Chapter 17

AN: Hello, my lovely readers! We are back once more to continue the saga of Naruto surviving through sheer plot armor. Less than five chapters left full of hijinks and shenanigans. Hopefully I can finish this story soon like I planned in order to focus more on ATA and some "My Hero Academia" fics.

Anyways, onto the story!

Last time, on KMM….

"If you desire an Earth Scroll, Naruto-kun, I could give it to you, for a price." An ominous chuckle resounded around the now crushed forest. The head of the snake rose to tower over them, giving a hiss.

"Oh yeah? And what's the price, creepy snake?" Naruto asked.

"Creepy snake? What? No, you imbecile! I am not a snake, I am…" The ominous voice chuckled once more and a poof of smoke appeared on the snake. A male figure appeared with a smirk. "I am the most powerful shinobi in thissss village- no, the world! I am… Orochimaru."

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura scrambled into a Manju formation, their kunai at the ready. Sakura ripped Naruto's headband off, ignoring his protests.

"Sakura!" Sasuke said. He glared at her. She glared back.

"Magic eye seems to be our best bet here against a Sanin."

"Hn. If he loses it… I blame you."

Sakura whipped her head back to Naruto. "Naruto, you lose that magic eye and I will kill you. Painfully. Understand?" It wasn't a question, so Naruto just nodded frantically.

"Oh, Sassuke-kun, kukuku. You have much more to worry about than Naruto-kun's little Sharingan." Orochimaru said. A standstill began, both sides daring the other to move.

The Forest of Death just became a lot more dangerous.

With Naruto, Forest of Death…

"Summoning jutsu!" Naruto was quick to call out. Fifty foxes- plus the protection squad Kuro assigned to him- and the puppies came out in a protective horde. He had the sense that letting this Orochimaru guy anywhere near him would be a terrible idea.

"No kidding, you tailless ingrate." Ah Kurama, giving him advice at every turn.

"Stop that snake man before he reaches us!" Naruto said to the summons. He pointed at Orochimaru, and the entire horde began growling.

"Oh, dear, dear Naruto-kun," Orochimaru said, "summoning those… vermin, before you even hear my offer?"

"He doesn't want to hear from you, you freak!" Sakura shouted. She looked ready to lob kunai at Orochimaru's head.

Naruto thought about it; maybe it would be a fair trade? Afterall, even traitors that the great Jiraiya spat the name of couldn't be all bad if they loved ramen. Maybe Orochimaru loved ramen as much as Naruto?

"What do you want? And more importantly: how much do you love the great Ramen-sama?" Naruto decided to ignore Sasuke and Sakura's face palming while they maintained their formation. They were uninitiated and couldn't appreciate the divine nature that was ramen!

Unfortunately, the questions seemed to confuse Orochimaru.

"Ramen-sssama?" The snake sannin looked puzzled. "I have absolutely no idea who that isss, but I find ramen disgusting and one of the worst foods on this planet, so it is doubtful they would impress me."

"What." Never had anyone betrayed Naruto Uzumaki to this degree. Forget murdering children- even Kakashi-sensei did that in war. Forget charges of experiments and betraying the village. Nothing mattered more than the snake's treachery to ramen!

"Anyway, in exchange for this scroll, you must let me mark you, and give you ultimate power!" Orochimaru ignored the bloodlust levels rising.

"Hn. Sounds like a scam." Sasuke said and rolled his eyes.

"For real. A shady guy- with terrible employment records too- offering you free power after 'marking' you? Please, not even Naruto would fall for that!" Sakura inched away as her teammate's crazy chakra spilled over.

"Shady? I will have you know I was a legally employed shinobi and run my very own village! Just because I resigned from my Konoha shinobi status, I am not shady!" Orochimaru took the opportunity of the summons snorting at his claim to unleash his snake at them.

When the snake flinched before following the order, Orochimaru ignored it. However, the fox vermin tore it to pieces like the snake summons were made of confetti ribbon. Three more house sized snakes met the same fate.

"What? Impossible! Such weak summons should stand no match for my snakesss." Orochimaru seethed.

"That's what happens to anybody who hates the ramen, believe it." Dark tendrils of Kurama's chakra swirled around him like tails.

