Category: Victorious

Awkward Cat Series – Part 1

!A silly nudity themed story. Not quite a crack fic.

!RATING: Rated M, just to be safe. No sex or anything. Involves language, flashing and some inappropriate comments.

!TIME FRAME: During senior year. All main characters have turned eighteen. Cat is just canonically super innocent.

PLOT: After spotting Tori and Jade's breasts in the locker room, Cat becomes self-conscious about her own. When asking them directly about it doesn't ease her fears, she decides to get the advice of her guy friends. Robbie faints, Andre gets a concussion and Beck actually gives her some perspective.

Please be kind. I'm not a comedy writer. I only claim to understand situational humor.

No pairings. Just funny friendship fluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious (or any of its characters) in any way, shape or form. Enjoy!

Cat's Awkward Question

If there's anything Cat Valentine isn't, it's politically correct. To be tactful, she'd have to understand what she's doing wrong in the first place. It's always been her biggest short-coming. When she does wrap her head around something, it's usually far too late to avoid embarrassing herself. She'll say a bad word and only comprehend why it was bad after being scolded for it by Tori. She'll wear too short a skirt and have to go to the office. Mess with the programming on Andre's keyboard, react to every little thing Robbie's dummy, Rex, says, piss Jade off, try to eat ice cream in Beck's newly cleaned car. That last one made a big mess...

Each passing year, it seems, brings something new to the forefront of her mind. At first, she had no qualms asking questions. Over time, her fear of someone putting her down for her social inexperience has led her to fumble on her own. Well, most of the time. Some things are just too interesting to keep to herself. After all, what if her question is of genuine interest to somebody? Like the time she asked Jade where babies come from. Everyone seemed very determined to respond to that one. Though, she did get a lot of different answers...

All throughout aerobics class, little bubbles flit around Cat's brain, each one containing a topic. She was so focused on them, she nearly missed her teacher dismissing everyone to go change. Handing off her tennis racket, she flounced into the locker room and grabbed a towel. Pulling off her gym uniform, she dropped it into the laundry bin and hopped in the shower.

Running shampoo through her hair, she'd just rinsed it out when Jade and Tori got in with her. Jade dragged her out of the way. "All the other stalls are taken. Scooch over."

Cat jumped up and down. "Yay! Shower party!"

Tori smiled, arms wrapped around her torso. She shivered. "Sure. Shower party. Hurry, Jade. It's cold."

Jade lifted her arms up to wash her hair. Her breasts lifted up and plopped back into place. Cat tilted her head, examining the large orbs. She pointed. "Why are they so big..?"

Jade raised a brow, not one to be shy. "Why are yours so small?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cat covered her petite chest.

Tori's cheeks colored. "Well, while we're talking about it, what are you, Jade? D? Geez."

"Double. I broke D a long time ago." She smirked. "Don't sound so jealous."

"I'm not." Tori averted her eyes as Jade stepped out from under the sprayer. She quickly took her place. "I'm a B. Mine are big enough."

"Just a B? You're in the same boat as Cat. You'll probably be part of the itty bitty titty committee until you have kids."

"Who's having kids?" Someone in the next stall called over to them.

Jade glared in their direction, as if her angry gaze could cut a hole right through the tile wall. "No one! If you're gonna eavesdrop, at least get the context!"

"What's that mean? B's and D's? Like grades?"

"Bra sizes." Tori helpfully explained. "Don't you know yours?"

"My mom buys my bras for me." She twiddled her fingers together.

"She's an A, if I ever saw one." Jade surmised.

Cat continued to stare as Jade stood by the stall curtain, arms to the side, unabashed. "Even the middle parts are big."

This finally earned one of Jade's rare blushes. "Okay, we discussed general size but we are not comparing nipples."

"Why?" Cat looked to Tori, to gauge her areolas. "Yours are big, too. And dark. That makes no sense. Mine are so little...Is there something wrong with me?"

Tori shushed her. "This really isn't proper locker room talk, Cat."

"Not for girls, anyway." Jade smirked.

Cat looked down at her small mounds. She experimentally poked one of her tiny pale pink nipples. More confused as ever, she glanced back up. "When can I talk about it?"

After she'd gotten her hair washed, Tori gave the shower back to Cat. "Don't look so sad. It's not that it's bad to talk about. It's normal to have questions. Just don't ask them in the locker room, surrounded by people. There's a time and place for everything. Okay?"

Cat bounced back to her normal chipper self. "Kay."

"You really should be asking your mom these things." Jade told her. "If she'll tell you, that is. I'm getting the feeling she doesn't tell you much."

"Not necessarily just your mom." Tori corrected her. "You can always ask friends. People you trust. Just not here."

