Morning everybody, Authors note here.

So I've been wanting to do this kind of thing for a while, but before we get to that, a little disclaimer.

This is effectively, a crossover. But from what I saw, they don't allow you to use 'music' as a category for crossovers. Specifically, this is a crossover between the stories told in Gloryhammer's album 'Space 1992: Rise of the Chaos Wizards,' which will take place just prior to the events of the story, as well as featuring Mass Effect.

So that means, this is a new humanity, (I know very original) based on the ridiculousness of Gloryhammer, which I think is an amazing power metal band and I encourage you all to go check it out. Most OC's here are not in fact OC's, but they don't really have tags for this kind of thing.

So, if you are interested in reading ahead, hooray, we can move onto why I'm doing this kind of thing.

I thought it would be cool to see 'regular' alien empires interact with what is essentially a space-fantasy nerds wet dream. Lasers, power armor, the power of fight, it's all here. Some politicking, some mega ridiculous fights, lets hope I can do both of these properties justice.

So without further ado, here we go.

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TOPAZULON MCGONAGALL VII, HERALD OF DUNDEE:

In the distant future of the year 1992… war has returned to the galaxy. One thousand years have passed since the brave hero Angus McFife defeated the evil sorcerer Zargothrax in the battle of Dunfermline, trapping the wizard in a frozen prison of liquid ice. For centuries the valiant Knights of Crail have guarded the immortal sorcerer's crystalline corpse, now located in a hidden base on Triton, the great moon of Neptune.

But now, in the year 1992, a cult of unholy chaos wizards are plotting to release their dark master from his ice-bound tomb and once again unleash sorcerer Zargothrax upon the universe.

The tragic destiny of the Galactic Empire of Fife now hangs in the balance once more…

"THE DWARVES HAVE JOINED THE FRAY BROTHERS! THEIR KING SHALL LEAD US TO GLORY!" A knight screamed over the howling horde of demons, hacking away at them with the power of fight. While diminutive in stature, the great Astral Dwarves of Aberdeen were fierce warriors and a proud people. Their king waded into the vile demonic horde, wielding his crystal laser battle-axe with proficiency rarely seen amongst any of even Crail's great Knights.

The Dwarves had granted the beleaguered Knights a reprieve, allowing them a few moments rest before the inevitable return of the demons. A few of these tired Knights spared a glance up towards the apocalypse sky, watching as great ships, none smaller than a kilometre, rammed into one another, firing their thunder lasers at great speed all while cleaving into each other with ship mounted laser swords. It was reminiscent of ancient pirate attacks, each ship would broadside the other, except with infinitely powerful laser blades instead of meager lead cannons.

Fighters screamed through the sky, crashing into one another as they maneuvered for a better angle on one another. Hell bats fought with leathery demonic whips, flying impossibly fast in order to catch and destroy the Armies of Light's own glorious fighters. The sky was awash with debris and laser fire flashing every which way. One could only barely make out glorious Earth, seemingly awash with flames as angered dragons burned her holdings.

The few Knights that were looking up, quickly returned their attention to the battle at hand, crying out in terror as Tharon-Zul himself slew the great Dwarven king. Goblins were joining the fight now, crawling over the mountains of demonic corpses to get their revenge against the proud and loyal servants of his majesty Angus McFife XIII. As always, they were batted away with ease, miniscule bodies and impractical swords were nothing compared to the power of might that pervaded the Spaceknights of Crail.

The tide was turning against the proud Spaceknights, the holographic hero Ser Proletius, their grandmaster, reborn thanks to the Technomages of Triton, was dueling the weary Tharon-Zul one on one. They were surrounded by demons and men alike, each clashing with one another, but neither giving ground so that they may protect their respective masters.

Finally, the stalemate shifted, the evil but crafty Tharon-Zul struck a disabling blow against Ser Proletius, but just before he could cackle at his approaching victory, he was crushed under the boot of the Barbarian King of California. The Hollywood Hootsman had arrived, dropped off without any armor onto Mars as he broke Tharon-Zul, saving Ser Proletius from a most grizzly fate. A fate the grandmaster had already faced once before.

