Well, look who's NOT dead. I'll say what I want to say at the end of the chapter so you can read whitout further delay what I should have given you months ago... yeah... sorry 'bout that.

As always:

-English is not my mother tongue and I'm pretty sure in this chapter I invented one or two new words. Ups?

-Merlin is owned by the BBC

If Arthur would have time to consider it, he'd find funny how in a few days his life could flip upside down. He thought he had learn this lesson when Morgana had betrayed him not once but twice, when he discovered she was actually his half-sister, when his uncle had betrayed him. When Guinevere had betrayed him. Hell! Even when his father had died and he had passed from Regent Prince to King. Every one of those blasted times he'd felt his world crumbling down,shattering to millions pieces that refused to be brought back together. All those time he thought his world would never make sense again. But in time it had, the broken pieces mending and creating the world once again, albeit a colder one. And so Arthur knew his life would make sense again in a couple of days, after all he had learn his lesson. Nonetheless, a small worry was buried deep within his conscience, a little, traitorous voice telling him that in all those circumstances he always had Merlin to give his perspective and support, a constant factor in an ever-changing world. That little voice also told him that this time he didn't have Merlin to put back the world as it should be because it was his fault in the first place that everything had gone to hell.

Well, Merlin and Lord I'm-a-huge-pain-in-the-ass Clayton. The first time that Lord Clayton had suggested Nathaniel Fawcett as the new Court Physician three days ago, Guinevere had to sink her nails into his palm to prevent him from punching the asshole in the face. Gaius's ashes weren't even cold and that bastard wanted to usurp Merlin's rightful place. He hated the man. He hated even more that his explanation had had merit and that a little seed of doubt about Merlin's abilities had taken root in his mind. After all, how well could Merlin know the art of healing if most of his time was spent as Arthur's second shadow? And thus the necessity for witnesses of his manservant capacity as healer: to quiet both his and the other Lord's misgivings of the boy. More than once Arthur had had the impulse to command the Lords to accept Merlin as the new Court Physician (being King ought to have some advantages, didn't it?), but he was old enough to know that it wasn't a good choice: Court Physician was more than the King's healer, it was a place in the Council, a place of power that could and would influence Camelot on the hole. He couldn't just give it to any idiot. Not that Merlin was an idiot… most of the time, anyway.

He was making his way to the courtroom, where Merlin's future would be determined. 'Nothing to worry about, not at all', he told himself, 'where are the training dummies when I need them?'. Elyan and Percival had arrived yesterday afternoon with the witnesses from the surrounding villages. There was ten in total: five women, three men and two children no older than eight. All were clearly of low resources, probably never even traveled outside of their villages, but they still made the journey to defend his friend. It warm up Arthur's heart to know that Merlin was well loved even among the people who didn't saw him everyday.

But the warmth didn't last long, not when he entered the courtroom and saw Lord Clayton and Nathaniel Fawcett smirking as if they knew something he did not. It unsettled Arthur. Acting as he didn't feel anything but calm confidence, he sat on his throne and was followed immediately by Guinevere and the rest of the court.. She had her Queen-face, as she call it, where no emotion show but still make her seem approachable and just. It was not perfect, though. If you knew her well, and Arthur did, you could see in her eyes both anxiety and her unbreakable determination to defend those she loved. It gave her eyes a powerful and lovely shine, a very Guinevere-like look. They both look at each other and nodded minimally. 'This is it', it said, 'the moment of no return'.

Silence reigned in the chamber when Arthur stood up.

'We are gathered here to discuss the successor of our late and well loved Court Physician, Gaius Iatros. For those of you that are not aware of the circumstances, in previous sessions of the Council I and my counselors have stumble upon a conundrum. While I, the Queen, my loyal knights of the Round Table and a few other loyal noblemen and ladies support Merlin, Gaius' apprentice for the past ten years, Lord Clayton have raised his concerns about Merlin's capabilities to fully fulfill the Court Physician responsibilities. His concerns are born due to the fact that, while Merlin has been studying the art of healing for the past decade, he has also been working as my personal manservant, thus restricting his time as an apprentice. In light of this, Lord Clayton has suggested his own, new physician Nathaniel Fawcett to be Court Physician.

What we aim to achieve in this meeting is determine the capabilities of both contestants, Merlin of Ealdor and Nathaniel Fawcett, to carry out all of the responsibilities inherent to the title of Court Physician. To do this we have gathered for each contestant witnesses that have received first hand their treatment. They will be asked by Adrian Whitestone, the physician of House Leondegrance, of their symptoms and what treatment they received. He will asses if it was the correct treatment or if there was a better alternative, as well as other information he may deemed important. After all the witnesses are heard, he will announce who he thinks will better perform as Court Physician, although the final decision is mine to make.'

