(Chapter 6)

"Donna?" Harvey's voice becomes almost frantic, as he presses the dress handkerchief from his breast pocket against her shoulder. "Donna, please. Please stay with me!" He whispers, shaking her slightly in his arms. "Come on, stay with me." The smoke makes it almost impossible for him to see anything except for her flaming red hair that's splayed all across his arms. The feeling of her slack body in his arms drives him nearly out of his mind.

"Mr. Specter?" Harvey hears the voice from far away, even though it is probably only a couple of feet away.

"We're here! In the left corner of the office. Please hurry, Donna has been shot!" Harvey says, a new kind of desperation in his voice. The cloth in his hand has been bled through for minutes now and even though he can feel the long wound under his fingers, telling him that it most probably is only a graze wound, the fact that Donna has been unconscious for just as many minutes worries him more and more.

Just then, a police man and an emergency medical physician fight their way through the smoke. The EMP, a young, dark-haired woman in her early thirties, crouches down beside them, taking a look at the situation even though it is hard to see anything to begin with.

"Hello Mr. Specter, I'm Dr. Ally Landon and I'll be taking care of your colleague," she introduces herself, before leaning down and bringing her hand to Donna's throat. "Her heartbeat is strong but we need to get her out of here, so I can look at the bullet wound," explains the woman. "My paramedics are already on their way up here with a gurney. It might take some more minutes until the elevators are working again though." Ally stands up, signaling the officer to help her. "Let's get her out."

"No, it's okay. I'll carry her," Harvey stops the guy, getting up from the sofa. As if she weighs nothing, Harvey picks Donna up and carries her through the smoke and out of the office.

When they reach the lobby, he gently lays her down on the reception desk. His eyes stay on her and he still presses the handkerchief to her shoulder even though it is no longer soaking up any of the blood.

"I'll take it from here now, Mr. Specter," Ally says determined, walking up beside him and gently pushing him to the side, so she can take care of the redhead.

While the EMP pulls the bloody cloth away and examines the wound, Harvey moves to the other side of Donna, half-sitting and half-leaning against the desk at her legs. He touches her carefully, wrapping his hand around her ankle. Harvey knows that people around him can see what he is doing and he knows he should probably leave and just let the doctor do her job. But he can't stand the thought of leaving her alone, having her wake up with no one there for here. And he needs to reassure himself as well. That she is still here. With him.

And she is. Her skin is cold to the touch but as soft as he has always remembered and imagined it to be. After a couple of moments, Harvey looks up from their physical connection into the direction of the doctor, who is looking at him with a knowing and encouraging smile. "It's just a graze wound, nothing that we won't be able to handle."

"Then why is she not waking up?" Harvey wants to know, relief and worry still wrestling inside of his chest.

"Do you know if she hit her head or anything when she took the bullet?" Ally asks in return.

"No. She fell against me but I caught her," the lawyer explains, looking at Donna's lifeless face.

"Well, it can be a number of things really. A situation like this one is hard on the body. The constant stress for hours, a heightened heartrate, the pain of the graze wound. And she does seem to have gotten at least one hit to the head earlier," Ally explains, pointing at the dried blood on Donna's left temple. In the heat of the moment, Harvey hadn't even noticed the wound on her head before and as he looks at it now, a new wave of anger and despair crashes over him. "Sometimes, the body just shuts down then when it gets too much. But you really don't have to worry, she will wake up soon."

"Okay," replies Harvey, the words of the EMP instilling at least some kind of calmness.

"Do you by any chance know if she has a healthcare proxy or an advance healthcare directive? Someone we can call in case decisions have to be made while she is still out?"

"I…" Harvey begins, his heart retracting. He should know these things, shouldn't he? Then again, yes, they were close, but they had never talked about stuff like that. And yet, Harvey is pretty sure that she knows that he has these kinds of documents and who his emergency contact is, so it does make him sad that he does not know about her. "I'm not sure. But I have the number of Dr. Swindon, her GP. If anyone knows, it's him," Harvey says, pulling out his cellphone.

"No need. I know Dr. Swindon, he's working part time at our hospital. I'll check in with him as soon as I've taken care of Donna's wound."

