AN: Hello, everyone!

This is something that has been brewing in my mind for a while. Because I have already several WIP stories, I was reluctant in starting a new one. However, I couldn't stop myself and here we are.

WARNINGS: AU after Department of Mysteries fiasco, Light side bashing, some Light characters bashing (the usual lot). Random updates. I plan on this being SLASH HP/LV. I'm still not sure, though, because while I love to read about this type of relationships, I've never written one and naturally I'm really nervous about writing something like that.

Anyway, I still think that it's better forewarning you than have someone bitching about it later on. As I'm not sure, the rating will be T for now and change to M later on if needed.

The song 'The Spectre' by Alan Walker helped inspire this fic and it's where the title came from.

As always, feel free to offer your opinion. This story is being cross posted at AO3 (same name author and story).

Happy reading!

WE LIVE, WE LOVE, WE LIE, by suchsweetaddiction

Is this a place that I call home

To find what I've become

Walk along the path unknown

We live, we love, we lie.

Deep in the dark I don't need the light

There's a ghost inside me

It all belongs to the other side

We live, we love, we lie.

The Spectre – Alan Walker

''I thought I knew the world. I thought I knew myself. I thought I knew my dearest friend. But I knew nothing at all.'' – Estrella de Madrigal

Chapter I – Seeing is believing

Harry Potter walked quickly and silently towards the Hogwarts Express, glaring at everyone who dared to look his way. He was in no mood to talk to anyone.

Since the fiasco at the Department of Mysteries three days ago, the whole school – and the entire Wizarding World for that matter – finally believed that the Boy-Who-Lived actually had been telling the truth about the return of Lord Voldemort for the last school year.

Conveniently, everyone chose to forget that until a few days ago, Harry Potter was considered an attention seeker brat and a liar. And now, after the shocking and terrifying news in the front page of The Daily Prophet, which freshly labelled him as The Chosen One, everyone expected Harry to be their saviour all over again.

Harry snorted, utterly disgusted.

The magical people were so fickle and pathetic, really. They preferred to blindly believe until the last crucial moment that everything was well in their world and there was nothing to worry about. That is, until they received such a rude wake-up call to reality, that was impossible de deny any longer, no matter how hard they tried.

In Harry's opinion, they brought the meaning of denial to a whole new level. They believed everything that rag that passed for a newspaper printed. They remembered him of sheep, always following their shepherd without question. And Harry was supposed to save them for the big bad wolf who threatened to upset their rose-coloured life of ignorance and mindless stupidity.

Shaking his head as though he was shooing this thoughts away, Harry stepped inside the train and set about searching for an empty compartment, thanking Merlin that he was one of the first students to arrive at Hogsmeade Station.

There was at least another hour until the train was secluded to depart. He had much to think about and wanted to be alone for the longest time possible. Not that he expected to make any real advance in the mess that was his mind, though.

Ever since the moment he had stormed out of Dumbledore's office the other night, Harry felt a niggling in the back of his mind that bothered him. He couldn't really put his finger on it, but it was like something important that he had forgotten, and try as he might he simply couldn't understand what that was about. And if that wasn't enough already, his moods swings and his thoughts had been so confusing that he was feeling frustrated with himself beyond reason.

One moment, all Harry wanted, was to cry and grieve for the death of Sirius Black, his godfather and the only person he had ever truly considered as family (his muggle relatives definitely didn't count). He blamed himself for what happened that night. Despite the fact that it had been Bellatrix Lestrange who had cast the curse that made him fall through the Veil, it was Harry's fault that Sirius was there fighting. If only he had learned to Occlude his mind, his godfather would be still alive.

But, in the next moment, all he could think about was that he was royally pissed – mostly, at Albus Dumbledore. The old man's only excuse for the tragic situation was that he had wished to shelter the boy from the outer world, to guard his innocence just a little longer, for he knew what would be expected of Harry once he was told of his destiny.

Harry wanted to scoff derisively at the mention of his innocence and enjoying his childhood. Surely, Dumbledore was mocking him when he said that.

