This was written for the Houses Competition

"Mr. Pettigrew," McGonagall said severely. "I have checked the dorms twice. There's nothing wrong with the curtains. I am certain nothing has gotten inside."

Peter shook his head. "B-But Professor!" he protested. "There was something there, I heard it moving, I'm sure of it!"

'Of course,' he thought, the others always left him to deal with the Professor. That was only typical. And of course, just like every other time, she didn't seem to be buying any of his excuses to keep her from leaving the common room. They were going to be so angry. But what could he say? He had tried, and he didn't see anyone else volunteering to keep McGonagall away.

She eyed him carefully. "Mr. Pettigrew, are you sure everything alright?"

Peter nodded. "Of course! It's just the curtain-"

"Mr. Pettigrew, I have known you for more than four years. Instead of your blubbering, you might as well come out with it before I have to try anything else. What is going on?" McGonagall crossed her arms.

Peter didn't answer her. Instead, he glanced nervously at the door. Where the hell were they?!

Minerva frowned. "Wait…" Her eyes darted across the empty room. Inhale. Exhale. "Where is Mr. Black?"

Peter glanced down at his feet, unable to look her in the eyes as he said, "I don't-"

"Don't even try to deny it."

"He's d-doing things, Professor," he said weakly.

Minerva narrowed her eyes. "What kind of things? I don't like the sound of that." Then she looked around the room once again. "And Mr. Lupin? Is he also involved in these mysterious 'things' with Mr. Black?"

Peter almost groaned. "Honestly, he's probably trying to stop Sirius from doing those things," he muttered.

"And Mr. Potter?" McGonagall's tone was crisp and cut like a knife; before it, Peter cowered a little.

"James- he's trying to stop Remus from stopping Sirius from doing things."

Minerva sighed. "Of course he is. And what, Mr. Pettigrew, are you doing?"

Peter gulped. He was doomed, and there was no way to escape it. "I'm stopping you from stopping James from stopping Remus from stopping Sirius."

"Of course." McGonagall pinched the bridge of her nose. "Tell me where Mr. Black is."

"Ummm…" Peter grimaced. "They don't really tell me what they're up to — something about me being 'the weak link' — but even so, it wouldn't be right for me to tell you."

McGonagall's tone was dangerously soft when she spoke again. "Mr. Pettigrew, you will tell me where your friends are, or you shall be assisting Mr. Filch with the toilets for the next month."

"Okay, okay, I heard them say something about the kitchens!"

McGonagall nodded sharply. "Of course. Detention, Mr. Pettigrew, writing lines with me for the next week."

"But I didn't—" he protested, wringing his hands.

"Count yourself lucky to get off so lightly, Mr. Pettigrew. I would suggest you return to your dorm now before you make things worse for yourself."

...

Stern frown set firmly in place, Professor McGonagall swept through the halls, heading straight for the kitchens. In all her years of teaching, she had never had such a band of miscreants in her house. It was almost enough to make her consider retiring, for they were going to make her grey before her time. It was impossible to stay angry at them, though. It really was a conundrum.

She tickled the pear and opened the door into the kitchens and the sight that greeted her made her simultaneously want to laugh and scream. Sirius and James were sprawled on the floor, and Remus was wringing his hands and looking at her with wide eyes.

Her lips twitched.

"Mr. Lupin, what exactly is the meaning of this?" she asked the most lucid of the three.

"Well...you see Professor…" Remus stammered, trying to find some way to explain what was going on.

She pursed her lips. "Enough, you can explain in the morning. Twenty points from Gryffindor, for drinking. Now, get those two up to the dormitories and I expect all three of you in my office before breakfast. I have never in all my years at Hogwarts seen such conduct from my Gryffindors and I can assure you...gentlemen...it will not be repeated. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes, Professor," Remus said quickly.

"Your wish is my command…" Sirius slurred, staggering to his feet. James hurriedly stood beside him, supporting his drunk mate. "I love you, Minnie."

Minerva whipped around to hide her smile. "And another five points for that, Mr. Black."