Harvey watches her curiously and supervisingly as she cleans the wound with a pad, before injecting Donna with a lucid liquid. "That is to prevent an infection. The next one will be for the pain," Dr. Landon explains and Harvey is thankful that she's keeping him in the loop of what she's doing, convincing him that she knows what she's doing. After the second injection, the doctor puts a tape over the wound to close it up. "She will need to get some stiches but I'd rather take her to the hospital for that. We'll do a quick check-up additionally to see if everything is alright."

Ally shrugs out of her bloody gloves and throws them into the trash bin, before putting the tape and the medication back into her backpack. "I'll contact Dr. Swindon now. As far as I remember, he's taking the nightshift at the ER today."

While the doctor moves a few feet away to speak into her walkie-talkie, Harvey stays with Donna, his heart aching for her to wake up. And even more so for him to wake up from this god awful nightmare that has been dragging on for way too long as it is. Harvey squeezes her ankle, hoping that she somehow would be able to feel that he was there. Only for a second does he think about Melanie, where they had brought her and what would happen to her now. But then his eyes fall back on Donna's sleeping face again and all thoughts but those about his redhead are pushed out of his mind.

A couple of moments later, Dr. Landon returns to them, smiling at Harvey. "That was quick," Harvey notes, looking at her expectantly.

"Yes, indeed. It seems to be a quiet night at the ER and Charlie could give me the needed information immediately," Ally replies.

"And?"

"Well… Under normal circumstances I wouldn't be allowed to talk about it… but as it seems, you are Ms. Paulsen's emergency contact."

Harvey's heart leaps in his chest and he can almost feel it pumping against his ribcage. When did that happen? How did that happen? Does she really know that she was his emergency contact as well and did it just to return the favor? Or has it always been like that? So many questions and he would give everything just to being able to ask her them right now.

"So, does that mean I can come with you to the hospital?" Harvey instead asks Dr. Landon.

"You don't have to. But if you want to, yes, sure, you can ride along."

The New York night rushes by as Harvey looks at their entwined fingers, praying that she would finally wake up again. His thumb circles the soft skin between her thumb and index finger, the motion hypnotizing and calming his nerves. His gaze glides along her sleeveless arm, resting on the bandage on her upper arm that is slowly but surly soaking itself up with blood again. Harvey sighs, closing his eyes and taking a couple of slow and even breaths. And just when his heartrate is about to normalize itself, it speeds right back up again, when he can feel the hand in his hand twitching.

Harvey's eyes snap open, finding Donna's as she looks groggily at him.

"Heeeey…", Donna whispers, barely able to keep her eyes open.

"Hey there, sleepyhead," Harvey replies, not able to keep the relief out of his face and out of his words.

"Are you okay?" Donna wants to know, her voice raspy.

Harvey almost chuckles at the absurdity of the question. She is lying in an ambulance with a bullet wound and asks if he was okay. He wants to say so much, do even more, like hug her and kiss her and tell her that she scared the shit out of him and that he needs her and never wants to leave her out of his sight and life again. But he knows that that would have to wait, that now is not the right time for that. So instead he opts for a lighter reply. "Well, apart from the fact that you totally robbed me of my masculinity by jumping in the line of fire, yeah, I'm okay."

"Please. If any man's ego can take it, it's yours!" Donna replies, and her slight laugh gets disrupted by a throaty cough. Her eyes become more awake though, the sparkling, his sparkling, the one that he always pretends is reserved only for him, warming his heart. "But yeah, I'm sorry for saving your life," Donna continues, rolling her eyes in mock annoyance. The smile on her lips however tells him, that she is only teasing him. He lifts his one hand in defense, only just then realizing that he is still holding on to hers with the other one. Also realizing how good it feels, how natural and how right.

"Well… I… I guess I better not tell you then that I was wearing a bulletproof west…" Harvey replies, that boyish smirk of his lightening up his worried face.

"You've got to be kidding me…" Donna looks at him with wide eyes. "Oh my God. You are serious."

Without saying anything more, Harvey loosens the tie around his neck, before starting to unbutton his dress shirt. With every inch that he is exposing, the black material of the west is coming forth.

"Well, thanks for warning me, Specter," Donna shakes her head in disbelief, the exhaustion momentarily forgotten thanks to the banter between them.

