This chapter is heavy with angst and plenty OOC for 1146, so happy reading!

Beta read by Pilongski

Humans have an interesting way to explain their days than other living creatures. Some agree that Monday is the worst day, while the best is between Friday and Saturday. Or that weekends are slow and relaxing while weekdays are stressful and tiring.

For Yorusawa Iishiro, his days are just 'a bad day' and 'a less bad day'. If he is optimistic enough, he will say that he has some decent days too.

Though, recently his life has changed drasticly. His meeting with a particular girl from his childhood has brought a new light to his days.

In the past, he never imagined anyone would want to have a relationship with him as more than an acquaintance or a friend. He might looked dependable from the outside, and his overall look weren't bad besides his white skin and hair, but most Japanese believed in heredity. They believed if the parents were a bad person then their children would become a bad person too. So, even if his colleagues have tried to introduce some of their female friends to him, none of them wanted to have anything to do with him once they knew that Iishiro was an institutionalized child.

But Reimi is different. Of course, she knows about his past since their first meeting. But even then, she still confessed to him first and they have been a couple for a few months now.

It is scary and endearing.

He is very happy and very nervous.

He has no clue on what to do in an advance relationship like this. He has no family, no parental figures, and no best friend. Well, after he works at the current police station, he does have some interesting juniors and a kind senior. But he won't say he's close to any of them. He can handle professional relationship well, but he has trouble with interpersonal relationship.

He is still learning.

Just like now.

["I guess after your patrol during storm yesterday, it is understandable that you catch a cold now, Yorusawa-senpai."]

He coughs a few times before he replies through his smartphone.

"Still, I'm sorry," he manages to say before he coughs more.

["Relax senpai, we got it covered. Now, you just have to focus on getting better! Oh yeah, have you told Reimi-san about this? You live alone right? You'd better contact her."]

Iishiro goes silent for a while. It is not really a big deal. Even though his headache makes his head feel like splitting, his stomach is churning, and his fever is rather high, this is nothing new.

"I will tell her later," he finally says.

Later, when he gets better.

["Okay then, take care senpai, get well soon!"]

And his junior cuts off the phone.

Iishiro lets himself fall onto the bed.

This is nothing new, he gets sick easily after all. To be honest, rather than the storm, it's probably the stress that finally got into him.

After a few months, Reimi finally has courage to ask him about his institutional life before. He has avoided to talk about his past, after all this time. There is nothing good to tell her of it. He doesn't want her to know more. She looks sad after that.

He wonders if he hurts her because of that.

He thinks about it all the time and it starts to pile up into a stress, and the stress turns into a sickness. The headache, high fever, stomach ache, nausea, and the list goes on.

And nightmares.

Oh god, he dreads that part.

This is surely will become a very bad day for him.

So, he isn't sure whether he should tell Reimi about this or not. He gets sick because of his own stupidity, and his stress is just making it worst. He is used to handle it alone anyway. And he doesn't want to trouble her.

She doesn't deserve that.

God, he doesn't deserve her.

Iishiro groans. With some stumbling steps, he gets some water, chugs some medicines and let himself fall again onto the bed.

He knows that nightmare will come.

This will be a very bad day for him.

IoI

His whole body hurts. But his chest hurts the most. He looks into his chest and he finds a broken heart there. It has no shape but it's bleeding and it's broken to pieces.

It hurts so, so much.

So he tries to tend his wounded heart with his wounded hands.

He glances to other people around him. None of them has a perfectly healthy heart either, but their hearts are treated with bandages and band aids. He notices that they are not alone. All of them are with someone and they are laughing. Some of them even tend to someone else's heart.

He watches them with so much envy.

He is alone so he has no choice but to tend his wounds by himself.

He has no one and some dark shadows are haunting behind him.

"Iishiro-kun, it is not anyone's fault that you are alone. It is yours alone."

"You have to try harder to get friends."

"No wonder your mom leave you behind."

He blinks the tears away, trying his best not to listen to the shadows. Their words just make his heart cracks more.

He wants to ask for help but he has no one. He is utterly alone.

Tending his heart with his wounded hands is hard. He is doing his best but his heart has no real shape anymore. It has broken beyond recognition.

"Hey, do you need help?"

There is a girl in front of him. She has a broken heart too, but not as bad as his heart. But even then, she has a warm smile. Without waiting his answer, she tends to his heart. Her touch is gentle. She is very patient, picking the pieces of his heart one by one.

"Uhm, sorry to ask this, but can you tend my heart too in the meanwhile?" she asks politely.

Oh right, he should tend her heart too.

But he doesn't know how.

He is afraid to make it worse.

His hands are trembling so much.

He is not sure he can do it.

Her heart looks so delicate. It is broken but it still looks beautiful, shining in amber color. Not like his, which already looks like a piece of rock.

