-LENORA-

The rain poured down steadily on our heads. I was only eight as I stood by Mommy's grave staring at the giant wooden box being lowered into the hole in the ground. I looked up at Daddy, whose face was hard. He was holding back his emotions, as usual.

I slowly lifted my hand and grabbed his. When he looked down at me, I gave him a small smile. Though he returned that same smile, it didn't reach his eyes like it used to. He turned his attention back to the box that held Mommy.

None of this made sense. I thought back to five nights ago when I tried to understand what was happening. I had been sitting in my room playing with my toys quietly, when Daddy came into the room. His eyes were red and swollen, it caught me off guard as he never cried.

"Lenny, come here please," he said as he sat on my bed.

I followed his request, climbed on to my bed and sat next to him. I didn't ask what was wrong, I just waited to find out what happened that caused him to cry.

"Lenny, this is very difficult to tell you," he said softly. "There's been an accident and your mom … she was hurt."

"Is Mommy at the hospital?" I wondered.

I often visited Daddy in the hospital when he got injured at work.

"No, baby. Mommy is not at the hospital," he said with a frown that made his bottom lip tremble.

"Where is she?"

"Mommy is in Heaven," he said.

I knew what that meant. I knew once you moved to Heaven, you weren't allowed to see your friends and family anymore. I never even got to say goodbye. I didn't even realize I was crying, until I felt Daddy's arms around me.

"Was I bad?" I sobbed.

"Oh honey, no! Not at all!"

"Then why did she leave me?" I said angrily.

"God needed more angels and you know how wonderful and loving your Mom is. He knew she would be the perfect angel to help others."

"She is MY Mommy! I need her! Tell God to give her back! He can't just take what isn't His!" I said as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"I know," Daddy said. "I'm very angry at Him too."

I suddenly felt so much anger I didn't know what to do with it all. How could Mommy just leave? How could Daddy not stop it from happening?

"You are supposed to save people! That is your job! You didn't save Mommy!" I shouted at him.

I felt bad for snapping, but I was just so confused and so sad. Probably the saddest I had ever been in my entire life.

"I wish I could have. I wish I would have been there to save her," he said as he openly wept in front of me.

We spent the remainder of the night crying together. I kept begging God to give Mommy back to us. Offering to give up all of my toys and promising to be a good girl.

But now it was day 5, and Mommy still hadn't come home. She wasn't coming home ever again. It was just Daddy and me now.

(xxxxx)

It had been 6 months since that awful night. I had hoped that things would get better as everyone always told me, but they didn't. Daddy went back to work after a month home, I was back in school and now I had a nanny that stayed with me in the evenings. I hated her. She wasn't anything like Mommy. She was old, boring, and smelled funny.

One day after school I decided to take the bus to see Daddy. I was going to demand that he immediately fire Mrs. Sisick and quit his job to stay with me all day. I had my speech all planned out. I even practiced it for Henry and he thought it was perfect. When I walked into the building the security guard smiled brightly at me.

"Well, Ms. Lenora how are you today?" he said happily.

"Hi, Mr. Carson. I'm well thank you. How about yourself?" I asked politely.

Mr. Carson was a nice man. He was in his 70's, was very round and had short, curly, salt and pepper colored hair. His skin was a very dark black that made his teeth seem extra shiny white.

"I'm wonderful darling. Have a nice visit," he said as I nodded and walked to the elevators.

I pressed the up button and waited until the doors opened to let me on. I climbed on board and pressed the number 5, which would take me to Daddy's floor. Once I reached the 5th floor, I walked off and straight through the double glass doors.

Everyone in the office was busy working. As I walked toward Daddy's desk, I was discouraged to see that the desk was empty.

"Lenora?"

I turned toward the voice and saw a tall dark-haired woman in a business suit looking at me from the second level balcony.

"Hi Emily. I came to see my dad. Do you know where he is?" I asked as I walked toward the stairs.

"He's in the conference room for a meeting. Did you come by yourself?" Emily said with concern.

"Yea, I took the city bus."

"Why don't you go wait in my office sweetheart? I'll go get your dad for you," Emily said with a smile.

"Ok, thank you."

I walked toward the office as Emily hurried off to the conference room. While I waited I sat in Emily's chair and made it spin in circles. I loved playing in her big important swirly chair.

It didn't take long though, before the door swung open and Daddy came hurrying in. His face full of worry and possibly a hint of anger.

"Hi Daddy!" I said with a big smile.

"Lenora Hope Reid! What are you doing here?" he said.

Awe man. He used my entire name. That is never a good sign.

"Daddy, we need to talk. Why don't you take a seat?" I said as I gestured at the chairs in front of Emily's desk.

Daddy folded his arms over his chest and glared at me. I frowned and slid out of Emily's seat. I walked over to him, knowing I was going to be punished for this unexpected visit.

"Daddy, I want you to come home with me. I don't want to be with Mrs. Sisick. She's horrible and I hate her," I said forgetting my entire speech.

"Lenny, hate is a strong word. We've talked about that. It's not a nice word to throw around so easily," he began.

"Fine, then I strongly dislike her and her existence," I corrected and then went back to begging. "Please don't make me go home to her! Please! I want you with me!"

"Honey, I have to work. I can't just stay home, as much as I would like to," he replied. "Mrs. Sisick takes very good care of you."

"She is super boring and she smells like old people," I pouted.

Daddy chuckled. He sat down in the nearest chair and patted his lap. I sighed and climbed on to it. I snuggled into him when I felt his arm wrap around me. I always felt happy in his arms.

"I know this is very difficult for you. I wish I knew how to make it easier, but for now, Mrs. Sisick is all I have and I trust her to keep you safe," he said.

"Daddy, if I stay around her too long I will die of boredom," I said.

"Lenny, I'm sorry, but you need to go home," he said stiffly.

Mess up number two, I used the word die. I shouldn't have done that. He really hates that word and it always makes him shut down.

"Daddy, please! Please don't make me! I just want to be with you! Please let me be with you! Don't leave me!" I said as I tried to get him to see how dire this situation really was.

I'm not sure what happened, but at some point during my crying fit, Emily had shown up and must have told Daddy to leave. He picked me up and carried me to the car where we drove home in silence. Mrs. Sisick was very angry at me as well, but I didn't really care. Her feelings didn't matter to me like Daddy's did.

Maybe she would be so angry she would quit. That would be great! After sending Mrs. Sisick home, I was sent to my room, where I would spend the remainder of my night. I was only allowed to come out to eat dinner and take a bath. I must've been more tired than I thought because I fell asleep right after my bath around 9 o'clock.

I woke up a few hours later. My unicorn alarm clock told me it was 1 am. I slipped out of bed to get a drink when I heard the sound of crying. I carefully tiptoed down the hallway and peeked around the corner to see Daddy in Emily's arms.

His head was buried against her and she held him like he would hold me when I cried. Had I done that to him? I didn't mean to make him cry. I just wanted him to be home with me. I get scared when he is gone. What if he doesn't come home like Mommy?

I ran back to my room and slipped under the covers. Squeezing Curious George tightly in my arms. It was Mommy's doll. She had him since she was a little girl and Daddy said I could have him now that she didn't need him anymore. It still smelled like her.

"Mommy, I don't know what to do. Daddy's crying and I made him hurt. I don't mean to. I just miss you and I want you to come home," I said to my ceiling.

I knew Mommy wasn't in the room, but sometimes I feel like I just need to talk out loud to her. Like she can hear me. It helps me and tonight it was enough to help me fall asleep.