Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Characters in this fic
The alarm clock started beeping, rousing Rachel out of her deep slumber, she sighed in frustration, anything for another hour of sleep but she knew that wasn't going to happen because in about 2 minutes, there was going to be a 7 year old and a 3 year old came barrelling through the bed and jump on top of her.
She opened her eyes warily, and felt across to the other side of the bed, half expecting to find Ross's still sleeping form lying there and wanting a good morning hug but instead all she felt was the cold sheets. A feeling that had become sort of familiar to her lately.
She sat up quickly and noticed a note on the side table 'Gone to work already, be home at about 8, Ross'
This had been happening a lot for the past few weeks, Ross leaves early, gets home late. Then when he gets home, he's so tired from working all day, he just goes straight to bed with only a few words being said to his long suffering wife. It was getting beyond a joke
Her thoughts were interrupted as Emma came barrelling into the room and jumped on the bed, followed by a sleepy looking Josh who paused at the end of the bed, his eyes drooping.
"Morning Mommy" said Emma happily "Where's my Daddy?"
"He's gone to work already honey" said Rachel, pulling Josh, into her arms "Hey Spunky Boy"
"But he promised that he'd take me to school today" said Emma "How will he do that if he's at work already?"
"I don't know," said Rachel "But I can take you to school instead. Is that all right?"
"Well....I guess" said Emma "Can I call Daddy at his office and say Good Morning to him?"
"After your shower and breakfast you can" said Rachel, climbing out of the bed, still carrying Josh who was still half asleep, sucking on his thumb. "Wake up Sweetie, You're going to Day Care today"
"I can't wait for school today" said Emma "We're joining up with Jamie's grade so that means I get to play with my cousin"
Jamie was Monica and Chandler's little boy who was a year younger then Emma.
"Sweetie, You play with Jamie everyday after school" said Rachel "Why is today so special?"
"I don't know. It just is" said Emma "I'll get Josh some juice while you get my shower ready ok?"
Rachel laughed, Emma was constantly mothering over her brother, wanting to be the girl of the house. She was grown up beyond her 7 years "Ok Honey. Be careful with the juice box ok? No spills"
"I know," said Emma, dragging Josh by the hand into the kitchen, leaving Rachel by herself in the bedroom.
She sat down on the messed up bed, gathering her thoughts. Ross had been so distant lately, she knew he was busy at work, being just promoted to head of the department but it seemed as though he didn't have any time for his family anymore. He left before the kids were up, and was home after they went to bed. Emma communicated with her Dad over the phone. Rachel missed him, they hardly ever really talked anymore and they hadn't had a real deep and meaningful conversation for months.
"Mommmmmmy" came Emma's scream from the kitchen "I dropped the carton"
"How did I know," muttered Rachel, getting up and heading into the kitchen. Just another day in the Geller household, starting off with a mess in the kitchen
(Half an hour later- Ross's Office)
Ross was sitting at his desk, grading papers when his phone rang.
"Hello, Ross Geller speaking" he answered.
"Hi" said Rachel "How are you?"
"I'm fine thanks," said Ross "Is there something wrong with one of the kids?"
"No. Is that the only reason I'm allowed to call you at work?" replied Rachel "I just wanted to say Hi"
"Well Hi," said Ross "Listen, I'm a little busy here.."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Rachel sarcastically "Well can you find some time in your busy schedule to say Hi to your daughter?"
"Of course I can," said Ross "Put her on"
Rachel handed the phone to Emma "Hi Daddy"
"Hi Angel" said Ross "How are you this morning?"
"Good but Daddy, you said you'd take me to school today" said Emma "Are you coming home now to take me?"
"I can't Honey, I'm really busy here. I've got lots and lots of work to do," said Ross "Mommy can take you to school can't she?"
"Yes but I just wanted you too plus you promised me" said Emma "It doesn't matter"
"I'm sorry sweetie," said Ross "Next time ok. Have a good day today Princess and I'll come in to kiss you goodnight when I get home ok?"
"Ok, love you Daddy," said Emma, "Here's a kiss for you"
She kissed the receiver, which made Ross smile.
"I love you more," said Ross "Bye Honey"
He was about to hang the phone up when Emma said, "Wait, Mommy wants to talk to you"
Ross sighed, "Ok, Thanks"
"Are you really going to be home that late tonight?" asked Rachel, her voice flat
"I really am" said Ross "I've got classes all day then a ton more marking to do"
"How can you have that much work to do, that you have to be at work from 7am till 8pm? It's ridiculous Ross," said Rachel "Can't you do your marking at home?"
"Why would I do that?" asked Ross "Carry it all home when I could d it right here?"
"I don't know. Maybe so you could spend some time with your family? Have dinner with us for a change. Be there to tuck Emma and Joshua in," said Rachel "I miss you lately"
"I'm sorry but I've got to do what I've got to do," said Ross "This is my job"
"Yeah I realize that," said Rachel "But I would like to actually talk to you for a change, have a nice conversation with you when you get home. I don't even feel like you are actually here half the time when you're home. It's like I'm speaking to a brick wall"
"Thanks" said Ross "You know I'm doing what I'm doing so you can have everything"
"There are other things more important then having everything," said Rachel "I would rather have you home, paying attention to me then have 'everything'"
"Is that really how you feel Rach?" asked Ross "I've gotta go now. Tell Emma that I promise I'll take her to school tomorrow"
He had noticed his colleague Amanda standing in the doorway, watching him.
"Don't make promises you can't keep," said Rachel "Someone always ends up getting hurt"
"I can keep a promise" said Ross "Please tell her what I said ok? I'll see you when I get home"
"Sure" said Rachel, hanging up the phone in his ear.
Ross sat there with the phone in his hand for a second, before finally hanging it up.
"Wife troubles?" asked Amanda, as she came and sat on the edge of his desk.
"I suppose you could say that," said Ross "Nothing that can't be fixed"
"Yeah, Just don't have a wife," said Amanda jokingly
Ross laughed "As if. I do love my wife you know"
"We'll see," said Amanda, straightening his tie
(Geller Apartment)
"Why are you sad Mommy?" asked Emma after Rachel hung up the phone "Did Daddy upset you?"
"No, I'm fine," said Rachel "Where's your brother?'
"I think he's in the bathroom," said Emma "He was drawing on the cabinet with your lipstick"
"WHAT?" exclaimed Rachel, running into the bathroom "Tell me again why we have children?"
"Coz we are so cute," said Emma, following her into the bathroom.
(Monica and Chandler's Apartment)
Rachel has just dropped Emma at school and was walking slowly towards Monica and Chandler's front door, She was holding on tightly to Joshua who was walking even slower, stopping to look at every little thing in the hallway even though he came up here just about every day
Rachel had just reached the door when it was flung open in front of her and Monica rushed out, with their new baby Taylah in a sling across her chest.
"Hey" said Monica in surprise "What's up?"
"Nothing much" said Rachel "Are you going somewhere?"
"Doctors Appointment" said Monica "Six week check up"
"Oh" said Rachel, looking at the floor "I'll let you go then"
"Is something wrong?" asked Monica
"Well..." Said Rachel, slowly, her voice cracking "It's just Ross, and stuff...."
"Come here Sweetie," said Monica, putting her arms out and drawing Rachel into them where she burst into tears.
Monica led her inside where she put Taylah in her bouncer and sat Rachel on the couch
"Talk to me," said Monica "What's my loser brother done now?"