Sakura and Sasuke backed away further, knowing that they were about to witness the death of a sanin. Nobody dissed Naruto's favorite food. The last time someone did with the same venom as Orochimaru, Naruto was six and the academy had to hire counselors for the one who did it.

How much more dangerous would a Naruto with a magic freaking eye be? Team Seven had no intentions of finding out. They would assist their comrade… just they would do it from over a hundred meters away.

Reality began breaking again, just like in the first exam, once Sakura and Sasuke were at a safe distance. The trees around them burst on fire- as did the air- and somehow a corporal spirit in the shape of a samurai appeared behind Naruto's swishing chakra tails.

Naruto wasn't so sure why the world was bursting into flames again, but it was helping as every time Orochimaru shot his neck out towards him, flames would set his hair or clothes on fire. Really, it was awesome, and Naruto would enjoy embellishing the tale for years to come.

After he killed the monster, of course.

Twin tendrils of Kurama's chakra were flowing and Naruto felt invincible. Dodging an upchucked sword from Orochimaru, he decided it was time for his favorite jutsu.

"Kukukuku, Naruto-kun, you should give up while you still can. I can give you power beyond anything this village has seen!" Orochimaru taunted. Foxes were dispelled left and right with deft kicks and punches by him. Naruto ignored him, figuring he would have the last laugh in mere moments.

"Harem Jutsu!" He called. The forest floor filled with well endowed ladies wearing nothing but smoke. He sniggered as the force of the jutsu hit Orochimaru. Seeing snake blood spill would make his day. The still summoned samurai loomed over the forest, not that Naruto bothered to notice.

"You really are an imbecile." Kurama said, annoyed with the situation. While Kurama was excited by the thought of the seal weakening with this unexpected battle, the damn Sharingan would make it impossible for him to stay escaped; those Susanoo beings were able to deal too much damage for Kurama's liking.

Not to mention his thrice damned fan club knew where he was. No, best to watch for now and hope the Orochimaru shrimp killed a few more foxes.

'Shut up, Kurama. This will work, just watch!' Naruto shot back.

Only… Orochimaru was not in a puddle of blood twitching like any pervert. In fact, he appeared bored at the clones hanging off his arms and pressing against him.

Naruto's jaw dropped. "What? How is that possible! Not even Kakashi-sensei can withstand the harem jutsu."

"Kukuku" Orochimaru said with a snake-like grin. "I hate to disappoint you, Naruto-kun, but I am above such petty mortal vices. You will not defeat me, though I have no doubt that moron Jiraiya fell for it." Naruto could not believe this was happening.

"Now, I believe these foxes are more of a nuisance than they're worth."

Orochimaru lunged through the still impressive amount of summons, dispelling them in waves each time Naruto summoned more. Once Orochimaru reached him they began a fierce taijutsu battle accented by combustible air or a still growing samurai figure swinging a sword.

"My, my, how peculiar; this being you summoned from the eye is formidable, if not bulky. I look forward to wielding it!" Orochimaru hissed as he speared his first through Naruto's gut. The snake sannin really just wanted to seal away the Kyubi chakra but that could interfere with the mark. And now every time Orochimaru came close to giving his next vessel the mark, the samurai creature would try to decapitate him, or a burst of flame would singe his hair.

"Electromagnetic Murder!" Naruto gripped Orochimaru's face, his victorious grin turning sour when it turned to mud. "Maa, I wasn't really wanting to hit him that time." He said petulantly.

"Naruto, kick his ass with the magic eye!" Sakura called from the top of a tree. She and Sasuke had been watching in morbid fascination at the 'legendary' Orochimaru being defeated by their hyperactive teammate. Sasuke lazily lobbed a barrage of kunai at the snake sannin, who- again- melted into mud. It was becoming apparent that Orochimaru was pretty set in his ways in regard to dealing with hits.

"How?!" He shouted, being kicked into the samurai being behind him. His chakra tails sank back inside him, but his whiskers grew darker.

"Just glare at him!" She said. "And maybe ask that ghost to do something."

Naruto nodded to himself at what Sakura was saying; the magic eye was apparently responsible for the awesome samurai and the flames. He could make this work, especially if he could get more chakra. The kyuubi's chakra made him feel powerful, invincible even.

"Whatever you do, do NOT let him bite you, pest," Kurama said.

"Maa, maa, I got it, fur ball!" Naruto snapped back, trying to yank more chakra out. Kurama roared at his idiot container.