With the combined might of the immortal Barbarian King and their grandmaster, the Spaceknights turned the tide of the battle once again. Then suddenly, an epic cry went up from amongst the Dwarves, now able to catch their breath as the Spaceknights returned their favour by returning to the frontline of the battle. "QUESTLORDS OF INVERNESS ARRIVE!" The call was taken up almost instantly, and all, including the demon horde turned to look at the seemingly meagre arrival of a small fleet.

The Questlords of Inverness had been sent on a top secret mission to the great Galactic Fortress, but their return was most welcome. They rode down from their great laser-dragons on their battle unicorns, led by Ulysses "Snakehands" Mcdougall himself.

The battle resumed, the Astral Dwarves of Aberdeen were itching to get revenge for their fallen king, whose son had reclaimed his great crystal-laser Battle-axe. The literal cavalry of the Questlords of Inverness arrived, just as the *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* of their great artillery struck the demon hordes.

"TRUST IN YOUR SWORD! THIS BATTLE WE'LL WIN!" Ser Proletius called out to his Spaceknights, just as his majesty himself, Angus McFife XIII arrived, carried by his ancestral Laser-dragon and wielding the ancient and powerful Astral Hammer.

"Warriors of planet Earth hear my raging cry! For mighty Dundee! The Demons will DIE!" He great king called out, inspiring his tired legions. His Laser-dragon bellowed a great cry, before spewing a rainbow of laserfire at the never ending demon horde.

The great heroes moved off to other parts of the battle, just before a giant robotic Space-Goblin from the Darkstorm Galaxy arrived, slaughtering the remaining dwarven armies, and ending the line of the Dwarven king.

Suddenly, like the waves of the great Atlantic Ocean, the battle turned against them again. For Tharon-Zul was not dead, merely pretending so that he may sneak attack the great armies from behind. Causing the Spaceknights to retreat to Phobos, not that it did them any good. They made a noble defense, but were overwhelmed by the sheer number of undead thrown at them by the vile Tharon-Zul.

The Questlords, tried to assist their brothers of Crail, but were annihilated from all of history by an Infinity bomb.

Ralathor, the mysterious hermit of Cowdenbeath suddenly arrived, warning the two remaining hero's, Angus McFife and The Hootsman, of danger on Earth. "From the caves beneath Dundee, Kor-Virliath is nigh!"

Both hero's lowered their heads, frustrated and angry as the hermit continued. "The summoning ritual is protected by a mysterious extra-galactic crystal key, which seems to be Goblonic in origin. Only the blast of a Neutronic Transnova Bomb has the power to penetrate the sorcerous force fields.

Angus looked surprised and then fearful, before finally becoming angry. "By all the gods of Dundee! Such a powerful explosion would have dread consequences… the planet will be destroyed, and the fabric of space-time may even collapse!"

The Hootsman, remained calm, though his jaw looked hardset. "And yet it must be done. Fear not, Angus. I will undertake this grim task." The Barbarian Warrior of Unst left before they could stop him.

Deep inside the Hootsman, their lied a secret heart. The Barbarion is a cyborg powered by a Neutron Star! For millennia immortal, the Hero quested time and space. But now he must make a sacrifice to save the Human Race!

"The only way to save the galaxy… Is to destroy planet Earth and all Dundee!" The Hootsman called out to the crumbling legions of Light, before blasting off towards his home, faster than a laser bullet he flew to Fife. On top of the great citadel of Dundee, he detonated his nuclear heart, cracking the world asunder, stopping the vile ritual that would summon the evil god Kor-virliath, Elder god of the 18th Hell Dimension!

With a thunderous explosion of ultragravitational terrorflux, The Barbarion Warrior of Unst vaporised Earth the the Neutronic Transnova Bomb detonation of his robotic power source. The summoning ritual of Kor-Virliath and the crystal of the Goblin King had been destroyed, but at great cost. Cosmic infinity crackled around the black space in the heavens, and suddenly the fabric of reality began to tear. Quantum lightning exploded from the nothingness, exposing a dimensional rift in the sky. Yet the immortal sorcerer Zargothrax still was not annihilated.

"No! You impudent mortal scum! One thousand years of planning… ruined by a Hootsman! I swear I will have my revenge, in this space-time continuum or the next!" The evil wizard called out into space, where Angus McFife, heard him as he travelled fast to his ruined home.

