PJatO || Nicercy || PJatO || Nicercy || For Fuck's Sake || Nicercy || PJatO || Nicercy || PJatO

Title: For Fuck's Sake – What Are We Supposed to Do With the Body?

Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians / Heroes of Olympus

Disclaimer: All rights reserved to Rick Riordan for he created the awesomeness that is Nico di Angelo. And everything else related to Percy Jackson and the Olympians / Heroes of Olympus. Aside from the Gods, they belong to the old Greeks. This fanfiction and its OCs on the other hand are entirely mine. No money is made with this, though reviews are more than welcomed.

Warnings: m/m, necromancy, magic, dark magic, bad flirting, undead kitten, m/f

Main Pairing: Nico/Percy

Side Pairing: Grover/Juniper

Percy Jackson Characters: Perseus Jackson, Nico di Angelo, Grover Underwood, Juniper, Annabeth Chase, Bianca di Angelo, Hazel Levesque, Lou Ellen, Alabaster C. Torrington, Small Bob

Summary: Percy and his friends accidentally run over a cat. Not knowing what to do, they of course look up the nearest necromancer to resurrect the kitten. Nico di Angelo has had a lot of weird clients, but this one takes the crown. Especially when Percy becomes a regular.

For Fuck's Sake

What Are We Supposed to Do With the Body?

"OH MY GOD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

"Grover, stop yelling!"

"YOU'RE YELLING, ANNABETH, I AM PANICING."

"Grover. Annabeth is right, please calm down, this is already nerve-wrecking enough, love."

"JUNI! WE'RE DYING AND I NEVER GOT TO PROPOSE TO YOU!"

Percy nearly hit the brakes hard at that. Gripping the wheel tightly, he tried breathing deeply.

"G-man, I love you, dude, but you really gotta shut up", grunted Percy. "The weather and the mountain are already making this drive way too hard. Your yelling does not help."

Grover on the backseat squeaked. "Sorry. Just. Storms. They get me, man."

Percy rolled his eyes though he smiled. "Juni, can you maybe distract your soon-to-be-fiance?"

Juniper next to Grover huffed softly and turned to look pointedly at Grover. "Yes. Let's talk about this. Because if that was the way you are proposing to me, we have to re-evaluate a lot of things."

"Oh god, I just blew the engagement plans!", groaned Grover, hiding his face in his hands.

"Engagement plans?", asked Juniper, far more interested now.

Annabeth in the passenger seat next to Percy just rolled her eyes fondly. Both she and Percy had been with Grover when he had picked out the ring. Because Grover Underwood was a mess. And this week was actually supposed to be all about the engagement. Grover, Annabeth and Percy had been friends since they were twelve and met at a summer-camp. A few years later, Grover met Juniper and fell in love with her. And now, finally, he wanted to propose to her. This week was a friendly get-away to a cabin in the woods and one night, under the full moon, Grover and Juniper would take a romantic walk and Grover would then propose to her. And Annabeth and Percy would welcome them with champagne and cake. That had been the plan. Which was now blown.

"Seriously, you are a human disaster, G-man", muttered Percy beneath his breath.

Before anyone could protest, the car hit something. There was screeching – from Grover – and then Percy hit the brakes hard. He stared wide-eyed and slightly traumatized ahead. It was dark and it was storming and he was unfamiliar with this mountain-road. And he had just hit something.

"Oh god", whispered Annabeth, unbuckling her belt. "We have to check! Percy!"

He jolted out of it at that and he joined Annabeth. They got out of the car and rounded it to see what Percy had hit, praying it was just a stone. It was not just a stone. Percy made a miserable sound as he fell onto his knees and carefully picked the kitten up.

"No, no, no... No...", whispered Percy upset. "Annie, no."

Annabeth checked for vitals, but the kitten was dead. Frowning, she shook her head slowly.

"Oh...", whispered Juniper, clasping her hands over her mouth.

"What... What do we do?", asked Percy with a frown. "We... We can't just... leave the kitten."

"Percy, there is nothing we can do", said Annabeth gently.

"There has to be something we can do!", exclaimed Percy, angry and upset. "For fuck's sake, what are we supposed to do with the body?! With... With the... the kitten...?"

There was a long stretch of silence as they all got soaked, staring at the dead kitten in Percy's arms. Percy felt so guilty. He had just killed this innocent creature.

"We... We have to do something", muttered Percy.

"Uhm. Potentially insane idea, but the creepy weird shop we passed in the town at the foot of the mountain? Where Percy got all distracted by the sparkling gems and the hot owner? The sign at the door read, among other things... necromancer...", offered Grover awkwardly.

