A/N: This story contains themes of domestic/sexual abuse, depression and self-harm. They will not be graphic or detailed but please proceed with caution if these upset you.

I froze, my drink halfway to my mouth. Siblings? Kissing?

"You're so beautiful, how could I resist you?"

I screwed the cap back on my drink, my stomach cramping painfully. No, I couldn't think about that. Not here, not now.

"Wait, wait." Anna held up a finger. "Which two are Rosalie and Emmett again?"

"Emmett is the hella hot bodybuilder, Rosalie is the blonde." Sam exasperatedly stated. "Do try and keep up."

I glanced towards the Cullen table. The bronze-haired male was talking to the others. Rosalie didn't look afraid, if anything she looked smug. Emmett wore a huge grin, his arm draped around her shoulders.

"So, Rosalie and the other blond are twins?" Anna continued.

"Jasper, yes."

"The foster kids, right? You said the blonde seniors were foster kids."

"For crying out loud!" Sam huffed. "Yes! What are you getting at?"

Anna rolled her eyes. "You and your wild stories is what I'm getting at. Rosalie and Emmett aren't siblings, not biologically anyway. Maybe the- what was their last name again?"

"Hale." I whispered, moving my eyes back to Anna. Not siblings.

"Right," she snapped her fingers. "The Hale twins might have only joined the household recently. Sure, it's a little unconventional but if they aren't actually related and both are consenting then who cares? They'd both nearly be 18 anyway."

"No, no, no." Sam argued. "It's still super weird. I wouldn't make out with my brother if you paid me."

"Your brother is actually your brother." Anna pointed out. "They've probably been through some sort of trauma and bonded together, that's normal. Besides, look at them! You already said everybody has been hitting on them since they arrived."

I gnawed on my lip and looked back at the Cullen's. Does she want it though? Does she want to be in a relationship with him?

I knew all too well what it felt like to be forced to do something you didn't want. "You wore that just for me, didn't you?"

My hands trembled as I stuffed my drink into my bag. "I'm heading off."

Anna looked at me and her eyes filled with worry. "Alex, wait-"

I'm sorry.

I rushed away, ducking out one of the side doors. The freezing cold help ground me, stinging at my face and fingers. I rested against the wall, gasping as tears slid down my cheeks.

She probably isn't being made to do anything. She looked happy.

I continued to slide down the wall, pressing my face into my knees. The sad truth? I wasn't even brave enough to ask.

Not that it's the sort of thing you can exactly walk right up to and ask someone.

"Why?" I sobbed, gripping my hair. It wasn't fair. Two years later and it all still haunted me, playing like a twisted movie in flashes behind my eyes. His leering eyes, her excuses, being sent right back into that hell. Hands backhanding me for even trying to suggest it wasn't heaven.

Becca. I'm sorry Becca.

I bit into my fist, the pain helping me focus on the fact that I was sitting out in the rain. That I was still at school.

I wanted to go home. I so badly wanted to get in my car and drive, to just keep driving forever and never have to face anyone again. Unfortunately, I couldn't.

Aunt Lauren. I didn't want her to know I'd had another one of these episodes. She worried about me, I could tell by the way she hovered when I was down. She was afraid- no. Don't go there.

I stood up and headed inside. My numb fingers stung as the heated air inside rushed around me. I kept my head down as I walked to the nearest restroom.

"Jeez." I looked at my reflection with a sick sort of satisfaction. He wouldn't want me now. My white blonde hair was plastered around my shoulders unattractively and my brown eyes were puffy and red.

Regardless, the last thing I wanted was a concerned teacher ringing home. I rummaged in my bag for a hair tie. I found one and a stick of pale pink lipstick. I wrung my hair out over the sink. Once I was satisfied it wasn't going to drip down my back I tied it up in a messy bun and carefully applied the pink color to my lips.

I critically examined my reflection for a few moments longer before sighing and deciding it would have to do.

"There you are!" I jumped and spun to see Anna standing near the restroom door. "I've been looking all over the school for you."

"Sorry." I sighed and stuffed my hands in my pockets. Stupid. Stupid. Can't even make it through two days of school. "I just . . . needed a minute to think."

