Kissing Yuffie Kisaragi

By Charles Xavier

One day, Vincent Valentine was having a peaceful nap inside his coffin in the basement of his mansion…until somebody opened the lid. The tired man gave a big yawn and rose up to find a young ninja grinning stupidly in his face.

Good morning Vinnie,

Do you remember me?

It's that girl Yuffie. It's that girl Yuffie.

I do not like that Yuffie Kisaragi.

Oh, Vinnie! Where have you been?

Today is Valentine's day, haven't you seen?

And this is the day that I get my wish,

To receive from you a passionate kiss!

Yuffie opened up her lips to Vincent. But the man pushed her away and jumped out of his coffin.

I will not kiss you Yuffie of Wutai.

Just go away! Now I bid you goodbye.

Vincent stepped out of his house and began taking a stroll round Nibelheim.

Hesat alone on top of the small water tower in the center of town. But just then Yuffie popped her head from out of the corner.

Will you kiss me here?

Or will you kiss me over there?

Yuffie had her finger pointed to the open bedroom in one of empty houses nearby.

I will not kiss you here.

He jumped off the tower and rushed into the bedroom where Yuffie was pointing to.

Or there.

I will not kiss you anywhere.

I will not kiss you Yuffie of Wutai.

Just go away! Now I bid you goodbye.

Vincent left Nibelheim and made his way up to Mt. Nibel.

However, Yuffie was waiting for him inside one of the caves.

Will you kiss me in a Mako Reactor?

Or will you kiss me with the Materia Keeper?

The Materia Keeper appeared beside Yuffie. Vincent turned away.

I will not kiss you in a Mako Reactor.

I will not kiss you with the Materia Keeper.

I will not kiss you here or there.

I will not kiss you anywhere.

Vincent made his way into Rocket Town. Yuffie Kisaragi halted him just as he was about to enter.

Will you kiss me if I gave you Materia?

Or will you kiss me in front of Cid and Shera?

Cid and Shera were seen behind Yuffie, waving at Vincent.

I will not kiss you if you gave me Materia.

I will not kiss you in front of Cid and Shera.

Not in a Mako Reactor.

Not with the Materia Keeper.

I will not kiss you here or there.

I will not kiss you anywhere.

I will not kiss you Yuffie of Wutai.

Just go away! Now I bid you goodbye.

Now was the time to panic. Vincent fled from Rocket Town and tried to get as far away as possible.

"Gwark!" During his run and out of the blue, a rainbow Chocobo ran up behind him and threw him onto his back, and waiting for him there was Yuffie Kisaragi.

Would you, could you, on a Chocobo?

Yuffie took out a small Christmas like plant.

Or maybe perhaps under the mistletoe!
I would not, could not, on a Chocobo.

I would not, could not, under the mistletoe.

Vincent jumped off his ride and ran for the sandy beach in the distance. Though at the beach under the hot sun was Yuffie was seen sunbathing in her bathing suit.

You may like me by the sea.

You may like me on the beach.

I would not, could not, on the beach.

Get out from my sight and let me be!

Vincent's luck came when a steam boat was sailing by. He dived into the ocean, swam for it and managed to hop aboard in one piece.

Not if you gave me Materia.

Not in front of Cid and Shera.

Not in a Mako Reactor.

Not with the Materia Keeper.

I will not kiss you here or there.

I will not kiss you anywhere.

I will not kiss you Yuffie of Wutai.

Just go away! Now I bid you goodbye.

The boat made its stop at Costa Del Sol. Once Vincent stepped off, Yuffie rushed up to him.

Could you, would you, at the Coast Del Sol?
No! Not at the Costa Del Sol

Not on the beach.

Not on a Chocobo.

Yuffie let me be!

Not if you gave me Materia.

Not in front of Cid and Shera.

Not in a Mako Reactor.

Not with the Materia Keeper.

Not here or there.

Not anywhere.

A short eclipse occurred and the sun was blocked, making everything around him turn dark.

In the night? Here in the night?

Could you, would you, in the night?
I would not, could not, in the night.

It took Vincent a while to reach Mt. Corel to make his escape from the annoying bratty girl. As usual, he caught sight of her there, sitting on a rock by the mountain.

Would you, could you, at Mt.Corel

I would not, could not, at Mt.Corel

Not in the night.

Not at the Costa Del Sol

Not on a Chocobo.

Not by the beach.

I cannot kiss you Yuffie Kisaragi!

Vincent fled once again, this time he managed to get as far as the tram, taking him to the Gold Saucer. Not surprisingly…Yuffie was sitting peacefully inside it.

Would you, could you, in a tram?

OOOH! I would not, could not, in a tram.

I will not kiss you here or there.

I will not kiss you anywhere.

Once the tram stopped Vincent jumped out through the glass and ran inside the Gold Saucer. He jumped into the Wonder Square tube and bumped right into Yuffie at the other end.

Will you ever kiss me, my sexy man?

Vincent began pulling his hair and for the first time…yelled at Yuffie.

I am not, am not your sexy man!

I will not kiss you in the tram!

Not at Mt.Corel

Not at Costa Del Sol

Be gone, young ninja! Leave me alone!

You've always irritated me from blood to bone!

You are so troublesome, can't you see!

NOW AWAY FROM MY SIGHT AND LET ME BE!

Yuffie gave Vincent those sad puppy eyes…before she started bursting in tears. Everyone stared at Vincent and Yuffie, who was stamping her feet and jumping around like a five year old kid.

"YOU DON'T LIKE ME!" Yuffie cried. "NOW I'LL HAVE NO ONE TO KISS ME! WAAAAA!"

"Yuffie!" Vincent saw the people looking at him with distrust. "Yuffie, please stop crying…I'm sorry I yelled at you…I didn't mean all those horrible things I said…honestly…"

It didn't help. Yuffie began to cry even louder.

"Yuffie…I'll…I'll…kiss you…" Vincent's last sentence made the ninja stop crying… "I'll kiss you if it really means that much to you."

Yuffie sniffed her nose and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Really?"

"Yuffie…I'll do it will make you feel better…" Vincent sighed.

"OOOOOH!" Yuffie's glum face changed back into a smile and she ran up to Vincent for a big hug. "Vinnie! You're so cute!"

Vincent kissed Yuffie on her rosy cheeks and the people began applauding.

I guess I got my Valentine guy.

That Vincent will always be my sweetie pie.

So I look to the future forward ahead,

I think me and Vinnie will soon be wed!

Vincent's eyes widened in terror.