Choose your own awards

"Hey, bro," Jessie said, taking a seat next to Xander in the library.

Xander smiled on seeing his best friend. "Hey, man, didn't expect to see you here." He idly paged through the big book of demons he was reading.

"I had some free time and thought I'd ask you some really serious questions," Jessie explained melodramatically.

"Like what?" Xander asked curiously.

"If you were allowed to choose any set of powers, but the more powerful they were the more dangerous the reality you were sent to, what would you choose?" Jessie asked.

"Is none of the above an option?" Xander asked hopefully.

"Nope," Jessie said, shaking his head, "no cop outs."

"Fine," Xander said. "Just to get a feel for it... if I choose Galactus, where would I end up?"

"Warhammer 40k," Jessie replied.

Xander winced. "Harsh, man."

"Galactus can step on entire pantheons," Jessie pointed out. "Gods aspire to his power level."

"Point," Xander agreed. "How about Dr Doom? All his power is knowledge."

Jessie shook his head. "Doom has the magical chops to be the Sorcerer Supreme and a brain so big it's not even funny. Choose him and you'd end up in Worm at the very least."

Xander's nose wrinkled up like he'd smelled something foul when Jessie said worm, even though he had no idea what it was. "How about Spider-Man?" Xander asked. "He's got a pretty modest power set."

"That would drop you in a standard comic book world," Jessie said. "We are talking basic Spider-Man though, lift twelve tons, build your own web shooters."

"Is there any other kind?" Xander asked rhetorically. "Don't answer that, I know they've done a ton of alternates. Anyway, comic book worlds suck to live in, you can't go shopping without having to dodge the Hulk and learn a life lesson."

"Depends on the brand," Jessie argued. "Archie doesn't do that all that often and the adult comic based on it 'Cherry' only does it once a blue moon."

"Comic genres are important to keep in mind," Xander noted. "Just out of curiosity... how much power would I need to land in Cherry?"

"Original Captain America, but with a sex based origin story," Jessie said with a grin. "That your choice?"

"No... but it's tempting," Xander admitted. "So, actual power is the deciding factor, not potential?"

"Bruce Banner counts as the Hulk," Jessie warned him.

"I get it," Xander assured him, "but I mean, if I chose Bruce pre-gamma exposure he'd only count as Bruce, right?"

"Yeah," Jessie agreed. "You'd be paying for big brain scientist with a load of knowledge. I could slide you into Ghostbusters with that one."

"Alright," Xander said thoughtfully. "How about the ability to enhance people, at a weak enough level to stay in Sunnydale?"

Jessie slowly nodded. "That will get you a miniscule amount of power, less than a sparrow's fart, and completely violates the spirit of the agreement while keeping to the letter of it. I approve!"

"So what brought all this on anyway?" Xander asked.

"You don't think it's just an idle question?" Jessie asked, trying and failing to sound casual.

"Nope," Xander said, shaking his head. "I can feel it's you, but I also know you're dead," he explained. "Plus, I can tell I'm dreaming, but not in control."

"Since when?" Jessie asked.

"Since I started doing the whole lucid dreaming thing to help me deal with Halloween," Xander explained. "None of my usual tricks are working and," Xander opened up the Big Book of Demons to show Jessie the page he was reading, "all it says is 'blah, blah, blah' for details except for the small section in the corner where it claims I can make girls take off their shirts by entering the Konami Code."

"Yeah, that would do it," Jessie admitted, as the room began to shake.

"What's going on, bro?" Xander asked.

Books began to fall off the shelves as the shaking got worse.

"Dream visitation, bro," Jessie explained. "The guys in charge thought they could get rid of you while rewarding you for your actions, but you managed to avoid that."

Blinding light began to leak through the skylight.

"Get rid of me?" Xander asked concerned.

"You screw up a lot of peoples plans, mostly evil guys, but the good guys plan around their plans so they get annoyed when they have to make new plans," Jessie explained, raising his voice a little to be heard over the slowly increasing rumble.

"What am I being rewarded for?" Xander shouted as the background noise rose to near deafening levels.

"Self sacrifice!" Jessie yelled.

