Author's Notes: I felt the need to get away from my Jedi Knight for a short while and explore one of my other characters. Nasashdia is a (mostly) light-side Chiss Imperial Agent who is experiencing the peaks and valleys of having romanced Theron Shan.

The Commander of the Eternal Alliance stood reunited with her newly returned senior advisor on the hills of Odessen, overlooking the Alliance base. They had known each other for years, but standing there now they were somewhat awkward together, as if they weren't sure what exactly they were to each other after these last few trying months.

Betrayals, whether false or true, could have that effect on people.

"I know I don't deserve it." Theron Shan looked down guiltily. "But can you give your idiot spy boyfriend one more chance?" he looked up at her now with those sad, puppy-dog eyes, the ones that never failed to pull at her heart-strings.

The Alliance Commander, the Chiss woman formerly known as the Outlander while still a fugitive from Zakuul, formerly known as Cipher Nine during her time as Imperial Intelligence, formerly known as Nasashdia – the reduced 'core name' version of the name she had worn she had still lived among her own species – regarded this man. This man who had become her closest confidante and lover, who she had quietly whispered so many of her secrets to in private moments. The man who she had given her heart, too.

Theron inevitably called her 'Nas' in private. He was the only person she had ever allowed to do that.

She didn't question his sincerity. Not for one moment.

That wasn't the problem.

She looked at him sadly, reaching up and caressing his cheek.

"Poor Theron." She said quietly. "I asked far too much of you, didn't I?"

"I never asked you to go undercover for me, Theron. I never asked you to spend months on the run for me, feigning service to my enemies. I never asked you to risk everything – including my trust – to be my protector."

"You did those things because of who you are, Theron. And part of me will always love you for that."

She sighed. "Theron… I didn't want any of those things from you. Yes, I wanted you to be my advisor. To stand at my side and help me run the Alliance. Even run our intelligence branch with Lana."

"But I wanted more from you than that. Yes, I wanted you to be my lover, of course, but also my comfort. When either of us – or both of us – came back from a mission, I wanted us to be the thing that soothed the other. When the door to our quarters closed behind us, I wanted it to close off the rest of the world. No conspiracies. No spy games. No intergalactic politics. Just us. You and I."

"You remember my old crew, Theron? How much I missed them? Total truth now… I never trusted any of them as much as I trusted you. I cared about SCORPIO even though somewhere deep down I always knew she would betray me. Lokin… someday, one of his experiments will go too far, and I'll have to put him down. I loved Temple's enthusiasm and naivete, but I worry than someday she'll hate me for teaching her to be something else. I adored Vector. But I'll never stop worrying that someday, the Killiks will turn him against me." She looked away a bit. "Kaliyo has been my partner for years. But someday, she'll get anxious again. It won't be for the money or even to fulfill her need to cause chaos. She just doesn't like feeling tied down."

She looked back at the Alliance base.

"Everybody else… they're all here for their own reasons. Every day I worry I'll make a choice that makes people start leaving."

Her shoulders fell. "I don't know where I would go without the Alliance. I can't go back to the Empire. Not after choosing the Republic on Iokath. I can never go home to the Chiss Ascendancy, either, because of something my mother did decades ago. The Republic can never really trust me. Half of Zakuul still hates me."

Nasashdia looked up at him, sadly. "All I really have is you and Lana."

"I understand now that… the things I wanted from you would have required you to be someone you're not to give me. That was wrong of me. I see that, now."

Theron started to speak but she quickly pressed a finger to his lips.

"It was wrong of me to want you to be someone you weren't. And I'm sorry."

She looked away from him, cursing herself. "Dammit all, I wanted a bit of 'normal' in my life." She sighed. "I would have gladly rolled the dice with the Order of Zildrogg for my life and the Alliance a hundred times over if it meant I could have had that with you."

She was quiet for a long moment. Then she felt him behind her, his arms gently grasping her arms as his head slid above her shoulder.

"I can be that for you." He whispered.

She looked into the distance, watching the Alliance base as the sun set behind it.

"Could you be that person for me, Theron? Could you really?"

END