Hello everyone,

here's a new chapter of my story. I really like this chapter, there's some Hayffie interaction. So have fun!

Chapter 5 – "Demons In My Heart"

Around noon, we pick up Peeta and Katniss on the ground-floor. Haymitch and I didn't cross paths until then. When I enter the living-room, he's already waiting for me. He wears a navy blue suit which flatters his blonde hair. To my surprise, he looks spruce.

Coincidentally, I'm wearing a navy blue cocktail dress and a matching blonde wig. I become aware of our identical colors, and for a moment I think about changing my own clothes. But then he turns his head in my direction and it's too late for a retreat. I wait for him to register my outfit. His lips twitch into a smirk. I hope that he isn't vain of it, this is a coincidence after all! Men…

I walk towards him and he completely turns. A sigh escapes my lips when I see his tie. It's completely twisted and he didn't even bother to tie it properly.

Questioning, he lifts an eyebrow and I nod in his direction. "Your tie", I murmur and as if in trance, I move and before I can prevent it, my fingers are already in his neck. When I realize what I'm doing, I wince back and look him directly in the eyes. He's lowered his head, a small smile playing around his lips.

It's a long time since I saw his eyes from so close. They're grey. Actually, I don't really like the color but his eyes are from a beautiful shade of grey. And they radiate a calming warmth. Suddenly, I can't breathe. "Go on", he demands but his voice sounds infinitely soft. He doesn't regard me in a mocking way like he usually does.

I do what he says and adjust the tie in less than no time. Pleased, I step back and view him. "We can go now." Before I'm in mischief, I turn around and rush to the elevators. Haymitch follows me in silence. I can hear his steps behind me.

Now that he can't look at my face, I think about what just happened between us. Shocked, I note that I let my façade fall again. I dedicated myself to him completely. He cast a spell over me. Haymitch Abernathy! Again, I see his eyes in my mind. Eyes from the seam. Filled with pain. Sadness. Loss.

What is he doing to me? I shake my head and force myself to look straight ahead. The answer is simple. I don't know.

One of the elevators already reaches our floor and I step in, closely followed by Haymitch. In the years of close collaboration, one learns to sense the other's proximity. I feel his body behind me and know that he's looking at me. Eagerly. Maybe he's waiting for a reaction on my part. But he won't get one.

In past times, I enjoyed riding the elevator. To fly in the direction of the ground with such a speed fascinated me. I loved to observe the people on the ground-floor, which turned from tiny colorful points to colorful creatures. Nowadays, I almost never notice anymore. I have to care for more important things than the joy of riding the lift. "Ridiculous."

His head turns to me and he surveys me, wondering. "What's ridiculous?" Haymitch sounds amused. And I hate that. So I ignore him.

The door silently opens, we leave the elevator and go out into the mass. Katniss and Peeta aren't there yet. We'll have to wait then. Here and there, people throw us glances but overall we stay unnoticed. Unlike usual, I'm fine with it today.

The day draws to a close and thereby my feeling of safety ends with it. The fear returns. Slowly and creeping, it nestles in my stomach and just waits for the last rays of sun to disappear behind the horizon.

"They're coming", Haymitch says and I flinch. I raise my head and watch him. He responds the look and seems somewhat indecisive. Then, as if he knew that I didn't understood his words, he repeats them. "They're coming." He nods in their direction and I follow his eyes.

At first, I don't see them but when they come closer, I finally recognize them. Chaff and Seeder are walking next to them. They amusedly chatter about something and take their time. I have the chance to push my thoughts aside and put my smile on. When they see us, they beckon us over. In a lazy pace, we approach each other. Peeta's sight falls on our outfits and he laughs. "Seems as if matching clothes are hot this year in the Capitol."

Haymitch and I watch each other and I remember the identical colors of our outfits. "It happened accidentally", I give back and roll my eyes. Haymitch next to me keeps silent and leaves the talking to me. "How did you do?"

„It was interesting", narrates Peeta, while Chaff hooks up to the boy and whips back and forth. "But we spent most of our time with this slob." Even Katniss can't hide a smirk.

I nod once again. Chaff isn't the victor they should keep company with. Haymitch always has to interfere with my plans. My eyes glance to Seeder, who stares at her district-partner. But Chaff is busy exchanging looks with Haymitch. Then, Chaff lets go of Peeta and slaps Haymitch on his shoulder. "You look bad, my friend. A drink would do you good."

Haymitch spouts a last hum and begins to move. He doesn't say anything, he just leaves. Chaff winks at me one last time and drags Haymitch after him.

They disappear with the elevator. As soon as they're out of sight, Seeder lets out her frustration. "Both of them will keep our floor busy the whole night", she determines resignedly. "They do so every year. And I hoped he'd control himself better this year." Then she excuses herself, she throws me a last friendly glance and follows the two men. Probably to prevent the worst chaos. She's right. They do it every year. But most of the time on our floor.