"You don't want to know," said Rachel "But I'm going to tell you anyway. I don't know what's going on, He's becoming more and more distant, he works all day, morning until night and then when he does come home, he has no time for me whatsoever. He's never there to help me with the kids, I feel like I may as well be a single mom"
"He's working hard Rach," said Monica "Promotions take up a lot of time"
"But is it so necessary for him to be working 9 hour days? He's a professor not a surgeon or something" said Rachel, wiping her eyes "I know I should be happy that he's got this promotion and everything but when it's keeping him away from me and the kids, how can I be happy?"
"I don't know," said Monica "I'm sorry Sweetie"
"Has he been talking to Chandler or Joey about anything?" asked Rachel "Is it something I've done?"
"I honestly don't know," said Monica "Chandler hasn't said anything to me about Ross"
"Do you think he's having an affair?" asked Rachel softly
"What? God no Rachel" said Monica "Don't even go there, you know how much Ross loves you, there is no way that he would do anything like that, especially after last time"
"I'd nearly forgotten about that," said Rachel "That was like 12 years ago or something"
"Time flies" said Monica "Do not even let those thoughts enter your mind, I know my brother, he loves you and he loves his children, he's not about to do anything to jeopardise that"
(Cut to Ross' Office)
Ross was sitting at his desk, engaging in a bit of harmless flirting with Amanda who was young and beautiful. He knew that he shouldn't be doing it but it was just some harmless fun to pass some time. She knew that he was married and wasn't interested in anything else.
One of his bosses entered the office, Amanda jumped off the edge of the desk
"Professor Williams" said Ross "How are you?"
"Fine" replied Professor Williams "Are you two coming to the party tonight?"
"Party?" asked Ross blankly "Oh for Mike Oliver, I thought that was next week"
"No, tonight" said Professor Williams, "Will we be seeing you there?"
"Definitely" said Amanda "We'll be there"
"Great" said PW, leaving the room
"I really shouldn't" said Ross "Rachel's already pis**d off at me, if I get home any later then 8 tonight, I think she will rip my head off"
"Oh come on" said Amanda "A few drinks and you'll be home by 10pm, just tell her you were still working"
"I don't have to lie to her" said Ross "She does let me off the chain sometimes but I just think I should go home and make it up to her, I haven't been much of a good husband lately"
"You're talking about being a good husband, yet you've just been sitting here, flirting with me?" said Amanda "What's with that?"
"You know I'm just joking when we do that," said Ross "Friend Flirting"
"Right" said Amanda "Friend Flirting it is. But no excuses, you're going to Mike's gathering tonight"
"I guess I can make an appearance," said Ross "But if I don't show up to work tomorrow, you'll know it's because Rachel's killed me"
(Late afternoon- about 6pm)
Rachel arrived home, lugging the groceries in one arm and a sleeping Joshua in the other, Emma was trailing behind her singing 'Old McDonald'
She'd been working all afternoon and then picked up a grumpy Josh from Day care and Emma from after school care and was exhausted as usual.
"God" said Rachel, dumping the groceries on the counter and laying Josh on the couch "My arms are going to fall off"
"Is daddy home?" asked Emma
"You know he always works late Honey," said Rachel "But he told me to tell you that he promises to take you to school tomorrow"
"Does daddy still love you Mommy?" asked Emma "Does he still love me and Josh?"
"Of course he does Sweetie," said Rachel "Why would you even think that your Dad doesn't love you?"
"Because he never stays at home with us anymore" said Emma "He never tucks me in or reads me a story before bed anymore"
Rachel put her arms out for Emma and she wrapped herself around Rachel "There is nothing that could ever happen, that could stop your Dad loving you, nothing"
"Promise?" asked Emma
"Have I ever broken a promise to my Princess?" asked Rachel
"Never" said Emma
"Well there you go" said Rachel "Why don't you go and watch a video while I make dinner, what do you want?"
"Spaghetti.no wait, Meatballs, spaghetti and Mashed potatoes. Together" said Emma "That's what I want"
Rachel pulled a disgusted face, what a combination but if that's what Emma wanted, that's what Emma gets "That's what we're having then"
"Yay" said Emma, running into the lounge room and jumping on the couch, narrowly missing her brother's head.
(Ross's Work - One of the Lounge's)
There was a group of about 45 various people in the room, all workmates of Ross' when he rocked up at about 8pm. There was music coming from a stereo in the corner and a table covered in all sorts of Alcohol, beer's and spirits. People were also passing trays of food around.
Amanda spotted him from the either side of the room and came over immediately, it was no secret to everyone except Ross that she fancied him, wife or no wife she wanted him.
She grabbed a beer of the table and put it into his hand "Finally made it?"
"Yeah" said Ross "I was just marking the mid terms"
"Fun" said Amanda "Well I'm glad you made it already"
"I'm only staying for a bit," said Ross, taking swigs of his beer "Rachel will cut my balls off if I don't get home soon"
"Well we can't have that can we?" asked Amanda "After all, they are a zone for pleasure"
Ross laughed nervously. He was getting a certain vibe from Amanda; she was standing rather close to him and staring into his eyes intently.
"Nice to see you Ross" said Mike Oliver, the guest of honour, shaking his hand
"Great to see you Mike" said Ross "Congratulations on the promotion"
'Thanks, Thanks" said Mike. He put another beer into Ross' other hand and walked off" Enjoy"
"What are you drinking?" Ross asked Amanda, who was now a little unsteady
"Ahh, Bourbon and Coke" said Amanda "And it's gone straight to my head"
"Young women and Alcohol" said Ross, shaking his head "Makes you do all sorts of things"
"I'm not so young," said Amanda "I'm 27"
"That's a whole 10 years younger then me," said Ross "I feel old"
"You're not old," said Amanda, touching his arm "You know what they say, Older men are the best lovers"
"So I've heard," said Ross, inching away.
He looked around for the alcohol table, having already finished his second beer.
"I'm just going to grab another beer," he said, nodding towards the table.
"I'll grab it for you" said Amanda "I'm gonna get another bourbon anyways"
"Thanks" said Ross.
He watched Amanda walking off; He saw her standing at the table, swaying slightly as she poured herself a drink.
His attention was diverted as he began a conversation with another professor.
Amanda returned with the drinks, interrupting Ross's conversation
"Here you go," she said, nudging his arm and handing him the drink
"What is it?" asked Ross, looking into the glass. It wasn't beer.
"Oh I couldn't see any beers so I got you Jack Daniels and Coke" said Amanda "That's ok isn't it?"
"Sure" said Ross "Smells a little strong though"
"I only put a dash in," said Amanda "You can handle it"
"Are you trying to get me drunk?' joked Ross
"Yeah" said Amanda, with a smile
Ross took a sip of his drink "Whew, how do you drink this?"
"Used to it I guess," said Amanda "How did your class go on the midterms?"
Ross snorted, "Highest was a C"
"No" said Amanda "Really?"
"Serious" said Ross "It would be a total waste of time for some of them to come back next term"
"I'm surprised," said Amanda "I thought they'd be getting A's with you for a teacher"
"Hmm" said Ross, finishing his drink "Well, I think I'm done"
"What?" said Amanda "You've only been here for half an hour"
"Yeah, I've had my 4 drinks and I'm pretty sure that's 4 more then I should have had" said Ross "That Jack Daniels rocked my boat a little bit"
"Are you intoxicated?" teased Amanda "After 4 drinks?"
