2:57

Three am wasn't a normal time to be awake, but Alan often was. The others often tried to chase him into bed but recognised that long hard days at unpredictable times could play havoc with the sleep pattern of someone already predisposed to insomnia and didn't chase too hard. When he felt too buzzed with energy he would take himself to the tv room, nestle on the comfy sofa under a blanket and lose himself in a video game for a few hours before his eyes started to drag, like he was right now.

Tonight he was more restless than most: afraid to even attempt to close his eyes, leg aching where it was propped on a stool in front of him, and the games weren't distracting him as they usually did. He'd tried four in the last hour and none of them could hold his attention. Today had been longer and more stressful than most and the tension was being slow to ease.

The door creaked open slowly and Alan prepared himself to be bullied into bed, or scolded for disturbing the others though the room was well sound proofed. He was surprised when he realised it was John's tall figure that loitered in the doorway, silhouetted by the low light of the corridor.

Alan hadn't bothered to work out how long it had actually been since John had been stretchered into the infirmary, bleary eyed and slurring but awake – when working across multiple time zones it was easy to lose track of that sort of thing – but it was probably far too soon for him to be wondering around the house.

"You're not meant to be up." Alan said, not bothering to pause the game. "You should be asleep."

John stepped slowly into the room, his movement awkward and tentative, swamped by the large hoody and tracksuit bottoms he wore.

"It's almost three in the morning. You should be asleep, so let's not start that." He said in reply.

"You haven't been cleared to leave the infirmary because we need to keep an eye on you. Don't make me the sensible one here." Alan countered.

John gave a small grin and a snort at that. "Wouldn't dream of it." He said. "But being as you are the only one awake right now, doesn't it make sense that I'm where you are so you can keep that eye on me?"

Alan couldn't deny the logic of that, even though it might not save him from Scott's wrath when he found out, but was concerned when John stiffly lowered himself to sit on the other end of the coach, grimacing slightly. On the screen the car that Alan had been driving was pushed off the racecourse by another player, but he didn't care.

"Seriously John, are you ok? I know CPR can be a bit of a bitch sometimes so you've got to take it easy." He said, eyeing John who had turned carefully and with one arm lightly holding his ribs had drawn his knees up, bare feet resting on the couch.

"I'm fine." John said.

Alan raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Ok, ok. Not one hundred percent. Yes, my ribs hurt, and I think I was lying on a few rocks because my back is bruised and I ache absolutely everywhere. But." John sighed deeply. "I'll be ok."

"Maybe now," Alan muttered "but not when Scott finds you are not tucked up safe downstairs." He backed out to the main menu and scrolled through some of the other game modes.

"Then I'll just make sure I'm back down there before him." John said, resting his head on the cushions. He was the very picture of someone who had no intention of moving. John never seemed to worry about angering the oldest Tracy. Maybe he knew how to handle Scott better, maybe because he got himself to trouble less often or maybe because he usually had the shield of distance when Scott would start on one of his tirades about safety.

"Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you."

Alan selected his next game and waited for the lobby to load.

"You... were you scared?" Alan asked, without looking at his brother.

John didn't speak for a second, but then said "I knew it was under control, I trust you guys."

Alan had known everything was under control when he was dangling off that mountain with a broken leg, but it hadn't stopped him being scared. Maybe John was different and had conquered fear. Or maybe he was just trying to make his baby brother feel better.

Out of the corner of his eye Alan saw John pull a tablet out of the hoody pocket. It's lit screen highlighted John's frown as he studied... whatever, which Alan tried to ignore as his next race started.

Two laps in and Alan was chasing second when John piped up: "It's quite an interesting snake actually, the Golden Diamondback, known locally as the sunsnake because of the way the colours shine in high summer. It's a viper of course. Though never particularly common in the area and there's a researcher here who thinks the species was hit by some form of disease several hundred years ago which decimated the breeding population. It's venom is actually a mix of at least two different compounds, maybe as many as six, that work simultaneously and..."