Cat nodded, taking the information in. The three switched to talk of the play their class will be putting on for graduation. Back by the lockers, Tori pulled her shirt on over her head. "It's officially March. That means they'll be auditioning for the musical any day, now."

"I'm not wild about the play choice." Jade ran a brush through her hair.

"What's it going to be, again?" Cat sat down to put on her shoes.

"Sikowitz has been talking about it all year. We even watched the movie version right before Christmas break. Weren't you paying attention?" Tori raised a brow. "It's Seven Brides for Seven Brothers."

"Oh...The one where the girls get kidnapped by the boys." Cat giggled.

"So, assuming we get cast, what are we supposed to do? Portray something that promotes Stockholm Syndrome." Jade rolled her eyes.

"It's such a cute story, though. The girls liked the brothers the whole time. It just took a little push and a cozy winter, together, to get them to all come out of their shells and confess their feelings." Tori smiled sappily.

Jade stared at her incredulously. "You would've gone with them willingly, wouldn't you? No need to throw a potato sack over your head."

Pleating her hair into two pigtail braids, Cat packed everything back into her locker and went to wait by the door. It's about to be lunch. She never misses out on panini day. The bell rang a second later. The entire class flooded out into the hall. Running up to the food stands, they grabbed their lunches and went to join the guys at their usual table.

Jade and Beck shared an awkward look. Their breakup had happened a while ago. While they've gotten to a point where they can act civil, it's not much easier than it was the day it happened. Beck smiled. "You girls have fun in gym?"

"Yeah. We had a shower party." Cat beamed.

Everyone at the table gawked at her, most blushing. Jade hit her arm. "Way to make it sound inappropriate!"

Cat covered her shoulder. "Ow! What did I say?"

"What the heck is a shower party?" Andre furrowed his brows, convinced he'd either misheard her or that it's something other than how it sounds.

"Ignore her." Jade popped a grape into her mouth.

Cat looked down at her food, a little sad. Yet again, she's managed to gain a negative reaction. Why, this time? Nibbling on her meal, she listened to Andre and Robbie fight.

"We've got until the end of the week to get this project done, Robbie. When we schedule time to work on it, you need to show up."

"I'm sorry. Rex had a stomach ache, last night."

"He had a stomach ache last night. I'm not the one with the delicate bowels." Rex snipped.

"For the final time...He's a puppet!"

"That's an offensive term and you know it!" Robbie took a moment to grumble before looking up at Cat. "Hey, you need your wig back? It's in my locker."

"When did you borrow a wig?" Beck asked.

"I needed to dress Rex up for part of Andre's and my film project. It'll all make sense when we're done."

"If you think that dummy looks disturbing as a guy, just wait." Andre shuttered.

"That term's even worse."

Finishing the last bite of her food, Cat jumped up. "Sure! Let's go get my wig."

"Which one did you lend him?" Beck looked almost too weirded out to ask.

"The platinum blonde one." She put her hands behind her back, turning side to side on her wedge heels. "See you in class!"

She waved as she followed Robbie to his locker. Halfway there, he was pulled aside by another student. While they talked, Cat people watched. A girl hurried out of the nearby locker room. She paused to adjust her shirt, bringing back Cat's earlier thoughts on breast and nipple size. No one really ever answered her question. Why are hers so different? Is there something genuinely wrong with her. If it's a health concern, she really wishes someone would just spit it out.

As Robbie returned to her side, she turned to him. "Under...developed."

He gave her a confused look. "What's underdeveloped?"

"That's the word my mom uses for my...oh, what did she say it was...Vitality. I think she might be right."

"Mentality?" He corrected.

Rex turned to her. "That's the understatement of the year."

Robbie popped him on the top of his wooden head. "Don't say that. She's not underdeveloped. You're not underdeveloped, Cat."

"She ate a scented candle." Rex quipped.

"It did smell like a vanilla cupcake." Robbie defended her.

"But, I am underdeveloped." She frowned, interrupting the argument. "Lots of places. Just look..."

She trailed off, hands on the hem of her tank top. Tori's words came to mind.

"You can always ask friends. People you trust. Just not here."

She does trust Robbie. He's been a good friend for years. He'll be honest, either personally or through Rex. She looked around. The halls are empty, not busy, like the locker room was. She took Robbie's hand and dragged him over to the supply closet near the lockers, everyone's usual meeting place for important stuff. He followed her in. "Cat, are you okay? You're acting-."

She spun around the moment the door shut on them, hands up. "I have a question. I would wait to ask everybody, but I'm really worried."

"Sure, you can ask me. It seems to really matter to you. What's up?" He shrugged.

Grabbing the top hem of her tank top, she pulled it down, exposing her entire chest. "They're really small. Is that a bad thing? Should I go to the doctor about it?"

