"Wizards! I ready to fly!"

Eldar Wizard Lady was more than ready to go. She couldn't wait to go on an awesome Wizard adventure with her new Wizard friends.

"You do good! But we not ready to fly! Need more seats!"

There were not enough seats for everyone. Well, there technically were, but the Tards all took up more than one seat when they sat down. Keep in mind, these ships were built for Eldar, not Tards.

"Maybe we can bring more chairs from school in! I have tape to keep chairs down!"

Again, the Tau didn't question the Tards logic. At that point, they didn't question anything about the Tards.

"How many chairs would you require before we could leave? We should get going so-"

"Time to go!? Ok!"

Without any other warning, Eldar Wizard Lady flew at high speeds into space. The Tards and Tau were sent flying all over the ship. To make things worse, Eldar Wizard Lady drove the ship quite recklessly through space.

"Ahhhhhh! Can't touch ground Wizard!"

Tommy couldn't hear the Tard over all the crashing sounds. None of the Tau attempted to speak, as they were to busy trying not to get hurt. The Tau were just glad that the Tards took all the torture equipment out. The last thing they needed was a bunch of sharp stuff going everywhere.

Eldar Wizard Lady could hear all the crashing and screaming, but she thought they were just having a party. To be fair, she is… Was A Dark Eldar. So a lot of partes she went to probably involved a LOT of screaming.

"Party! I can join after we get Tau home! Will take uhh, ten minutes!"

Back in the storage container room, none of the food or other stuff was secured correctly. This made life for a certain Tard a little harder.

"Oww! You stupid Gayb- Oww! You St- Oww!"

Ricky was flying all over the room, violently hitting anything that he was unfortunate enough to ram into. Surprisingly, none of the food or other supplies were destroyed.

This all continued until they finally reached the Tau planet. It took way longer than ten minutes, but no one really noticed. That was mainly because the Tau were all knocked out, and the Tards sure as Warp weren't keeping track of the time.

"Wizard! We made it to Tau Planet!"

It took Tommy a little bit to get adjusted when the ship finally slowed down. Upon standing up, he realized that he had landed butt first on Pira'dras's face. She was still alive, but it was unknown how long she would be knocked out.

Sledgehammer Tard was the second one to stand up. He didn't knock any Tau out, but he was now naked for some reason. Though, he still somehow managed to hang on to his Sledgehammer.

"Uh oh Wizard! How we talk to other Tau if our Tau sleepy?"

Sledgehammer Tard made a good point. Fortunately, Tommy always has a plan.

"Don't be dumb! We just have to tell them that our Tau got sleepy. Now go get other Tau!"

Sledgehammer Tard gave a Tard smile, and went off to find the other Tau. Tommy on the other hand went to find his fellow Tards. He had to make sure they weren't sleepy either.

As you probably guessed, the Tards were barely even hurt. One of them even went to sleep… Actually went to sleep, not knocked out.

As this was all happening, Eldar Wizard Lady flew closer and closer to the planet. Normally the Tau would blast a Dark Eldar looking ship into non existence. Fortunately, the Tard colors and Tard way it was being flown confused them.

Instead, they let the ship come in for a landing. Of course, they also had any Fire Warriors in the area ready to shoot if things went bad.

"Wizard! We about to land!"

The ship came flying towards the ground below at Tard speeds. Any Tau in that area managed to get out of the way before being crushed. The Fire Warriors had no idea what to make of the situation.

Surprisingly, the ship was not at all damaged, and neither was the Tank. The Tank actually somehow managed to stayed tied to the ship, which made absolutely no sense. Then again, that's to be expected with Tards.

Tommy was the first one to step out of the ship. He didn't seem to care that the Fire Warriors were all pointing their guns at him.

"Hello Tau! We have Tau!"

At first, the Fire Warriors weren't sure what he meant by this. But, they soon came to their own conclusions.

"They have taken our fellow Tau hostage! Open fire! For the Greater Good™️!"

They opened fire on Tommy, but Tommy managed to use his Tard speed to quickly get back in the ship. The other Tards could hear the gunshots. They all knew what had to be done.

"Wizards! Time for battle!"

The Tards grabbed their Tard guns, and were about to run out. However, Tommy stood in their way before they could.

"No! We can't kill Tau! We need Tau guns!"

The Tards realized that he was right.

"Wizard right! But how we get them to stop shooting? Our Tau still sleeping!"

This was quite the predicament. Tommy would have to use all of his brain power to come up with a plan… Which he did!

"I have idea! Lets use our Poo Poo powers on them! It worked when Inquisition tried to capture us that one time!"

The Tards remembered that day, and all gave big Tard smiles. Those Inquisition members were never the same.

"Ha ha! One of their Space Marines got Poo Poo stuck in helmet! He couldn't stop screaming!"

The Tards all shared a laugh, and were now more than ready to fight the Tau. Well, almost ready…

"Wizard! Can I help in battle?"

