Oneirophrenia: a hallucinatory, dream-like state caused by several conditions such as prolonged sleep deprivation, sensory deprivation, or drugs.

—Chapter One—

—-Sakura Haruno-—

"Sakura."

My name reverberated in my ear drums with a deep tenor that sent a shiver down my spine. That's all it took, hearing his voice again. Suddenly without turning around I felt his presence. He had been hiding his chakra out of what I'm assuming is force of habit, and he chose to let his guard down in my office to alert me to his presence at the last second.

I turned around in my office chair and see him standing in the doorway, taking up the whole frame of it with his wide shoulders in his travel cloak. His eyes were soft…

"Tadaima."

His hair was longer, a few inches past his shoulders. It fell straight down his back looking more like Itachi without the ponytail. His face was rougher, weathered by the sun and the wilderness but somehow still held the same softness as when he was a kid.

"Sasuke-kun!" I felt myself let go of the breath I was holding and couldn't help but smile. "You're home," I said finally.

"Aah" He breathed.

I held his gaze for a few seconds too long, the air hung around his soft answer. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as I sputtered to finally break the awkward silence.

"Are you hurt? Why are you at the Hospital?" I looked him up and down, trying to asses the damage he might've sustained on his long journey. His clothes looked worn with holes and hasty repairs, stained from old blood of battles that clearly ended quickly, probably for the other guy.

"I'm fine," he said finally, easing up from leaning on the doorway he turned his shoulder to leave, "Kakashi told me to relieve you of your shift. Naruto has invited us all for Ramen."

"Oh! Okay, well..umm..let me just," I hastily stood up from my desk, knocking over my pen and several charts. "Shit!" I gathered them all up as best as I could and quickly finished signing the prescription I was writing.

"Are you coming?" He stood in the doorway, waiting for me.

"Yes! I-just need to swing by and drop this off," I held up the little yellow slip and rounded the corner.

My heart was racing a million miles a minute as we walked out of the hospital doors. I felt like I was in a dream, I had just worked a fifteen hour shift I wouldn't be surprised if I were dreaming.

I pinched myself in the arm just to check. Yep. This is happening.

Sasuke is finally home! I caught myself smiling and quickly relaxed the corners of my mouth and took a deep breath. I've been daydreaming about his homecoming since the night he left and now that he's finally home I can't think of a single damn thing to say.

We walked silently towards Ichiraku and I…honestly didn't mind. Silences with Sasuke were pretty common, but today was different. He felt different, his presence felt different.

I wondered what happened on his journey of atonement. How much has he learned and how much has he experiences in his quest to redeem himself? The Sasuke walking beside me seemed to be walking in the footsteps of his childhood self, taking in the familiar path from the hospital to the ramen shop, an old Team 7 mission completion ritual.

"Teme!" A familiar scream echoed down the street. It felt like Deja Vu.

The missing piece of this memory bounded towards us at full speed and tackle-hugged Sasuke, pulling him into a headlock.

"You're finally back you fucking asshole!" He punched Sasuke in the arm and smiled so big you could see all of his teeth. "It's about damn time! You missed my wedding but that's fine. You just owe me on the training grounds later, you better not pull any punches either I've been getting rusty in all this peace-time!"

"Hn, You're a glutton for punishment. Don't think I'll hold back on you."

"Oy! You two idiots better not come crying to me when you go overboard and rip each other's arms off...AGAIN." I crossed my arms and huffed but...I can't help it. I leaned back and laughed at the two boys in front of me. I laughed so hard my eyes started watering.

"What's so funny, Sakura-can?" Naruto suddenly looked very confused.

"It's like being a kid again!" I sighed, "Seeing you two like this, its nostalgic isn't it?" I wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes and smiled over at them. "Come on you two, let's eat!" I started walking towards the ramen shop and Naruto smiled again. They quickly followed suit with Naruto racing to his favorite spot on the bar and Sasuke following close behind.

Naruto sat on my right and Sasuke on my left.

And Kakashi was late as usual.

"Yo!" He finally peeked through the curtain.

"You're late! Hokage-sensei!" Naruto berated. Kakashi just smiled with his eyes like always and grabbed a seat.

"I told you, Kakashi is just fine. You three aren't my students anymore." He pulled off his Hokage hat and set it down between his seat and Sasuke's. "Glad you could make it, Sakura."

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world, sen~sei~." I teased. He would always be Kakashi-sensei to me but I don't think he minds. He rolled his eyes but I could see the curve of a smile beneath his mask.

