Chapter 47

Heartbeats are usually only heard with the help of medical devices, but right now, Arizona can hear hers beating wildly in her ears, as she runs down the hall to Katie's room, where medical personnel are filing in and out. Equipment is being pushed and orders are being barked, while monitors are beeping loudly over the expanse of the small room.

As soon as Arizona nears the room, Callie is being escorted out by Amelia Shepherd, crying. Rushing to her, Arizona pulls Callie into her arms, trying to calm the hysterical woman down.

Arizona looks to Amelia and asks, "What happened? What's going on?"

"I need to get back in there so we can figure that out. Dr. Conrad is already in there, along with Dr. Tanner. We will let you know something as soon as we find out."

"But…"

"I need to go, Arizona. We will let you know as soon as we know."

Arizona pulls Callie back a little farther, deciding that it may be best that she can't see in the room right now. "Calliope, I know you are scared, but what happened?"

Trying to calm herself down, Callie finally pulls back a little bit. "She… she….,"

"She what? Calliope?"

"She almost quit breathing. Her respirations dropped and, and, and she… she w...was down to almost n...nothing," Callie manages to get out before she is breaking down once again.

Now that she is processing what is actually happening, Arizona holds back a sob, knowing she needs to be strong for Callie. The two of them hold of to each other, not even attempting to let go. After what feels like forever, but what was only a matter of minutes, the monitors quiet down, causing both women to fear the worst. Callie lets go of Arizona and runs back to the room, only to be met with Dr. Conrad at the door.

"Callie…" Dr Conrad tries to stop her but she runs past her and into the room, to see a vent has been started on her little girl.

"What's going on?" Arizona asks, as she also rushes past Dr. Conrad, to get into the room just behind Callie.

"We have had to intubate her. As you know, her respirations were almost down to zero. We are getting labs rushed now and ordering some tests. She is stable for now but we will know more in a little bit. I'm sorry."

The medical personnel in the room eventually get things squared away, and leave Callie and Arizona, along with a few nurses in the room.

Holding onto Katie's hand, Callie begins to cry again. "This is all my fault."

"No. Not, it's not, Calliope. It's not."

"Yes, it is! You said it was a bad idea and I didn't listen to you!"

"I know what I said, but you were right, Calliope. I told you that. You were right to put her in the trial. I know that now. We needed to try this. We don't even know what happened yet. Just… be patient. We will get answers."

"We do know. It's not a coincidence that this happened within an hour of starting this stupid trial. We know that's what caused it."

"No, we don't. I mean, I know how it looks, but just be patient until we have more answers."

Callie can't help but blame herself as she continues to cry, sitting down beside her daughter and leaning over the side of the bed. Eventually, Callie falls asleep, with both hands wrapped around Katie's little arm, with Arizona feeling helpless.

Needing some answers, Arizona quietly gets up to go find Dr. Conrad. Making her way towards the nurses station, she can see Dr. Conrad looking over something on her tablet, with Katie's monitors being watched beside her.

"Dr. Conrad."

"Dr. Robbins. I just pulled up her labs. Care to look with me?"

Arizona nods, making her way to look at the screen alongside her.

"Dr. Robbins, look at this," Dr. Conrad says, pointing to something on the screen. "I don't think this is a reaction to the meds at all. Everything here looks good. There is nothing at all that would indicate a reaction to the meds."

Looking over her shoulder, Arizona concentrates on the screen. "I would agree. I'm not sure what happened, but I don't think it was a reaction to the meds either. I… am actually kind of at a loss," Arizona says, standing back as she tries to process the events of the day, wracking her brain to come up with anything that could have caused Katie's breathing issues. "You know, I don't know that it was anything other than a momentary relapse in her condition. I mean, even though everything has been on the right track with her meds, and we have been seeing improvement, but I guess I kind of let my guard down. You tend to forget with this disease that you can't get too comfortable, that it is so unpredictable."

"I understand. Seems like this little girl has had it rougher than most. That's why when I heard of her case, I couldn't wait to get her in the trial. I think she has the potential to really benefit if this doesn't scare her mom off."

"Yeah, I'm not sure she will continue with the trial after this," Arizona says, shaking her head. "She was so determined that Katie needed this, but I think that she will let this keep her from continuing."

"And what do you think?" Dr. Conrad asks, turning to face Arizona more directly.

"I agree with your assessment. I think continuing the trial is still in Katie's best interest. If nothing else, this has shown us that we cannot let our guard down, no matter how well she seems to be doing."

"Well, let's go talk to her. Since we discontinued the meds until we knew what was going on, we need to find out if she wants to continue, so we can start the drip again. It's important we try to stay as on schedule as much as possible," Dr. Conrad says, starting to head towards Katie's room."

"Actually, Dr. Conrad, if you don't care, I'd like to talk to Calliope myself. If I know her, she is going to be resistant. It might be better if I go in alone."

Nodding her head, Dr. Conrad says, "Ok. I will be here when she has made a decision. For now, I'lll keep monitoring her. We will see how she is in a little while... Hopefully we can pull her back off the vent when her muscles regain some function."

