ASSUME = ASS out of U and ME

Standard Disclaimers Apply

A/N: Okay another story I thought of. I do love Sirius and Hermione together and they're wonderful together but my homosexual self also loves Sirius and Remus, Hermione and Ginny, and Harry and Draco together. They are all just too cute with each other. I can't help it. I think they each got great chemistry. I'm not sure if I can make you laugh but I'll try. This is supposed to be funny and romantic although the story would only depict them having dreams about their loved one and wouldn't go that much further, I'm still aiming for it to be romantic. Ron, though I am not sure who to pair him with (because I'm not that interested in his character…), will play a very significant role. In fact, you can even say that he could be the main character of this story. Why? Read on…

************Chapter 1: Confusions…

                        "Granger," called a voice from a very familiar Slytherin lad. He had been meaning to talk to Hermione for ages now, but he couldn't seem to have the opportunity since she's always around both of her best friend and one of which, he was completely and helplessly in love with. Oh, would you just look at my green-eyed angel. He looks so cute with his glasses on. I must be a good actor for not letting him know how much I want to be with him. I know I'm pushing you away most of the times honey but I can't help it. I ache knowing the fact that you're not mine. But I love you so much, you know. That's why here I am, having the guts to ask one of your best friend to help me in getting my green-eyed cherub to be with me. Malfoy thought as he gave Harry a quick glance that none of the three people in front of him noticed, thank god.

Though it was obvious that Harry Potter's best friends hated (which was an understatement…) the blond stud, he couldn't help but loving his manly voice and smiling inside of him, wishing it was his name that the lad uttered. The three of them turned around, the two obviously annoyed and Harry keeping a straight face and not letting his deep-seethed admiration for "the Slytherin hottie," as Harry nicknamed him, show.

                        "What do you want with Hermione, Malfoy? A tip or two regarding manners, perhaps?" said a red haired Gryffindor Quidditch Team Captain/Keeper while towering over the Slytherin Seeker. Ron, stop being a prick will you? Besides, his disregard for manners makes him so manly and sexy. The way his angelic face but evil ways balances suites him perfectly. And stop towering over him! Oh baby, if you'd only let me be your boyfriend, I'd make sure no one, not even my best friends do this to you. But no! You wouldn't even let me get near enough to show you how much I care. You just have to be a prick to everyone don't you? But I love you anyway… Harry thought.

                        "Maybe you're the one who needs a tip or two about manners, Weasley. I didn't call your name and you answer me like it was your business when it isn't," said Malfoy coolly. Ouch! That must have hurt Ron. Good one baby. You're so smart. That's what you get for messing with my baby, Ron. Harry thought again trying to make a face that would indicate that he didn't like it when Malfoy talked back to Ron, which was horribly difficult.

                        "What do you want with me then?" Hermione asked. Though he hated Malfoy, she wasn't to keen in picking up a fight like Ron was. She was thinking of getting this thing over with as soon as possible because a longhaired red head was waiting for her in her room, and of all the things she hated, it was somebody or something keeping her from a time alone with Ginny.

                        "As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted," at this he glanced irritably at Ron, "may I talk to you privately? I know where not friends but I'm sure we could manage to have a civil conversation," he said. Draco Malfoy! How dare you! Do not tell me you have a crush on my best friend because I swear I will kill you, or her, whichever comes first. Harry thought with more cursing and paranoia that came in every quarter of a second. Hermione was his best friend but when it comes to the love of his life, it's a completely different story. Although he wouldn't literally kill her best friend especially Malfoy, jealousy ran through every vein he has in his body. He couldn't imagine them being together and him being 'okay' or at least pretend to be 'okay' with it. He would be the one dying, both allegorically and god forbid, literally as he might kill himself if he couldn't stand it anymore.

                        "Go on ahead, tell Ginny I'll be there as soon as I can. Go on. I can take care of myself," Hermione said to them. Ron was very hasty about it fearing that Malfoy would insult his best friend, like he did so many times. Harry was hasty because he thought that leaving them both alone was torture for him. Ron somehow noticed Harry's hasty retreat from the two of them but he knew that it was something more than just loathing.

                        "Is there something wrong Harry?" Ron asked Harry as soon as they were out of earshot. Harry wanted so much to burst in tears. His head was pounding from the paranoia running through it but he couldn't help it. He loved Draco so much not to care or to put is aside. He was fine before because he knew that Malfoy wasn't paying attention to any girl or boy for that matter, but why the hell is he talking to Hermione now? He knew too well that at the Yule Ball, Malfoy didn't even once insult her that night. He even saw how Draco's mouth fell when he saw Hermione. It wasn't fair.

