It was a normal day at Tard HQ, and all the Tards were happily doing their Tard things. Well, it's not normal to us, but to them it was.

You see, after Tommy The Wizard Tard (Now basically Tard king) had captured Pearl, Wizard Battles were at an all time high. I mean, they now had someone to always practice on, and this made everyone happy. Except for Pearl of course, who was now a hollow shell of her former self.

Of Course, there was only one Pearl to go around. So fights still broke out quite often.

"My turn to Wizard battle with weird girl!"

"No my turn!"

The two Tards went from yelling, to fist fighting quite quickly. But before it could escalate any further, Tommy stepped in.

"Stop fighting! That's not how you Wizard Battle!"

Tommy pulled his Wizard pee pee out, and decided to give them a live demonstration. I won't go into details, but Tommy of course managed to beat both relatively quickly. The two Tards learned a very valuable lesson that day.

However, if you thought this was going to be a story about Tommy The Wizard Tard just going about a normal day, then you might want to rethink that.

Just as the class had finally calmed down, one of the Tards noticed something outside. The Tard walked up to the windows for a better look, and saw four edgy looking cruisers coming in for a very quick landing.

"Look! Big flying things!"

Everyone, including the teacher, had a look for themselves. The Tards were all quite curious about the strange looking ship. The teacher on the other hand was about to piss herself in absolute fear.

"OH FUCK! QUICK STUDENTS RUN!"

The Teacher ran out of the room quite quickly. It was the fastest the Tards had ever seen her run. But they didn't run, instead they decided to see who would come out of those ships. After all, they might be wizards.

But no, wizards didn't come running out of those ships. Instead, a bunch of Dark Eldar came rushing out. The school had no way of defending itself, so it seemed that they were all doomed… But, that's not what happened.

"Xeno come to challenge Wizard! Wizard always win!"

This inspiring speech rallied the other Tards, and caused them all to piss their pants with excitement. They could hear the Dark Eldar running through the halls. They knew it was about time to battle.

A few Kabalite Warriors ran into Tard HQ, and tried to pull a Tard out. Said Tard went into a super Tard Rage, and pulled one of the Warriors arms off. The Warrior fell to the ground, screaming in agony.

The other Warriors tried to pussy out, and run away. But Tommy wasn't about to let them escape.

"YOU TRY TO HURT WIZARD IN TRAINING!"

Tommy rushed at the Warriors with Tard speed, and tackled one so hard that it literally broke the Warrior in half. The other Tards grabbed the two remaining Warriors, and pulled on their arms. Sense Eldar are not really strong, it didn't take long for the Tards to pull their arms off.

"AHHHHH!"

The sounds of the Kabalite Warriors screams of agony attracted the attention of one of the commanders. After all, the students should be the ones crying in agony, not her own Warriors.

"The other three ships have already captured nearly all of the Humans here, and we are falling behind because YOU can't eve-"

When she finally made it to the Tard HQ, she saw her warriors twitching on the ground, while some Tard Humans were covered in their blood.

"Well great going you pieces of shit! Now I have to kill these fucking humans because YOU cant even do your fucking jobs right! How are you going to expl- AHHHHHHHHH!"

Their captain had spent to much time monologuing, and gave one of the Tards enough time to break one of her legs with an emergency sledgehammer.

"Sorry Wizard, but she talk to much."

Wizard wasn't mad. In Fact, he was quite happy.

"It fine! But break other leg! Dont trust her!"

The Tard did just that, and shattered her other leg. The Kabalite Warriors could only listen as their Captain cried out in agony. If they themselves were not in such agonising pain, then they probably would be jerking off.

Tommy was quite happy with the Tard, and decided to reward him. I mean, wouldn't you?

"You! You do good!"

The Tard gave a very big Tard smile, but didn't say anything. He knew not to interrupt The Wizard.

"You get to Wizard Battle with Dark Eldar girl!"

The Tard was so happy, that he somehow pissed his pants again. Before the Edgy Bitch could fathom what "Wizard Battle" even ment, The Tard already had his penis out.

"Y-Y-You better not use that worthless human penis on me!"

Edgy Bitch couldn't even sound scary anymore. The pain was just to much.

"MY TRAINING WIZARD PEE PEE BETTER THAN XENO FACE!"

The Tard slammed his training pee pee right into her face. She tried to bite it off, but the pee pee was so strong, that her teeth literally broke.

"TRAINING PEE PEE STRONG!"

The Tard continued to rub his pee pee all over her face. The Edgy Bitch looked to see if atleast one of the injured Kabalite Warriors had messaged for help, but they had already bled out.

As the Tards watched the Wizard Battle, Tommy looked outside. He noticed that three of the ships were gone, and that another Dark Eldar was walking out. She had very little clothing on, and had some blueish purple blood on her.

She walked in the school, and looked through each class room she came by. She seemed very impatient.

"Hey commander cunt! The other ships left already, and you're slowing us down! You already let the other groups capture every human here, and the other Kabalite Warriors boarded the other ships! Dont also be the reason some Space Marines come by and kill us!"

The Tards went quiet. And Edgy Bitch was in too much pain to even speak. Suddenly, Tommy turned Tard Red.

"YOU TOOK WIZARD FRIENDS!?"