"Hey" said Ross "Those were strong beers"
"I'm joking," said Amanda "But before you go, I wanted to ask you a question about one of the midterms one of my students handed in, he's written some pretty strange stuff"
"Like what?" asked Ross
"I can't explain it," said Amanda, "I'll show you, it's in my office"
Ross paused for a second; he knew he should be getting home but if it was something work related then. "Quickly then" said Ross.
They waded through the groups, standing around the room. Amanda grabbed 2 more beers as they went passed the table and handed one to Ross
"I've had enough," said Ross, going to put it back on the table
"Nonsense" said Amanda "One more won't hurt you"
Ross sighed "You're right, I haven't had a drink for awhile before tonight so.."
"That's the spirit," said Amanda, with a laugh "God, I don't even know where my office is when it's after hours"
They were walking the halls towards Amanda's office, they were deserted as everyone had either gone home, or were in the lounge
"Here" said Amanda, unlocking the door
They went into her office, where Ross sat down on the mini couch. Amanda was rifling through her desk drawers, pretending to look for the paper.
She just wanted to get Ross alone, so she could make her move. She knew he was a little drunk so he might respond to her advances. She had wanted to get into his pants for awhile now, even though she was well aware he had a wife and kids.
"I can't find it," said Amanda "I put it aside somewhere and now I can't find it"
Ross was sitting on the couch, drinking his drink. He was beginning to get a headache, he knew that 4 drinks were enough for him but he had thought 'What the hell' and was now regretting it.
"Here it is" said Amanda, triumphantly
She came and sat on the couch next to him, handing him the paper.
Ross skimmed over the words "This is fine Amanda"
"Really? You don't think what he's written is a little strange?" asked Amanda, leaning over. Her boobs were nearly falling out of her top, which Ross was aware of, he kept his gaze focussed on the sheets of paper
"No" said Ross "It looks fine to me"
"Well, I thought I'd let someone who knows more then me check it out" said Amanda "You are the smartest professor after all"
"Come on now," said Ross "Stop raining praise on me"
"It's true," said Amanda, touching his arm again "You've taught me some much since I started here, made me so comfortable, I don't think I would have survived my first week if it weren't for"
"I'm glad I helped you then" said Ross, taking the last sip of his drink, grimacing as it burnt his throat on the way down.
"You look a little strange," said Amanda "One too many drinks?"
"Probably" said Ross "Rachel's going to kill me if I go home drunk"
"Do you always let your wife rule your life?" asked Amanda
"She doesn't" said Ross, defensively "She's just a little.."
"A little what?" asked Amanda "Bitchy, annoying?"
"No" said Ross "She's not a bitch. Come on, I love my wife"
"Do you?" asked Amanda "Are you sure about that? Because I'm getting a certain vibe that you'd rather be doing something else then talking to me"
"Like what?" asked Ross "What vibe are you getting?"
"This" said Amanda, She leant over and kissed his lips passionately, worming her tongue into his mouth.
Ross pulled back in surprise "What was that?"
"You didn't enjoy that?" asked Amanda
Something took control of Ross's brain "Maybe but..."
"No buts about it" said Amanda "I've wanted to do that for ages now.. And I'm going to do it again"
Ross began to protest weakly but Amanda just shoved her lips onto his, pressing his body down on the couch.
Ross didn't know what he was doing, but it definitely wasn't pushing her away. His thoughts were all jumbled and he wasn't thinking of his wife and he began to kiss her back.
They lay back on the couch, Amanda's body on top of Ross's.
Amanda was very pleased with herself; She had succeeded in getting what she wanted.
(Geller Apartment)
Rachel was lying on the couch, watching 'Runaway Bride' which was on cable.
She looked at her watch and saw it was 9pm and Ross still wasn't home.
Emma had gone to bed upset because Rachel had snapped at her because she was p****d off at Ross so now Rachel felt bad.
She got up and walked into Emma's room, She could hear little sobs coming from her bed and her heart broke. She went and lay next to Emma, and stroked her face
"I'm sorry Baby," said Rachel softly "I didn't mean to yell at you"
Emma turned around "Are you sad Mommy?"
"A little" admitted Rachel
"Why?" asked Emma "Is it because Daddy isn't home yet?"
"I don't know," said Rachel "Mommy just needs a good nights sleep and a long chat with Daddy tomorrow"
"Daddy does love you, you know," said Emma "You said this afternoon that I could do nothing to stop him loving me but I know he loves you too"
Rachel smiled "I know he loves me too"
"I know a lot of things," said Emma
"You're very smart for a 7 year old" said Rachel "Very wise too"
"What's wise?" asked Emma
"Don't worry" said Rachel "Are you going to sleep now?"
"Yeah" said Emma "I love you Mommy"
"I love you too Princess" said Rachel, kissing her cheek "Sweet Dreams"
Rachel climbed off the bed and went and fixed Josh's blankets up before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.
She was so angry with Ross, he had said he'd be home at 8 and here it was, 9pm and still not home without even a phone call.
Rachel went in to their bedroom and lay down on the bed, still clothed.
She was going to have it out with him when he got home, She couldn't put up with it anymore, She was sad and lonely and was going to make sure that he knew that and that if things don't change, that he was going to get a rude awakening when he comes home one night, and finds her and the kids gone.
She could feel tears brimming in her eyes so she shut them tightly, willing herself to fall asleep but knowing that it wasn't going to happen until she knew he was home.
(Geller Apartment- Later on)
Ross arrived home at about 10:30pm and snuck in the front door, expecting Rachel to be waiting on the couch for him but the lights were all off, the apartment silent.
He went in the kitchen and saw a plate of dinner sitting on the stove, Rachel had obviously prepared it for him and it was now hard and cold from sitting out for a few hours.
"Shit" he muttered to himself. He knew there was going to be all hell to pay when he spoke to Rachel, he'd gotten so caught up with Amanda and he'd forgotten to even call. Guilt washed over him as the events of the evening came back into his head.
He was in the middle of the dirty deed with Amanda when he suddenly realised what the hell he was doing. Rachel's face came into his mind and he immediately felt guilt, pushing Amanda off him. She had asked him what the hell he was doing as he grabbed his shirt and pulled his pants on and he ran of the room without replying.
He tiptoed into Emma and Joshua's bedroom and saw them both snuggled up in their respective beds; Joshua was snoring lightly and sucking on his thumb as Ross bent over to kiss him.
He went to do the same to Emma and her eyes snapped open
"Daddy?" she whispered
"Yeah Princess" said Ross "I'm coming to tuck you in"
"Why are you home so late?" asked Emma "You made Mommy sad tonight"
Ross paused for a second "I'm going to talk to Mommy right now, Can I give you a kiss first?"
"Sure" said Emma "Are you still gonna take me to school tomorrow?"
"A promise is a promise," said Ross "Sleep tight sweetie"
Emma rolled over and closed her eyes "See you in the morning"
Ross walked towards his and Rachel's bedroom, pausing at the door. The guilt he was feeling right now was immense and he didn't even know if he could look at her without blurting out what he'd done, he'd made the biggest mistake of his life.
He opened the door and saw Rachel's still figure lying on the bed, on top of the covers and still clothed from today.
He thought she was sleeping so he quietly used the bathroom, scrubbing at his mouth and hands, he still had an alcohol taste in his mouth and it just reminded him of what had happened, there was also the faint smell of Amanda's perfume on his shirt which he chucked in the washing machine.