Channeling the last shards of power, Zargothax plunged himself through the amorphous portal in space, vanishing from this universe and into another reality. Nobody could know when or where the wormhole might lead to… yet: Angus McFife XIII swore that at any cost, he must find and defeat Zargothrax, no matter where he may be. And so with a final raging battle cry, he followed the dark sorcerer into the dimension rift. "For the eternal glory of Dundee!"

And with that final cry, the last of the heroes had been vanquished or disappeared. Leaving the scattered legions to defend themselves against the suddenly uncoordinated demon horde, which had begun to consume itself from the inside out.

The sacrifice of the heroes of Dundee had allowed the last of the Armies of Light to destroy the remaining demons and evil sorcerers. Until finally, the Apocalypse battle was over, and the dimensional rift closed and an angry hiss.

The legions regrouped on the Moon, looking to the lords of the Moon for help and guidance, but finding little in the way of direction. Angus McFife XIII had left behind only a son, Angus McFife XIV. A boy no older than three years of age. It was on the Moon where the battered legions swore their undying loyalty once again to the McFife dynasty, though it was a meagre promise. Not because they felt they didn't owe their loyalty to the McFife's, but because they were little more than twenty five percent of their strength.

The great navy was damaged and beaten, having lost a total of sixteen thousand ships, including twelve-hundred battlecruisers. Each battlecruiser was over ten kilometers long, and each had incredible history that could stretch back to the first great Hero Angus McFife as he defeated Zargothrax at Dunfermline.

There was no accounting for the lives lost, billions alone lived on Earth, and billions more were slaughtered on Mars. It was only their own iron wills and pride in their heroes that allowed the human race to keep moving. The fantastical origin of Humanity was vaporised, the remaining debris sucked into another dimension. There was nothing to even look for.

It was a dark day for the Kingdom of Fife, but many took solace in the last movies of the Hollywood Hootsman, the greatest movie star who ever walked the shores of California. The movies always preached unity and strength, often featuring real battles and other heroes such as Ser Regulon or even Angus McFife XIII himself.

This marked the first time in millennia that the Hootsman had not been present to help guide the trueborn sons of Angus McFife, causing great fear and trepidation amongst the scattered colonial peoples of the Empire.

The day would be marked as the bloodiest in history, but if the rumours were to be believed, than the Apocalypse war was worth it. For had the vaunted Hootsman not sacrificed himself and Earth, then the whole universe would have been bathed in hellfire.

Through the indomitable will of a people proud of themselves, the Empire held together. Humanity knew that while they had suffered a great and terrible loss, they couldn't afford to lose themselves to disunity. They were confident that more heroes would rise to take the old guards' place. And they did.

Some whispered about a great naval prodigy on Pluto, gathering followers in his bid for reformation of the wounded fleet, a man named Hackett.

Others looked to the many descendants of the Hollywood Hootsman, though there were so many of them over the years that it was impossible to try and figure out which one would take their great ancestors place.'

Though the Questlords had been erased from history and all of existence, their actions still somehow reverberated throughout the Empire. The great Galactic fortress, now the seat of government for the Empire in addition to being the command center of its military, began to blare alerts. Technology long thought lost or forgotten was stored in the crystal databanks of the massive space station. The genetic data for hundreds of species on Earth was recovered, allowing humanity to return some of their most proud symbols back to the galaxy. Dragons roamed the skies of Mars, Unicorns danced amongst the fields of Venus, and Astral Dwarves were returned to life on New Aberdeen.

It had been a year and a day since the end of the Apocalypse war, and humanity was making strides in its own recovery, the anniversary celebrations were raucous. Every man, woman, and child danced in the streets, sharing what they had with others so as to give thanks to the selfless actions of the mourned great heroes.

Goblin and Troll attacks had been frequent, as they preyed upon the wounded Empire of Fife. Returning their ruinous names to the list of enemies to be feared.

Suddenly, the moon Charon of Pluto began to crack. The wounded legions once again returned to duty, though a mere shadow of what they once were. They marched to Pluto, to await the next great evil that would dare strike at the heart of Fife.

Instead of the massive demon they had expected, a structure began to reveal itself as ice began to float away from it. A massive tuning fork shaped object cleared itself of the residual debris of the moon, before the rings at its center began to spin gently.

