Mikau: Hi all! Thanks so much for joining me. This is actually something I've had written for a while now, and it's just been languishing in my Documents folder. I did this in May 2017 for the Poirot Café forum's Prompt Exchange event. Addy01's prompt was "Takagi Wataru knows more than he lets on...". Anyway, I read over it, and it's not bad, so I thought I'd share it because I know some of you will get a kick out of it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, you'd get more of antics like the following specimen than actual plot or mysteries.

…

Knowledge Gap

Inspector Takagi Wataru knew a lot more than he let on. For instance, that young man Kuroba…Takagi knew a thing or two about Kuroba.

Kuroba Kaito frequently dropped in to interrupt Takagi's two best detectives. He often looked over Kudo-kun and Hakuba-kun's shoulders at casefiles, offering his two cents and facilitating an impromptu brainstorming session. This usually ended in one or both of the police detectives having a breakthrough.

Sometimes Kuroba—formerly a magician, presently a security consultant—stopped by to drop off bentou, quality coffee, or changes of clothing when either Kudo or Hakuba had been working long, hard hours on a particularly grueling case. More often than not, Kuroba came just to cause trouble, pestering the detectives, riling them up, and, in the process, making them lighten up a little. Both Hakuba and Kudo took their work personally, and it seemed to Takagi that Kuroba visited just when the job was starting to get to his star team.

Takagi knew a thing or two about Kuroba. Kuroba Kaito was the former Kaitou KID, retired just two years previously, right before Hakuba and Kudo had joined Division One.

Of course, Takagi had no concrete proof. He had circumstantial evidence at best, and it wasn't particularly good circumstantial evidence, even. Mostly it was gut instinct.

Not that he was interested in pursuing the matter. Very few people were actually interested in pressing charges for KID's crimes, and after the thief had helped to take down a far-reaching crime syndicate right before his retirement, public opinion was even more on his side than when he had just been a daredevil performer, showing off his thieving skills, exposing bigger crooks, and then returning whatever he had stolen. If the police tried to go after KID—a national hero—now, with only Takagi's gut instinct as evidence, it would be a disaster. The people would no doubt take the side of the thief, and the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department would be the laughingstock of Japan.

In addition to the logistics of actually trying to charge Kuroba as KID, there was the matter of Kudo-kun and Hakuba-kun. Takagi knew that they knew—he could tell from the fiery look in the young men's eyes as they interacted and the way they joked, teased, and bullied one another. There was the same intensity of rivals about them as there had been between KID and Conan-kun back in the day. Hakuba and Kudo knew, and yet the young detectives did nothing. There had to be a very, very good reason for this. Takagi suspected that it had something to do with the whole takedown of the Organization that KID had assisted Conan-kun and the FBI with.

Besides, it was obvious that the three were close friends, and Kuroba was more of a help than a hindrance, as far as Takagi was concerned. The ex-con helped with cases and looked after the detectives' mental and physical wellbeing.

Takagi was willing to let a little vigilantism in Kuroba's teenage years slide.

Especially since Miwako would never forgive him if he had their babysitter arrested. The kids were used to Kuroba, and Kuroba was oddly spectacular with children. And then there was the fact that the Takagis couldn't really be picky when their triplets had systematically scared off every other babysitter they'd ever had in one week or less, so if Kuroba were imprisoned, the Takagis would be out of luck…and Takagi Wataru would be sleeping in a motel until he could get his wife to let him back in the house…which would probably entail forking over the bail money and then clearing Kuroba's name.

…

Takagi Wataru was comfortably certain that he understood the nature of Hakuba-kun and Kudo-kun's relationship with Kuroba Kaito until one night in June.

In his rush to get home, Kudo-kun had missed a signature page on a document that had to be turned into the court first thing the next morning. Takagi didn't catch the slip until nearly eleven o'clock when he was reviewing the materials for the case one last time.

He called Kudo's mobile, but to no avail. After several tries with similar results, he finally resigned himself to heading over to the Kudo Manor and banging on the door until he woke the detective up.