                        "Harry, would you please tell me what is it? Why the hell are you crying?" asked Ron both puzzled and irritated that his best friend was crying and he didn't know why. Harry was shocked because he wasn't aware that tears streamed down his face without him knowing it. They finally arrived at the painting that served as their door to the Gryffindor Common room.

                        "Maggot Stew!" Harry said louder than his supposed to.

                        "I'm not deaf you know," said a not so happy Fat Lady. The painting swung open. No one was there, to Harry's gratitude. He just slouched at the huge chair that was situated near the fireplace.

                        "Now will you please tell me what's wrong?" Said Ron as he sat down beside him. Ginny came down and wanted to know if Hermione came with them and to her disappointment, The Head Girl wasn't in sight.

                        Harry wasn't crying now but he didn't care if Ginny saw him crying. He just sighed and started to tell the both of them what was really going on in his mind and especially in his heart.

                        "You love him? You love him!" Ron shouted. "Okay, I am not a homophobe or a prejudice about homophobes but you got to be bloody serious Harry. Why of all people would you be in love with him? What's there to like?" Ron asked puzzled. Ginny can't help but smile.

                        "Don't tell me you find this amusing Ginny, this is serious," Ron said with another confused look on Ginny.

                        "I'm sorry but I'm just so relieved that you're not in love with Hermione," she said.

                        "Did you think I was? Why would you think that?" asked Harry, apparently the thought hasn't crossed his mind.

                        "Well, you know, you're always together and I just figured that Hermione being as wonderful, smart, sexy and sweet that she is would have had both of you drooling over her. I have been and still is," she said with a very curious face on her brother. She was waiting what his brother was going to react with what she said.

                        "Hermione? Does she know? As I said, I am not a homophobe nor a prejudice about homophobes but you've got to be kidding," said Ron. He felt weird that his best friend and little sister are both homosexual and in love with the two people he never thought they would fall in love with. Not that it was a bad thing, he was happy that they've found love but it was just, there's just no other word for it, weird.

                        "Well, Ginny, we can kiss our luck goodbye because as of now the love of my life is talking to the love of your life which I think their conversation is about the love of their lives," said Harry like a drunk person still slouching on the chair like he couldn't care less but deep inside he cared more than it shows.

                        Ginny feared that it was true. What if Hermione did like Malfoy. How could she compete with him when he's a guy to begin with and she wasn't as smart as he was. She knew that Hermione would love someone who is smart. Malfoy, don't you dare make a move on my Hermione! Okay, so she isn't my Hermione, yet, but I'll find the guts to propose to her. Perfect timing Malfoy, just when I was about to give her a hint that I'm helplessly in-love with her, you come in to the picture. Sure she is beautiful and smart and I don't think anyone, even you, would resist her but just when I had plans on how to make her mine? Ginny said under her breath while going back up to Hermione's room. She took one of Hermione's pillows and buried her face in it. She smelled, more like inhaled every inch of Hermione's lingering scent on her pillows.

                        Ron left the room to fly around the field and shake off the weird things he just learned today. Whatever happens, he wished that it would be for the best. He wouldn't want to get in the way because it involved his two best friends, her sister and really ugly git. He didn't want to be biased in any way so he swore himself to secrecy until the whole things cleared up. He decided that he would just observe, never interfere with what would happen. He doesn't know that it would get a little out of hand as they will not be his only problem.

***

                        Remus Lupin, rather, Professor Remus J. Lupin sat at his desk surrounded with parchments, quills and two days homework of his students. He hasn't check any of the homework and wasn't to keen in doing them any time soon. He just sat there, his head supported by his right hand and just dreamed of Sirius. He is so gorgeous! Not to mention he has a nice ass. I would love to get to his nice ass if I had the guts to do so. Of course, years of rejection and banishment from the people around me makes me think that it is not a very good idea. I can handle any rejection anytime and from anyone but not from him. He's the best thing since magic. If only I had the guts to tell him I love him, I can't live without him and that I need him. It's his fault. Why can't he figure out that I adore him? Some people are just born really dense and some really stupid. I'm not yet sure which one he is.

                        His thoughts was interrupted by a voice outside his office.

                        "Professor? Can I come in please?" said Harry's voice outside the door.