Haymitch doesn't show up for dinner. Katniss and Peeta tell me about every little detail of their day, what happened at training. How Finnick taught them to fight with a trident, or how Peeta painted together with the Morphlings. I listen, comment on some points like usually and chuckle, when it amuses me. I'm happy that at least Finnick socialized with them and I try to keep in mind to thank him later.

The children are great company, especially Peeta has always a friendly word on his lips. Just as Haymitch, Katniss lets Peeta do most of the talking, but every so often she participates. It's already past midnight, when we retire for the night.

I don't hurry to get to bed. I slowly remove the make-up and change into a silky nightgown. Then, I brush my hair one last time and step to the window. The view is breathtaking. When I close my eyes, I can see myself in the streets of the Capitol. Walking arm in arm with my friends. Ready to make a night of it.

When I think about it now, I feel foolish for hiding behind never ending parties. It had its pleasures, we were young and wanted to win hearts, dance with men and live the life of the privileged. I still like going to parties, but I like them for other reasons now. I think about the children and teenagers in the districts who annually have to fear for their life until their 19th birthday. Suddenly, I wonder why this thought didn't come to me much earlier.

Exhaustion spreads in my body. The sleepless nights in recent days slowly take a toll on me. Maybe my brain is too tired to give me dreams. The theory is absurd and I know it, but know that I started to think about it, the fear comes back abruptly. It's unobtrusively crept through my veins the whole day. I know that I have to sleep eventually. For Katniss and Peeta. A tired escort won't benefit them.

oOo

I sit up in my bed bolt upright, the blankets wrapped around my legs in an unsettling manner. I strain my ears. I don't know what it was but it startled me awake. The scream of a woman startles me at once. The scream is high-pitched and cuts through the room, but I know that it's to come from the outside. She screams something incomprehensible.

Every cell in my body strives against getting out of bed and checking, but I do it nevertheless. I have to. My room is completely dark. Not even the lights from outside shine through the window. As if the Capitol turned off all its lights.

Somehow, I finally reach the corridor. It's pitch-black and I can barely see my own hand in front of my eyes. And still, I spot the shadow standing some meters away from me. I'm sure it isn't aware that I can see it. My hackles raise and it means danger. I don't dare to breath or move. But the shadow doesn't move either. It seems to wait for something.

I already forgot the true reason for my rising from bed when the scream repeats and echoes through the hallways. Louder and closer this time. The shadow didn't scream, but it frightens me so much that I lunge back. Suddenly, the shadow raises its head in my direction, as if it didn't notice my presence until that very moment. Then, it jumps towards me. I scream.

The shadow rashly approaches me, its arms outstretched. The only clever thing that crosses my mind is take the flight, so I turn around and try to escape. I stumble over the couch and manage to weaken the downfall at the last moment, before I fiercely crash on the ground. But I don't stop. The force of the fall is so heavy that I slide over the floor. With a noisy blast, I crash into the bar. My cry of pain drowns out the shadow's steps.

But I can't give up. I jump to my feet and find myself in front of my pursuer. Eye to eye. The screams are louder than ever. The second it takes to turn my head to the glass of the windows, who offer a sight at a lightless Capitol, gives the shadow the chance to come a step closer.

Who is this woman? Where does the screams come from? Did it already hurt her? The scream repeats and this time, I understand. A word. The blood in my veins freezes and I'm unable to move. She doesn't scream for help. She screams for someone. She screams my name. My name.

Suddenly, the fear is gone. I feel something else devouring through my veins. Much stronger than fear. Anger. I yell at it. Yell at her. The shadow flinches just to return with an army of shadows. I feel encircled, but this is an unimportant detail. They can't harm me. I just need the bravery to do something they would never expect.

And when she starts to scream her lungs out again, I make a decision. She calls my name. Frequently. I can only shake my head, helpless. The sound of her voice is familiar to me. I turn around and see my reflection in the window. Something they would never expect. I know she's there. And she wants me to come for her.

The glass breaks even before I can lunge my body against it. I didn't calculate the force of my body correctly, and for a moment I stagger at the edge of the building, under me nothing but the darkness of the city. For a moment, the time seems to stop. As if my fate has to decide what will happen now. But then it's decided. And I fall, upside down, out of the twelfth floor of the Training Center.

I silently fly towards the earth. Not a single noise escapes my lips. The dark shadows of the lightless skyscrapers grow bigger with every second. The seems to pass much too slow. I should have hit the ground some time ago. Everything seems to blur in front of my eyes, when I suddenly hear them.

From all sides, their voices reach my ears. They don't scream. Their voices increase to a lovely choir that takes care of me. As if they finally accept me as one of their own. I crane my neck to the side and see them. They circle around me, fall with me. And they smile at me. I'll never forget their faces. And this time there are no body parts missing. They also don't look hurt, but extremely happy.

Joy explodes in my chest. They're alive! They're doing well! Tears of gladness run over my cheeks. I reach out for them. They hold my hands and push me in their middle. It feels like a reunion. They feel like the family I barely had.