The navy, under the command of Spacelord Steven Hackett, regent to Angus McFife XIV, received a quick data transfer from the strange structure. It detailed how to engage its operation. It was a relay, an object used to travel between one point and the next near instantaneously. While the Empire had utilised faster than light travel for centuries, the speed that was described was almost impossible for them to achieve. The Humans valued raw power over efficiency.

Plans were drawn, and the Spacelord chose a vessel to test the Relay. The three kilometer long cruiser was sling shot through space, arriving almost instantly after entering the Relay. On the other side, sat a luscious world, not unlike Earth herself. Even further than that, another Relay sat, disabled, waiting for its new Human masters to utilise it.

An already celebratory occasion, was only increased by the prospect of a second earth. The people declared it a gift from Angus McFife XIII as he fought through time. They would not screw up their defense of their new world like they had with Earth. They named the planet New Dundee, and went about the process of introducing all of the fantastical beasts to the planet.

Over the next several years, the injured Empire's wounds began to scar over as Humanity began to recover. Now at age ten, Angus McFife XIV was beginning to take his place as ruler of the Empire, where his sometimes reckless decisions were always tempered by the stoic Spacelord Hackett.

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The distant future Year 1999, on the colony of New Crail, another relay is revealed to be hidden in an asteroid belt which had been infested with goblins. With orders from their Spacelord, the grand navy of Fife enters the asteroid field, destroying all who oppose them, until suddenly the Relay activates, and a ship speeds through, caught in the crossfire between the massive battlecruisers and the comparatively miniscule Goblinoid ships.

"What's going on Aisha?!" Captain Faylis of the Asari Republics screamed down to her closest friend and subordinate. They had just been cleared by the Council to enter relay 432, and were now in the midst of a shattered moon as well as having to navigate through dazzling flashes of light fired from several absolutely gigantic ships.

Aisha, another Asari woman kept her cool only slightly better than her captain as she called back "I don't know ma'am! This shouldn't be here! The probe should have alerted us!"

Faylis groaned under her breath as she called out to her bridge crew "Take evasive maneuvers! Get us out of here while we wait for the Relay to recharge!" She turned to another Asari, who looked completely fine with the situation as she gazed at her terminal. "Tayslia! Prepare the first contact package, there is no way that those ships are from Council space!"

The other Asari just nodded, while others panicked around her. She muttered out, just loud enough for the captain to hear "Package sent, it appears they are avoiding firing at us."

That was a relief, Faylis didn't like getting shot at by gigantic warships. That only solved half the problem however, as the barbarically ramshackle ships that the giant ships were fighting continued to fire incessantly at anything that moved. A few even tried ramming them! They had angry looking spikes covering their ships, though what they could possibly be used for in practice was beyond her. Even if they had just tried to ram themselves into her ship, there was no way they could do the same damage as a mass driver. The science ships shield would simply reflect them or destroy them.

Tayslia spoke up once again, still infuriatingly calm. "We have received a message from the lead ship of the larger fleet, it seems to be their own first contact passage!" Some excitement creeped into her voice as she tuned out the outside world any went about decrypting the message. It started off with a complex mathematical equation, which quickly revealed itself to be music! She fed it through a serious of programs, which quickly translated the musical algorithm into an actual song with 99% accuracy. The computational power of the Council never ceased to amaze.

The music started off slow, but quickly ramped up in pace and intensity. It was unlike anything the Asari had heard, as they almost universally chose to play slower, more soothing music. It was more suited to the Turians, however even they wouldn't think to create such 'noise,' as their music was much more industrial, uniform, though not lacking in incredible subtlety. She never even thought about Salarian music, which was simply alien to anyone who listened to it.

The sound played quietly, though it was clearly intended to be much louder. Tayslia let it play in the background as she continued to work on the rest of the message. It seemed however, that after the music started playing, she found it easier to understand how these people organized their data. With the help of several VI programs, she quickly decrypted the rest of the message.

Her musings were interrupted however as their ship shuddered, and Faylis spoke up again. "They just rammed us! The lunatics! Damage report!" She yelled at another Asari, who rattled off a surprising amount of damage, as if they weren't even affected by kinetic barriers of the Science vessel.

And just as suddenly, the giant warships surrounded them, protecting them from any more strikes against the Asari vessel. They curled around the ship with what seemed impossible agility, forming a half sphere in space around them. Half of their laser batteries fired against the asteroids, clearing the path for them, while the other half continued to wreak havoc on the barbaric goblins.

