Omake:

Me, my homeboy Tyrion and by best boy Qyburn were sitting in my office. Doing my favorite Gendo Ikari impression, I was sitting behind the desk, arms folded before my face with the two guys giving me their full attention.

The serious atmosphere was almost broken when I had to stifle a giggle, thinking of an appropriate name for us: Two and a half men.

Regardless! The show had to go on...

"Gentlemen, I have gathered our most noble and prestigious order of the Illuminatily here today for a matter that greatly concerns me..."

"Are we really?" Qyburn could not help but say out loudly. "Oh goody..."

I sighed, trying to keep a smile of my face. A wistful smile still managing to cross my handsome Stark mug.

'Oh Qyburn, if only you had been born a woman... Our children would have been beautiful...'

But oh well, we could not have all our dreams come true...

"Who am I?" I pointed at Tyrion and went full meme mode. "Say mah name!"

The dwarf rolled his eyes. "Robb Stark."

"You're god damn right... I am the lord Stark, a big fucking name, if I am allowed to toot my own horn here for a moment. Known in all lands far and wide, from behind the wall till the deserts of the Martells, as far as Braavos, with young maidens dreaming of and wishing they could loose their maidenhood's to me as far as Quarth!" I said, waving my hand before me, painting that truthful and realistic picture for my two only friends in the world.

"Known to everyone from the Kings to the little peasants of the world as a true genius, an entrepreneur, a true god among men, leading humanity into our new age of greatness!" I continued with facts and nothing but pure cold, hard facts.

"Who says that about you?" Tyrion could not help but let his jealous shitty little dwarf mouth run. He turned to Qyburn. "I mean really, who in their right minds says that about him?"

I slapped the table. "Fuck you Tyrion. Unlike you, I get out and actually ask the people what they think about me! Maybe if you were not such a shut in neet, you'd too hear all the legends about me! Hmm!" I turned away from him.

Shit like that is why Qyburn is best boy and not you!

Anyhow, I continued spinning my problem with a grand voice for them. "So we have already established who I am. I do not know if you have gotten wind of it, but ever since my fathers death, my mother and my lords have all been nagging me to take a wife and put some children into them, standard procedure for a new lord, really." I shrugged, not thinking much of it.

"So like a good Lord, I did just that. Thought I may use that chance to marry some northern beauty, a Scandinavian blond with lots of tits and ass to take my seed, I am not picky..." I nodded to myself, thinking it only fair. "Sent a few letters to all my lords, all to endear myself to the North by taking a bride of my own people. Thought I would get bombarded with offers as soon as anyone and their grandmother heard of the great wolf of the North looking for a virgin bride, you get me?"

I continued without looking at them for the answer, as I was not done yet. "What do I get in return? No answers for months and then few letters, politely telling me to go fuck myself, using shitty excuses and not giving me my blond bombshell of a bride!"

"Me! Fucking me of all people!" I threw my hands in the air. "Lord of the North, a rich as fuck boi, known as an inventor that brought riches to my people! Even the fucking peasants love me! My shitty fucking vassals should be running and slitting each others throats for that honor!" I stopped and pointed at my face. "I mean just look at that shit! Look at dem cheekbones, at that valyrian steel jawline! At that perfectly trimmed beard! Fucking northern perfection!"

With that I finally turned to my two friends and spread my arms wide. "So I ask you this my friends: What the fuck?"

I saw Tyrion ad Qyburn exchange looks.

Oh oh, did they know something I in my infinite wisdom did not?

"Oh shit, fuck, somebody kill me please..." Tyrion began his answer. "Alright, how to put it... Let's imagine that scenario for a moment, alright?"

I nodded my head, I could do that and made for him to continue.

He wet his lips. "So a possible bride hears of you looking a bride, possibly smitten with the picture her pure, innocent little mind may have of you from some tales she may have picked up somewhere, right? What is the first thing she does?"

I blinked and tilted my head. "Run to me to take my seed?"

The guy blinked and made a painful face. He whispered under his breath. "Shit, fuck, why could some fucking wildlings not have killed me, why did it have to be this fucking guy..."

Qyburn pat him on his shoulder, understanding written on his face.

Et tu, Qyburn?

Tyrion took a deep breath. "No, she may speak with her friends first. Her mother most likely second and finally the man that would actually get to decide it all: her Lord father."

I nodded my head, seemed plausible. Made a hand gesture for him to get to the point already.

"So then what does that theoretical Lord father tell her about you? Please keep in mind: That would be a person that has actually met you or at least has had the chance to... observe you from afar, as you are in your most natural habitat..."

Tilting my head once more, my big round gray eyes blinking innocently, I stated the obvious. "For her to run to me to take my seed?"

"No you goddamn dimwit!" He exploded all of a sudden. "He'll tell her that you are a cunt!"

I jerked back as if slapped. How bloody dare he? I was courtesy and charisma made manifest itself!

Put here by the gods themselves on this god forsaken world!

He put his hands on the table and leaned forward, standing on his chair to be at eye level with me. "Robb, lets face it and I am not being funny, I mean no disrespect; but you are a cunt. You are a cunt now and I can only imagine that you have always secretly been a cunt. And the only thing that is going to change in the future is that you are going to become an even bigger cunt."

He continued. "So when a woman hears of you looking for a wife, she is going to keep that in mind and ask herself: What if the only thing that is ever going to change is that he is going to have some more cunt kids, and then she really starts to question herself if she really wants to have those cunt fucking kids pop out of her. To make the world a shittier place, one cunt fucking kid at a time."

I slapped the table hard and pointed my finger straight at him. "You leave my future cunt fucking kids out of it, what have they done to you? You retract that bit about my future cunt fucking kids!"

He put his arms up in surrender. "I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids."

"Insulting my future cunt fucking kids. That's going overboard mate!"

Little did Tyrion know that I was actually meming him the whole time! Quoting one of the greatest movies ever put to film.

Ohh man, how I missed the internet... Thought if I were to think on that any longer, I'd rather neck myself than stay in this shitty fucking world...

Still, I crossed my arms and sulked. "Man, that means I do not get my Scandinavian bombshell of a bride?" I asked them and got two head shakes. "Shit sucks..."

"My friend." Tyrion began anew. "Let me tell you about that special breed of women. Their standards are low and their readiness for all the kinky shit your dirty, fucked up mind no doubt hides, very high. Those wonderful creatures called prostitutes..."

I grimaced.

Whores during the middle ages?

I liked my genitalia where they were, not rotting of in a few short yet painful years in the future.

Whatever, we were having an apocalypse in the short future anyway. What did I need some more brats to care for, marriage is overrated anyway.

Why could I not have been put on some hentai world with elf beauties out for my seed?

But noo! I had to fight some shitty ice elf looking demons.

This world sucks.