"Yeah." She watched me. "Well, c'mon. Lunch is nearly over."

I nodded and walked back into the hall. "What class do you have now?"

"Government." She grinned and rested her hand on my elbow. I tensed but didn't throw her off. It's just Anna. "You know me, I love a good debate. I totally put Sam in her place by the way."

I huffed a little, the closest I could get to a laugh. "I wish you would try to get along with her."

"I have tried." She nodded, walking up the stairs beside me. "It just so happens she's shallow and two-faced and I can't stand it."

I shook my head slightly.

"She is." Anna insisted. "Do you want to hear my awesome debate about that too? I have examples and everything."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

She laughed and grabbed my arm, stopping me from heading into my English classroom. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. If I do, it'll make me remember. I much preferred shoving the lid back over it.

"Alright . . ." She hesitantly smiled. "Well, call me if you do – okay?"

"I will." I promised, even though I knew I never would want to talk about it. Some secrets were better left kept.

"Okay, well," she smiled, "go learn some Shakespearian."

I nodded and managed to find a smile. I hoped it looked convincing as I ducked inside. Like yesterday, I took a seat at the back and as far away from people as possible. I placed my bag on the desk beside me and hoped that my classmates would get the hint – I wanted to sit alone.

"Hey."

I looked up at the soft, angelic voice. Renesmee. She looked super cute in a red sweater dress with white tights and knee-high boots. "Hey?"

She smiled and gestured to where my bag was. "Is somebody sitting here?"

Crap. I couldn't exactly say yes; the classroom was empty aside from two other people sitting up the front. Besides, she'd figure it out when nobody sat there. Be a nice person.

"No." I pulled my bag under my seat. "It's free."

"Great." She beamed, dimples flashing at me. "I don't think we've officially met. I'm Renesmee, my friends call me Nessie."

"Alex."

She held her hand out. I stared at it for a moment before realizing she wanted me to shake it. I placed my hand in hers. Wow. She was warm, way warmer then I was after my outdoor episode.

"Nice to meet you." She flashed those dimples at me again. "Alice told me she has art with you."

"Uh, yeah." She still hadn't let go of my hand. I pulled it away. "She does."

"She really enjoyed talking to you."

"Yeah?" What was I meant to say to that?

Renesmee . . . Nessie nodded. "Yeah. So, have you lived here long?"

"Two years."

"So, you're new too!" She laughed. "Everybody else I've spoken to was born here or moved before they were old enough to remember. Where did you move from?"

"Portland." I didn't understand why she was so interested in me. She could be talking to anybody in the room. By the looks I was getting shot as people walked in, they wished she was.

"Not too far then." She nodded. "We moved from Alaska."

"That's . . . an impressive trip."

"I suppose it is." She flashed those dimples again. "How are you liking English so far? I've read Romeo and Juliet before, a couple of times actually; and I rarely ever read the same thing twice. I'm looking forward to hearing different students' perspectives."

Bewilderment swept through me. She spoke like this was a college class or something, I doubted any conversation we had would be very stimulating. "It's alright. Shakespeare wrote some pretty cool stuff once you get around the language difference."

She nodded enthusiastically. "Maybe we could compare notes sometime?"

Was that her game? She thought I was smart and wanted my notes? It was hard to believe, the way she spoke made me think she was very intelligent.

"Alright sophomores."

I let out a sigh of relief as Mrs. Adams called the class to attention and saved me from answering Nessie's question.

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

By the end of English, I felt stupid for ever considering Renesmee Cullen might have needed to borrow my notes. She knew the right answer to every question and when we were asked to read aloud . . .

Not once did she stumble over a piece of weird English. She read so well, I imagined she'd fit in quite well with the drama club.

"What class do you have next?" She asked as I packed up my belongings.

"Gym." I answered absently.

"Oh? Me too!" She lifted her own tote bag onto her shoulder. I tried not to gape when I saw the 'Stella McCartney' logo on it. Surely it was a knockoff. "Mind if I walk with you? I haven't been to the gym yet."

"Yeah, sure." I shook my head slightly and started walking. "The gym is downstairs."

She followed me, raising her voice. "Do you play any sports?"

