

She wants El to have a boyfriend so bad.

"No, I haven't talked to him since the first day!" El replies, annoyed at Max's persistence

"Why not?!"

"Because… I don't know," El can't think of an excuse.

She looks down at her legs, feeling embarrassed.

"El, just ask him out on a study date or something."

"Study date?" El is completely lost.

"Yeah, you know. It's basically a date disguised as a study session. You need help in English anyway, might as well study with a cute boy, right?" Max smirks and winks.

"You think he'll say yes?!" El has no confidence in herself at all.

"I don't know! You can't just avoid him though, that will get you literally nowhere!" Max makes a good point.

"I don't even know when I'll be able to ask him!" El's voice is shaking.

"It's not rocket science. Get to school early and wait for his black Mustang to pull in to the parking lot!"

El is panicking and her heart is beating. She doesn't think she can do this!

Max comforts El by putting her hand on her shoulder.

"El, trust me, he's like, the hottest guy in school. Being rejected by him won't be the worst thing in the world!" Max makes it sound easy, but it isn't, not for El anyway.

This is important for El. She needs Mike to say yes, but if he doesn't, her whole world will be destroyed.

El gulps and looks up at Max.

"I'll do it."

1979

Ted was driving Mike to school. It wasn't but yesterday when Mike stabbed the neighbors dog to death, and now Ted had to have a serious talk with him about it. He couldn't talk to him yesterday because he was so shocked and angry. He seemed to be calm now. Mike stared out the window in the backseat.

"Michael, I think we should talk about yesterday," Ted tried to maintain a soft voice.

Mike turns his head from the window to look at Ted, who was looking at him through the mirror.

"I know…"

Mike wasn't gonna play dumb.

"You know what?"

"I know what I did was wrong," Mike said.

"Tell me why it was wrong, Son!?" Ted raised his voice.

Mike looked down at his feet.

"I… I don't know why it was wrong. I just know it was wrong because you told me it was," Mike explained.

Ted shook his head.

"You can't go around killing things, Michael!" Ted shouted.

Mike was legitimately confused.

"Why not?!"

"Because… that's just not good! You wouldn't kill your sister, Nancy, would you?!" Ted asked, worried about Mike's answer.

"No! She's my sister!" Mike shouted.

"You wouldn't kill me or your mom, right?!"

"No!"

Mike did have some set of morals instilled within him. This made Ted sigh out of relief. Maybe it wasn't too late after all.

"So why did you kill the dog, Michael?!" Ted wanted to know so bad.

Mike looked out the window.

"I felt… something in me. That dog always barked, it constantly barked! I remember when it bit Nancy a couple of months ago, I was so mad! Nobody hurts Nancy. She's my sister! So I killed it. It felt good. I wish I could kill it again!" Mike's face became red.

Ted couldn't believe the words coming out of his son's mouth. What the hell was he gonna do?!

The drive to school became silent for a couple of minutes. Ted tried to think of something, anything. He knew how heartbroken Karen would be if she found out her son was a psychopath. Ted wasn't gonna get help. He had to be the one to help Mike.

"Son, what if I help you… You know, with this feeling you have."

Mike looked at Ted and raised his eyebrows.

"How… how are you gonna do that?"

"I can try to help you with suppressing your urges. I know it's gonna be tough, but it's better than sending you to some loony bin!"

Ted was optimistic about the idea, but he didn't have many choices.

As he stopped at the drop off point, Mike got out of the car. He walked to the passenger window and stood in front of it. Ted rolled down the window.

"What is it, Son?"

"Dad, is… Is something wrong with me?" Mike had fear in his eyes.

"Yes, Son. But we're going to try and fix it, okay?" Ted smiled at Mike.

Mike smiled back in return, but his smile quickly turned into a frown.

Mike was too scared to look at anyone. All he could do was look at his feet on the way to class.