"If you remember correctly, I did try to tell you a couple of times to stay out of it. I practically begged you!" Harvey replies accusingly, and he presses his lips together to keep himself from smiling too much.

"Alright, you know, next time someone's pointing a gun at you, I'll just stay on the sideline and watch."

"Yes, you better be. I already feel castrated one-sided. I don't want to lose my other testicle as well."

That's when Donna bursts out laughing for good and within seconds all the fissures on Harvey's heart are healed. Just like that. His Donna is still here. They still have a chance. And so he laughs with her, their eyes finding each other in the kind of intense connection they always only ever reach with each other. The paramedic on the front seat looks at them through the slide window but the pair doesn't even notice. They laugh for seconds, minutes, and Donna's heart starts healing as well.

Harvey looks at her in wonder and when he squeezes her hand, only then does Donna realize as well that they were still holding on to each other. All of a sudden, they grow serious, their laughing reduced to solemn eyes and loving smiles.

"Donna?"

"Yes, Harvey?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For saving my life anyway."

Harvey squeezes her hand again and keeps holding on to it the entire ride to the hospital. Only reluctantly does he let go when they reach their destination and Donna is pulled out of the backside of the ambulance. He can immediately feel the emptiness in his hand and the realization hits him like a punch in the gut. Harvey has never really been known to the world as the greatest hand holder on the planet, has never really needed any kind of physical connection with a woman outside of bed and definitely has never been a huge fan of public displays of affection but just like anything else when it comes to Donna, things are different. Because she is different. And on this evening in particular, holding on to her hand had felt like holding on to the moment that he does not want to let pass. Not tonight and not ever again. So when that lifeline is taken away from him, his hand all of a sudden feels hollow and he himself lost.

But if he can not hold on to her, at least he would not let her out of his sight. And so Harvey stays with her through it all, even when the doctors want to send him to the waiting room. While he sits on the rotary stool in the corner of their cabin, he watches intently as Dr. Swindon takes care of his patient. Donna puts on a brave face when the doctor cleans the wound once again but when her eyes look for Harvey's, he can see the pain and exhaustion that are glimmering in there. How much he wishes he could take away her pain, to be the one to lie there and not her, all just because she wanted to save him. And he knows that she is the only one who can safe him but not by getting herself killed in the process. And yet, that is exactly what they were doing anyway. Every day they spend together but apart feels a little like dying every time. And Harvey doesn't understand for the life of him why they would do that to each other. How they could keep doing that to each other. So after approximately five thousand days of tiny deaths, of missed dinners and Sundays on the couch and hugs and kisses and nights spent together, Harvey decides that it is finally enough. He does not want to die another death and he most certainly does not want her to die before they even started living. Together. He promises to himself that he would do everything in his power to convince her that it is finally time to break her goddamn rule, to make her see that they are it for each it other even though she had told him that she does not want more. Just as he had lied back then, he prays that she had as well.

Harvey is pulled out of his thoughts, when he hears Donna hiss. Dr. Swindon had just injected her with local anesthetics so he could stich up the wound. Once again, he wants nothing more than to take the pain away from her. And while he can not do that, he at least wants to let her know that he is here. So Harvey rolls with his chair to her side, gently taking her hand in his once more, momentarily distracting her from the discomfort with an apologetic smile. The wall that she had kept upright pretty much the whole time, comes finally crumbling down before his eyes. Fatigue, fear, anger, pain, sadness, affection and at least a dozen more emotions he wishes he could name all wash over her face in different intensities but overwhelming all the same. He caresses her hand, tells her with his eyes that he is there for her, that he would take her pain if he could and because she is Donna, he knows that she knows.

By the time they are finally allowed to leave the hospital it is way after midnight. While they are waiting for the cab, Harvey puts his suit jacket around her shoulders, and because he needs the affirmation that she is still here with him once again, he wraps one arm around her, letting his arm rest on her waist. His heart almost bursts when she lets him, instead of looking for distance leaning into his side with a sigh.

"Will you be okay?" Harvey asks, while watching Donna enter her apartment. She turns around to look at him and he thinks he has never seen her be more beautiful than right in this second. His former secretary. His COO. His friend and his warrior. His saving grace. The woman who stood by him, guided him and saved him more times than he can count. The woman who had literally taken a bullet for him today even though she had told him all those years ago that she would never do that in a literal sense. His heart fills itself up with gratitude and with that mysterious other feeling that has always been there in the deepest corner of his heart, yet that he had never truly recognized or named, too afraid of the consequences.