"You have the cursed eye; you don't need my chakra." He growled.

"Hey! My seal, you owe me rent!"

"Not with that ungrateful attitude. Now, leave. You let that snake win, and I drag you down to hell with me." With that, Naruto was pushed out of his head.

"Uh… Samurai thing?" Naruto asked. He had to win, Kakashi-sensei would be very angry if he wasn't able to pass the second exam, even with a crazy guy wanting to bite him. Kakashi-sensei always said to expect the unexpected and be able to destroy all enemies or something equally as deep.

The transparent creature didn't react to Naruto's voice. "Mind, uh, killing that creep over there? In a cool way, of course."

"Oh, you don't even know what that creature is, do you, Naruto-kun? Oh, when I have your body, I will not waste such power, kukuku." Orochimaru said and tried to get close with his fangs.

"That is disgusting, believe it." Naruto deadpanned. If the situation was not so dire, he would be proud of how cool he just sounded. "You are worse than the villain, Pedomaru! Like Ruraiya, I will stop you!"

"What?" Orochimaru looked confused. However, the meaning sunk in and his face contorted. "No, you imbecilic monkey! I want your body to live in it, not to do that."

"Sounds like something a pedophile would say," Sasuke joined in, landing next to him. "Hn. Naruto, do not let him take the eye; Uchiha refuse to let pedophiles near them."

"Yeah, you let him win and I can't pass this exam and get off our hell hole of a team. Now, get this thing to work, it came from the eye, after all." Sakura landed on the other side of him and gave Naruto a 'helpful' slap on the back. Naruto gulped and looked behind him.

"Destroy him, samurai thing that came from my eye!" He said.

This time, the being moved until it was over Team Seven, and unleashed dozens of glowing green spikes. The summons left dodged, but it cleaved Orochimaru in two from the waist.

Team Seven started to celebrate their victory, until the corpse opened its mouth, revealing a new and younger looking Orochimaru.

"I vote for a hasty retreat." Sakura said. Sasuke gave a 'hn' of approval.

"Kuro!" Naruto called. Kuro appeared by his side with several other foxes. "We have to get out of here. A creepy snake wants my body!" The foxes all made gagging noises but nodded.

"Do not worry, we will protect the great Kurama-sama! Grab on, vessel and underlings." Kuro held out a tail and Team Seven grabbed on, still 'inside' the samurai. ...And with a poof they were across the forest, just mere meters from the tower…

At the Tower….

Once they stopped moving, Sakura instantly slammed the headband over Naruto's eye, cutting off the Sharingan, and their giant samurai disappeared.

"Never doing that again." Sakura said and dropped to the ground. "We still need a scroll."

"In a minute, Sakura-chan…" Naruto dropped too. "Hey, Kuro"

"Kuro-sama" Kuro cut him off. Naruto rolled his eye but relented.

"Fine, Kuro-sama, why didn't you get us out of there earlier! I didn't know you could teleport us to safety." Kuro looked at him, bored.

"You never asked. The Kurama Protection Squad is able to do things beyond your mere human comprehension."

"Hn. More like you forgot you could do it," Sasuke grunted. Naruto and Sakura snickered and nodded.

Kuro looked offended and poofed out before anyone could notice his ears getting hot, the other foxes following.

"So, how do we get a scroll?" Sakura asked.

"We do what Kakashi-sensei would do, yatta!" Naruto said excitedly.

"No! No, we do NOT do it like sensei," Sakura retorted. She didn't want to think about having Sasuke- or God forbid, Naruto- seducing a kunoichi into giving them a scroll or blowing up the forest into oblivion and scavenging the bodies for the scroll.

"Hmph. You're no fun, Sakura-chan."

"Naruto… how did you summon a Susanoo?" Sasuke butted in before the argument could continue.

"A Susa-what now?" Naruto asked. Sasuke breathed out, asking for the patience to not strangle his 'teammate'. It wasn't the idiot's fault for being a… well, idiot.

"A Susanoo; one of the Sharingan's most powerful abilities, the corporeal samurai you had. I remember my family- the clan talking about it, hn."

"Oh… no idea!" Naruto admitted. "He was really helpful, though. Now, ramen before scroll, yatta!" He rubbed his hands together greedily, raising his headband enough to set the ground on fire for ramen. Sakura stamped it out.

