Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone parody version:

Harry and the Dursleys have moved to a little hut in the middle of the ocean and A big giant has just knocked the door down and handed Harry his cake. This is what happened after a lot of talking:

"Blimey Harry, didn't you ever wonder where your parents learned it all?" asked Hagrid a little bewildered.

"Learnt what?" Harry was confused

Hagrid looked at him sternly "You're a soup Harry"

Harry's mouth fell open "I'm a what??"

"A soup" Hagrid said more loudly "And a thumpin hot one I'd wager.once you warm up a little."

Harry looked shocked "But I.I can't be a soup.I'm a vegetable..just a vegetable."

"Well.Just a vegetable..didn't you ever wonder why you were a liquid and not a solid?"

Hagrid could tell by the look on Harry's face that he had considered this.