"I… I think so. Yeah," she mumbles her reply, unconsciously hugging her upper body to protect her from whatever this night might bring. Harvey can count on one hand the times during which Donna had looked as lost and helpless as she does in this very moment, each and every one etched into his heart. He had sworn to her once that he would never let anything happen to her, that she would never have to be that scared again. And yet he can see that she is more scared than ever before.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Harvey wants to know, his voice dropping to the special timbre it always always only ever drops to when he is speaking to her. He hopes that she knows that when he says anything, he literally means anything, knowing that there is not a single thing that he wouldn't do for her. No hesitation. No questions asked. The look he gives her is empathic, intense and full of warmth and affection. He can see that she is truly considering her possibilities instead of just brushing his question off, like he had almost expected her to do.

"Wi… no. No. It's okay. Thank you, Harvey. For coming for me. For going to the hospital with me. For holding my hand when they stitched me up. And for giving me a ride home. I really appreciate it," Donna says at last with a sad but honest smile.

"You threw yourself in the line of fire for me, Donna. That was the least I could do. And if you need anything, please, let me know, okay?" Harvey insists with emphasis, earning himself a thankful nod. They look at each other for long moments, both not ready to let the other out of their sight just yet or to say goodbye or to let another goddamn moment pass. As the heartbeats drag on, he wants nothing more than to go inside with her, to sit down with her and have that talk that's been thirteen years overdue. But the utter exhaustion on her face tells him, that tonight is not the night. So Harvey is the first to break the eye contact before he loses himself entirely. He nods good night and with a small smile turns around, his heart heavy. He can hear her sigh and then her door squeaking quietly. Harvey waits for the soft click that would tell him that another moment had passed them by. But it never comes. Instead, he can hear his name, barely above a whisper.

"Yeah?" He turns around again, his gaze finding hers in the blink of an eye.

"Would…. Would you mind… staying tonight?" The redhead seems nervous and Harvey knows that it costs her a lot to admit that kind of weakness to anyone. And yet, he admires her for her strength to do it anyway.

"Of course not. I told you, I'd do anything for you," Harvey replies without hesitation, closing the distance to her. She steps aside, letting him in and immediately feeling the safety his closeness always instills in her.

"Do you want me to open a bottle of wine for us?" Harvey asks, as they walk into the living room. He hasn't been to her apartment very often and yet still often enough for it to feel a little like home.

"I don't think that's a very good idea, considering the painkillers I'm on," Donna chuckles, still nervous. She hadn't really thought this whole thing through, so she has absolutely no idea what to do next.

"Uhm. Yeah. Of course. You are right," Harvey replies as Donna's nervousness swaps over and into him.

"Would… would it be okay, if we just went to bed? I'm… just… so exhausted…"

"Of course. Whatever you need," Harvey replies and walks her to her room. As if it is the most natural thing on the planet, ignoring any kind of awkwardness that would probably pop up in any other similar situation, Harvey helps her undress, carefully pulling the sleeve over her injured shoulder. His finger grazes the bandage, making her wince and him hiss. The urge to wrap himself around her becomes so overpowering, that he has to master all of his strength to not do just that. They both realize that him undressing her in the seclusion of her bedroom should probably feel stranger than it actually does, the situation so innocent that not the tiniest of inappropriate thoughts crosses his or her mind. Donna's black dress drops around to her ankles, leaving her in only her lace underwear.

"Sit," Harvey orders her, before he walks over to the adjourning bathroom to get a wet washcloth and a towel. Donna watches him with tired eyes, wanting nothing more than to just fall asleep now. Once he returns, Harvey washes off the remaining blood from her shoulder, carful to not get too close to the wound again. He also wipes the cloth gently over her forehead and the rest of the face, removing the smeared eyeliner and remnants of her make-up, as well as the blood from her left temple. When he's finished, he walks over to her closet to find her something to sleep in.