"Is something wrong? Why are you not treating my heart?" She stops and stares at him.

He opens his mouth to answer.

But he doesn't know how to explain it to her.

"Or maybe you are broken so bad that you can't tend other's heart?"

He is stunned.

Is he?

"I'm really sorry. I thought I can help you, while you help me. I thought we can help each other. But, if you can't then I need to find someone else."

She turns around and he tries to follow her but the shadows are clinging onto his lowerhalf so he can't move.

"You know, at least I think I'm better than you, I still try to help other so others can help me. Unlike you, who are just wallowing in your despair doing nothing."

He opens his mouth to scream but the shadow has reached his mouth, blocking his speech.

His visions are blurry with tears.He can't scream out his despair and the shadow finally covers his entire body and pulls his body to the darkness.

He tries to break free but...

It hurts so much...

It just hurts so much...

"I'm so sorry... Sorry..."

"Iish...-san."

"I'm really sorry. Sorry, it is my fault... Sorry. It is all my fault."

"...shiro...-san."

"I'm sorry I live... I'm sorry... But please don't go..."

"Iishiro-san."

"Don't leave me alone."

"Iishiro-san."

He gasps and suddenly the rush of lights is blinding his eyes. There is someone else beside him and he just clunges hard to that person.

"Don't go! I'm so sorry! Please don't go!"

"Iishiro-san?"

The darkness is so cold. His chest hurts so much. But now not only his chest, but his stomach and throats feels like burning.

Wait...

He blinks away the tears, trying to get better vision.

This feels real.

But it can't be.

If this is real, then he should wake up alone. This never happens before.

It must be another dream them. Yeah, sometimes something like that can happen, a dream that exists inside a dream.

The hand that pats his back is not real. It is just his imagination. He has felt miserable for so long, this is not the first time he dreams something like this either.

He doesn't know if he wants to wake up or not.

"Ssh... Calm down... You are okay..."

He rests his head onto that person's shoulder.

It is better than usual. It feels more realistic. He wonders if he makes this up from his rare moment of hugging someone else. He doesn't have many skinship with anyone before. He just observes people do it but rarely experience it by himself.

So, is this how it feels?

Oh yeah, this is just a dream. It is not real, but still this feels nice.

And he will take any comfort he gets, even from a dream.

"Are you feeling better?"

The body gently slids away from his embrace and there is a hand on his forehead.

"Still feels hot..."

It sounds feminine.

And the hand moves and erases his tears.

It feels so gentle.

"Iishiro-san? Do you hear me?"

Now that his eyes no longer blurry, he can see better who is in front of him.

"Reimi?"

This Reimi has no gaping chest where he can see her heart. This Reimi is wearing her usual uniform from her delivery company.

She touches his forehead again.

"You are sweating so much and you still have fever too... Do you have a thermometer?"

He blinks then stares at her.

She is real.

Then, is this reality?

The sudden twist and burning sensation inside his stomach and throat reminds him that this is reality.

"Sorry!" he gasps before he runs out from the bed.

"Iishiro-san!?"

He stumbles into the bathroom. Once he reaches the sink, he throws up painfully. He doesn't have anything inside his stomach beside water and acid, so his throat and mouth feels like burning and bitterly sour.

There is a hand rubbing his back. He wants to turn and says something but he gags again and coughs heavily.

"Ssshh... It's okay... Relax, Iishiro-san..."

Iishiro takes a deep breath, his stomach and throat still feels burning, but at least the twisting stops. He almost collapses to the sink if not because Reimi's hand supporting his body.

She carefully helps him sit on the toilet seat. She watches him with concerned eyes.

"How are you feeling? Maybe we should go to a hospital," she murmurs softly to him.

Iishiro shakes his head slowly. Reimi takes a towel from the cupboard then wipes his mouth and his sweaty face.

"I feel better... It's okay... I think my fever has gone down too...," he mumbles.

Reimi looks doubtful but she stays silent and gently wipes his face.

"Why are you here?" finally Iishiro asks.

"I had to deliver something to your work place today then it turned out, you weren't there. Your friend said you were sick. But, when I knocked your door, you didn't answer. So, I opened your door using the spare key you gave me. So here I am."

He nods, silently regretting why he gave her his spare key in the first place.

"Sorry..."

He knows that he is wrong. He should have told her. But he also feels regret to trouble her like this. If it is possible, he wants her to leave him alone. But, he knows that will hurt her more. So, right now he can only apologize to her.

Reimi concerned face turns into a more sorrowful expression. She sighs then smiles to him gently.

"You don't need to be sorry. Just... Please just let me take care of you," she says.

Iishiro nods carefully.

To be honest, even if he wants her to leave him alone because he feels that he doesn't deserve her attention... But the truth is, if he can be a little bit selfish, he doesn't want her to leave.

He is the worst.

IoI

"Are you angry?"