Freezing up, Robbie slowly fell backwards. He hit the floor like a stiff board, Rex falling on top of him. Startled, Cat let go of her shirt and knelt down next to him. She poked his cheek. Oh, boy...Did he pass out? Is he sick? Did someone give him real milk, again? He might've accidentally eaten something he's allergic to. Panicked, she scrambled to her feet and ran out of the closet, screaming for help.

Rounding the corner, she slammed into Andre. "Woah, Cat! Where's the fire?"

"Robbie fainted!" She sniffed, voice wavering.

He turned serious. "Show me where he is. Was he exposed to something? He should have an epipen in his pocket."

Grabbing Andre's hand, she led him over to the closet. Filing in, they knelt around their unconscious friend. "It was so weird. He was fine, then he fell over."

Andre checked his pulse. "What happened right before? Did his face turn red? Did you notice any puffiness around his eyes or throat? Any uncontrollable shaking?"

She shook her head, hitting him with one of her braids. "Nothing like that. I just asked him for some medical advise."

"Advise about what?"

"Well, I was talking to Tori and Jade about something. It made me worried that I might have something wrong with me. I just needed a second opinion. My mom says never to take the first doctor's advise."

"Well, Robbie's not a doctor."

"Doctors are just overly friendly strangers. My mom says that, too. Tori said I could talk about it with friends." She looked down at Robbie, biting her lip. "I really didn't mean to upset him. Now, I'm worried something really is wrong with me. Why else would he faint?"

"What exactly did you get advise on?"

Grabbing her shirt, she pulled it down, again. "On these. I think they might be underdeveloped."

Andre swung away more rapidly than Robbie had. Hitting the back of his head on the door, he abruptly stood up, swaying a little. He hit the door, again, with his face, this time. He dropped back to his knees. "Cat...I'm pretty sure I just gave myself a concussion...Go get help."

He'd sounded out each word slowly, his speech slurred. She readjusted her shirt, her eyes blurring. Stumbling out of the closet, she fell down, right in front of someone. She looked up from their converses, to their dark jeans, to their plaid shirt, to their face. Grabbing his leg, she burst into tears. "Beck, help! Robbie passed out, then Andre hit the door, then..."

She had to stop to take several deep breaths, on the verge of hyperventilating. Beck knelt down in front of her, his eyes on the closed supply closet. Pulling her up into a sitting position, he cradled her face. "Slow down. What happened?"

She tried her best to get through the description of their accidents and what she thought might be wrong. By the time she finished, she could barely breathe. In the commotion, people came over, including Tori and Jade.

"What happened to her?"

"I don't know. She said Robbie fainted and Andre hurt himself on a door."

"Big surprise. This door?" Jade headed for the supply closet. Opening it up, everyone gasped.

"Call an ambulance!" Someone screamed.

Several people brought out their phones. For the next few minutes, it was a rush of teachers and paramedics. Worried for their friends, Beck brought his car around and drove Tori, Jade and Cat to the hospital as well. Hurrying into the emergency room, they were shown through the doors, to a smaller, private waiting area.

They sat down, impatient for news. Finally, a nurse stepped out to speak with them. "Nothing to worry about. Mr Shapiro has already woken up. Mr Harris has a minor concussion, but nothing serious. He's coming to. I've put them in the same room, together. You can visit them both."

They all got up, immensely relieved. Following the nurse through the series of hallways, they were shown to a room big enough for two cots. Andre stared at them, eyes dilated. "Am...Am I dead?"

"No, just sore." Tori gently touched the bump on his head. The doctor had put a neck brace on him, just in case.

Robbie slowly sat up. The nurse handed him a cookie and a bottle of soy milk. He blinked tiredly. "Why am I here?"

"You don't remember?" The nursed asked, concerned.

"I remember eating lunch with you guys, then nothing."

"You went with Cat to get the wig you lent her out of your locker. We found you passed out in the supply closet." Beck told them.

Robbie nodded. He looked at Andre. "What happened to him?"

"Still trying to figure that out." Tori shrugged. "Do you remember anything, Andre?"

"I've given him some pain medication. Ask him in an hour." The nurse tapped the I.V. bag hanging beside his bed. "These won't make him drowsy, just a little out of it. Can you watch him for a minute while I check one of my other rooms? He shouldn't be sleeping, just yet."

"Sure." Tori took the chair by his bed. She pat Andre's arm. "Keep talking to me, okay? I'm going to call your grandma for you. Jade will you call Robbie's family?"

"If I have to." Jade rolled her eyes. She abruptly turned to Cat. "You were the only one around. What happened?"

Her eyes filled back up with heavy tears. "I...I..."

Beck put a hand on her shoulder. "Give her a second to process what's happened. She's shaken up. Did you eat all your lunch, Cat?"