Ever since Harry's first year at Hogwarts, the great and almighty Headmaster knew that his precious Boy-Who-Lived was not happy with his muggle family, thought Harry with no little amount of sarcasm. After the entire debacle with the Philosopher's Stone at the end of that school year, the boy had told Dumbledore that his relatives were far from caring and often down right abusive towards him. Hell, he had even showed him some of the scars that he had acquired over the years, all of them from his uncle and cousin's violent actions.

But no, the only answer the boy had gotten from his ashamed revelation was: 'surely, it is not that bad, Harry. If you put in some effort, you will see that is all just a slight misunderstanding between you and your family. I am certain that all will work out in the end'. Then Harry was sent on his merry way with a twinkling-eyed smile and a wish of 'happy holydays, dear boy'.

And every year after that, his pleas were always treated in the same careless fashion.

Though after third year, Harry had given up. Finally, he came to the conclusion that Dumbledore simply didn't care or couldn't be bothered if one of his students had to suffer a little bit at home. Or like the final time that Harry had decided to try, he was reproachfully told that 'Harry, you cannot keep trying to gain attention from others by defaming your relatives. You are old enough to know that your attitude is unbecoming and it's not right to behave this way. I am sure you are exaggerating and you will be not excused the next time you try to talk about your family like this'.

It was at that exact moment (and during forth year just strengthened that conviction), that Harry started to lose faith that someone in Hogwarts, or anywhere, really cared what happened to him. All anyone would see when looking at Harry Potter was what they wanted to see. He was first the Boy-Who-Lived, the Saviour of the Wizarding World, the Gryffindor Golden Boy, lately an attention-seeking brat and liar, the Ministry Scape Goat and, last but not least, the Chosen One, when rumours about a prophecy were printed on The Daily Prophet.

If only the Headmaster had told him of the Prophecy years ago and not hide everything that concerned Harry, they would not be in this situation right now. With all his apparently misplaced concerns that Harry was too young and wanting him to enjoy just a little longer his childhood without the weight of Voldemort on his shoulders, the Headmaster ended making his life a lot worse than it already was.

But the teenager should be used to that by now, right? It was not like it was the first time that someone hid something important from him.

For Harry's own good, of course! (Please, note the sarcasm.)

After all, he was just some little normal boy who had never dealt with death-threatening situations or, Merlin forbid, with the Dark Lord Voldemort himself. So no, Harry didn't need to know anything of what really transpired in the outer world of the all-knowing adults. They always knew better, after all.

This train of thought led him to last summer.

He still hadn't forgiven completely his friends for leaving him rotting in his personal hell for the great part of the summer holydays without any news of what was happening concerning Voldemort's presumed plans, not even the tiniest bit of information about anything else for that matter.

Personally, the excuse that Dumbledore had forbidden them of sending Harry letters in order to protect him against the Death Eaters was not enough for him. Honestly, it was not like the three friends always did what they were told. How many rules were broken by them each and every school year? For all her great intelligence, Hermione never thought in calling him by using the telephone. Harry was sure that there were not Death Eaters listening in the Dursley's phone calls.

Just the mere idea made him laugh – it was so absurd!

But the real question was: did Hermione not really think about that or she simply did not care enough to bother even trying?

When Harry had finally been allowed to be free from the not-so-tender mercies of his relatives, not forgetting the whole situation with Dementors (he avoided thinking with all his might what had happened to him after his uncle had seen the state Dudley had entered the house that night, as it was far from pretty and pleasant), the threat of expulsion and the farce of a trial where he was questioned like a seasoned Death Eater, he had confronted his best friends about their silence during the last weeks and he was not happy with the answers he got. Hermione dismissed his rant and simply told him quite matter-of-factly that 'Headmaster Dumbledore knows best, Harry. It was just a few weeks, and it was for your own protection, no need to be moody about that'. And Ron's excuse was no better. Moaning something about Harry being lucky not being forced to clean the Headquarters all day ever since stepping foot in Grimmauld Place by his mother.

Well, Harry certainly would have preferred cleaning the huge, grimy house all summer long than being used as a punch bag and a house-elf by his family any day, but chose not saying it out loud. He knew from past experience that his comments would not change a thing and he just gave up on the conversation. Not that it meant that Harry was appeased by any means, but he knew when he wasn't going anywhere and might as well just quit while he was ahead if only to avoid another headache.

And then all the following school year was an utterly nightmare.