She turns to him. His apartment is small, it only has one bedroom, a small kitchen in the hallway, and the bathroom near the front door. From his bed, Iishiro can see that Reimi is cooking something for him.

"I'm not angry...," she answers. But from the tone, he knows that he has hurt her, again.

"Sorry...," he mumbles weakly.

"Like I said, you don't have to be sorry, Iishiro-san."

He shuts his mouth.

This is getting nowhere.

Finally she turns off the stove. "I hope you like porridge, I want to make something else but your fridge is almost empty."

She sits carefully on the edge of his bed with a bowl of steaming porridge on her hands.

He tries to remember the last time people take care of him like this. Probably in the institution. Because once he is old enough to live alone, he has no one else to take care of him.

"Do you want me to feed you?" she asks with a smile.

"I can eat by myself," he answer back.

It is embarrassing enough when she helps him change his drenched pajamas earlier.

"Careful, it's hot," she adds.

The bowl feels warm on his palm. He scoops some then blows it softly before brings it into his mouth.

"It is good," he says.

"Porridge is mostly tasteless you know and it is not helping that you don't have any seasoning at all," she says with a little laugh.

"I have salt and pepper," he retorts back.

"Yeah, and I bought it for you last month," she replies.

"But, it is really good, I'm being honest."

Because he rarely eats porridge. Even in institution, it is a hassle to make a different meal for each sick kids. Basically he doesn't remember the last time someone make him a porridge.

"Okay," she says. "Once we go grocery shopping again, I will show you how tasty porridge is later."

He smiles tightly. Maybe because he is sick, it is harder to control his emotion than usual. He hurts her and yet she still takes care of him like this.

"I'm just... I'm so sorry...," he mumbles then covers his eyes with his left hand.

Reimi takes his bowl from his lap then touches his face gently.

"Iishiro-san... Look at me please."

He opens his eyes, he feels so ashamed of himself. He just doesn't know what to do in a relationship. He feels like he keeps making mistakes.

But Reimi's eyes are so soft. They are sorrowful but so understanding.

"I admit... I feel a little bit... disappointed because you didn't tell me that you are sick... but I understand too. You are used to handle everything by yourself and not to rely on others," she takes his hand and squeezes it.

"But I want you to know that you are not alone anymore. I'm your girlfriend right?" she blushes lightly and he also feels his face becomes hotter. They are taking this relationship slowly and it still feels weird to call her that.

Even if sometimes they are so casually domestic, but it still feels weird.

"I'm here Iishiro-san. Maybe I'm not really dependable, but you can rely on me in times like this," she smiles to him.

He doesn't know what to say, so he just nods.

"And about your past...," Iishiro tenses a little, but Reimi squeezes his hand again. "Sorry for that, I will wait. You can tell me when you are ready. Then we can swipe stories about our past But only when you are ready, okay?"

He is so ready to burst into tears but Reimi beats him into it.

"Sorry, oh god... I'm trying to be strong. But, I keep imagining how you have been handling everything like this alone... And I..."

He hugs her, at first, uncertainly, but she hugs him back tightly so he wraps his arm around her tighter.

"Don't imagine it, I'm okay now, you are here now," he says.

Reimi nods and slowly stops crying.

"I was like that too. I mean... My aunt is not really abusive, but she doesn't care if I get sick so... I always handled it alone too. It was so lonely...," she mumbles between her sobs.

He nods and pats her head. "I know, you have me now. We are okay, we will take care each other."

Suddenly, it downs to him how he has hurt her.

Just like how he wants to take care of her, to never let her lonely again, she must be feels same but he has pushed her out instead.

He is really stupid.

"I will get better, I will learn. I-I'm sorry... I'm really clueless about any kind of relationship," he admits with shame.

"I don't know too... We will do it together," she squeezes his hand so he squeezes back.

"Yeah, together..."

"And one more Iishiro-san."

He turns down to see her eyes. They still looks teary and reds but she has stopped crying.

"Instead saying sorry, you can try to say 'thank you'."

He blinks a few times, she just smiles to him.

"Thank you," he tries.

She nods happily.

"Thank you for being here and taking care of me...," he adds.

"That feels better," she kisses his cheek. He blushes instantly.

"Reimi, don't! You will caught my cold," he lets go his embrace and moved away a little from her.

"I don't really care, if I'm sick, it will be your turn to take care of me," she says happily.

When she laughs, he can't help but laughs along.

This relationship still feels scary for him. But he realizes that this is a risk. He has to take it if he wants to be happy. Even if he is scared that he will messed up. Even if he knows that he will hurt her again later in the future, intentionally or not, but he wants to be happy and he wants to make her happy too. So, he has to try and learn.

Because, sometimes happiness don't just come to you. You have to fight for it and earn it by your own effort.

To be continued

Okay, just two chapter more!

Please review!