Chapter 129: Embittered Reflection

{A/N: Here's Another Update...RL has left me quite embittered...here's hoping it's just a phase.}

My Thanks To All My Readers And Reviewers...Enjoy-S.S

The Master Bedroom, Massive Cottage, North Point, Scotland, Wizarding World...

Unable to sleep, Severus Snape found himself tossing and turning during the night and found that he had not wished to further disturb his expecting wife's rest and slipped out of bed. He'd still been quite sore from his encounter with James Potter and Sirius Black but he'd managed to heal a good deal. He had not expected to have to endure the unearthing of his past with Narcissa, let alone having Petunia deal with it given what they'd already gone through with Lily never letting what happened between them go. It was unsettling to think that after all those years of keeping silent, that Narcissa might still have feelings of the romantic sort for him. It had taken quite some time, but Snape buried his feelings, letting go of her had been one of the most difficult aspects of his young life and he managed it with Petunia's assistance.

Try as he might, Snape could only speculate as to what might have happened between him and the younger Black sister had Sirius not interfered.

She had given everything to ensure he wouldn't be harmed and he spent the better part of their years despising her for her choice.

Only now upon refection did he notice the moments his harsh words had pierced her heart and the tears that he often ignored that streamed down her porcelain cheeks. He had wanted nothing more to do with her ever since she stood before her family and friends and exchanged vows with his own brother for Merlin's sake. Watching her become the wife of Lucius Malfoy was more than enough to ruin him in any fashion and Black had gotten a real kick out of it.

In truth, he owed Petunia his life.

More so than when her idiotic father had struck him and left him to die in a ditch without cause. She had been the one to love him and care for him when everyone else had turned away and spurned his affections. She had bore him twin sons when he'd been heartbroken over the lost of his first born. She pulled him out of the gutter when he'd drank himself into oblivion and even now she had been whom he called on when his heart had been broken.

Yet.

Narcissa had loved him all this time.

It was her love that had kept him safe from Black's attempt to have him thrown in Azkaban. And it was further demonstrated via her protectiveness of him over the years despite his rage toward her. He knew not then that she'd only broken his heart in a bid to neutralize her idiotic cousin.

When he could take no more of his disturbed rest, Snape found himself slipping out of bed, careful not to waken the sleeping Petunia. She had quite enough on her mind as it was, no doubt she had been feeling a bit out of sorts given what had been revealed to her about his past relationship with Narcissa, whom she'd come to see as a companion and her younger sister whom had been hell bent on causing trouble for them at every turn.

He eased himself out of the bedroom door and toward the sitting room. His initial thought had been to get some air as his thoughts continued to hammer away at him making it difficult to rest even in his favorite arm chair.

Realistically, he had known all too well that his relationship with Narcissa had been long over, but the shock of having to come to terms with the fact that she still loved him had given way to questions of his own.

Had he still loved her?

He'd been cold and resentful to the rather heartbroken witch ever since she had made the choice to walk down the isle with Lucius. Her giving birth to Draco had not even softened the coldness he felt toward her in recent years despite having married Petunia Evans and her giving birth to his twin son.

He could still sense a measure of closeness to the first true girlfriend he had ever had and it sickened him. The familiar desperate latching he had taken to when he first met her. He had known from the very beginning that they were headed for disaster in terms of a relationship, but he had been unable to let her go. She'd been something of a life wrath in the storm of chaos that had been his life and without her...he felt as if he'd drown in his own misery.

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Outside, North Point, Scotland, Wizarding World...

At the onset of being out into the cold air, it seemed to have no effect on the restless wizard, as he felt his blood boiling in his veins. It was the first time in a very long time that he had felt so enraged. The boy he had been had loved Narcissa Black from the first moment they had become more than Slytherin bound acquaintances. The images of their time together as well as the many intimate encounters they shared had all come rushing back to the surface, no longer blocked off via the suppression of the dour wizard's icy temperament.

His accursed mind had plagued him with every fine detail and it further served to infuriate him.

Snape could no longer contain himself as his blood continued to boil and he took off into the night with not a thought to where his destination might have been.

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The Sitting Room, Malfoy Manor, Wiltshire, England, Muggle/Wizarding World...

Try as she might, Narcissa Malfoy found herself unable to sleep. She had long since climbed out of the bed she shared with her husband Lucius and crept down the winding staircase toward the sitting room in a bid to get a hold of her restlessness. She knew all too well what had been plaguing her, but couldn't bare to allow it to overtake her mind. Sadly, her efforts had been to no avail as images of days passed flooded her memory banks and every moment she had spent with a sixteen year old Severus Snape had been replayed much to her chagrin.