Honestly, the teenager thought that after all that happened with the Triwizard Tournament debacle, it was not possible to have a year worse than that.

But, Merlin, was he wrong.

Between that bitch Umbridge with her sickly-sweet taunts and awful blood quill, Snape with the disastrous Occlumency lessons, Voldemort with nightly nightmares and the DA with all the secrecy and stress of teaching dozens of students defensive spells, Harry was not sure how he had been capable of even functioning coherently and surviving without a major break-down. And then, just to prove to him that all that simply wasn't still enough, he had to fall prey to Voldemort's mind trap into going to the Ministry of Magic to save his godfather from certain torture and death.

So, Harry felt that he had more than enough reasons to be in no mood to be around whomever.

He had rarely talked with his friends after he had visited them in the Hospital Wing. His head felt like a bad brewed potion waiting to explode any second, with all thoughts and feelings jumbled, racing around his mind. He had taken to spend the last few days of term around the Black Lake, mostly hidden from view with only the Giant Squid as occasional company. For the major part of the day, he was left alone and he was thankful for that.

Only Luna had found him during the afternoons. The first time, he was all for sending her away, but Luna being Luna, just sat there on the ground next to him, passed him a little basket and simply said 'Eat!' in an unusual no-nonsense tone. She said nothing else after that, respecting his desire for quiet solitude. The two remained there until dinner time, in a comfortable silence with the boy taking a few occasional bites of the snack taken from the basket.

The following days passed in the same fashion, both teenagers seemingly content lost within their own thoughts.

And now here Harry was, moody and resigned to once again go back to Privet Drive for another dose of his own personal hell on earth.

Not for the first time, he wondered what would happen if he had enough audacity to just take his trunk (this year, he had finally wised up and bought a new trunk with feather-light and self-resizing charms that he could shrink and enlarge at will with just a password and a tap of his finger. Harry thought it was genius, that way he could keep it hidden from his relatives without a need to use magic) and disappear without contacting anyone for the summer. Surely, Dumbledore and his Order would be in panic to find his precious weapon, he thought chuckling darkly in his head.

''Hi, Harry!'', called someone, bringing the boy back from his musings. He looked up and saw Luna at the door of the compartment, with a serious expression on her face. ''Can I talk to you for a moment?''

Harry was quickly alert, Luna rarely looked serious.

''Sure. Did something happen?''

Luna stepped inside without answering and closed the door. When she was seated next to him, she grabbed both his hands in hers and looked him straight in the eyes.

''Do you trust me?''

''What?'', asked Harry confused. He was starting to get worried.

Luna took in a deep breath as if she was gaining courage and slowly let it out, never wavering her gaze from her friend.

''You will need to see something important, but I'm worried that you'll do something that you'll regret,'' she explained, squeezing his hands. ''It will not be pleasant.''

Harry was more confused than ever.

''What are you talking about? I don't understand, Luna.''

''You know when sometimes I just know things without anyone telling me?'' she asked instead, not changing expression.

''Yeah. For a while, I thought you were some sort of Seer or something like that,'' confessed Harry, frowning. He was starting to get a really bad feeling about this.

Luna smiled for a second before turning serious again.

''Well, you are not far from the truth, Harry. I'll explain better later but just know that I consider you one of my best friends and I would never do something to harm you.''

''Thanks, Luna,'' said Harry smiling briefly. Despite his growing bewilderment, he knew the blonde girl was telling the truth. ''But you are worrying me. Just tell me what you need me to do.''

''I know that something will happen that you absolutely need to know about, otherwise you will suffer greatly when finally the truth will be discovered. I dreamed about it and could tell you, but honestly I doubt you would believe me. Sorry, but it's really something that you need to see to believe and even then I think that will be hard.''

Harry was speechless for a moment. He didn't doubt the girl's words; as he had just said, he had suspected that his blonde friend had some kind of clairvoyant skills. He was just having a hard time accepting that there could be something concerning him that he could react like that. But, a voice in his head was quick to counter, since when anything that happens to Harry Potter could not be considered shocking or at least abnormal by someone else's standards?

''Alright, Luna, I believe you. What do you need me to do?'', he asked, squaring his shoulders after taking a deep breath.

Luna nodded to herself and stood up.

''Do you have your Invisibility Cloak with you? Can you put it on?''