After he'd been knocking a mere two minutes, the door opened, but to Takagi's immense surprise, the person who answered was not Kudo-kun but Kuroba Kaito…wearing only a pair of Union Jack boxers that appeared to be a size or two too big for him. The former magician's hair was even more of a mess than usual, and telltale bruises accompanied by fingernail marks were beginning to make themselves known on Kuroba's neck, chest, and shoulders.

Kaito and Takagi started at one another for a good, long minute until Kaito smiled sheepishly and broke the stalemate. "Good evening, Takagi-keibu. Is there something we can help with? Not a new case, I hope?"

Takagi was just getting over the shock of what a mussed and marked Kuroba Kaito standing in the Kudo Manor doorway at this time of night in boxers that were clearly not his own meant when a voice called out from upstairs.

"Kai, who is it?"

Takagi's mind melted yet again as he tried to understand what Hakuba Saguru was doing in Kudo Shinichi's house this late at night at the same time that Kuroba Kaito was standing in the doorway in someone else's boxers. Union Jack boxers.

Takagi wondered if it was prejudice of him to assume that the patriotic boxers belonged to the Brit. He then wondered if maybe someone had bought the boxers as a gag gift for Hakuba…maybe the someone currently sporting them.

Takagi's reverie was cut short as Kaito bellowed, "It's your boss!"

Takagi could hear Kudo cursing amid the sudden bustle of movement coming from the upper floor, and the inspector thought he heard some English obscenities mixed in as well.

"I didn't know that Hakuba-kun cursed," Takagi muttered, still in a daze.

"That's Shinichi," Kaito corrected. "Ru curses in French and only when he's really angry." And then a thought occurred to him. "Uh, why don't you come in?"

"Huh? Oh." Takagi blinked, and then the reason for his visit recurred to him. He slid into the guest slippers and followed Kaito to the living-room.

"Sorry the house is trashed," Kaito added as an afterthought, picking up discarded pieces of clothing with one hand and holding his borrowed boxers up with the other.

Takagi raised an eyebrow at the ransacked state of the room. "Trashed" was not an exaggeration. Socks and belts were strewn about haphazardly, and a bunch of playing cards and candy wrappers covered the coffee table. It wasn't hard to imagine an innocuous game of poker played for candy pieces turning into strip poker as the night wore on and the alcohol took effect. There were two empty bottles of wine accompanied by a half-eaten box of chocolate-covered strawberries lying forgotten near the sofa.

Meanwhile, two pair of wrist restraints hung unapologetically off the arm of one of the chairs, and Takagi decided not to understand their presence. He turned his attention instead to the scraps of giftwrap and confetti littering the floor and the flecks of popcorn kernels scattered about with the abandon of a food-fight.

Takagi tried not to notice as Kaito discretely picked up a mature toy still in its packaging from one of the armchairs and spirited it away.

"Won't you have a seat?" Kaito offered cordially, seemingly unaffected by the current situation.

Takagi wondered if he were the only one feeling mortified at the moment.

He soon received his answer as his two subordinates slunk into the room, red-faced and in cobbled-together outfits, pointedly avoiding eye contact with their boss.

A tense silence fell as Shinichi and Hakuba both bowed and took a seat on the couch across from Takagi.

"Good evening, Keibu."

No one was quite sure what to say after that. They all shifted awkwardly and cleared their throats until Shinichi summoned up the courage to say, "Takagi-keibu, I can explain."

Takagi bashfully waved his arms to signal Shinichi to stop. "Kudo-kun, I'm not exactly sure I want to know why the Kaitou KID is wearing Hakuba-kun's boxers in your living-room."

"It's not as bad as you think," Kaito snorted. "A man's allowed to go around in boxers in his own home, isn't he? Well, this is our home, all three of us. We bought it from Shinichi's parents a few years ago."

"Oh," Takagi laughed nervously. "Is that all?"

"It could be, if you want to leave things there," Kaito sighed with a shrug. "Whatever gets your business done and you out of here the fastest. It's my birthday, and I'd kind of like to get back to bed, if you don't mind, Keibu, no disrespect meant to you."

