Disclaimer: I do not own Oregairu.

Chapter 1

Everyone is invested in some sort of topic at the particular time of 12:36 p.m. I could hear the sound of faint unified whispers, though my ears couldn't make out any words except for 'date' and 'dating'. As far as I know, Hayama and Isshiki could be dating. Who gives a shit? Maybe most of the existing student body. But, not me.

Inserting earbuds into my ears, I play a personal playlist on my phone and figure it's best to ignore the world (in this case, Class 2-F) so I place my head down on the desk, shut my eyes, and lay low.

Now managing to block out voices and faces, my mind fell deep into thought. Humans, why do they spread rumors?

The answer, approval. Or, to belong.

They viewed life like some popularity contest and are shallow individuals, insecure about themselves. Wanting others to pay attention to them or to be popular to validate their self worth. In hopes to climb up the social ladder. To control the narrative of other people's lives in order to feel important. And also for the drama. Oh yeah, can't forget about the drama. Then before you know it...

That rumor.

Like a virus, it spreads. Shared from person to person. The rumor will eventually suffice to nothing, but only upon the occurrence of a more recent one, a more juicier one. Regardless if the rumor's true, false, or somewhere in between those lines; it'll likely be fabricated to a fault to generate interest amongst peers.

Due to the–

ikki...

What's that buzzing sound?

ikki...

I lost my train of thought.

ikki...

Is there a playback issue wi—

The earbud in my left ear falls out forcefully followed by, "Hikki."

No choice but to open my eyes at this point. This girl has no respect for anyone's personal space, does she? Pulling stuff from out my ear when I want to recuperate, remain undetected, and most of all, stay out of people's way.

"U-Uh," She rubs her head before continuing, "Am I bothering you, Hikki?"

ARE YOU?!

"Yeah. What is it, Yuigahama?" I bluntly asked, removing the other earbud from my ear.

"H-Hikki," She said. Then she repeats herself. "H-Hikki..." This time her voice softer and lower, she starts to blush. "I," she says, then reworded, "We—" She paused, seemingly unsure of what to say.

"Spill it," I deadpanned.

"Why don't both we have lunch together? J-Just us." Her smile a bit lopsided.

"Pass."

My response cause her smile to vanish instantly.

"But, Hikki—"

"It's not like you're lunching alone like some of us," I cut her off. "I wouldn't want our fellow classmates to get the wrong idea, to assume that we're a coup–"

"Hikki!" Yuigahama start to flail her arms in my face as if I had almost said something wrong. My eyes trail off to see an unwelcoming sight.

Behind Yuigahama and from every other possible angle of the classroom, a majority–if not all–of Class 2-F's occupants are witnessing the scene unfold. From Tobe to Hayama to Ebina to Miura to Kawasaki to—well, everyone's a spectator at this point. Their prying eyes directed towards me now, and mines alone.

Great. Just what I wanted: attention. At this point, I rather die. Better that than to be observed like some caged animal.

My focus reverted back toward a more composed Yuigahama and before I could manage a word, she said: "I'll meet you during lunch, okay," tiptoeing back to her clique, stops midway, before adding, "After all, I'm your girlfriend, Hikki."

Wait... W-What?!

At my lunching spot, I anticipated Yuigahama's eventual arrival. A bit out of character for me to want a guest, but I was left no other option. I need answers and I need them now, my patience's running thin. Well... not really. Still...

Anyway...

All I could do is sit and wait. Rummaging through my bag, I withdraw a can. MAX Coffee, an everyday staple of mines. The perfect cooling agent to counter such a hot, luminous day. One thing it cannot counter, however, is today's events.

Since Yuigahama said what she said in class, that, 'After all, I am your girlfriend, Hikki,' thirty minutes earlier, I failed to comprehend exactly what the hell was going on. Why would she say that? I had zero idea. All I knew is that she is responsible for the rumors, and now our entire class believes it.

Is that a bad thing, though? That they think we're together...

Honestly, no.

I mean, what guy would ever deny dating someone like Yuigahama? She's one of the most popular girls here at Soubu High, not to mention extremely beautiful, and above all, well-liked by ninety-nine percent of the entire student body. Dating her would certainly skyrocket anyone's reputation in a heartbeat, earning props from the cool kids. Elevate their respective high school years to its fullest potential, and the opportunity to date someone of her caliber doesn't come around too often unless, of course, you are popular then there stood a fighting chance. It's every high school student's dream to date a popular girl.

But I wasn't the average high school student. I'm smarter than the average teen and my realist mindset is what separates me from the rest of the pack. I aspired to avoid complications, such as relationships since I classified myself as a cynical loner. And cynical loners don't meddle in relationships.

Besides, she's not my girlfriend by any means. Hell. Yuigahama barely qualified as my friend. More of an acquaintance, if anything. And now we're lovers, apparently. What a pelicular day!

I took several stiff sips of my beverage. Sweet, but not too sweet. As time went on, I heard my name–well, the moniker I was given–shouted from close proximity.

"Hikki."

Finally, I thought.

Yuigahama plops down on the steps right next to me, sporting a vivacious smile. I avert my gaze away, waiting silently for her to speak. Eventually she did, but it wasn't what I want to hear.

"Have you eaten? A-Are you hungry?" Her voice innocent as she blushes, her face red like a tomato, "I-I set the alarm pretty early this morning. Bentos turned out really good!"