A tiny hand holds mine. I look up into the face of a young girl. Her eyes shine in an intense green. How could I ever forget this expression? The expression of a malnourished child that properly fills its belly for the first time. The thought brings tears to my eyes again. I want to clasp her into my arms, but then I see the sad smile on her face. "Not yet", she whispers. "It's not your time yet."

Then, she lets go of my hand. I scream, but she's already gone. I realize that no beautiful moment lasts forever. They'll all disappear. And they do, one by one.

But not everyone lets go of my hands and disappears into the darkness. Two are still holding on to them. Calm and determined, they look at me. And a smile graces their faces. But when I stare at their expressions, I know that my happiness is nothing but an illusion. The truth is different. Sorrowful, harsh and merciless.

Then, Katniss and Peeta loosen their grasp, give me one last smile and vanish into the darkness, like all the other tributes before them.

oOo

I hear myself scream. A sob mixes with the noise of it, but I can't open my eyes. My body is bound to the bed. Suddenly, there's a pressure on my shoulder. Someone shakes me to and fro. "Wake up!" His voice is rather a pleading than a command. How long is he already here? My thoughts go head over heels.

My heart abruptly misses a beat and I realize that he sees me cry. Fiercely, I try to get my breathing under control and fight against my body, that still doesn't want to move. My muscles are like a lead weight. Somehow, I manage to open my eyes.

When his sight meets mine, I'm not ready at all. His eyes are full of fear. There's not a trace of him being drunk. I shake my head, wrench away from his grasp and roll over the bed, till the end of the mattress and press my back against the wall.

I stay in front of the wall, in a defensive attitude, and stare at him with my eyes widened in shock. As if he was the enemy. I look around for the shadow, but there's nobody here except for him. My crying stops abruptly but my body is still shaking. Slowly, he raises his arms to show me that he's unarmed. That he won't do me any harm. Neither of us moves.

After endless silence, he finally finds his voice. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare you." His blonde hair falls messily over his forehead and he still wears the suit that he wore this evening, but the buttons of his shirt are open and I can see his bare skin underneath. Pain scuds through my chest, when I think about the things he might have done.

"Go." Nothing else will escape my lips. I point at the door with my finger.

For a moment, he stares at me with such an intensity that I want to cry again. Then, he stands up. I almost feel bad for sending him away. When I remember to be alone again, I automatically flinch. What's the matter with me? Where's the strong woman I usually am? I can't keep my feelings under control forever. At some point, they'll descend upon me like a huge wave.

Before I can hinder it, a single tear breaks loose and runs over my cheek. I can't hold it back. He hesitates in his movement and looks at me, visibly uncertain. For a moment, his gaze is completely focused, as if he was pondering something.

Then, something unexpected happens. I can't help it. He steps forward, walks around the bed and pulls me in his arms. Too surprised about his reaction, I don't resist. I just let him lay his strong arms around me and let him nurse me back and forth. My body betrays me immediately. I feel the sobs push their way up my throat. I don't know what comes to my mind, when I wrap my arms around his neck. His hand wanders to my head and softly strokes my hair.

My body is shaking. I bury my head in his shirt with closed eyes. For just a moment, I let myself go. It doesn't matter who I am, why I'm here or what I'm doing. Nothing but this moment counts. He holds me tight and comforts me. And it does me good, it really helps. While he squeezes his forehead against mine, I forget all my fears. I start to exist again. My heart starts to beat again. The blood starts to flow through my veins again.

But no moment lasts forever. My body calms down. I stop trembling. My heartbeat calms down. The sobs become silent. While my brain reboots, I suddenly realize what I'm doing here. My eyes widen and I draw my head back. The salty tears ruined his shirt. I look him in the eyes. He returns the look. He seems agonized. Does he maybe understand my agony more than I'd prefer?

One last time, he strokes through my hair and then I jump up and break apart from him. He flinches. He probably didn't expect my reaction. I should thank him, but I can't. I can't move. I can only stare at him in despair. The reason is more than silly.

He turned the light on when he came in and he can see my face. He can see me. Without make-up. Without a wig. This fact embarrasses me so much I put my hands in front of my face. I step back. I feel exposed. Tears come to my eyes. Why do I have to make a scene? It's just Haymitch…

„Princess, there's nothing you've to be embarrassed of", he carefully says. He doesn't really know what to say either. Maybe he's just surprised. Or maybe I'm just not pretty enough in his opinion.

I don't move. „I'm sorry I woke you up. I'm going to the pharmacy tomorrow to prescribe sleeping pills" I quickly say, so he won't have to see me like this ever again.

"They won't work", he replies and suddenly, his voice seems far away. It causes me goosebumps. Does he speak from experience?

Then, I feel his hands on my shoulders. "You don't have to be ashamed", he repeats. His voice is barely hearable, but completely soft. Unfortunately, can't see him through my fingers. But I feel his body some centimeters away from me. He squeezes my shoulder one last time. I hear his footsteps. The door clicks shut behind him.

Please, if you liked the chapter, write a comment and let me know! See you soon. :)