Percy blushed at the mention of the 'hot owner'. They had taken a short break in that town and eaten a quick dinner at a diner, with view on what could only be described as a weird witch shop. Sparkling gems and a really handsome guy with olive-skin and dark curls and an insanely well-cut dark-purple suit that looked both ridiculously hot and rather eccentric. But damn, did he pull it off. When Percy had said that earlier, Grover of course had to comment how apparently Percy wanted to pull it off. Ha-ha-ha. Shaking his head, Percy focused back on the now.

"What's a necromancer?", asked Percy with a frown.

"Someone who claims to be able to bring people back from the dead", offered Annabeth with a glare. "Not a good idea. Really not. Things that should not be messed with, Per-"

"Okay", nodded Percy sharply. "I mean, he wouldn't have a sign up about it if it wasn't safe, right?"

"...How do you always make the worst possible decision", muttered Annabeth lowly.

Percy glared and gathered the dead kitten up before they all went back into their car.

/break\

Nico was sorting the shelves. He always did that after closing hour. It drove him insane that the tourists driving through town loved messing with his stuff. Putting crystals into the wrong shelves, touching everything and leaving their finger-prints on it. His perfectly manicured, black-painted nails contrasted with the bright-blue chalcedony. It was meant to bring balance, but the reflection in it told him things were not going to be peaceful and calm.

"We are closed. Come back tomorrow", stated Nico coldly.

Putting the large, round gem down again, Nico turned around to look at the young man.

"Opals", whispered Nico with wide eyes.

Trust, balance, growth. The colors in those amazing eyes varied from dark-blue to light-blue and green. But they sparkled as intensely as opals. Those eyes were the most magnificent eyes Nico had ever seen. He simply stared into them for a long beat, before the young man attached to those eyes cleared his throat, earning Nico's attention. The rest of the man was no less impressive than his eyes. Sharp features, sun-kissed skin, wet hair and clothes clinging to his body. A very nice body. Six-pack, arms, chest... perfectly defined. Nico paused at the dead cat the man was carrying.

"Can... Can you help?", asked the stranger, sounding desperate. "I... I hit him and now he's... I... You can bring him back from the dead, right?"

That was new. No one had ever come to him with road-kill. And no one ever used such desperate kitten-eyes on him before. This man had magical abilities in his own rights, Nico was sure.

"Hello. I'm Annabeth, those are Percy, Grover and Juniper. I told them this was a ridiculous idea. Please excuse us, we are on our way to the cabin in the mountains", offered a blonde.

Nico startled a little. He hadn't noticed that there were other people aside from the opal-eyed one. A blonde woman, a caramel-haired woman and a man with a ridiculous goatee that truly did make him look like a goat. Nico frowned at them and took a step back.

"It is by far not a ridiculous idea, ma'am", stated Nico. "It's my bread and butter. Though usually, people do not bring their... pets here. For the right price, I can help."

"Really?", asked the opal-eyed one – Percy – surprised.

"Payment after the deed is done, of course", offered Nico when he saw the doubtful blonde.

"Come on, Annie. Please?" pleaded Percy with the most convincing kitten-eyes.

The blonde gritted her teeth but nodded reluctantly. Smiling, Nico clapped once loudly and immediately after snapped his fingers with both hands. The four humans in front of him startled. Moments later and the Torrington-siblings joined him. Lou Ellen with her purple-dyed hair and rather classic witch-outfit, while Alabaster just looked like a punk.

"What's the damage, boss?", asked Alabaster, eyebrows raised.

"Resurrection spell. Lou, get my sisters. Al, get the ingredients. I'll prepare the patient", stated Nico.

"How about we offer the customers at least some... towels?", suggested Lou.

"Fine. Get my sisters and some towels", grunted Nico and rolled his eyes before turning toward Percy with a reassuring smile. "Your pet will be in good hands. Just wait here."

"Thank you", nodded Percy relieved. "Thank you."

"Thank him when it's done", huffed Alabaster.

/break\

Percy kept pacing the shop until handsome hot owner returned. With a very much alive kitten sitting on his shoulder. The owner's – Nico's – sisters had brought them towels an hour ago, smiling and introducing themselves as Bianca and Hazel, before leaving again and since then, Percy and his friends had been alone and waiting. Percy bit his lips, staring at the kitten.

"You... You brought the cat back to life", grunted Grover, half amazed and half disturbed.

"Well, that was the deal", suggested Nico amused.

"So... now we find out who he belongs to and bring him home?", suggested Juniper with a frown.

"Oh, that's gonna be a problem", offered Hazel, one eyebrow raised. "That's Small Bob."

"Oh...", sighed Bianca and shook her head. "Oh."

"Does that mean something?", asked Annabeth, one eyebrow cocked.

"His owner, Bob, he... died recently", explained Bianca. "He's been an alley cat since then."

"That'd explain why he was roaming the streets in that weather", sighed Juniper.

"Oh, poor kitty", frowned Percy as he approached Nico.