We ordered our food and amidst a barrage of questions and life updates, mostly being spoken by Naruto on both accounts, I reminisced in the familiarity of what was happening. Sasuke sarcastically calling Naruto a loser or a dumbass, Naruto calling Sasuke a bastard. Kakashi managing to eat his ramen at record speed while we were all distracted by an argument over why Sasuke didn't write him any letters in the time he was gone.

I happily slurped my ramen while they both caught up. I didn't mind being the third wheel in the conversation, I was tired and I felt happy just being there in the moment, until Kakashi interrupted a very one sided conversation about how beautiful of a bride Hinata made on their wedding day.

"Ah yes, Sasuke have you given any thought on where you were going to stay since you've returned?"

"Oh yeah, Teme, where will you be staying? I'm pretty sure your old apartment was destroyed and rebuilt I'm sure the landlady already gave the room away." He said through a mouthful of ramen.

"I'll rent a room at an inn for the time being," he said, taking a sip of his water.

I found myself holding my breath again.

"So you're leaving again… " I said softly. Somehow I already knew the answer.

"Yes." He answered. "There are things I need to take care of, still."

I unclenched my fists and bit my lip. Of course he wasn't staying.

"Is this about Kaguya?" Kakashi said. I whipped my head up.

"Kaguya?" Is she still a threat? Sasuke nodded and looked over at me.

"She was just one of many." He said. His eyes locked with mine and I felt my voice catch in my throat. If Kaguya was still a threat then I couldn't possibly be selfish enough to ask Sasuke to stay here. My chest hurt from the realization that I was never going to be able to ask that of him. He couldn't stay here, not for very long. It wouldn't make sense. He was more useful out there, protecting everyone. Being free from any tethers or responsibilities that held civilians captive in their routines.

"Well, fuck." Naruto finally said.

Kakashi sighed and got up from his chair. "We have you to thank for the intel, Sasuke. Now we can more directly assess the threat." He places his money on the counter and thanked Ayame who playfully waved goodbye to her favorite customer. How those two don't just date already, I'll never know. "I'll see you all later. Oh, and by the way Sakura," he said

"What?" I blinked up at him.

"You're going with him." He said. "This mission will require a medic with the Byakugo No In. Sasuke will brief you on the details." My mouth opened to say something but I couldn't quite grasp the barrage of conflicting feelings that just went through me. Excitement? Fear? Panic?

"What about the clinic? Or my rounds at the hospital?" I sputtered.

"Taken Care of," he smiled.

"We leave in three days." Sasuke pushed himself up from the bar and Naruto and I followed suit. My heart refused to calm down. It was finally happening. I was going with him.

"Why do you guys get to have all the fun?" Naruto pouted. "I wanna kick some Otsutsuki ass too!" He pounded his fist into his palm enthusiastically.

"You have training to do, Naruto," Kakashi said, "if you want to be named as my successor." He raised an eyebrow at the blonde and put his hat back onto his head.

Naruto straightened his shoulders and got serious.

"Hai, Hokage-sensei," he smiled. Kakashi rolled his eyes and vanished in a puff of smoke. Naruto grinned ear to ear at teasing his former sensei and turned to Sasuke. "Don't hog all the bad guys, Teme. I fully expect an invitation to the big fight." He pounded his chest triumphantly. "Sakura-chan, don't let this asshole die."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

Just like old times.

Turns out the inn Sasuke planned to stay at is down the street from me. We found ourselves walking in the same direction home.

I couldn't bring myself to say a word. Every thought in my head was weaving itself into a web of contingency plans. Things to pack, supplies, books, I'd have to get Ino to watch over my garden of medicinal herbs…how long was I going to be gone? Weeks? Months? Years even? Sasuke has been following Kaguya's trail for almost four years not who knows how deep this rabbit hole goes…

"…does that work for you?"

Wait…what?

"I'm sorry..I didn't hear your question." I stopped chewing on my thumbnail and looked up at him. God, he was so much taller than me…

"I'll be by to pick you up at 7." He said, stopping in the road. I looked up to see the stairs to my apartment complex. When did we…

"At seven...tomorrow? wait what for?"

"Getting supplies...Are you ok?"
Sasuke put his hand on my forehead and I froze.

"Y-yeah I'm fine I'm just...tired is all," I swatted his hand away gently and pulled my keys out of my lab coat pocket. Sasuke stepped in closer and lifted my chin up to meet his gaze.

He held it there for a moment, examining my face. I took a second to stare at his one jet black eye and the way the streetlamp light across the street just barely highlighted the grey flecked in his…his brothers eye. I have to remember that…the piece of his brother he carries with him everywhere he goes. I snapped out of my stupor when I saw him lock eyes with me, brows slightly furrowed.

"W-What...?" I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks under his gaze.

"Your eyes are darker than I remember" he said. "It really has been a long time."
His hand fell back to his side and he began to turn to walk away. "Get some sleep." He said.