"Not now, you idiot! We have to get a scroll. Stuff your stomach after we're in the tower."

"But, Sakura-chan, there aren't any teams here to get a scroll."

Before they could continue, a familiar team of sand genin came out of the forest on a disk of sand about one hundred feet away.

"Yo! Gaara!" Naruto called, already running over. Sakura and Sasuke facepalmed and followed with kunai. Gaara, reading the next "Icha, Icha" book, looked up, before tentatively waving.

"Naruto," He said when Team Seven got close. Kankuro looked up from cleaning his puppet, and Temari blushed at them.

"Gaara, did you get your scrolls?" Naruto asked.

Gaara nodded. "We did. Too many, Temari says." Temari sighed and held up over a dozen scrolls.

"Gaara killed any non-Konoha teams." She looked a bit green.

"Wow, thanks, Gaara!" Naruto said and gave an eye smile.

"Naruto," Sakura whispered, yanking his ear. "If he killed all those teams, how are we supposed to get a scroll? Kakashi-sensei said no killing or severely hurting Konoha teams!"

"You do not have both scrolls?" Gaara asked, tilting his head.

"Nope, this guy named Orochimaru tried to steal my body before we could," Naruto shrugged. "We're trying to grab another from a team."

Gaara's and surprisingly Temari's face hardened. "You may have these." He said.

"Hn. Uchihas do not take charity" Sasuke was cut off by Sakura giving him a look. A look that meant 'we are this close to getting off this team. Accept or I will murder you, pretty boy or not.'

Sasuke wanted to glare, but it made sense; let Naruto's universe breaking luck get them past this exam. After all, he had let the blond- and white-haired idiot handle Orochimaru so he could observe and copy the taijutsu of the sannin… and stay out of the random fire bursts.

Besides, Sasuke could use the time they had left in the exam to research doctors who would remove the Sharingan from Naruto. The world would be safer without such an idiot holding its most powerful dojutsu.

"Are you sure, Gaara?" Naruto asked. Gaara dropped every scroll into his hands.

"That is what friends do, help each other, right?"

"Yatta! This is so great, thanks Gaara." Naruto raised his hand for a fist bump and Gaara gave it readily this time. "There, now you got it!"

"Now can we please get to the tower? I need a shower and a good reading lamp," Sakura muttered.

"Oh yeah! Hey, Gaara, what do you think about spoilers? Sakura-chan hates them and I don't know why." Naruto spoke as the two teams headed towards the tower.

None of them noticed the snake hissing from the trees, seething at the missed opportunity for a Sharingan body. He would have to look for another opportunity. Perhaps it was time to get Kabuto's help in capturing either Sasuke or Naruto.

After Orochimaru found a way to stop those pesky flames and the kyuubi's vicious chakra, of course.

End! So, how was it? I changed the chapter from having a Manda scene, and think it flows better. Maybe I will add it as a bonus. Having Manda blast off like Team Rocket was a bit too insane, even for this story.

Anyways, a couple of things!

to finishing the story. How will the invasion play out, especially now that Gaara has been transformed by the power of Icha Icha?

2.I know I was a bit on the nose about Orochimaru wanting their bodies, but in canon they should have questioned the guy more about him wanting young, healthy bodies! Like, seriously, he is so much like a pedophile. No wonder he's called 'Pedomaru' in Icha Icha….

3.I think next chapter we'll have to have a training scene with Pakumi and the pack. I took it out of this chapter since it's another section and didn't fit with the mood of the chapter. Don't worry, though, the dogs and Kakashi get to 'help' Naruto next time.

! A cool recommendation for a lovely little fic, "Hell Cat" by TheDeadGirlRisen. It follows Tora becoming stronger than any demon in existence, and Naruto worshipping her basically. It's a riot and will bring smiles to your face.

5. Finally, thank you to our two betas, Dragon and Sean! Sean is the guy who takes the chapter and points out all the mistakes, so you have a better experience. Feel free to write your appreciation in the reviews.

Have a fantastic week,

Riku.

(ps. Join our discord; Shout out to Dragon- may you survive this semester! Also, super proud of you for working so hard at school.)

discord .gg / K5C8SYh

(take out the spaces, if you still need help, just PM me and I'll help you out!)