Alan drove right into a wall. "John, I really don't need to hear more about the thing that almost killed you, so please just don't right now."

Snapping like that was completely out of character for Alan, his sunny disposition soaking up any stormy behaviour. Today had been different. Surely John could understand that. There had been close calls before and John – on the comms at virtually all times – most have witnessed them all. A bit of headspace was all Alan would need to put today in perspective but right now he was having trouble. But that wasn't John's fault. He opened his mouth to apologise but John beat him to it.

"Sorry. I just... like to know things and... never mind, I'm sorry." He said, looking very remorseful.

For a few moments that sat in a silence only broken by the notifications of game invites from a few of Alan's online friends, that he made no move to accept.

"It... it was always going to be okay you know?" John offered.

"No, I didn't know." Alan said. And neither did you, he wanted to add. "How do you do it? Sit back and wait when it's all going on knowing there is nothing you can do. I wanted to be there – to actually be doing something."

John thought for a moment and said "You were doing something. If you are on the comms you've got to accept that at some point you have done all you can. The guys on the ground - or in the sea, or in space or whatever -have had faith in you to find the right answer and then you've got to step back and let them do all they can. Sometimes it's easier than others and it took be a long time to learn. Sometimes it's hard to believe that you did your best when the outcomes are bad."

John was staring at Alan but not really looking at him – looking through him. The memory of the days they failed were often more vivid than on the days they succeeded – the contrast between what was and what could have been too great.

It was a good point that John made though: Alan always ploughed straight ahead after John told him what to do. It was inconceivable to him that John could be wrong but there was a small measure of comfort in knowing that his near infallible brother felt helpless sometimes too.

"Were you awake? Could you feel anything?" Alan asked softly, not really wanting to know the answers but not able to stop himself.

"To start with. Then it started to get very fuzzy, like in a dream. A bad dream."

Older brothers always thought that younger brothers believed everything they were told. It might have worked years ago when Santa and the Tooth Fairy were the subject, when the lies were easy and the truths less important. The larger the lie and the larger the little brother the harder it was, though Alan had found it convenient sometimes to let them continue to believe in their prowess. Sometimes it was enlightening what they choose to keep from him.

Right now Alan was convinced that John was lying. Alan would put money on him being conscious and feeling throughout. Would he have felt his ribs crack under the force of the chest compressions? Being pushed into stony ground? Trying desperately to breathe but unable to even twitch? The oxygen pump pushing air into his lungs? Alan shuddered.

Sometimes it was a comfort to know they never stopped trying to protect him.

John nudged him with his cold foot. "Try not to think about it."

Sure, like it was that easy.

"You want to play?" Alan offered his controller.

"Nah," John shook his head not making any move to take it.

Alan sighed and threw the controller down. "Me neither." Then, Alan had an idea, but tried to disguise the mischievous look in his eye.

Flicking over to the movie section of the entertainment system Alan scrolled until he found the 'classics', and what he was looking for under 'I'.

Alan turned around and gently manoeuvred himself and his cast leg so he was leaning back against John's legs snagging a couple of blankets from a nearby pile as he did so. Once he had fidgeted enough to make himself comfortable and tucked a blanket around them both Alan started the film.

At the opening scene of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark John gave a low chuckle and quoted "Why did it have to be snakes?" before pulling the blanket a bit tighter and drawing Alan in a bit closer.

It had been a tough day, a long day. But that was over, and Alan found that he could at last start to relax. Feeling John shift slightly behind him, running fingers slowly through his hair was a greater stress relief than all his gaming so far. Alan gave a contented smile, knocked the volume down a couple of notches and gripped hard onto John's leg. The day was over, the waiting done his brother was safely home.

They were bundled together in the couch when a slightly frantic Scott found them the next morning. He rolled his eyes at the unnecessary worry that kid brothers caused him, but left them to their well-deserved rest: after all there would plenty of time to make them feel guilty later.

Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed, and thank you to everyone who left a review - that really spurred me on :)