Tommy rushed out of Tard HQ at Tard speeds, and tackled the Skimpy Bitch. She would have said something edgy to try and scare Tommy, but Tommy ripped one of her legs off before she could even get a good look of him.

Edgy Bitch could hear Skimpy Bitch cries of agony, and gave up hope of being able to escape. The other Tards went out to see what was happening. They were met with Tommy shoving Skimpy Bitches leg up her own ass.

"WIZARD HATE YOU!"

Skimpy Bitch didnt hear this, because she had died from the internal damages that come along with having a leg shoved up your ass. The other Tards cheered him on, but stopped when they realized that the school really was empty.

Tommy wasn't about to let the Dark Eldar get away with this. He stood back up, and made his way outside. The other Tards followed behind quietly. They had never seen him this mad before.

"Hey Tommy. How we gonna save other people?"

Tommy didn't respond, and only walked.

Eventually, they made it to the Torture Cruiser. Tommy stopped right in front of it, and stared at it.

"Get paint."

Tommy didn't even turn away to tell them. The other Tards did as he said, and went off to search for paint. Tommy on the other hand walked into the ship.

The sounds of screaming and heartless laughter could be heard as soon as he entered. There weren't any sight of any Dark Eldar around, but he knew where they were.

Tommy followed the sounds of the screaming, and eventually found a heavily enforced door. Of course, he broke it down with ease. On the other side, he saw some Tau being horribly tortured. (I won't go into details, but just look up Dark Eldar torture methods if you have a strong enough stomach)

Their screams were so loud that no one heard the door being destroyed. But one of the Dark Eldar knew something was up when he saw the Tau that Skimpy Bitch was supposed to be torturing suddenly look surprised.

He looked back to see what the Tau was so surprised about, and was met with a hard Tard Punch to the face. The torturers nose broke on impact, and he died before hitting the floor. The second Tau noticed the torture suddenly stopping, and opened her eyes to see her tormentor laying dead on the ground.

Of Course, the four other Torturers finally noticed Tommy… But they weren't exactly battle ready.

"HOW DID THIS HUMAN GET ON HERE!? WHERE ARE OUR KABALITE WARRIORS!?"

The Dark Eldar didn't even see him as a threat, and just kinda bitched about him. Tommy grabbed a knife off of a table while they were all bitching, and slaughtered them all.

Tommy turned his attention to the Tau. The Tau were all pretty messed up, but Tommy fortunately came in before permanent damage could be done.

"Thank you human! I knew the Greater Good wouldn't leave us to this fate!"

Tommy didn't know what the Greater Good was, and he wasn't a big fan of Xenos. But a Tau did once give him a chocolate bar.

"Wizard help Tau!"

The machines that were meant to keep slaves in place were no match for Tommy's Tard strength. The Tau could not exactly walk yet, but they were just happy to finally be free from that fate worse than death.

"We got paint Wizard!"

The other Tards walked in holding paint buckets. They didn't seem to notice the naked Tau, and the dead bodies everywhere.

"Very good! Now paint outside of ship! To much Black!"

The Tards happily ran back out to paint the ship. The Tau assumed that Tommy must have been a really good strategist, and that painting the ship was meant for some great plan he had thought of. But no, Tommy just really hated how little color the ship had.

The Tau made good use of the medicines that the Dark Eldar had on the ship, and were finally sorta recovered. The Tards painted the ship, and it looked… Like a Torture Cruiser that a bunch of Tards threw paint on.

Tommy was happy with it though. Actually, he was REALLY happy with it.

"I think ship is ready to fly into space!"

The Tards all cheered Tommy, and went back into the school to grab supplies.

The Tau came out of the ship to see what was going on. They were still naked, but they just couldn't stomach the thought of wearing Dark Eldar clothes. They saw the Tards gathering random food, and guns that looked like they shouldn't even be able to stay together.

One of the Tau, named Gras'ko, noticed that the Tards didn't exactly act like humans they have seen. They actually acted a lot like another race. Gras'ko pulled another Tau, named Pira'dras, away from the others to talk.

"I know I shouldn't judge these humans harshly. They risked their lives to save us. But…"

Pira'dras already knew what he wanted to say.

"You also noticed that they act like Orks?"

Gras'ko was glad he wasn't the only one that noticed.

"Do you think their mutants?"

Pira'dras wanted to say yes, but she didn't know enough about mutants to really be sure.

"We can worry about this later. For now, let's just help them gather what they need. If they plan on using this ship, then they might be able to take us home."

Gras'ko agreed, but there was one more thing bugging him.

"What exactly are they planning? I can't imagine they are planning to attack the Dark Eldar."

Pira'dras looked around, and noticed that the Tards were the only humans around. She also remembered seeing four ships when she was captured.

"I think they are."

Gras'ko couldn't believe that they would willingly go after the Dark Eldar.

"They must really care for those other humans… Let's start helping them gather stuff."

The two joined up with the other Tau, and assisted in helping the Tards with their stuff. Most of the food consisted of hotdogs and junk food. The Tau weren't sure how anyone could live off of this stuff alone, but they didn't question it.

It was going to take awhile before everything was ready. So the Tau used this opportunity to learn more about the Tards. After all, this knowledge might come in handy one day.