                        "Of course Harry." He gestured for Harry to come in and sit down. Sirius made him promise that he would be there for Harry all the time and not only as a DADA professor but also like a father and a friend. As if I wouldn't do that even if I didn't promise. I love Harry as much as I loved him, well, in a different way but both of them are my priority. But knowing Sirius, when it comes to Harry, he always had to make sure.

                        "I hope you wouldn't mind me coming to you at this time of the night," Harry said apologetically. "I just wanted to talk about you with something," he hesitated but went on anyway thinking that he's got nothing to lose anyway. He told him the object of his love and how he needed help to get his "Slytherin hottie" into noticing him.

                        "Harry, I'll be glad to be of help but how can I help you?" I can't even get myself to think of a way into telling the love of my life that he's my reason for breathing and now this?

                        "I was thinking along the lines of you being our professor and paring us up once in a while or even at all times would be great," said Harry in a please-oh-please-say-yes-because-you're-my-only-hope look. "I know this is kind of asking too much but I just need you right now." Remus looked at him sincerely. Who am I to get in the way of true love? Oh hell! If I can't have the love of my life, at least I can help Harry get his.

                        "I'm not promising Harry any results, its up to you but I'll do everything in my power to make sure you're always together and I'll try convincing your other professor without letting them in on what's really going on."

                        "Thank you so much," was Harry's last word to his professor before he lunged at him in a very tight hug. Harry was so happy. For once he would be able to smell his love one up close and he would have reason to actually be with him. He left the room practically flying without his broom because of what had happened. He went back to his dormitory and told Ron of what he did.

                        Ron was happy for Harry. Though he couldn't deny the worried look on his face.

                        "What wrong, Ron?" Harry asked curiously.

                        "It's Ginny, he met up with Sirius tonight and I'm just worried that she's not back yet,"

                        "Sirius? Why? What for? Why not us?" Harry asked too quickly for Ron to grasp what he asked because sleep was tempting him to lie down for two hours now. He was just too worried about Ginny going off in the middle of the night by herself. Ginny insisted that she'd go alone. Ron trusts that Sirius wouldn't let Ginny in any harm's way.

                        "Well, its confidential. Ginny won't even let me in on it. She said she'd ask Sirius first if she could tell me," he said and yawned shortly afterwards.

                        "Don't worry, she'll be fine. Let's go to sleep. We'll ask her in the morning," Harry said as he crawled into his bed and fell asleep dreaming of Draco.

***

                        "Hi, I wasn't sure that you would come but I really am glad you did," Sirius said after transforming back to his human self.

                        "No sweat, what is it? Why is it this confidential and why couldn't you tell Harry?" Ginny asked Sirius sincerely.

                        "Well, I don't think Harry needs to know just yet, and I need help on something," said Sirius. "I'm not sure how to tell you this but I'm in love,"

                        "Okay, so what?" Ginny didn't mean to sound so unsympathetic but what does it have to do with her?

                        "Well, I'm in love with…Remus, well, Professor Lupin to you," Sirius let the thought of him being gay sink in the child's, well, young lass' mind.

                        "Is this the part where I should say yuck and think something's horribly wrong with you for falling in love with a man?" she asked Sirius because she can see in his face that he was kind of waiting for that reaction.

                        "Kind of," said Sirius not really knowing what she was thinking. Ginny just sat on the ground and looked at him and laid on the grass.

                        "Well, sorry to disappoint you but I'm too wrapped up with me falling in love with a girl to even think of those. Besides, if I could fall in love with my best friend, why couldn't you?" she said as she watched the stars hang from the sky. Sirius was caught quite off guard. He didn't think that Ginny could be gay but Hermione is really charming and if he wasn't so in love with Remus, he would have fallen for he too.

                        "So can you help me with him?" asked Sirius imitating Ginny's gesture and laid his back on the soft grass.

                        "Sure, why not?" answered Ginny. "As long as you give me ideas on how I can have Hermione's undivided attention and love," Ginny stopped to look at the stars and looked at now a huge, furry dog beside her. She sneezed twice at the sight of him.

                        "I'm sorry Sirius but I'm allergic to dogs," she said and sneezed again. Sirius changed back to his human form.

                        "Forgive me, I didn't know,"

************

A/N: I just had to upload this before I go to sleep tonight, well, it's 1:45 am, so that means its morning already. Please do not forget to review. I'm not sure if you'll like this. Do I have too many homosexual parings? I just like them a lot. You can place your email add in your reviews and tell me if you want me to email you about recent uploads on this story.