He reached out gently to pet the kitten's head. Small Bob meowed and pushed his head against the hand before just jumping over from Nico's shoulder onto Percy's. Percy oofed at the impact and adjusted the kitten on his shoulder, smiling gently.

"Anni—ie?", asked Percy, drawing her name out.

"Urgh. We're adopting a zombie-cat, aren't we?", groaned Annabeth, throwing her head back.

Percy smiled brightly at her. "Tha—ank you. I promise I'll take care of food and stuff, right?"

"Then there is only the matter of payment", smiled Hazel politely.

"Of course!", exclaimed Percy, cradling the kitten close and following to the counter.

"Enjoy your undead pet", offered Nico with an amused smile.

/break\

Nico smiled as he caressed Small Bob's fur. He kept his eyes on the door while sitting behind the counter. Any minute now... Ah. There he was. Sheepishly smiling, gorgeous Percy Jackson.

"Bo—ob", groaned Percy as he entered the shop. "You need to stop running here. This is the fifth time in the past three days that I had to come and pick you up again! Bad kitten! Bad!"

Small Bob tilted his head and meowed innocently where he was comfortably curled together on Nico's lap. Nico smiled pleased, taking in the way Percy looked today. Very nice, tight jeans, a shirt that hugged his broad shoulders well, his black, messy hair fluffed up. Ever since Nico had brought the kitten back to life, Small Bob kept returning to the shop and, consequently, had Percy follow him. That was a definite upside in Nico's books. The more he saw – and learned – of the other, the more he found himself fascinated. Percy was studying marine biology to help out hurt creatures of the ocean, maybe work at Sea World or something. He loved the ocean.

"It's nice to see you regularly, Percy", smiled Nico pleased. "Say, what I wanted to ask you... What are you doing here? In the mountains, I mean. You keep mentioning how much you love the ocean."

"Well, I do. But Juniper and Grover are real nature lovers – more for forests", grinned Percy. "So, with a fair vote, two outvote one and that's how I ended up in a cabin in the woods."

"And your girlfriend didn't back you up in the vote?", asked Nico confused.

Both Nico and Percy were now petting Small Bob, who was really enjoying it. Though Percy paused in confusion to stare at Nico instead. He blinked a couple times, tilting his head.

"...Who?", asked Percy slowly.

"Your girlfriend. The blonde one", offered Nico with a vague gesture and a sour expression.

"Annabeth is super not my girlfriend!", laughed Percy and shook his head. "She's my best friend and roommate, but we never dated. She's very much a lesbian and I think her girlfriend would totally mind if I came onto her. Not that I would. She's... not my type."

Nico raised his eyebrows intrigued at that, leaning in some. "And... what would be your type?"

"Wizards who bring kittens back from the dead?", offered Percy with a shy but cheeky grin.

"Not a wizard, this isn't Harry Potter", grunted Nico annoyed before pausing. "Wait. Me?"

"Mh, and so quick on his feed", grinned Percy amused, cheeks heating up. "I mean... I live like... a two hours drive from this place and I guess... it wouldn't be impossible to, you know... visit each other to go on dates... if... dating would be something you have time for, High Warlock."

"Also not a warlock", grunted Nico, blinking slowly. "But... very interested in dating."

"Great!", exclaimed Percy giddily, leaning in slowly. "I always wanted to date a sorcerer."

"Not a sorcerer either", chuckled Nico, eyes shining fondly as he also leaned in.

"You're really going to make me work hard for this, huh?", asked Percy amused.

"For the kiss? No", smiled Nico and sealed Percy's lips.

"I actually meant the part where there has to be a logical explanation as to how you can bring cats back from the dead", countered Percy once they parted again.

"Wouldn't you like to know?", whispered Nico, one arm wrapped around Percy's waist.

"Actually, yes a lot!", exclaimed Percy frustrated, swatting at Nico's chest. "Seriously, I spent the past three days trying to figure out what exactly you are. I mean. That... came out wrong, I-"

"I know what you meant, Percy", assured Nico amused.

"So—o... you gonna tell me?", asked Percy hopefully, eyes large.

Nico smiled mischievously and leaned in, his hot breath ghosting over Percy's neck and making him shudder. Percy held his breath as Nico leaned in closer and closer, until his lips pressed against Percy's ear. This was it. Percy was finally going to learn how he had actually done it.

"I'll tell you after our third date", whispered Nico mischievously.

~*~ The End ~*~

Author's note: For you, as readers of the PJatO series, it should be easy to deduct what Nico actually is. If you still have to ask, I will be mighty disappointed! xDDD

This one was also one of the Fake Fic Titles I got over on tumblr. Granted, a little harder to figure out since I don't do death. For fun games, fic pitches, fangirling, come visit me over on my tumblr at takaraphoenix. ;)