I shook my head. "Just what we do in gym. You?"

"My family are big hikers and we love baseball." The way she said it made me feel like I was missing something. "My uncles . . . and my brothers. They love football."

"Will they tryout for the team?" I could easily picture Emmett as a quarterback.

"Probably not." She shook her head. "They spectate only."

I nodded, and we walked in silence until we reached the gym.

"Nessie!" Alice scared me as she appeared from the crowd and hugged her. "I see you've met Alex. How is your day going?"

Nessie smiled and grabbed Alice's wrist. A few moments later, Alice laughed.

Weird. I headed into the gym and took a deep breath. I hated this class. The sport? It was fine. The gym uniforms? Pure torture.

"Alright!" Coach Marks blew his whistle. "Everybody on the bleachers."

I trudged over and sat down, drawing my knees up to my chin. He gave basically the same speech he had last year, barking out a list of rules and then what sports we'd be doing this semester. I'm pretty sure they're the exact same too.

"Since we've wasted 15 minutes going over the rules," he folded his arms, "we'll play a game of dodge-ball today and get into basketball next week. Now go get changed! Anybody who's in the change rooms for longer then 5 minutes better have a damn good reason."

I sighed and dejectedly headed in the direction of the girl's locker room. It was cold enough here I'd managed to convince Coach Mark's to let me wear yoga pants instead of gym shorts, but they still hugged every curve. My issue with the gym shirt was much the same, it sat snugger across my chest then I liked.

"Do you think he'll let us pick which team we're on?" I turned my head to see both the Cullen sisters walking to my left.

"No." I answered softly. I was fairly certain it was Nessie who had asked. "He'll divide us up once everybody is changed."

She practically seemed to be bouncing with excitement. She must be good at dodge-ball. I hated it. Whoever thought pegging high velocity balls at each other would be fun was a sadist.

I broke off from the once we were in the lockers, ducking into one of the showers to change into my uniform. I squirmed uncomfortably for a few moments before taking a deep breath and emerging. I should have gone home when I had the chance.

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

Dodge-ball sucked as much as I excepted it to. I was nearly always one of the first people out. I saw the ball coming and I froze, instinct telling me to brace myself for the hit. The Cullen sisters on the other hand were amazing. Alice dodged balls coming her way with ease. She got lucky a lot, just happening to step left or right when one was coming her way. She probably could have won, if her throwing wasn't so halfheartedly.

Nessie on the other hand, was one of the most competitive dodgeball players I'd ever seen. She threw balls with deadly precision and by the end of the game had half her team gathered around, congratulating her.

I ducked into the locker room the moment the bell rang, I wanted to go home. I had been done with the day hours ago.

"Bye Alex!" Alice smiled and waved. "See you in art tomorrow!"

"See you tomorrow." I waved, putting my rain jacket on and hurrying to my car.

Anna was already there, leaning against the passenger door.

"Sorry." I muttered and unlocked her side before walking around to unlock mine. I really should get that fixed.

"It's fine." She closed the door behind her. "I knew you had gym. How was it by the way?"

I just looked at her.

She giggled and patted my cheek. "That bad, huh? You should learn to forge parental notes like me."

I rolled my eyes and reversed out of the car park. "I feel like Lauren would object."

"Well, you aren't supposed to tell them." Anna rolled her eyes. "Speaking of Lauren, she has her staff meeting this afternoon?"

"She does." I turned on my CD player, after her complaining yesterday I had changed it to Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake.

"Did you want to come in for a bit? I have leftover chocolate from yesterday."

Anna offering to share her chocolate? Wow. "Not today, but thanks."

"Alright."

We drove in silence until I reached her house. Instead of climbing out she took a deep breath and turned to face me. "Hey Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't pry. I know you've been through some stuff. I just want you to know that I'm here. You know, if you want to talk about it. You worried me at lunch."

I physically felt a weight drop over my shoulders. My stomach dropped. After a moment I swallowed. "I didn't mean to worry you."

"I know you didn't." Her voice was soft. "You're my friend Alex, I just want you to be okay."