''Sure.''

Harry didn't understand anything anymore, but he trusted his friend, so he re-sized his trunk, hissed his password in parseltongue to open it and took his cloak out. Obediently, he put it on, after placing his shrunk trunk back in his pocket.

''Now what?''

''I'm going to hide underneath your cloak too and cast a silencing spell on us so nobody will hear us. Then we need to go quickly to an empty compartment at the end of the train. And then I'm going to cast Petrificus Totalus on you. You need to hear what the people who are going to sit there have to say.''

''What? Why?'', demanded the black haired wizard, surprised.

''Harry, you need to understand that what you are going to hear in there is beyond shocking. I'm not exaggerating. The next hours will be life changing for you. So we must stay completely invisible and silent, at all costs. I'm sure that once you begin to hear some of things in there, you will not react well. You will be furious and you will not be listening to reason until is too late.''

The boy opened his mouth and a second later closed it when no sound came out. Luna was right. If this revelation was as bad as she put it, he was sure that he would act like a reckless Gryffindor and throw caution to the window, consequences be damned. It was practically his Modus Operandi.

''Ok, but let me say that you are not reassuring me, Luna. I'm almost afraid of what I'll find out,'' agreed Harry at last. He was not happy with this situation, but conceded that she was right in wanting to take precautions.

''I know, Harry. If I could, I'd make it easier for you. But I think you are going to thank me in the end,'' she said with a sad smile, hugging him for a moment.

Luna casted a Tempus showing that it was twenty minutes till eleven.

''Ok, we need to move on. Remember what I said. I'll explain all I can later when we are alone again.''

With that, Luna stepped underneath the Invisibility Cloak and casted a silencing charm around them. They left their compartment quickly and silently after that and walked towards the end of the train. Luna stopped suddenly and after a second or two, they entered another empty compartment and moved towards the farthest corner of the room.

''Harry, we need to sit on the floor, there in the corner. Like that, we occupy less space and hopefully we'll be completely out of the way,'' explained Luna with a nudge to Harry's side.

The boy complied and then all that they could do was waiting.

''Ok, remember that I'm on your side and I care a lot about you,'' she said suddenly and the next moment casted the spell on Harry.

Right after that, the door opened and Hermione, Ron and Ginny stepped in the compartment, each one with their own school trunk in tow.

Even if Harry had been able to move at that moment, he was sure that he wouldn't, he was that shocked. Sure, from Luna's cryptic words, he had expected to listen in some revealing conversation between fellow students, but he had imagined that would be Malfoy or other Slytherins talking about Voldemort or Death Eaters' plans. It had never occurred to him that Luna was preparing him to witness something that he definitely wouldn't like between his best friends.

He felt Luna laying one arm around his shoulders and squeeze gently as though grounding him.

''Finally!'', Ron huffed, gracelessly launching himself into a seat, after putting his trunk in the racks above. ''I tell you, if I had to stay another day here, I would turn crazy.''

''Yeah, I am glad too. My subtle advances on Harry were all for naught all year and since the Ministry he's been avoiding us like the plague,'' agreed his sister, clearly not happy at all, as she took a seat as well, though she was much more refined about it. ''I'm beyond frustrated. Honestly, I don't understand what his problem is. It's not like he and Sirius were that close to begin with. And it is Harry's fault that Sirius died anyway, so why was he furious with Dumbledore?''

''He probably just wanted to blame someone else for his own blunders, as usual,'' Hermione remarked offhandedly in a haughty tone. ''Anyway, the Headmaster said it was actually a good thing that Sirius died, he was putting stupid ideas in Harry's head and he was starting to get suspicious of the Headmaster. Harry can't even dream what we are doing. To him, we are his best friends with his best interest at heart.''

Ron snorted.

''Yeah, right, apart from the little detail that he's paying us since first year without even knowing about it. I think we should demand a raise, though. This Boy-Who-Live business is getting more dangerous than I expected and we deserve to receive more money for risking our lives for him.''

''You're right. Next time, we should talk with Professor Dumbledore about that. By the way, Ginny, did the headmaster already file your marriage contract?''

''He said that he was going to visit the Burrow this week with the papers for mum to sign. She's going to teach me how to brew that love potion that you found in the Restricted Section. I can't wait to be Mrs. Potter,'' sighed Ginny dreamily. ''Imagine all the money and fame that I will have.''