Her eyes were closed and she looked like an angel with her hair spread on the pillow like a Halo. She was the most beautiful human being he'd ever seen, and she was his. He wondered what had ever possessed him to become involved with Amanda; he must be out of his mind. A second after his butt hit the bed her eyes opened.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," said Ross softly
"I wasn't asleep," said Rachel, sitting up "Where the hell have you been?"
"We had a little party for one of the guys at work" said Ross "I lost track of time"
"And you couldn't find a phone to call me?" asked Rachel "I've been lying here, wondering where the hell you've been, you tell me your going to be home at 8 and then rock up 2 and a half hours later, There's something wrong with that picture"
"I know, I'm sorry Rach," said Ross
He wanted to reach out and touch her but he couldn't.
These guilty feelings made him want to reach out and make it all up to her, make up for everything that he had ever done to make her upset. Make up for being a horrible husband lately.
"You're sorry?" said Rachel "Well you know what, I'm sorry too Ross. I'm sorry that I've been stressing myself out all day, wondering what's going on in your head right now, wondering why my husband would rather be at work then at home with his family, stressing that maybe I've done something to make you angry but now I just don't care"
"You don't mean that," said Ross "I'm sorry, we had a few drinks and.."
"How old are you Ross?" said Rachel, her voice was wavering and tears were pricking the back of her eyes, threatening to show themselves
"You're 38 not 28. You don't just go out and drink with your colleagues, not when you have a wife and kids waiting for you at home, not without first calling and letting me know. It's not the fact that you did it that really bothers me, it's the fact that you didn't even have the decency to call"
"I'm sorry," said Ross, repeating himself. He couldn't think of anything else to say, he did the wrong thing and she had every reason to be angry
"Stop saying sorry" snapped Rachel "Sorry doesn't fix anything"
"I'm going to be better from now on" said Ross "I'm going to be home more and spending more time with you, Em and Josh. I promise"
"Another promise?" said Rachel "You need to get out of the habit of making promises Ross, because you know as well as I do, you never keep them"
"This will be one that I keep," said Ross "You know I love you and I hate it when you're upset"
"Do you?" asked Rachel, her voice rising "So why are you doing this to me? Spending every waking moment working, leaving me at home by myself, raising our children?"
"Because I just want you to have everything, I want you to be happy" said Ross "And I know that if we had nothing, you wouldn't be happy"
"Well you don't know me very well then Ross, if you did then you would know by now that money isn't everything to me, it might have been 10 years ago but it isn't anymore, I honestly couldn't care less if we were dirt poor with nothing in the bank, as long as I had you and the kids, I'd be fine"
"I'll work more at home then" said Ross "I'll carry my marking home every day, and I'll be here for dinner and bedtime stories, if that's what will make you happy, that's what I'll do"
"Really?" asked Rachel "That would make me so happy"
"Really" said Ross
"You better be serious Ross," said Rachel "Because I can't deal with being alone every night, I can't deal with having to explain to Emma why her dad is never home, She actually asked me today if you still love her and Josh"
Ross was shocked; he couldn't believe that his daughter would even think such a thing.
"Oh my god" he mumbled "I'm serious Rach, I'm going to be here ok, for you and for the kids. I do love you, so, so much"
Rachel's tough stance melted and she leaned over and kissed him gently, her tongue seeking a response from him but she got nothing "What's the matter?"
"Nothing" said Ross, pulling away slightly.
He couldn't do it; he couldn't kiss her when his lips had been on someone else's an hour before.
"Something is the matter" said Rachel "Why won't you kiss me?"
"It's nothing, I just had a bit to drink tonight, I don't want to kiss you when I smell and taste like a brewery" said Ross "I swear"
Rachel looked at him strangely, he had a funny look on his face and she had a slight inkling that he was hiding something "What did you do tonight?"
"What?" asked Ross "I just told you, we had a party at work for Mike and I had a few drinks. What more do you want me to tell you?"
"Nothing" said Rachel "I'm not giving you the 3rd degree"
"I know you're not," asked Ross "Just answer me this, are we ok?"
"Yeah" said Rachel "Just don't do it again Ross, if you're not going to be home, call me and let me know, I worry about you"
"Thanks for worrying about me, that's why I love you, because you're so sweet" said Ross "I'm going to go and grab some food. Do you want anything?"
"No" said Rachel "I'm really tired, I need to sleep. Will I wake up with you next to me tomorrow?'
"Yeah, I prom.." began Ross, before stopping himself "You will"
"Good" said Rachel, sliding off her skirt and top, revealing her Bra and G- string.
Ross stared at her body as she stood up, pulling the pillows off the bed and the doona back.
She had the body of someone who hadn't popped out two kids, amazingly slender with not an ounce of fat in sight, Ross nearly hyperventilated every time he saw her without any clothes on.
"Ross!!" said Rachel, jolting him back into reality "Aren't you getting your dinner?"
"I am" said Ross "I'll see you in the morning?"
He kissed her hand and walked out the room, shutting the door softly and leaning against it. He wanted to kill himself right now; if he had a gun he probably would have done it.
He went into the kitchen and sat down at the table, his head in his hands.
His mind was reeling, he didn't know how he had just sat in there and blatantly lied to Rachel about why he was so late, lied to the one person who he was supposed to tell everything too, the one person who trusted him the most in the world.
He had broken that trust the second his lips had touched Amanda's, the instant that their bodies touched, A trust that once Rachel found out he had broken, would never be regained.
He felt sick, like he could throw up any second, he wanted to go in there and tell Rachel everything, but he knew when he did, it would be all over. It took her years to completely forgive him last time, if he told her again, She would never forgive him.
He felt nothing for Amanda, sure she was young and she was beautiful but she was nothing compared to Rachel. All the harmless flirting that they had engaged in had blown into something completely wrong.
He didn't know what had made him become close with Amanda, they had been spending a far amount of time together lately because he was always working but that was no excuse, All the alcohol had obviously gone to his head and taken control.
He looked at the plate of dinner on the stove, completely inedible by now, just as well because he didn't know if he could stomach anything, He was completely disgusted with himself.
He knew that he had to tell Rachel, if he didn't it was going to eat him alive but if he did, he would ruin the most important thing in his life, his family. He couldn't bear to hurt the people who mean the most to him.
He mind was reeling when he made a decision, he had to get out, get away from it.
He grabbed a pen and paper and prepared to write the hardest letter of his life.
Dear Rachel, I know when you read this letter; you're going to know that I am gone. I've made a mistake, a mistake that I can't bear to keep to myself. I betrayed you Rachel, betrayed you in the biggest way. I think you will understand what I am trying to say, as I can't bear to write it down. I am absolutely disgusted with myself, I can't believe what I've done and if I could take it back, believe me I would. I made the decision to leave because you are better off without me, you don't deserve a husband who is unfaithful, you deserve so much better then that. I love you so much, you mean the world to me and I cannot even begin to explain how sorry I am to do this to you. I can't face you, look into your eyes and see the hurt when you realise what I've done. Please tell Emma and Josh that I love them more then anything. I'm sorry for everything Rachel, it was a stupid, stupid mistake that has now cost me so much. I will love you forever; you're my shining star. Love always and forever, Ross...
He went into the bedroom and put the note on the bedside table, taking one last look at his wife, She was sound asleep now and he bent down and kissed her cheek.
He grabbed a bag and shoved a few necessities into it quietly, taking one last look at Rachel before he walked out the door.
TBC- Rachel's reaction when she finds out. How will Emma deal with it? And where does Ross go?