I want to be okay too. I wasn't though, the lid on the box I shoved everything in kept opening. "I will be." It's what everybody kept telling me. If I said it enough, maybe I'd believe it.

She lent over the center console and hugged me. I closed my eyes and hugged her back. For once, I wasn't the first one to pull away.

She smiled at me, tears in her eyes.

I smiled back. Like always, it felt like my facial muscles couldn't quite coordinate it. I hoped it seemed convincing.

"Alright, well." She wiped her eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow morning?"

"Same time as always."

She nodded and climbed out, waving as she darted inside.

I tried to control the sinking feeling washing over me until I got home. Just a little longer. Just a little longer.

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

Aunt Lauren watched me worried all through dinner. I mechanically ate the chicken carbonara she'd set in front of me. Every bite tasted like cardboard.

I hate family dinners. If I'd been alone I wouldn't have to choke it down, but I didn't want to worry her. I had already worried Anna. Pretend. Smile. You can do this.

"How was your staff meeting?" Jeez. My tone sounded flat even to me.

"Pretty good, it was mostly about making sure to schedule any fieldtrips now, so everything can get organized."

I nodded and stuck another forkful in my mouth. I had to try not to gag. It was so hard to eat when it wasn't appetizing.

"How was your day?"

I met her blue eyes. She was so nice, she didn't deserve to be stuck with a niece like me.

"It was fine." I nodded. "We played dodge-ball in gym which sucked."

She laughed softly, "Good old dodge-ball."

I nodded and gulped down my water. I'd finished half my dinner. It was the best I could do. "Do you mind if I head up to bed? It's pretty tiring being back at school."

"Sure sweetie." She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "Are you doing okay?"

"Of course." I lied. "Just tired."

She nodded slowly. "Well, I'm here for you."

"I know." I really did, I just didn't want to burden her with the same old story. "I know."

O ~ O ~ O ~ O ~ O

I jerked awake, drenched in sweat.

"No." I moaned, burying my face in my pillow as tears burned. Not that dream again. Why am I dreaming about it again? I was supposed to be getting better, I thought I had been getting better.

Panic built the longer I stayed laying down. He could come in at any moment. No, he's not here.

"Please, stop!"

I struggled to untangle my legs from my blankets, frantically kicking and rolling. I hit the floor, my shoulder smacking into the base of my beside table. "Shit." I sobbed, curling into a ball. I couldn't do this, I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to remember. Why couldn't I just forget?

"I saw you down by the pool earlier, you looked sexy in that swimsuit."

I forced myself to stand up and stumbled over to my desk. I turned on the lamp. I wanted to scream and kick and throw things. I wanted to flood the house with light to try and chase away the shadows in my mind.

"Why?" I sobbed. "Why did you do it? To me, to her. Why?" We were just kids.

I dug my nails into my thighs. I needed to focus on something, on anything other then the way my skin was crawling.

"I love you Lexie."

I barely held back my scream as I stumbled out of my bedroom to the bathroom and flicked on the light. I looked like a mess. My hair was wild and snarled. Bright red scratches were on my chest and arms, I didn't even remember doing that.

"I hate you." I hissed at my reflection. "I hate you. This is all your fault. Why couldn't you save her? Why couldn't you save yourself?"

My reflection didn't hold any answers. Failure. You're such a failure. I gripped the edge of the counter tight in my hands. I'd failed then, I was failing now. I was supposed to be getting better. Making Aunt Lauren proud.

Instead she was worried. Anna was worried. Failure.

"I heard you've been telling lies, Lexie."

I flicked the bathroom light off and carefully picked my way back through the house. I was couldn't quiet get enough air into my lungs. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I had to be quiet though, I didn't want to wake Lauren up.

"Irresistible. My forbidden fruit."

I yanked opened the back door, icy air rushing over me. I gulped it in, moving to sit on the porch swing. The cold stung my skin. Finally. It gave me something else to focus on. It wouldn't work forever, eventually my skin would go numb, but right now . . .

I could think.

I slowed my breathing and looked up at the sky. Through a small gap in the clouds a full moon shone down.

"Everything is going to be okay." I whispered to myself. I had to believe it. Had to believe that eventually the memories would fade.

I'm going to be okay.