"Top drawer on the left," Donna yawns sleepily, fighting against the unconsciousness that is threatening to take over now. She can feel it in every limb and every muscle, the heat, terror and exhaustion of the day finally catching up with her for good. Harvey helps her into a t-shirt that is way too big for her, only briefly wondering from which guy she could have possibly stolen it, before he watches her crawl under the covers. He wishes her a good night and is just about to leave the room, getting mentally ready for a night on her sofa – simultaneously too far away and yet way too close to her – when her voice stops him from leaving her once again.

"Please stay with me? I mean… It doesn't mean that…."

"Donna, don't," Harvey interrupts her before she can say any more. He walks back to her side, crouching down to look into her face. He gently brushes a stray strand of hair out of her face, relishing in the feeling of how soft it is to his touch. He knows their timing sucks yet again but he just can't hear her say one more time that what they do doesn't mean anything. Not tonight. "Please, Donna. Just for once, let's not pretend that it doesn't mean anything. Because we both know that it does. And it's okay. Okay? We don't have to talk about it tonight. But we should soon," Harvey says truthfully and he can feel the weight being lifted off his chest upon his confession. Like the concrete blocks, that had kept him under water for weeks, months and years even, had finally been cut lose from around his legs and he could now finally swim back to the surface again, breathing freely. "Because I don't want to waste another moment not telling you when something means something. When it means everything."

Donna is at a loss of words, too overwhelmed and yet too exhausted to form any coherent thoughts, even though she wants to say so much. So instead she nods okay, relaxing at last when he slides into bed right behind her. And it finally is okay, when he wraps an arm around her, pulling her safely against his body. It's okay when she leans back against him, sighing in content and falling asleep the second his warmth and security seep into her. It's okay when she wakes up screaming from a nightmare shortly after and he holds her while she cries in his arms, soaking his shirt but he couldn't care less in that moment, forever grateful that she had allowed him to stay and be there for her when she needs him the most. It is okay when he tells her how brave he thinks she is and how thankful he is to have her in his life and how much means to him. It's okay when her hand slips under the white cotton of his t-shirt, letting it rest over his beating heart, showing him with a gesture what she can't form in words. "I have your heart and I will take care of it. Because I love you". And it's okay when they fall back to sleep moments later, wrapped around and in each other, feeling closer than ever before. It's okay, when that hand gently caresses his stomach, hours later, when it's still dark outside and just them inside, close, raw and the need to feel each other so all-consuming, that neither finds the strength to hold back anymore. And it is okay. When their lips find each other in a gentle touch, when his tongue seeks entrance with a tentative movement, when her hand runs through his hair, making him shiver and sigh. It's okay when he gently rolls her onto her back and himself above her and when he starts worshipping her body like she is the most precious gift he has ever received. It is okay when they undress, first her t-shirt and underwear, then his in a hasty attempt to finally become one after over a decade apart. It's okay when new tears well in Donna's eyes because he's so careful with her, not wanting to risk hurting her any more than she had already been hurt that day because of him. It's okay when he kisses her with all of the accumulated love he feels and it's okay when he finally tells her with words, moments before he shows her with his body. It is okay, when he slowly slides into her welcoming body and when she moans and he shakes, both so overcome with the sensation, that they almost lose it right then and there. It's okay that it's slow and peaceful, intense and breathtaking all at once and it's okay that it's over in a matter of minutes, the reunion so long awaited even though the need for it never voiced, that losing themselves in each other is the only and ultimate goal. And it's okay because even though they still have a lot to talk about and to figure out, they also know that this has been only the first of many more times to come. Times they would draw out the ultimate salvation for as long as they possibly could, times they would not leave the bed for a whole weekend and times where they wouldn't even make it as far as to the bed in the first place. Times where they would lie on the sofa, drink a glass of red wine before professing their love for each other, joining in another slow dance of their bodies that would last forever. So it is okay when it is over so soon that first night and when they fall asleep right afterwards, because they both know that there would be more. And that it is going to be okay.

The End

A/N: I actually dreamt about Donna being shot and lying/dying in Harvey's arms a couple of weeks ago. And since those pictures wouldn't go away, I just had to get them out of my head. What I thought would be a One Shot turned out to be a bit longer but I hope you didn't mind :) I would really love to hear your thoughts on it, if you have the time. Thank you so much for reading!