"Thank you." Arizona takes a deep breath and makes her way into Katie's room, stopping next to the brunette, who stirs as she hears Arizona coming to stand next to her.

"Hey," Arizona says, leaning down to put her arm around the brunette, who quickly stands up.

"She's ok," Arizona whispers, as Callie wraps both arms around Arizona's neck.

Both women stay like that for a little while, just feeling the need to be close to the other. Callie finally pulls back and turns around so the are both facing the small brunette in the bed.

"What is Dr. Conrad saying?"

"Um, she doesn't think that Katie's lowered respirations were a result of the trial."

"Yeah… Right. Of course she doesn't," Callie scoffs, shaking her head. This wasn't a coincidence, Arizona. Katie hasn't had any setbacks in weeks. She has been fine. Improving even!" Callie whispers loudly, hoping to not bother Katie.

"I understand that, but I agree with her, Callie. Looking over her lab results, there's nothing that would indicate that this was a reaction to the meds. I think we were getting a little too comfortable and thinking we had everything behind us. This… this is a terrible, terrible disease, Calliope, and I think it was just a bad coincidence that the setback coincided with the start of the trial."

"So... what? You think we should just continue with the trial then?" Callie asks, with both eyebrows raised and her hands held out in disbelief."

"Yes, I do. I know that you are skeptical right now, but…."

"Skeptical? Are you kidding me? Katie is on a vent right now, Arizona. First you don't want her to do the trial, and now you want me to keep her in it, after she ends up on a vent?"

Taking a breath and choosing her words very carefully, Arizona nods. "I know the timing is terrible, but I would not, under any circumstance, want you to make a decision that would put her in jeopardy. I hate… hate… that this happened today. But I think continuing is the best option, since this isn't related to the trial."

"I just don't understand you. I mean, you are the one who didn't want me to put her in the trial to begin with. And now that she can hardly breathe on her own, you want me to keep her in it? Just… unbelievable," Callie says, walking out in the hallway.

"Callie… wait." Arizona rushes out in the hallway behind her, trying to get Callie to wait. "Calliope," Arizona says again, when Callie still ignores her, continuing to walk down the hall. "Calliope," she tries, one more time, but is startled when Callie abruptly stops and whirls around to face her.

"I need a minute, Arizona. I need a minute to gather my thoughts without hearing from you that I am making the wrong decisions again."

"Callie… that's not what I said. I understand every decision you have made. I mean, we just talked about it."

"Arizona, please, let me just have a few minutes. Just… text me if something changes."

"Calliope, no. Don't go. We need to talk about this. We just said earlier that we would talk things through. Please… let's talk."

Exhaling a deep breath, Callie agrees and Arizona leads them to the empty conference room and closes the door.

"Thank you. I know that we are seeing this differently, but please, hear what I have to say, and then you can tell me what you are thinking."

"Ok."

"I don't believe that this trial has anything to do with her setback today. If it did, I wouldn't even recommend keeping her in the trial. This only just proves how right you are, Callie… That we have to hope this trial works. She needs the opportunity to see if this will help. I don't want this to keep happening to her Calliope. This whole thing is scary as hell and I don't know what tomorrow brings, hell, even later today, but I do know that Katie would have went through what happened today, with or without the trial. And I don't want to think of a lifetime of today happening, over and over again. "

Shaking her head, Callie sighs and leans back against the wall. "You know, I hardly ever wonder why this is happening to Katie… to us. Why we have to constantly be worried about whether she is going to make it from one day to the other. I'm a doctor and I have a kid that I can't heal. There's nothing I can do to help her. I feel like a failure."

Sitting down next to Callie Arizona reaches over and takes her hand. "I know, sweetie, I know."

Sitting there in silence for a few seconds, Callie closes her eyes. "We will keep her in the trial. You're right. I think we let our guard down and today was the wake up call to make sure we keep doing everything we can do to help her. I… I'm still nervous, because I think maybe the trial did contribute to it, but, you are right. We have to keep going. I don't want to keep going through a lifetime of what happened today if there is even the slightest chance this trial will help."

Relieved, Arizona squeezes Calie's hand and leans over to kiss the top of Callie's head, which is now resting on top of Arizona's shoulder, then lays her head on top of Callie's. They stay like that for a few minutes, then Arizona straightens up and stands, pulling Callie up with her.

"Let's go see our girl," Arizona says, pulling Callie towards Katie's room.

"Wait," Callie says, stopping Arizona right before they head back into the room.

"What's wrong?" Arizona asks, worried.

"I owe you an apology. I know I have been all over the board. I know we haven't seen eye to eye on everything, but in the end, I think we have made a pretty good team. A great team. I really do. I think even though we might not see eye to eye sometimes, we really even each other out. Katie and I are very lucky to have you. You are my rock and I don't know what I do without you."

"You never have to find out, Calliope. I love you both, more than I could ever possibly express with words. Now, let's go back in there and be with our girl. She needs us."