''Don't forget it's not just yours, Gin. It's for all of us too,'' protested his brother with greed and jealousy. ''I'm tired of being poor when Potter has all that money and doesn't even care. And now with the Black fortune he will be insanely rich.''

''Don't mention that in front of him, Ronald. Harry doesn't know that Sirius has named him his heir in his will and we must keep him in the dark for as long as we can,'' warned Hermione sternly. ''We can't have him think that now that he's the Black Heir and future Lord he can do as he pleases. He must continue at the Dursley's under the thumb of his uncle, meek and submissive and completely ignorant of our plans.''

''Relax, 'Mione, I'm not stupid,'' said Ron, rolling his eyes. ''Anyway, we will only see him next school year, remember? Dumbledore said he was letting Potter stay at the muggles' all summer. He's in for a long holyday,'' added the boy, snickering darkly. ''His relatives already know that Sirius is dead, and now Potter doesn't have a thing that will protect him from their wrath. Next September, he will be so relieved to see us and return to Hogwarts again that he won't even have a bad thought about his best friends and the great headmaster in his head.''

''Be that as it may, Ronald, we need to be careful. We still have the journey until King's Cross to get over with,'' pointed out Hermione, all business. ''By the way, where is Harry?''

''I saw him leave the common room early this morning; he didn't even noticed me when he passed me by. He should already be here somewhere,'' Ginny informed them, shrugging.

''I think we should go find him. After all, we are his best friends and we won't see each other until next school year,'' decided Hermione with a smirk. ''We need to reassure him that we will be writing him if the good headmaster will allow us. All for his own protection, of course!''

All of them laughed at that and stood up.

''Yeah, his rant last summer was amusing,'' agreed Ron still chuckling, ''like Dumbledore has no other forms of contact apart from owl post that we can use.''

Ginny opened the door and peeked outside.

''I'll go search for him in the rest of the compartments at the end of the train and you'll go to the front,'' decided Ginny, stepping outside. ''And when of us find him, we return here.''

''Alright. Our shift to patrol the train is not until after lunchtime,'' agreed Hermione, mentally checking her Prefect seclude. ''Come on, Ron.''

All three friends left the room and closed the door behind them, parting in opposite ways to search for the missing Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry's mind was blank; he was so utterly shocked that he felt numb. He didn't even notice Luna casting locking and silencing charms at the door before removing the Cloak from around the both of them. He just reacted minutely when the girl ended the body-binding curse she had previously put on him by letting his head fall against the wall and blinking slowly.

''Harry?'', called Luna, her tone worried. She shifted until she was directly in front of her friend and took his hands in hers once again. ''Are you alright?''

''How...? What…?'', the boy started, only to become silent again. He couldn't utter a single sentence right now. He could finally understand what she meant when she had said that he had to see it to believe it.

He felt torn in different directions all at once. He wanted to get up, pull out his wand, go after the three Gryffindors and curse them into oblivion, rather painfully. He wanted to leave the train right now, march up to the castle and shout and accuse the old man with a few choice words and, if at all possible, curse him agonizingly too into oblivion and beyond. He wanted to curl up right there on the floor and cry his misery, grief and betrayal away. He wanted to disappear right now to somewhere faraway and simply forget that he had ever heard of the magical world and let them all to Voldemort's murderous plans. But what he really wished that he could do right now was to take his revenge on everyone that had let him down, whether with false kindness and support or hurtful accusations and lies.

''Luna, what should I do?'', Harry asked, at last, at the end of his rope, his eyes showing the loss and despair he was feeling inside.

The girl regarded him with an unusual thoughtful and concerned face, squeezed his hands and asked in a very serious voice. ''What you do feel like doing? Tell me,'' she demanded when he made to let go of her strong grip. ''Whatever it is, I'll help you. Remember, I said that I'll be on your side, no matter what.''

''I…'', Harry wavered, as he studied, at the moment, his only friend. Her expression was open, sincere and understanding. ''I want to make them all pay,'' he finally confessed, his voice growing hard as he spoke and gained confidence in his words. ''I don't want to be the naïve and pathetic Boy-Who-Lived anymore.''