"What?!" Xander yelled, squinting in the blinding light as the room came apart around him... and he remembered.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Xander opened his mouth to say, 'kick his ass', but the words stuck in his throat. Buffy was going to put her life on the line, did he really think she deserved anything less than the truth?

"What is it?" Buffy asked.

Xander took a deep breath. "Willow is going to try the ensoulment spell again," Xander replied. "I don't think she's got the strength to do it, but she's going to try."

"Really?" Buffy asked, eyes focused on Xander with a scary intensity.

"Yeah," Xander said, knowing he should have lied as he saw the hope in her eyes and knew she couldn't beat Angelus anymore.

"Get Giles out of here, I'll take care of Angel," Buffy said.

"Sure thing, Buff," Xander replied, hearing the end of the world in her hopeful tone. This time knowing he was lying to her, because as soon as he had Giles safe in the car he'd rushed back inside... only to find exactly what he'd feared.

"What's the matter little girl?" Angelus tormented her as he slowly twisted the knife he'd stabbed her in the side with, "I thought you liked when I shoved long hard things into you."

The bloody sword she'd been holding dropped from limp fingers, sliding down Angelus sword to clatter on the ground.

Xander barely noticed the slowly growing portal behind the pair as he stared at the scene in horror.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Xander's eyes snapped open, he was floating in a swirling mass of energy holding a sword. Blood dripped from his many wounds and he could feel the ache of broken bones.

In a flash of light he found himself standing in Willow's hospital room and immediately passed out from the pain, falling limply to the floor.

"Xander!" Cordelia cried out in horror, rolling him over onto his back and making sure he was breathing while Oz hurried to get help.

"What happened?!" Willow demanded.

"I don't know," the heavily bandaged Rupert Giles admitted, quickly kicking the sword under the bed before the medical personnel rushed in and carted Xander off, Cordelia following nervously.

"I smell blood," Oz noted.

Giles retrieved the bloody sword from under the bed. "This is the sword Acalatha was sealed with."

"So, it just appeared in Xander's hand bringing a load of injuries in the middle of a conversation because...?" Willow drawled.

"I don't know," Giles admitted with a sigh.

"Have to ask Buffy or Xander," Oz suggested.

"Or Angel," Willow added. "I felt the spell work," she said firmly.

"Yes, well as Buffy and... Angel are absent at this time, perhaps Xander can shed some light on what has occurred," Giles said, passing the sword to Oz.

A janitor entered the room, causing the three to fall silent as he mopped up the blood. "Let me see that," he told Oz taking the sword from him and wiping the blood off before disinfecting it as well.

Oz accepted the sword back and the janitor departed. "Sunnydale," he said, shaking his head.

It was freaky how people just ignored what was right in front of them, but it was useful as well.

"I'll monitor the situation with Xander and let you know when he's awake," Giles promised before hobbling off on his crutches.

"Not a good week for the Scoobs," Oz noted, setting the sword on a chair and taking Willow's hand.

OoOoOoOoOoO

"What did the doctors say?" Giles asked as he found Cordelia pacing in the hall.

She stopped and turned to face him. "Cracked ribs, dislocated knee, concussion, several serious lacerations," she listed off. "What happened?" she demanded. "One minute he was perfectly fine and then the next..." her voice trailed off.

"I don't know," Giles said, "I'm hoping Xander will be able to tell us when he awakens."

A doctor stepped out into the hall and removed his surgical mask. "Are you here for Mr Harris?"

"Yes!" Cordelia immediately snapped out. "When can we see him?"

"He's being transferred to room one thirteen, however he won't be awake for at least eight to ten hours," the doctor warned.

"That's Willow's room," Cordelia said.

"We tend to place people in rooms according to admission times," the doctor lied. "If you'll excuse me, I have more work to do."

"That is suspiciously helpful," Giles noted.

"That's Sunnydale," Cordelia noted before seeing Xander being wheeled down the hall and hurrying after him.

Giles readjusted his crutches and slowly followed along, they were in for a long wait until Xander awoke.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Xander slowly woke up. "Buffy?" he asked blearily.

"Ran away," Oz replied.

"She was hurt," Xander said, recalling what had happened as he took stock of himself.