Takagi's eyes widened as things began to make more sense: Hakuba-kun had requested the day off far in advance; Kudo-kun had taken off early, practically running out the door; the mess that was the Kudo Manor with the confetti, giftwrap, and food…

Shinichi pinched Kaito. "Aren't you going to deny being KID? Did you hear what Takagi-keibu said, Kai?"

Kaito shrugged again. "Why? He's not stupid. He's known for months now, and he's obviously not going to do anything about it. I mean, I babysit his kids. You don't let people that you plan on arresting watch your kids for hours and hours out of the week."

"Dove, why don't you go put some clothes on?" Saguru gently suggested, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Because I don't feel like it," Kaito grumbled, irritated at the constant interruptions to his time with his loved ones, especially on the one day of the year they had agreed that Kaito would come first. "It's a waste of effort since I'm only going to be taking them back off once he leaves."

Shinichi and Saguru both paled.

"Kaito," Shinichi lightly scolded under his breath.

Kaito rolled his eyes. "What? We're clearly caught red-handed. The guy has three kids. It's an insult to his intelligence to pretend he can't see what's going on. Isn't it better to just tell him instead of leaving him to think we're a bunch of kinky weirdoes who do these kinds of things with just anyone?"

"Point," Saguru muttered, covering his face with one hand. "Keibu, we—" He indicated himself, Kaito, and Shinichi. "—are married."

"As close to married as any three men can get in a country that doesn't recognize polygamous or same-sex marriages," Shinichi added, giving up and averting his eyes.

"Ru and I got legally married in England, though, the year before last," Kaito explained. "So…it may be a little unusual, but nothing funky is going on, so please don't think any differently about my husbands, okay, Keibu?"

It took Takagi a full minute to process, comprehend, and accept what he had just heard, but when he had, he managed to nod. "I don't…I mean…it is…pecul—uh—unusual, but…Hakuba-kun and Kudo-kun are my best detectives. I've known them since…I do admit it's a bit of a shock to learn that…but…" He managed to meet Shinichi and Saguru's hesitant, questioning gazes and smile awkwardly. "I suppose I'll get used to the idea."

"So I'm not fired?" Kaito inquired tentatively, scratching at his cheek.

"Of course not. Miwako wouldn't let me fire you, even if I wanted to," Takagi chuckled, starting to sweat as he thought about how outraged his wife would be if he ever tried to dismiss their sitter. "She's a lot more open-minded than I am too, so I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't bat an eye if I told her."

"Good," Kaito laughed in relief. "I'd miss the kids to death if I couldn't take care of them anymore."

Takagi gave the magician an appraising look, considering him as he hummed, "So you're Hakuba-kun and Kudo-kun's wife, huh?" Realizing that "wife" might not be the right term, he backpedaled. "Or! Uh…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. You're their—"

"—Wife is fine." Kaito waved away his concern. "Somehow I have ended up in more of a stereotypical wife role…or something like that. Someone has to take care of these mystery geeks or else they'd never remember to eat and sleep. They'd work themselves into the ground."

Takagi nodded, suddenly seeing Kaito's regular visits to the station to drop off food or clothes, distract the two detectives, and get them to bounce ideas off of him in a new light.

"You're a good caretaker." He managed a genuine smile, gradually feeling less awkward. "You're doing a good job."

Just then, the whole reason for his visit came back to him. "Oh! Kudo-kun! The papers! You were in such a hurry to get home today that you missed a signature page."

He grabbed his briefcase and began to dig for the document in question.

The signing took all of thirty seconds, and then Takagi was on his way out the door, wishing Kuroba-kun a happy birthday and apologizing for imposing upon the trio.

On the train ride home, when he finally had time to consider recent events without the pressure of the presence of the three young men in question, Takagi Wataru realized that while he did know far more than he let on, he didn't know nearly half as much as he had believed he did.

He began to wonder what else he'd been missing out on over the years.

The

End

…

Mikau: Well, there it is. I hope you had fun with this bit of silliness. I do really like one part, though. I'm proud of the description of the trashed living room. ^.^ Thanks so much for reading!