Please review if you liked it but be nice (
The alarm clock started beeping, rousing Rachel out of her deep slumber, she sighed in frustration, anything for another hour of sleep but she knew that wasn't going to happen because in about 2 minutes, there was going to be a 7 year old and a 3 year old came barrelling through the bed and jump on top of her.
She opened her eyes warily, and felt across to the other side of the bed, half expecting to find Ross's still sleeping form lying there and wanting a good morning hug but instead all she felt was the cold sheets. A feeling that had become sort of familiar to her lately.
She sat up quickly and noticed a note on the side table 'Gone to work already, be home at about 8, Ross'
This had been happening a lot for the past few weeks, Ross leaves early, gets home late. Then when he gets home, he's so tired from working all day, he just goes straight to bed with only a few words being said to his long suffering wife. It was getting beyond a joke
Her thoughts were interrupted as Emma came barrelling into the room and jumped on the bed, followed by a sleepy looking Josh who paused at the end of the bed, his eyes drooping.
"Morning Mommy" said Emma happily "Where's my Daddy?"
"He's gone to work already honey" said Rachel, pulling Josh, into her arms "Hey Spunky Boy"
"But he promised that he'd take me to school today" said Emma "How will he do that if he's at work already?"
"I don't know," said Rachel "But I can take you to school instead. Is that all right?"
"Well....I guess" said Emma "Can I call Daddy at his office and say Good Morning to him?"
"After your shower and breakfast you can" said Rachel, climbing out of the bed, still carrying Josh who was still half asleep, sucking on his thumb. "Wake up Sweetie, You're going to Day Care today"
"I can't wait for school today" said Emma "We're joining up with Jamie's grade so that means I get to play with my cousin"
Jamie was Monica and Chandler's little boy who was a year younger then Emma.
"Sweetie, You play with Jamie everyday after school" said Rachel "Why is today so special?"
"I don't know. It just is" said Emma "I'll get Josh some juice while you get my shower ready ok?"
Rachel laughed, Emma was constantly mothering over her brother, wanting to be the girl of the house. She was grown up beyond her 7 years "Ok Honey. Be careful with the juice box ok? No spills"
"I know," said Emma, dragging Josh by the hand into the kitchen, leaving Rachel by herself in the bedroom.
She sat down on the messed up bed, gathering her thoughts. Ross had been so distant lately, she knew he was busy at work, being just promoted to head of the department but it seemed as though he didn't have any time for his family anymore. He left before the kids were up, and was home after they went to bed. Emma communicated with her Dad over the phone. Rachel missed him, they hardly ever really talked anymore and they hadn't had a real deep and meaningful conversation for months.
"Mommmmmmy" came Emma's scream from the kitchen "I dropped the carton"
"How did I know," muttered Rachel, getting up and heading into the kitchen. Just another day in the Geller household, starting off with a mess in the kitchen
(Half an hour later- Ross's Office)
Ross was sitting at his desk, grading papers when his phone rang.
"Hello, Ross Geller speaking" he answered.
"Hi" said Rachel "How are you?"
"I'm fine thanks," said Ross "Is there something wrong with one of the kids?"
"No. Is that the only reason I'm allowed to call you at work?" replied Rachel "I just wanted to say Hi"
"Well Hi," said Ross "Listen, I'm a little busy here.."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Rachel sarcastically "Well can you find some time in your busy schedule to say Hi to your daughter?"
"Of course I can," said Ross "Put her on"
Rachel handed the phone to Emma "Hi Daddy"
"Hi Angel" said Ross "How are you this morning?"
"Good but Daddy, you said you'd take me to school today" said Emma "Are you coming home now to take me?"
"I can't Honey, I'm really busy here. I've got lots and lots of work to do," said Ross "Mommy can take you to school can't she?"
"Yes but I just wanted you too plus you promised me" said Emma "It doesn't matter"
"I'm sorry sweetie," said Ross "Next time ok. Have a good day today Princess and I'll come in to kiss you goodnight when I get home ok?"
"Ok, love you Daddy," said Emma, "Here's a kiss for you"
She kissed the receiver, which made Ross smile.
"I love you more," said Ross "Bye Honey"
He was about to hang the phone up when Emma said, "Wait, Mommy wants to talk to you"
Ross sighed, "Ok, Thanks"
"Are you really going to be home that late tonight?" asked Rachel, her voice flat
"I really am" said Ross "I've got classes all day then a ton more marking to do"
"How can you have that much work to do, that you have to be at work from 7am till 8pm? It's ridiculous Ross," said Rachel "Can't you do your marking at home?"
"Why would I do that?" asked Ross "Carry it all home when I could d it right here?"
"I don't know. Maybe so you could spend some time with your family? Have dinner with us for a change. Be there to tuck Emma and Joshua in," said Rachel "I miss you lately"
"I'm sorry but I've got to do what I've got to do," said Ross "This is my job"
"Yeah I realize that," said Rachel "But I would like to actually talk to you for a change, have a nice conversation with you when you get home. I don't even feel like you are actually here half the time when you're home. It's like I'm speaking to a brick wall"
"Thanks" said Ross "You know I'm doing what I'm doing so you can have everything"
"There are other things more important then having everything," said Rachel "I would rather have you home, paying attention to me then have 'everything'"
"Is that really how you feel Rach?" asked Ross "I've gotta go now. Tell Emma that I promise I'll take her to school tomorrow"
He had noticed his colleague Amanda standing in the doorway, watching him.
"Don't make promises you can't keep," said Rachel "Someone always ends up getting hurt"
"I can keep a promise" said Ross "Please tell her what I said ok? I'll see you when I get home"
"Sure" said Rachel, hanging up the phone in his ear.
Ross sat there with the phone in his hand for a second, before finally hanging it up.
"Wife troubles?" asked Amanda, as she came and sat on the edge of his desk.
"I suppose you could say that," said Ross "Nothing that can't be fixed"
"Yeah, Just don't have a wife," said Amanda jokingly
Ross laughed "As if. I do love my wife you know"
"We'll see," said Amanda, straightening his tie
(Geller Apartment)
"Why are you sad Mommy?" asked Emma after Rachel hung up the phone "Did Daddy upset you?"
"No, I'm fine," said Rachel "Where's your brother?'
"I think he's in the bathroom," said Emma "He was drawing on the cabinet with your lipstick"
"WHAT?" exclaimed Rachel, running into the bathroom "Tell me again why we have children?"
"Coz we are so cute," said Emma, following her into the bathroom.
(Monica and Chandler's Apartment)
Rachel has just dropped Emma at school and was walking slowly towards Monica and Chandler's front door, She was holding on tightly to Joshua who was walking even slower, stopping to look at every little thing in the hallway even though he came up here just about every day
Rachel had just reached the door when it was flung open in front of her and Monica rushed out, with their new baby Taylah in a sling across her chest.
"Hey" said Monica in surprise "What's up?"
"Nothing much" said Rachel "Are you going somewhere?"
"Doctors Appointment" said Monica "Six week check up"
"Oh" said Rachel, looking at the floor "I'll let you go then"
"Is something wrong?" asked Monica
"Well..." Said Rachel, slowly, her voice cracking "It's just Ross, and stuff...."
"Come here Sweetie," said Monica, putting her arms out and drawing Rachel into them where she burst into tears.
Monica led her inside where she put Taylah in her bouncer and sat Rachel on the couch
"Talk to me," said Monica "What's my loser brother done now?"