"How did you get hurt and where did this sword come from?" Willow quickly rattled off, waking Cordelia, who'd fallen asleep in the chair next to Xander's bed.

"Xander?" Cordelia asked curiously, seeing he was awake.

"In the flesh, bruised and battered as it may be," he replied reaching out for her hand.

"What happened?" Cordelia asked, clutching his hand. "You rescued Giles and were waiting with us to find out what had happened with Buffy when *Bam* you looked like you'd gone five rounds with a tiger and were carrying a sword!"

"I didn't rescue Giles," Xander disagreed. "I left him in the car when I went to help Buffy. See, I realized what a mistake I'd made when I told her about Willow casting the soul curse again-"

"What?! But I did!" Willow interrupted.

Cordelia glared at Willow, who quickly shrank back.

She turned to Xander her face softening. "Start at the beginning and don't leave anything out."

Xander nodded, then winced at the pain that brought. "I was going to lie and tell Buffy, Willow said to 'kick his ass," Xander explained, Willow tried to interrupt but Cordelia's glare silenced her once more, "because Buffy was finally in the right place mentally to face him... but I found I couldn't lie to her. I mean, Buffy was risking everything to save the world once more, she deserved the truth."

"Darn tootin'," Willow muttered.

"I could hear the hope in her voice as she told me to save Giles and that she'd take care of Angel," Xander said. "That was the moment I realized how bad I'd fucked up."

"She was already thinking of him as Angel," Cordelia realized.

"Yeah," Xander agreed. "Here she'd been ready to kill Angelus and save the world and in one fell swoop I'd completely fucked things up. Angelus was going to kill her and the world was going to burn."

"But the spell worked, I know it did!" Willow complained.

"Then what happened?" Cordelia asked, giving his hand a squeeze.

"Giles was in the car," Xander said. "He was injured, but it wasn't life threatening; Angelus is very skilled at torturing people. So, I went inside to help Buffy, but I was too late, Angelus had cut her up pretty badly and stuck a knife in her side."

"What!?" Willow exclaimed.

"I swear to God, I will end you!" Cordelia hissed at Willow, making her shrink back. "And then what, Honey?" she said sweetly to Xander.

"Buffy fell, the portal was open, and there was really only one thing left to do," Xander said.

"You fought Angelus," Oz said, thinking about Xander's condition.

"Fought?" Xander said bitterly. "I wish! No, I entertained him while Buffy bled out and the portal grew larger. He was just about to kill me when his eyes lit up and suddenly Angel was back."

Willow glared at Cordelia but decided not to say anything.

Xander sighed. "Buffy was in a bad way, I wasn't too far behind her and Deadboy was crying like a bitch, while the portal was getting large enough to begin tearing at the ceiling."

"It takes a sacrifice to close it," Giles said quietly from his chair in the corner, causing everyone to jump as they'd forgotten he was there.

"Buffy needed to get to the hospital," Xander said, "and there was no way I could reach the car, much less carry her to it... but I could reach the portal."

"You jumped into the portal," Giles said quietly.

"More like it met me half way," Xander said. "It was kinda a relief that I didn't have to move that far."

"Considering your injuries, I imagine so," Giles said nodding.

"And then you appeared here?" Oz guessed.

"No," Xander said, "then I passed out and got a dream visitation from a friend offering me power."

"Tempted with power while enroute to hell," Oz deadpanned, "no way that's a trap."

Xander laughed and then winced. "Yeah, I was being rewarded for my sacrifice with power, but the catch was: the more power I received, the further away I was being sent."

"So it was a trap," Cordelia said.

"Not completely," Xander disagreed before yawning. "The good guys upstairs wanted me gone because I kept screwing up the bad guys' plans in ways they hadn't predicted, complicating their own plans. It was an honest reward and a chance to reduce their workload." He yawned again.

"And since you are here, it's a reward you turned down," Giles said proudly.

Xander would have corrected him, but he was on the verge of passing out, the medication and injuries sapping him of strength. He could feel the miniscule thread of power he'd been granted and with his last conscious thought he used it to enhance itself, causing it to double in size...

...and somewhere in the upper reaches Janus laughed and laughed.

Typing by: Hawfeld