"Sasuke-kun, wait.." I bit my lip. I shouldn't have said anything. Sasuke turned back around and raised an eyebrow at me to continue.

"Since it's only a few nights, do you want to sleep on my couch?" Why was I doing this?! "You can brief me on the mission, I'll make tea and that way we can work out all the details and collect supplies and you don't have to waste money on a hotel..." Why was my mouth still moving? Stupid. Stupid!

Sasuke paused for a moment before finally saying,

"Ok."

—-Sasuke-—

"Huh?"

Sakura looked up incredulously. As if I took her by surprise.

"Did you expect me to say no?" I said calmly, watching the blush on her cheeks darken. I forgot how much fun it was to tease her about her crush on me. I never got to fully enjoy it.

Sakura pouted a little; "Well you don't exactly have a great track record of taking my offers," she rolled her eyes. "But I did offer so, come on in. "

Sakura opened the door to a small modern one bedroom apartment on the first floor. Her living room was adjacent to the kitchen with a master bedroom to the right. Her walls were filled with bookshelves and cabinets filled with mason jars of dried herbs and specimens. There was an entire shelf dedicated for scrolls. Some full of notes and research by none other than Dr. herself.

"Make yourself at home, Sasuke-kun." She said over her shoulder as she hung her lab coat on the hook by the door. She slipped her shoes off and went straight for the kitchen.

I decided to take off my cloak and hang it up for the night as well.

"Would you like some tea? It's decaf I promise. It's an herbal blend I've been experimenting with lately for relaxation." Sakura places a full kettle of water on the stove and begins to scoop the flowers from another mason jar into a tea bag.

"As long as it isn't poison." I said, walking along her living room. I reached down and grabbed the nearest book off the table. Is this English? I could barely make out the title on the cover.

"Ha. Ha. I see you've gotten a sense of humor since I saw you last." Sakura pulled out a second tea bag. "I don't keep my poisonous herbs in the kitchen, Naruto would probably end up killing himself. And me in the process."

She placed the teabags in two mugs on the countertop and waited for the kettle to whistle.

"That book is written in Spanish." She said. "It's written about indigenous desert cacti in the West."

Oh. Boring. I set the book back down on the table.

"You're welcome to help yourself to any book you'd like." She offered. "Let me know if you want me to unseal any of the S-Class ones."

The kettle started whistling.

S-Class huh? That definitely sounds more interesting than cacti. I got up and started to peruse her collection out of curiosity. It's strange, the things you can learn about a person through their library collection. Sakura has books on combat and weapons, ninja history and law. Not uncommon things for a shinobi to have. But as you skimmed further and further across the shelves I started to see things I couldn't even begin to understand. Texts in different languages. Books on languages themselves. Notebooks labeled with corresponding medical texts. Medical books filled with color coded sticky-notes.

The Sakura I remember was a walking encyclopedia. But just how much knowledge did one girl manage to store in her mind. I walked over to one of the cabinets and tried to open a door but to no avail, the cabinet was locked.

"Remember those poisonous herbs I was telling you about earlier? Here," She said, handing me a warm mug of tea. It smelled of peppermint and somewhat floral. I took a sip. No sweetener.

"Arigatou." I said. Sakura flinched a moment but smiles back. I'll change the subject. "Can I see?"

"In the cabinet? Sure if you want." Sakura did a few hand seals and pointed two fingers towards the lock. A version of the chakra scalpel extended from her fingers and took the shape of a jagged edged key. A seal glowed on the doors of the cabinet at the recognition of her green chakra. The doors creaked open.

Inside were rows and rows of jars far more than the tiny windows hinted at. Each shelf was labeled.

Deadly

Intoxicating

Illegal

Dangerous

Hybrids

Antidotes

The final shelf was filled with vials and jars of salves next to notebooks filled with recipes and ingredients.

It was breathtakingly extensive. Even comparable to Orochimaru's own personal collection. He found human biology more fascinating than poisons. Although I'm sure it's only a matter of time before it piques his interest. Orochimaru would have an interesting conversation with Sakura…if given the chance to speak. I don't think she would let him forget the Chuunin exams without a punch or two.

She reached onto the shelf labeled "Dangerous" and pulled out a jar of black berries labeled Coyotillo- karwinskia humboldtiana. Behind that I caught a glimpse of a jar of Deadly Nightshade.