She tried as hard as she could to forget him, he had made it clear that his priories and her own had changed them significantly. And he had been correct of course but she found herself thinking of him...and that time more often than not. She could still recall his touch, a means that had been etched into her very memory banks, and how she attempted to ignore the implication of it now being passed to Petunia Evans.

The way his eyes had been fixated upon her during their many encounters had never been duplicated, not even by Lucius when they made love. There was a desperation as well as a hunger behind them that always perplexed her.

Narcissa supposed now, Severus had looked upon Petunia that way.

As well he should.

She had been his wife, and she had given birth to his children...not counting the young lad Harry of course.

Narcissa had been lost in her thoughts when she caught sight of a familiar shimmering figure fast approaching the manor in the darkness.

She had not needed to be told whom it had been, she had been able to feel his presence since the first night she had given herself to him. Moving quickly, the lady of the manor moved through the sitting room and rushed out toward the court yard, far from prying eyes and eavesdropping should either Lucius or Draco happen to awaken.

Narcissa knew not what brought Severus here at this hour of the morning, but she was sure it had not been pleasant.

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The Court Yard, Malfoy Manor, Wiltshire England, Muggle/Wizarding World...

Blazing eyes of obsidian had already been upon the fast approaching Narcissa Malfoy as she reached the center of the court yard where Severus Snape stood his mood as dark as the sky that loomed above them and his pale fists balled as if he had not trusted himself to release them. The lady of the manor took note of his rather hostile demeanor and remained calmed.

She knew him well enough to know when something had bothered him. She could only guess that it had to do with why she too had been awake.

"Somehow I knew you'd be awake." he hissed still clearly enraged at the onset of his own emotions.

"Naturally." replied Narcissa not taking her eyes off him. "So what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

At the mention of "pleasure" Snape flinched clutching his fists harder. This had not gone unnoticed from Narcissa in the least. It was amazing to note that she still had some manner of effect on him despite his attempts to suppress it.

"I despise you with every fiber of my being." growled Snape now full on glaring at the silent standing Pureblood witch. "And yet I cannot seem to be free of you."

Narcissa sighed, knowing the feeling all too well.

"Severus..." she began.

He cringed, her voice had been as sweet as it always was and her saying his name brought on an unwanted memory.

"We've spoken about this before." she said dutifully. "The past is just that."

Snape had not been of the mind to care about their initial discussion. His boiling blood and her defeatist attitude had pushed him to a point he had not been at since those dark days.

"I NEEDED YOU!" he growled as the onset of his agony from the long standing betrayal took hold. "I needed you and you were off playing house with Lucius for Mummy and Daddy."

Tears began to stream from Narcissa's soft pale cheeks as she looked upon him. She'd known all too well that her choice had driven him to drink and self destructive activity until Petunia came along.

"I know." she replied seeing the images of a bloodied and broken boy of sixteen that she had unceremoniously turned her back on. "I'm so sorry, Severus."

Snape stared at her unable to get passed her apology.

No one had ever apologized to him before, let alone due to something from the past. It seemed to zap all of the built in rage he had carried for far longer than he cared to remember.

"I should have been there." continued Narcissa as the tears kept flowing. "I knew how much you were hurting, but I just couldn't..."

"I loved you." said Snape meeting her gaze. "Why couldn't you have just told me?"

"Siri forced me to take an oath...and I couldn't very well break it." explained Narcissa. "Looking back, I might have handled ending things with you differently...but..."

"It was inevitable." said Snape knowing all too well that she had been right.

Narcissa nodded.

"I will forever love you, Severus Snape." she said looking into his eyes. "But these last few years have shown me that even then this was what our lives were meant to be."

"I..I've hated you for so long." remarked Snape unsure of what to say. "I can't imagine why I've held onto it for so long."

Narcissa reached up to stroke his sallow pale cheek.

"I love you Severus." she said meaningfully.

"I love you too Narcissa." said Snape with equal meaning. "Always."

The lady of the manor pulled the dour wizard into her embrace as the rage seemed to fade in him and the restlessness of the night had finally caught up with them. They parted this time in an amicable fashion having finally layed to rest their mutual questions and harbored feelings in the romantic sense. While they had come to terms with the end of their former association before, only now had they resolved to truly let it go and look toward a future and a possible friendship unmarred by the hurts of the past. Snape made his way back home and Narcissa ventured back toward the manor, finally content with the way things between her and Severus Snape had ended after all those years.