They had forgotten about Eldar Wizard Lady. They weren't sure if she could use the Poo Poo power, and they didn't want to risk it. Fortunately, Tommy knew what she could do.

"We need you to wake Tau up! We can't kill other Tau!"

Eldar Wizard Lady felt a new urgency to help her Tard Friends. She could see how dyer this situation was.

"Don't worry! I use Magic Wand to wake them up!"

They exchanged Tard smiles, and she got to work. Tommy looked back at his Tards, and was happy to see the Tard smiles on their faces.

"Alright Wizards! Time to PooPoo!"

The Tards all cheered, and pulled their pants down. They poo pooed in the middle of the room, creating a large pile. It didn't take long for them to get Tommy's desired size.

"Poo Poo Pile ready! It time for Poo Poo Magic!"

Tommy picked up the Poo Poo Pile. The other Tards Gathered any explosives they could find, and shoved them into the Poo Poo Pile. It now looked like a pile of shit with random lumps on it.

Tommy shoved one more explosive into the pile, this one actually active. The other Tards stood back and watched with Tard smiles as Tommy threw the pile outside. The brown bomb went off as soon as it hit the ground, and the sounds of gunshots were replaced with screaming.

"They stopped shooting! Let's Wizard Battle them until Eldar Wizard Lady wake Tau up!"

They all cheered, and ran out while holding their Wizard Pee Pees. Outside, the Fire Warriors were all completely covered in Poo Poo. Any Tau civilians nearby were completely terrified and confused.

"WWWWWWIZARD BATTLE!"

The Tards jumped onto individual Fire Warriors, and hit their helmets with their Wizard Pee Pees. No matter how advanced their armor was, they were no match for such strong penises.

Inside the ship, Eldar Wizard Lady was doing her best to wake the Tau up. Unfortunately, that just means hitting them with her Magic Wand.

"Wake up! Tau need to wake up!" *Hit*

Fortunately, Bra'xan finally "woke up". The first thing he saw was Eldar Wizard Lady hitting Pira'dras with a dildo. Of Course, that was of least concern when compared to the screaming outside the ship.

Bra'xan rushed out to see what was happening, and was quite shocked by what he saw. One of the Tards noticed him.

"Hey look! Tau wake up! Now we get guns!"

One of the Fire Warriors recognized Bra'xan as being one of the victims of the recent Dark Eldar invasion.

"W-Wait! I think i under s-" *Gets hit in face with Wizard Pee Pee* "Stand! You rescued them!"

The Tards stopped Wizard Battling and helped the Fire Warriors up. Most of them were fine, but a few were never the same.

"We want to be nice but then you shoot at Wizard!"

The Fire Warrior was ashamed that he had rushed to conclusions. If Bra'xan hadn't walked out, things could have gone much worse.

"Thank you for rescuing them. You must forgive us for what w-"

"Just give us Tau guns already! Sledgehammer not gun!"

The Tards got off of the Fire Warriors. Their armor was completely destroyed and covered in poop. Normally they would question helping such barbaric creatures, but they knew there was no other choice.

"Do not worry, you will get what you want…"

"Make sure I get best gun! I best Wizard!"

The Fire Warriors stared at the Tommy and could tell by his size that he was their leader.

"As you wish."

As the Fire Warriors went of to get the guns, the Tards went back into their ship to get some food. Bra'xan was still in shock and hadn't moved, so the Tards brought him inside.

Ricky was knocked out, and being crushed by a bunch of boxes. Fortunately for him, this also meant he was hidden.

Eldar Wizard Lady had successfully woken up the other Tau. Well, she thought she did at least. It's quite debatable on weather or not she was the reason they woke up. Nevertheless, the Tards gave her some hot dogs to celebrate.

However, as they were all eating their hotdogs, they were unaware that someone was watching them. Far in the distance, an Imperial Assassin was keeping an eye on the Tards.

"Assassin reporting in. Tards have convinced the Fire Warriors to give them weapons. They are currently eating hotdogs with the Eldar pilot. Will report more as it happens."

Back on Tardia, Tardias Governor, Governor Kerrmann, was worried. Very worried.

"Keep watching them. I don't care how far they travel, you must find a way to kill them!"

The Assassin didn't really like following a bunch of Tards around, but the Governor paid quite well.

"Keep the money coming, and I'll be sure these Abhumans are never heard from again."

The Assassin hung up, leaving the Governor alone with his thoughts. The thought of the Inquisition discovering the Tards outside of his planet had been on his mind ever since the Tards first left. The Inquisition showed mercy last time, and he knew they wouldn't be as generous if they had to come back.

Still, he hated the idea of having to kill Tommy and his group of Tards. They had saved the lives of many of his civilians on multiple occasions. Sadly, The Inquisition doesn't care whether or not someone is truly a hero.

"Why couldn't they have just stayed here…"