"One of my newest arrivals. I traded with a merchant in the land of waves a few months ago. Said these berries grew in the deserts in the West. I got just a few seeds but managed to mimic a desert climate in one of my terrariums to grow a few of these berries. They contain a slow acting poison that activates after days or weeks in your bloodstream. It causes paralysis." She explained turning the jar over in her hands. "First your extremities, your arms, your legs. Then your respiratory system and finally your tongue and throat. It's a very cruel little berry" she placed it back on the shelf with an endearing smile on her face, proud of the collection she's accumulated. The way she said it felt vaguely like a threat, but she smiled and locked the door to the cabinet once more and looked up at me with her striking green eyes.

"I'm sorry."

The words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them. Sakura stood there looking up at me, her lips parting in surprise. "...For what?"

"For everything. Again." Because I haven't earned your forgiveness yet.

"You already apologized for that, Sasuke." She smiles and lifted her hand to my face. Her fingertips grazed my jaw and I felt a trail of electricity where they had been when she pulled them away and turned to walk towards her room. "Let me know when you want to apologize for anything specific," she walked over to the coffee table and opened the top, pulling out a blanket and two pillows.

"The shower is in my room if you want to use it before bed," she said, walking towards her bedroom door. She ran her hands through her short cropped hair and I released a breath I didn't know I was holding.

...Maybe I made a mistake saying yes to her offer. I touched my jaw discreetly where her fingers were just seconds before, and followed her into her bedroom.

—-

The hot water hit my shoulders with a hiss. It felt good to have a real shower after the past couple weeks on the road. The last bath I took was in a nearby river.

Sakura's soap collection was as colorful as I expected. I popped open one of the bottles.

Berries. Hmm.

Nestled away behind all the purple and pink bottles was one of a very utilitarian all-in-one generic soap, about half full. I picked it up and turned it over a couple of times and stared at the somehow offensive bottle. Why are you here?

I popped open the lid with my thumb, it took a little bit of effort and I noticed the dried soap around the cap. It hasn't been opened in a while. A quick peek inside showed the soap had separated with a thin oily layer on top.

Guess I'm using the berry scented one.

A knot unfurled in the pit of my stomach as I lathered the soap in my hair. When did it get so long? I picked the bottle back up and put another glob of purple soap in my hair. Process of elimination, the soap was probably Naruto's. Or Kakashi's. Naruto recently married so that would explain the tucked away location and the long ignored separation of ingredients in the soap. I made a mental note to replace the bottle tomorrow, along with a new toothbrush.

I stepped out into the steam filled bathroom and wrapped the white towel around my waist. The lingering thought of Sakura having spare shampoo over for another man kept crossing my mind. I've been gone a while, she wasn't supposed to wait for me.

But you wanted her to.

I braced myself on the counter of her bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I don't usually bother to take the time to really look at myself, my appearance took a backseat in most of my endeavors. I can't even remember there really being any mirrors at Orochimaru's hideout now that I think about it. Their absence never even crossed my mind.

Vanity was an unnecessary luxury on the path for strength.

Still, I took this moment of peace to really take a look at myself. My hair really has grown much longer that I realized. I reached back and pulled it into a ponytail and for a moment I could see my brother staring back at me in the mirror. I looked into my eyes…his eyes..

I released my hair and found something else to observe. Scar tissue was highlighted under the fluorescent lighting and I noticed just how many covered my body. Mementos of my childhood crisscrossed with scars of war and vengeance. I forgot where many of them came from but things like scars tend to come with the territory of being a shinobi, so I didn't give it much thought.

My left shoulder however, looked pristine. Sakura's handiwork was unparalleled, it didn't even look like I had a left arm to begin with. There was no scar, just smooth skin where I used to have another appendage.

I've been getting along just fine with my right arm alone. It's been difficult at times, there are days I forget it isn't there anymore. A phantom limb. I'll go to reach for something and feel the ghost of my fingertips outstretched where nothing but empty space resides.

It was more than a fair trade, for all of the things I've done. To sacrifice a part of me and to learn how to live again, differently. I sighed and tilted my head side to side, releasing the tension. I was tired.

I held my toothbrush in my teeth and squeezed the toothpaste onto it and continued cleaning myself up before bed.

I pushed the impending thought of the fucking shampoo bottle out of my head...after promptly throwing it into the trashcan next to the sink. It landed with a satisfying thunk in the small plastic bin.

My small victory for the evening. It'll have to do.

-End Chapter One-

Thanks so much for reading! I hope to continue this story and explore what I believe happened in the Blank Period, where Sakura companies Sasuke on his travels. I like to imagine these small, mundane acts they go through as they figure out what they are to each other.

I also wanted to explore a more reformed, relaxed version of Sasuke. A version that is ready to begin again and maybe isn't so angry and angsty all the time. Don't get me wrong, I fully intend to write him with angst. But more of the seeking forgiveness kind of angst since Sasuke is terrible at expressing himself.