And just as suddenly as it happened, it stopped. The flashing of rainbow lasers ceased and all that remained of the Goblinoid vessels were chunks of metal in the distance.

Tayslia had just finished decrypting the message, conveniently once the fighting had stopped. She was quickly ordered to put it on the main screen. What appeared was a medium sized being, covered in a colorful set of Armour and holding a giant glowing Warhammer. It appeared male, and looked remarkably similar to Asari, save for fur on its head and the vastly different skin tones. Another figure appeared, walking into view from the side of the screen, this one far more similar to the Asari. Clearly female, as identified by her rather large 'assets.' She wore loose fitting cloth, and was positively radiant.

She clung to the male possessively, who seemed to return her affections. They both smiled, or at least, the assorted Asari assumed they were smiling, for they could be baring their fangs to try and intimidate them. Most dismissed that theory, citing how similar both species were facially. The male, then raised the large hammer with one arm and saluted proudly, before thousands of words began to scroll across the screen, all the while the emblem of Fife stayed in the background on screen.

"Ma'am, they appear to be requesting to come aboard!" Tayslia called out to the captain, who was beginning to feel out of her depth. This was getting very complicated very fast, she was just an explorer.

"Send a message to the Republics, they must know about this as soon as possible. And send out an affirmative, I'll meet them down in the cargo hold." Faylis said, as she stood up, Tayslia silently following her. Though she would never admit it, Faylis was happy to have a former commando with her. It provided some comfort to know that the Asari's best was there to protect her.

The cargo hold was spacious, holding little in the way of ordinance, space was instead taken up by scientific equipment, food, and fuel. They were equipped for a long distance mission, just in case the Relay sent them somewhere they couldn't use another Relay to return from.

Faylis could practically feel her ship get enveloped by the 'Human's' giant ships. Noise began to sound from outside her own vessel, before she was given the all clear to open the hatch. With a few buttons, the large loading door disengaged its magnetic seals and lifted to the roof of the ship, revealing a simply strange sight.

Hundreds of armoured beings were bowing to them on one knee. Their weaponry, was clearly intended for Melee, swords of all things, were drawn and had the point planted into the deck of the ship. They formed a wide path leading from the back of the hangar, where a lone figure slowly approached.

The time in between the hatch opening and the time it took for the figure to reach them, gave them plenty of time to survey the hangar they were in. It was brightly lit, and similarly brightly coloured. Golds, reds, greens, blues and even purples were used liberally across the hangar, a veritable rainbow assaulted their senses. Flags of their country and tapestries depicting this vessels greatest battles hung gaudily from the walls and the ceiling, displaying the obvious pride they had in themselves.

It was like the Turian's turned up to eleven.

Finally, the figure arrived. He was a younger man, dressed to the nines in military dress. A supposedly ceremonial sword hung at his side, and the symbol of the Empire was sewn against his right shoulder. He started speaking, and they let the language package included with the Empire's first contact package do the work with their Vi's, allowing them to understand the man perfectly.

"I am Spacelord Steven Hackett. I'd like to welcome the Asari to the battlecruiser "Magic Dragon" And invite them to join me in a tour of our facilities." He finished with a slight bow, just before small army present in the hangar stood up and pointed their crystal laser swords to the sky before activating the brilliant weaponry, all the while shouting in unison "Hail!"

The Asari, were understandably caught off guard by this, and didn't really know what to do. So Faylis simply smiled and nodded. She was a little confused, from what she had understood, they had asked to board her ship, so why was he offering a tour of his own? Perhaps it was a simple communication error between the new civilization.

They received more salutes as they began their journey out of the large Hangar. Once they had exited, the entire ship seemed to cheer. That or the soldiers in the hangar really knew how to make some noise. Hackett, for his part, seemed to relax now that the ceremony was supposedly over. "I presume you've sent a message to your Republics?" He asked, voice slightly gruffer than when he had initially spoken to them.

Faylis nodded in confirmation before introducing herself. "I am Captain Faylis, and this is my communications officer, Tayslia. I'm sorry to say that we aren't as important in the grand scheme of things as you might be thinking. While that display was very impressive, it might have best been saved for our actual diplomats?"

Hackett didn't take offense to that, she was partially right. But it was never said that Human's didn't like a good show of power.