"You don't want to know," said Rachel "But I'm going to tell you anyway. I don't know what's going on, He's becoming more and more distant, he works all day, morning until night and then when he does come home, he has no time for me whatsoever. He's never there to help me with the kids, I feel like I may as well be a single mom"
"He's working hard Rach," said Monica "Promotions take up a lot of time"
"But is it so necessary for him to be working 9 hour days? He's a professor not a surgeon or something" said Rachel, wiping her eyes "I know I should be happy that he's got this promotion and everything but when it's keeping him away from me and the kids, how can I be happy?"
"I don't know," said Monica "I'm sorry Sweetie"
"Has he been talking to Chandler or Joey about anything?" asked Rachel "Is it something I've done?"
"I honestly don't know," said Monica "Chandler hasn't said anything to me about Ross"
"Do you think he's having an affair?" asked Rachel softly
"What? God no Rachel" said Monica "Don't even go there, you know how much Ross loves you, there is no way that he would do anything like that, especially after last time"
"I'd nearly forgotten about that," said Rachel "That was like 12 years ago or something"
"Time flies" said Monica "Do not even let those thoughts enter your mind, I know my brother, he loves you and he loves his children, he's not about to do anything to jeopardise that"
(Cut to Ross' Office)
Ross was sitting at his desk, engaging in a bit of harmless flirting with Amanda who was young and beautiful. He knew that he shouldn't be doing it but it was just some harmless fun to pass some time. She knew that he was married and wasn't interested in anything else.
One of his bosses entered the office, Amanda jumped off the edge of the desk
"Professor Williams" said Ross "How are you?"
"Fine" replied Professor Williams "Are you two coming to the party tonight?"
"Party?" asked Ross blankly "Oh for Mike Oliver, I thought that was next week"
"No, tonight" said Professor Williams, "Will we be seeing you there?"
"Definitely" said Amanda "We'll be there"
"Great" said PW, leaving the room
"I really shouldn't" said Ross "Rachel's already pis**d off at me, if I get home any later then 8 tonight, I think she will rip my head off"
"Oh come on" said Amanda "A few drinks and you'll be home by 10pm, just tell her you were still working"
"I don't have to lie to her" said Ross "She does let me off the chain sometimes but I just think I should go home and make it up to her, I haven't been much of a good husband lately"
"You're talking about being a good husband, yet you've just been sitting here, flirting with me?" said Amanda "What's with that?"
"You know I'm just joking when we do that," said Ross "Friend Flirting"
"Right" said Amanda "Friend Flirting it is. But no excuses, you're going to Mike's gathering tonight"
"I guess I can make an appearance," said Ross "But if I don't show up to work tomorrow, you'll know it's because Rachel's killed me"
(Late afternoon- about 6pm)
Rachel arrived home, lugging the groceries in one arm and a sleeping Joshua in the other, Emma was trailing behind her singing 'Old McDonald'
She'd been working all afternoon and then picked up a grumpy Josh from Day care and Emma from after school care and was exhausted as usual.
"God" said Rachel, dumping the groceries on the counter and laying Josh on the couch "My arms are going to fall off"
"Is daddy home?" asked Emma
"You know he always works late Honey," said Rachel "But he told me to tell you that he promises to take you to school tomorrow"
"Does daddy still love you Mommy?" asked Emma "Does he still love me and Josh?"
"Of course he does Sweetie," said Rachel "Why would you even think that your Dad doesn't love you?"
"Because he never stays at home with us anymore" said Emma "He never tucks me in or reads me a story before bed anymore"
Rachel put her arms out for Emma and she wrapped herself around Rachel "There is nothing that could ever happen, that could stop your Dad loving you, nothing"
"Promise?" asked Emma
"Have I ever broken a promise to my Princess?" asked Rachel
"Never" said Emma
"Well there you go" said Rachel "Why don't you go and watch a video while I make dinner, what do you want?"
"Spaghetti.no wait, Meatballs, spaghetti and Mashed potatoes. Together" said Emma "That's what I want"
Rachel pulled a disgusted face, what a combination but if that's what Emma wanted, that's what Emma gets "That's what we're having then"
"Yay" said Emma, running into the lounge room and jumping on the couch, narrowly missing her brother's head.
(Ross's Work - One of the Lounge's)
There was a group of about 45 various people in the room, all workmates of Ross' when he rocked up at about 8pm. There was music coming from a stereo in the corner and a table covered in all sorts of Alcohol, beer's and spirits. People were also passing trays of food around.
Amanda spotted him from the either side of the room and came over immediately, it was no secret to everyone except Ross that she fancied him, wife or no wife she wanted him.
She grabbed a beer of the table and put it into his hand "Finally made it?"
"Yeah" said Ross "I was just marking the mid terms"
"Fun" said Amanda "Well I'm glad you made it already"
"I'm only staying for a bit," said Ross, taking swigs of his beer "Rachel will cut my balls off if I don't get home soon"
"Well we can't have that can we?" asked Amanda "After all, they are a zone for pleasure"
Ross laughed nervously. He was getting a certain vibe from Amanda; she was standing rather close to him and staring into his eyes intently.
"Nice to see you Ross" said Mike Oliver, the guest of honour, shaking his hand
"Great to see you Mike" said Ross "Congratulations on the promotion"
'Thanks, Thanks" said Mike. He put another beer into Ross' other hand and walked off" Enjoy"
"What are you drinking?" Ross asked Amanda, who was now a little unsteady
"Ahh, Bourbon and Coke" said Amanda "And it's gone straight to my head"
"Young women and Alcohol" said Ross, shaking his head "Makes you do all sorts of things"
"I'm not so young," said Amanda "I'm 27"
"That's a whole 10 years younger then me," said Ross "I feel old"
"You're not old," said Amanda, touching his arm "You know what they say, Older men are the best lovers"
"So I've heard," said Ross, inching away.
He looked around for the alcohol table, having already finished his second beer.
"I'm just going to grab another beer," he said, nodding towards the table.
"I'll grab it for you" said Amanda "I'm gonna get another bourbon anyways"
"Thanks" said Ross.
He watched Amanda walking off; He saw her standing at the table, swaying slightly as she poured herself a drink.
His attention was diverted as he began a conversation with another professor.
Amanda returned with the drinks, interrupting Ross's conversation
"Here you go," she said, nudging his arm and handing him the drink
"What is it?" asked Ross, looking into the glass. It wasn't beer.
"Oh I couldn't see any beers so I got you Jack Daniels and Coke" said Amanda "That's ok isn't it?"
"Sure" said Ross "Smells a little strong though"
"I only put a dash in," said Amanda "You can handle it"
"Are you trying to get me drunk?' joked Ross
"Yeah" said Amanda, with a smile
Ross took a sip of his drink "Whew, how do you drink this?"
"Used to it I guess," said Amanda "How did your class go on the midterms?"
Ross snorted, "Highest was a C"
"No" said Amanda "Really?"
"Serious" said Ross "It would be a total waste of time for some of them to come back next term"
"I'm surprised," said Amanda "I thought they'd be getting A's with you for a teacher"
"Hmm" said Ross, finishing his drink "Well, I think I'm done"
"What?" said Amanda "You've only been here for half an hour"
"Yeah, I've had my 4 drinks and I'm pretty sure that's 4 more then I should have had" said Ross "That Jack Daniels rocked my boat a little bit"
"Are you intoxicated?" teased Amanda "After 4 drinks?"