"She ate most of it. It was a caramelized kale and mozzarella cheese panini." Tori answered for her. "She only had water. She probably needs sugar."

Beck fished out his wallet. "I'll get her a soda. Come on."

He put an arm around her and led her from the room. They searched the halls for a minute before finding an alcove with a coffee station and a few vending machines. Putting in a dollar, he bought her a Cola. He sat her down on the bench nearby and had her drink it. She sipped on it slowly, eyes wide. She shivered. In the commotion, she hadn't had the chance to pick up her jacket. Beck pulled his own off and draped it around her.

She looked up at him. "I didn't mean to...I just wanted to know...I just..."

Her voice cracked. He pushed the soda back towards her. "Have some more. Wait another minute, then tell me what happened."

Doing as he said, she finished the entire can. Dropping it in the recycle bin next to her, she took a deep breath.

"In aerobics class, in the shower..." She went through the whole story from start to finish, ending with Andre hitting the door. Pulling her shirt back down to make a point, she waited nervously for his reaction. Jerking the jacket around her shut, he pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed. He let out a heavy breath.

"Okay...Cat, you shouldn't...you can't flash people like that. I know we're all your friends and you're worried about this, but what you're doing is wrong."

Wrong.

She covered her face. "Why can't I get anything right? It's all my fault! Robbie fainted and Andre has a confection!"

"It's concussion." He took her hands and pulled them away. Leaning down, so that they were eye to eye, he gave her a warm smile. "That wasn't your fault. Someone really should have told you it wasn't appropriate, instead of leaving you to guess on your own."

"I didn't want to do something bad, I promise. I just don't want to be underdeveloped."

"Why would you think you're underdeveloped?"

"Well, Tori and Jade's boobs are big and-."

He put a finger over her lips, silencing her. "You probably shouldn't talk about theirs, either."

"But-."

"I'm probably not the best person to be having this conversation with." He held his hands out, gesturing to nothing in particular, slightly exasperated.

"Why not? I tried asking everyone else? If I can't even ask my mom, who am I supposed to ask?"

"Your doctor?" He shrugged.

"Doctors are strangers. I don't trust them..." She leaned away from him, eyes downcast. He sighed.

"Cat, hold up your hand?" He asked her. Struggling to meet his gaze, she did as he said. He pressed his to hers, each finger splayed out to meet. "There's nothing wrong with you, Cat. People aren't meant to all be the same size. Not in any respect. Just because you're a little more...petite...doesn't mean you aren't growing right. Take our hands, for instance. If yours were as big as mine, it wouldn't match the rest of you. Right?"

Slowly, one of her genuine smiles formed. "Right. It would look weird."

He tugged affectionately on one of her braids. "Feeling any better?"

She nodded fervently. "Much."

Taking the hand she had out, he pulled her to her feet. "Let's go see everyone, then."

"Later, can I go down to the gift shop and buy Robbie and Andre a present?"

Beck smiled awkwardly. "Trust me when I say you already gave them one."

She frowned, confused. "When?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Sure. We'll get them some flowers or something."

Four days later...

"How are you feeling?" Tori asked Andre as they took their seats around the lunch table. "You sure you're up to a full day?"

"Doc says I'm fine. I even got my memory back from before the accident." Andre's eyes nervously shifted to Cat.

"So did I." Robbie kept his gaze firmly on his lunch, Rex all but forgotten in the seat next to him.

Two guys ran and paused by their table, out of breath. One looked up. "Hey, you'll never guess what just happened! Jessa Baxter tripped in the hall and accidentally yanked Lexi Craig's top down! We all saw it!"

The guys high fived and went to tell the table next to theirs. Tori covered her mouth. "Oh my gosh...Poor girl! If that happened to me, I'd die. I don't think I could even live with my friends seeing that."

Every guy at the table immediately looked to Cat as she drank her strawberry milk, oblivious as usual. They'd all silently agreed to keep the incident to themselves, both to prevent Jade's ire and to spare Tori several days of heavy blushing. Robbie couldn't have gotten through the whole retelling of the story without fainting, again, anyway. Andre simply refused to paint Cat in a potentially bad light. As for Beck, Hollywood Arts' resident open book, with transparent locker and open personality...He'd decided, just this once, some secrets are worth keeping.

Assuming Cat doesn't attempt a repeat performance, that is...

END! HOPE IT WAS AS ENJOYABLE TO READ AS IT WAS FOR ME TO WRITE. PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW, IF YOU HAVE THE TIME! IT'S BEEN A LONG WHILE SINCE I PUT ANYTHING ONLINE AND COULD REALLY USE YOUR KIND OR CONSTRUCTIVE WORDS. THANKS IN ADVANCE!