Right, so I have a confession. You can ignore any shit I say about when I'll post the next chapter because truth be told I'm just gonna do this shit when I feel like it. Got a problem with that? Tough shit.
I've just realised I say shit a lot. Well shit, that's going to make this a boring story to read. Ah well I don't care I can put whatever I want up here because nobody ever reads the authors note at the start of a chapter anyway, lol. I hate myself sometimes.
Anyway if you're still here then I feel really bad for you as you obviously have nothing better to be doing.
But without further ado,
Chapter 2: I'm so confused, right now
"Ugh, what the actual fuck happened last night" I groaned after opening my eyelids. Instantly feeling the ache associated with sleeping on the floor. Wait why was asleep on the floor?
"Download complete" stated a voice in a loud booming tone, scaring the shit out of me. Figuratively, of course? Ha ha *nervous laughter
"Aah, fuck" I screamed like a little girl. *cue gruff voice" I mean i screamed in a totally manly manner, yeah!
"Ohhhhh, yeah" so that's what happened. Yesterday happened.
Well that's just depressing, I'm most surprised I got asked out, instead of what else happened. You know what I'm just not normal at all even without counting the strange occurrences.
Wait a second... so if my life is now a video game, which one is it?
"Welcome player! To our brand new game where you're actually the character! I'm your moderator, you can call me master Xander because I'm gonna make you my bitch! wait... sorry slight glitch but anyway you can call me Xander. First let's head to the character creation area, where we get to choose your character build!"
Well I can already tell this is gonna go fucking marvellously, not. Well at least I can do what every guy secretly wishes he could do.
I can give myself... THE DICK IVE ALWAYS WANTED!
Hehehe, this might actually be fun.
Hmm, so let's see. What race do I want to be?
Human ; tick
Asian ; tick
"Warning, By selecting race human Asian you acknowledge the fact that your junk can't exceed 5.5 inches, is this the case?"
WTF, aw hell no. bloody stereotyping, racist, xenophobic game.
Norse Demigod; tick
"Sorry option unavailable, you must be fully human at this stage of the game. But don't worry you can access your character creation screen every 15 levels."
inaudible grumbling*
Human ; tick
Race ; Florida tan American
Body physique ; swimmers body
"Are you sure?"
Yes/no
I suppose that's fine for now. "Yes."
"Next let's select you a title. At your current level you may assign two titles."
Renowned pervert:
Simple, you're a known pervert. what possible bonus could this title provide? May be a question your pondering. Answer , absolutely nothing. Idiot!
Effects: reduced reputation with everyone except your fellow perverted pigs who you will have a near brother like relationship with.
You see I can explain...:
With this title people will be forced to bow to your bullshitting prowess. Caught robbing the Vatican? No probs just claim to be in charge of the spring cleaning.
Effects: 20% more likely that people will accept your complete and utter bull crap.
Pervertedness is multipurpose:
See being a pervert has its perks. Doesn't mean it should be your defining characteristic, however. But alas you've managed to find a way to apply your perversion to a multitude of other tasks.
Effect: 50% more likely to create a new skill if you can think of a way to apply the move/skill to an indecent purpose.
School is MY bitch:
No longer are you laboured by the overbearing pressure of school because you've made the educational system your bitch. Basically you're living every teenagers dream. lucky twat!
Effect: your essentially a genius you now know the answer to all questions, to the same degree as a college professor of the questions subject would.
Well, those are actually all quite useful except that first one. Shame I can't pick all three. I definitely want to get school is my bitch because I am far too lazy for school plus that is insanely useful in all situations.
Ah, what should I choose for fucks sake. Oh, you know what? Screw it either works.
You have selected the titles; school is MY bitch and pervertedness is multipurpose. Are you sure?
Titles can only be changed once per level.
Yes/no
"Urgh, I don't know... yes."
"Almost finished. its time for you to pick up to 3 perks. Choose wisely"
Masochistic Pain conversion:
Due to being a masochist you derive pleasure from your pain. At the moment you feel 10% pleasure 90% pain when you're hurt by someone you're sexually attracted to. With this perk you'll feel 40% pleasure and 60% pain. A threshold becoming of a true masochist like yourself.
Merciful Metabolism:
With this perk no matter how much food and drink you consume you won't ever become physically unfit as a result. Need more be said?
Attention seeker:
Gives you undeniable presence that'll titillate the ladies and simultaneously ignite the ire of you're fellow perverts. Provides an aura that attracts peoples attention whenever you enter a room. increases reputation with fans of the dramatic yet decreases reputation with your brothers in pervertedness.
Lucky bastard:
On a random day each week your luck will be increased by 50 stat points for that day only. Why not try your hand at gambling when you're feeling lucky, you never know, with this skill you'll probably win anyway.
Family man:
Increases proficiency with social interactions and home skills due to your closeness with your family.
Ok, so... their all good but I think I know for this one.
You have selected the perks; masochistic pain conversion, merciful metabolism and lucky bastard. are you sure?
From this point onwards perks will cost varying amount of perk points that you earn from levelling up and the occasional quest.
Yes/no
"Yes." God this is dull, I swear it's not this boring and slow in most video games.
"I apologise for how slow this process is but please remember this is an experimental program and as such will not be perfect. Now, finally we will assign your stat points then you will be returned to your bed just in time for a couple hours of sleep before school. Since you've played video games before I assume you know what each stat means."
(A.n. If you don't understand any of the stats feel free to ask what that they mean in the comment section)
Strength: 5-
Agility: 5-
Knowledge: 5-
Wisdom: 5-
Luck: 5-
Endurance: 5-
Stat points to assign; 69 (A.n. Hehe)
Finally, let's get this done with I'm exhausted.
Here we go that's seems about right.
Strength: 12
Agility: 15
Knowledge:17
Wisdom: 15
Luck: 10
Endurance: 30
Stat points to assign;0
"These will be your permanent base stats. are you sure?"
Yes/no
"For gods sake yes, now let me go sleep in my bed it's been a long day" I grumbled grouchily.
Game auto saving
line break*
A.n. That's a new chapter for you fucktards. Hope you enjoyed it.
Respond however you like, I'm too tired to care. Good night.
Yours faithfully,
Chazzadagazza