"Hey" said Ross "Those were strong beers"
"I'm joking," said Amanda "But before you go, I wanted to ask you a question about one of the midterms one of my students handed in, he's written some pretty strange stuff"
"Like what?" asked Ross
"I can't explain it," said Amanda, "I'll show you, it's in my office"
Ross paused for a second; he knew he should be getting home but if it was something work related then. "Quickly then" said Ross.
They waded through the groups, standing around the room. Amanda grabbed 2 more beers as they went passed the table and handed one to Ross
"I've had enough," said Ross, going to put it back on the table
"Nonsense" said Amanda "One more won't hurt you"
Ross sighed "You're right, I haven't had a drink for awhile before tonight so.."
"That's the spirit," said Amanda, with a laugh "God, I don't even know where my office is when it's after hours"
They were walking the halls towards Amanda's office, they were deserted as everyone had either gone home, or were in the lounge
"Here" said Amanda, unlocking the door
They went into her office, where Ross sat down on the mini couch. Amanda was rifling through her desk drawers, pretending to look for the paper.
She just wanted to get Ross alone, so she could make her move. She knew he was a little drunk so he might respond to her advances. She had wanted to get into his pants for awhile now, even though she was well aware he had a wife and kids.
"I can't find it," said Amanda "I put it aside somewhere and now I can't find it"
Ross was sitting on the couch, drinking his drink. He was beginning to get a headache, he knew that 4 drinks were enough for him but he had thought 'What the hell' and was now regretting it.
"Here it is" said Amanda, triumphantly
She came and sat on the couch next to him, handing him the paper.
Ross skimmed over the words "This is fine Amanda"
"Really? You don't think what he's written is a little strange?" asked Amanda, leaning over. Her boobs were nearly falling out of her top, which Ross was aware of, he kept his gaze focussed on the sheets of paper
"No" said Ross "It looks fine to me"
"Well, I thought I'd let someone who knows more then me check it out" said Amanda "You are the smartest professor after all"
"Come on now," said Ross "Stop raining praise on me"
"It's true," said Amanda, touching his arm again "You've taught me some much since I started here, made me so comfortable, I don't think I would have survived my first week if it weren't for"
"I'm glad I helped you then" said Ross, taking the last sip of his drink, grimacing as it burnt his throat on the way down.
"You look a little strange," said Amanda "One too many drinks?"
"Probably" said Ross "Rachel's going to kill me if I go home drunk"
"Do you always let your wife rule your life?" asked Amanda
"She doesn't" said Ross, defensively "She's just a little.."
"A little what?" asked Amanda "Bitchy, annoying?"
"No" said Ross "She's not a bitch. Come on, I love my wife"
"Do you?" asked Amanda "Are you sure about that? Because I'm getting a certain vibe that you'd rather be doing something else then talking to me"
"Like what?" asked Ross "What vibe are you getting?"
"This" said Amanda, She leant over and kissed his lips passionately, worming her tongue into his mouth.
Ross pulled back in surprise "What was that?"
"You didn't enjoy that?" asked Amanda
Something took control of Ross's brain "Maybe but..."
"No buts about it" said Amanda "I've wanted to do that for ages now.. And I'm going to do it again"
Ross began to protest weakly but Amanda just shoved her lips onto his, pressing his body down on the couch.
Ross didn't know what he was doing, but it definitely wasn't pushing her away. His thoughts were all jumbled and he wasn't thinking of his wife and he began to kiss her back.
They lay back on the couch, Amanda's body on top of Ross's.
Amanda was very pleased with herself; She had succeeded in getting what she wanted.
(Geller Apartment)
Rachel was lying on the couch, watching 'Runaway Bride' which was on cable.
She looked at her watch and saw it was 9pm and Ross still wasn't home.
Emma had gone to bed upset because Rachel had snapped at her because she was p****d off at Ross so now Rachel felt bad.
She got up and walked into Emma's room, She could hear little sobs coming from her bed and her heart broke. She went and lay next to Emma, and stroked her face
"I'm sorry Baby," said Rachel softly "I didn't mean to yell at you"
Emma turned around "Are you sad Mommy?"
"A little" admitted Rachel
"Why?" asked Emma "Is it because Daddy isn't home yet?"
"I don't know," said Rachel "Mommy just needs a good nights sleep and a long chat with Daddy tomorrow"
"Daddy does love you, you know," said Emma "You said this afternoon that I could do nothing to stop him loving me but I know he loves you too"
Rachel smiled "I know he loves me too"
"I know a lot of things," said Emma
"You're very smart for a 7 year old" said Rachel "Very wise too"
"What's wise?" asked Emma
"Don't worry" said Rachel "Are you going to sleep now?"
"Yeah" said Emma "I love you Mommy"
"I love you too Princess" said Rachel, kissing her cheek "Sweet Dreams"
Rachel climbed off the bed and went and fixed Josh's blankets up before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.
She was so angry with Ross, he had said he'd be home at 8 and here it was, 9pm and still not home without even a phone call.
Rachel went in to their bedroom and lay down on the bed, still clothed.
She was going to have it out with him when he got home, She couldn't put up with it anymore, She was sad and lonely and was going to make sure that he knew that and that if things don't change, that he was going to get a rude awakening when he comes home one night, and finds her and the kids gone.
She could feel tears brimming in her eyes so she shut them tightly, willing herself to fall asleep but knowing that it wasn't going to happen until she knew he was home.
(Geller Apartment- Later on)
Ross arrived home at about 10:30pm and snuck in the front door, expecting Rachel to be waiting on the couch for him but the lights were all off, the apartment silent.
He went in the kitchen and saw a plate of dinner sitting on the stove, Rachel had obviously prepared it for him and it was now hard and cold from sitting out for a few hours.
"Shit" he muttered to himself. He knew there was going to be all hell to pay when he spoke to Rachel, he'd gotten so caught up with Amanda and he'd forgotten to even call. Guilt washed over him as the events of the evening came back into his head.
He was in the middle of the dirty deed with Amanda when he suddenly realised what the hell he was doing. Rachel's face came into his mind and he immediately felt guilt, pushing Amanda off him. She had asked him what the hell he was doing as he grabbed his shirt and pulled his pants on and he ran of the room without replying.
He tiptoed into Emma and Joshua's bedroom and saw them both snuggled up in their respective beds; Joshua was snoring lightly and sucking on his thumb as Ross bent over to kiss him.
He went to do the same to Emma and her eyes snapped open
"Daddy?" she whispered
"Yeah Princess" said Ross "I'm coming to tuck you in"
"Why are you home so late?" asked Emma "You made Mommy sad tonight"
Ross paused for a second "I'm going to talk to Mommy right now, Can I give you a kiss first?"
"Sure" said Emma "Are you still gonna take me to school tomorrow?"
"A promise is a promise," said Ross "Sleep tight sweetie"
Emma rolled over and closed her eyes "See you in the morning"
Ross walked towards his and Rachel's bedroom, pausing at the door. The guilt he was feeling right now was immense and he didn't even know if he could look at her without blurting out what he'd done, he'd made the biggest mistake of his life.
He opened the door and saw Rachel's still figure lying on the bed, on top of the covers and still clothed from today.
He thought she was sleeping so he quietly used the bathroom, scrubbing at his mouth and hands, he still had an alcohol taste in his mouth and it just reminded him of what had happened, there was also the faint smell of Amanda's perfume on his shirt which he chucked in the washing machine.