I'm starving, but didn't want to give her the satisfaction. "No." Unfortunately I left my wallet at home.

At that moment, as if my body decided to betray me, my stomach growls audibly. I hear it, and now, so did the girl beside me who starts chuckling.

She then lay her bag across her lap and rifles into it, pulling out two wooden boxes. She set one of the boxes gently on her lap. "Uh, this one's for you, Hikki." She holds out her offering to me. I had decline the bento a total of nine times, but she's pretty damn intent on me eating it. "Want to know, or not?" She asked, visibly annoyed. That's pretty low of Yuigahama.

I sigh in utter defeat, ultimately accepting it. I didn't bother to thank her, though. Why would I? Eating her food is the equivalent of committing suicide. And I didn't appreciate the fact I'm being threaten to do so. Like, how am I suppose to 'know' if I'm dead?

I clap both my hands together and pray to God in silence. I pray that the bento will not take my life. That if I do, in fact, die; that Komachi will be in good hands and wind up rich and publish a light novel about me, Onii-Chan. An anime adaptation, too. Yuigahama would also be banned from ever setting foot in a kitchen for the rest of her–

A closed fist connected against my shoulder.

I open one eye to see one disgruntled Yuigahama. "So mean, Hikki! Could at least try it, you know."

I allow a sigh to escape my lips, without a word, slide open the bento. The contents inside... looked edible. Not burnt, looked appetizing actually. Huh, perhaps her culinary skill improved a bit.

"Your burnt cookies are better by comparison." I fake-gagged, using MAX Coffee as mouth wash. The aftertaste of undercooked chicken and vegetables lingered in my throat.

"HIKKI!" A frown slapped across her face, her fist clenched.

"So are you gonna continue to pout?" I asked. "You owe me answers, Yuigahama."

Once that was said, she told me everything. The day before, after the end of the Service Club, Tobe approached her and asked to be her boyfriend. In a panic, she mentioned she have a boyfriend: me. She didn't want to hurt the poor guy by rejecting his offer, so she lied and Tobe texted someone who texted someone else who texted someone else after that, thus creating a chain reaction (though he didn't mention to anybody about asking her out).

Truly, Yuigahama's way of handling the situation is despicable. A no would be fine. Sure the guy might get a little discouraged, but it's better than lying about being taken by someone. That person will have a sense of false hope, and what's going to stop him from asking her out if when she's 'single' again.

Tobe picked Yuigahama because she's an easy target. He doesn't harbor any feelings for her as he does Ebina-san, but... he's desperate. He want to date someone at the moment, regardless of circumstances, so he rolled the dice on Yuigahama, failing (and after my social suicide act during the Kyoto field trip, of course Tobe couldn't ask Ebina).

"Tobecchi still doesn't believe me. Think I'm lying—"

"You are lying."

"Let me finish, Hikki!"

So I allowed her to continue.

Once she finished, All I heard was 'I didn't wanna hurt the group blah blah' and other things I half-listened to.

Then she dropped the bomb…

"Hikki, as a request..." She cooed, twirling her bangs with a fidget. "My request to you: Will you be my boyfriend? Just until everything's normal again."

I looked at her dumbfoundedly, mouth ajar. Her gaze dipped to the ground. I was preparing to say something but lost my train of thought. If I said yes, at the end of it all, I would be expected by the rom-com Gods to fall in love with Yuigahama.

Fake dating had all kinds of flaws, cliche tropes that followed. Such as the fake couple in the process of the 'relationship' actually end up liking one other, and in conclusion, wind up getting together once it all said and done like some bullshit fairytale ending. One of light novels I read in the past had the same exact structure.

First, there's a misunderstanding, rumor, or even some justified reason for the two characters to handle amongst themselves. They put on a ruse, pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and do that for a extended period of time. Usually the characters are polar opposites so they clash a lot, and there are complications that follow. Somewhere in the middle, one of them realizes they're in love with the other. Then... you know the rest.

They get together, confess their love, kiss passionately, and the credits roll.

Even after all that, I decided to take on the challenge. To beat the rom-com Gods who presented me with this scenario. Besides… Yuigahama already claim me as her boyfriend, there is virtually nothing I could do in this predicament.

"Fine," I said, causing Yuigahama to turn to me in shock, moist-eyed.

She wasn't surprised that I accepted her terms. She was surprise I'd accepted without any thought, without even declining once, before she'd eventually try to reason with me, some ad-libbed ultimatum. Her trembling eyes told me the entire story.

"Hikki..." she muttered.

"But..." I raised a finger. "We will establish some ground rules—"

"G-Ground rules?" Puzzled, Yuigahama tilted her head. Her bun drooping ever so slightly.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Like what, Hikki?"

"Well, for starters, no kis—"

Ironically the bell cut me off.

And off to the races fled Yuigahama, a trail of smoke left in her wake. Never, in my seventeen years of life, have I seen someone move at the speed of light...

Until now.

The rom-com Gods won this round.

But I'll ultimately best them, for I, Hikigaya Hachiman, will not fall in love with Yuigahama Yui.

A/N: Just to let everyone know, I made Hikki a bit more cruel intentionally. I know he changes a little by Season 2 (also in the LNs by this point) but for the purpose of story; he's a bit more of an asshole (well, kinda).

Anyways, I'd appreciate feedback.

Thanks for reading.