Her eyes were closed and she looked like an angel with her hair spread on the pillow like a Halo. She was the most beautiful human being he'd ever seen, and she was his. He wondered what had ever possessed him to become involved with Amanda; he must be out of his mind. A second after his butt hit the bed her eyes opened.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," said Ross softly
"I wasn't asleep," said Rachel, sitting up "Where the hell have you been?"
"We had a little party for one of the guys at work" said Ross "I lost track of time"
"And you couldn't find a phone to call me?" asked Rachel "I've been lying here, wondering where the hell you've been, you tell me your going to be home at 8 and then rock up 2 and a half hours later, There's something wrong with that picture"
"I know, I'm sorry Rach," said Ross
He wanted to reach out and touch her but he couldn't.
These guilty feelings made him want to reach out and make it all up to her, make up for everything that he had ever done to make her upset. Make up for being a horrible husband lately.
"You're sorry?" said Rachel "Well you know what, I'm sorry too Ross. I'm sorry that I've been stressing myself out all day, wondering what's going on in your head right now, wondering why my husband would rather be at work then at home with his family, stressing that maybe I've done something to make you angry but now I just don't care"
"You don't mean that," said Ross "I'm sorry, we had a few drinks and.."
"How old are you Ross?" said Rachel, her voice was wavering and tears were pricking the back of her eyes, threatening to show themselves
"You're 38 not 28. You don't just go out and drink with your colleagues, not when you have a wife and kids waiting for you at home, not without first calling and letting me know. It's not the fact that you did it that really bothers me, it's the fact that you didn't even have the decency to call"
"I'm sorry," said Ross, repeating himself. He couldn't think of anything else to say, he did the wrong thing and she had every reason to be angry
"Stop saying sorry" snapped Rachel "Sorry doesn't fix anything"
"I'm going to be better from now on" said Ross "I'm going to be home more and spending more time with you, Em and Josh. I promise"
"Another promise?" said Rachel "You need to get out of the habit of making promises Ross, because you know as well as I do, you never keep them"
"This will be one that I keep," said Ross "You know I love you and I hate it when you're upset"
"Do you?" asked Rachel, her voice rising "So why are you doing this to me? Spending every waking moment working, leaving me at home by myself, raising our children?"
"Because I just want you to have everything, I want you to be happy" said Ross "And I know that if we had nothing, you wouldn't be happy"
"Well you don't know me very well then Ross, if you did then you would know by now that money isn't everything to me, it might have been 10 years ago but it isn't anymore, I honestly couldn't care less if we were dirt poor with nothing in the bank, as long as I had you and the kids, I'd be fine"
"I'll work more at home then" said Ross "I'll carry my marking home every day, and I'll be here for dinner and bedtime stories, if that's what will make you happy, that's what I'll do"
"Really?" asked Rachel "That would make me so happy"
"Really" said Ross
"You better be serious Ross," said Rachel "Because I can't deal with being alone every night, I can't deal with having to explain to Emma why her dad is never home, She actually asked me today if you still love her and Josh"
Ross was shocked; he couldn't believe that his daughter would even think such a thing.
"Oh my god" he mumbled "I'm serious Rach, I'm going to be here ok, for you and for the kids. I do love you, so, so much"
Rachel's tough stance melted and she leaned over and kissed him gently, her tongue seeking a response from him but she got nothing "What's the matter?"
"Nothing" said Ross, pulling away slightly.
He couldn't do it; he couldn't kiss her when his lips had been on someone else's an hour before.
"Something is the matter" said Rachel "Why won't you kiss me?"
"It's nothing, I just had a bit to drink tonight, I don't want to kiss you when I smell and taste like a brewery" said Ross "I swear"
Rachel looked at him strangely, he had a funny look on his face and she had a slight inkling that he was hiding something "What did you do tonight?"
"What?" asked Ross "I just told you, we had a party at work for Mike and I had a few drinks. What more do you want me to tell you?"
"Nothing" said Rachel "I'm not giving you the 3rd degree"
"I know you're not," asked Ross "Just answer me this, are we ok?"
"Yeah" said Rachel "Just don't do it again Ross, if you're not going to be home, call me and let me know, I worry about you"
"Thanks for worrying about me, that's why I love you, because you're so sweet" said Ross "I'm going to go and grab some food. Do you want anything?"
"No" said Rachel "I'm really tired, I need to sleep. Will I wake up with you next to me tomorrow?'
"Yeah, I prom.." began Ross, before stopping himself "You will"
"Good" said Rachel, sliding off her skirt and top, revealing her Bra and G- string.
Ross stared at her body as she stood up, pulling the pillows off the bed and the doona back.
She had the body of someone who hadn't popped out two kids, amazingly slender with not an ounce of fat in sight, Ross nearly hyperventilated every time he saw her without any clothes on.
"Ross!!" said Rachel, jolting him back into reality "Aren't you getting your dinner?"
"I am" said Ross "I'll see you in the morning?"
He kissed her hand and walked out the room, shutting the door softly and leaning against it. He wanted to kill himself right now; if he had a gun he probably would have done it.
He went into the kitchen and sat down at the table, his head in his hands.
His mind was reeling, he didn't know how he had just sat in there and blatantly lied to Rachel about why he was so late, lied to the one person who he was supposed to tell everything too, the one person who trusted him the most in the world.
He had broken that trust the second his lips had touched Amanda's, the instant that their bodies touched, A trust that once Rachel found out he had broken, would never be regained.
He felt sick, like he could throw up any second, he wanted to go in there and tell Rachel everything, but he knew when he did, it would be all over. It took her years to completely forgive him last time, if he told her again, She would never forgive him.
He felt nothing for Amanda, sure she was young and she was beautiful but she was nothing compared to Rachel. All the harmless flirting that they had engaged in had blown into something completely wrong.
He didn't know what had made him become close with Amanda, they had been spending a far amount of time together lately because he was always working but that was no excuse, All the alcohol had obviously gone to his head and taken control.
He looked at the plate of dinner on the stove, completely inedible by now, just as well because he didn't know if he could stomach anything, He was completely disgusted with himself.
He knew that he had to tell Rachel, if he didn't it was going to eat him alive but if he did, he would ruin the most important thing in his life, his family. He couldn't bear to hurt the people who mean the most to him.
He mind was reeling when he made a decision, he had to get out, get away from it.
He grabbed a pen and paper and prepared to write the hardest letter of his life.
Dear Rachel, I know when you read this letter; you're going to know that I am gone. I've made a mistake, a mistake that I can't bear to keep to myself. I betrayed you Rachel, betrayed you in the biggest way. I think you will understand what I am trying to say, as I can't bear to write it down. I am absolutely disgusted with myself, I can't believe what I've done and if I could take it back, believe me I would. I made the decision to leave because you are better off without me, you don't deserve a husband who is unfaithful, you deserve so much better then that. I love you so much, you mean the world to me and I cannot even begin to explain how sorry I am to do this to you. I can't face you, look into your eyes and see the hurt when you realise what I've done. Please tell Emma and Josh that I love them more then anything. I'm sorry for everything Rachel, it was a stupid, stupid mistake that has now cost me so much. I will love you forever; you're my shining star. Love always and forever, Ross...
He went into the bedroom and put the note on the bedside table, taking one last look at his wife, She was sound asleep now and he bent down and kissed her cheek.
He grabbed a bag and shoved a few necessities into it quietly, taking one last look at Rachel before he walked out the door.
TBC- Rachel's reaction when she finds out. How will Emma deal with it? And where does Ross go?
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