Arthur sweep a glance all over the courtroom. It was full of people, both noble and common folk alike. Part of it was the importance of deciding a new Court Physician, one that would have very real repercussion in the everyday life of the citizens of Camelot. The other part, Arthur wishfully thought, was because Merlin was beloved by many of those attending, and they wanted to see if he would get what was rightfully his. At least Arthur wanted to believe the town's people wanted Merlin as their healer; he wasn't so sure about the noblemen.

He sat on his throne and nodded. The first witness, one of Nathaniel's patients, took a step forward and began describing what had ailed her before Fawcett had treated her. The symptoms were common, easily mistaken for another half dozen diseases, if what Adrian said was true, making the fact that Nathaniel had successfully diagnosed her in his second try a very good promise of the man's capabilities in difficult situations. Good for him, less so for Merlin. The second witness, also Nathaniel's, had a rare disease with an even more rare treatment, even Adrian have only read of it, never seeing a patient in real life. The treatment, though, was valid, so Arthur couldn't say anything of inventing witnesses. Next was one of the women of the nearby villages that had come to help Merlin. Her testimony… was very lacking. First of all, her ailment was very simple, something even a half-good healer could treat and therefore the potions given to her was one of the run-of-the-mill cure-all diseasseas, hardly something to indicate Merlin's proficiency at healing. Or diagnosis. Or even potion-making. Arthur could only hope the rest of the testimonies were better.

They weren't.

While Nathaniel's experience ranged from rare disease to difficult birth through complicated potion brewing techniques (yes, apparently that was a thing. A very important thing), Melin's verely reached a bone broken badly and a flu a little more resilient that the average, but nothing out of the ordinary. Not one uncommon ailment or advanced potion making, nor an intriguing diagnosis. It was all simple. Granted, Arthur had not a single clue how to treat any of that, but according to Adrian it was something that a common healer could achieve. To make matters worse, for almost every treatment Merlin had done, Gaius had been there to guide him. Gaius had been the one to diagnose the patients, and Merlin the one to suggest the treatment. It had been years before, when Merlin was still learning, but given that there wasn't more recent patients, the questions remained if Merlin was capable of recognising an illness for himself. All was not lost, however. Yes, Merlin's experience was very lacking in comparison to Nathaniel's, but the way Merlin's patients talk about him gave a clear idea that the boy was efficient and very gentle, that he truly cared for the ones under his care. The same could not be said of the other man's patients. Although that could be their egos: they all were nobles.

When the last witness had finished, Arthur stood once again to allow Adrian to give his verdict. His heart was beating in his mouth as his anxiety increased. He had a guess how this would turn out, but he could only hope against hope. Alas, it was not to be. As expected of everyone on the Court Room, the physician favored Nathaniel over Merlin. Nonetheless, he did indicate that Merlin only seemed to need a little more training to be a good physician, maybe if he was to continue his apprenticeship with Nathaniel he could be a healer in his own right. A glance at the nobleman gave Arthur all that he needed to know: that jackass wasn't going to let Merlin, a commoner, be his apprentice. Not that Arthur wanted him anywhere near that pompous arsehole… And maybe he was a little angry at the man was a good physician, even if he lacked the same proficiency in attitude.

'Thank you, Adrian, for your counsel' said Arthur 'As we are now close to noon, I suggest to take a break and reunite at one bell past noon where I will give my final decision'

As the people emptied the hall, he took Guinevere hands and left to one of the passages of the end of the room reserved for royalty. In the way, he looked for Leon, Percival and Elyan and nod to them to follow him.

They reached an empty corridor and gave a collective sigh.

'That did not go nearly as good as I expected' said Leon.

'I'm sorry, Sire' apologized Elyan, 'Percival and I never thought of asking what kind of treatment they have received. We only searched for people treated by Merlin'

'You have nothing to apologize for. If I'm honest I didn't think of it either, I should have said to you to look for more recent patients. Nonetheless you two did well in finding people willing to travel this far. Merlin would be grateful for your help.'

'The good that did'

'Nonsense' said Guinevere 'At least he had a validation of his abilities, limited as they might be'

'Maybe if we could gain a little more time Merlin could finish his apprenticeship' suggested Percival, but Leon was shaking his head before the giant knight ended his sentence.

'We need a new Court Physician in case someone in the envoy from Nemeth need treatment.' Leon paused as his eyes narrowed, thinking 'But maybe… It isn't common, but they had been cases when a city was so big that the Court Physician wasn't enough to treat all of the citizens. They used two healers, one for the nobles and the royalty that was the Court Physician and the other one for the minor nobles and the common folk. This other one didn't have a title, per se, but it was an important position nonetheless. Maybe Merlin could be this second healer until he ends his studies?'

'That could work', said Arthur, 'As you said, it is rare but doable. Nathaniel could be a temporary Court Physician. He wouldn't be happy about it and he definitely won't train Merlin but we can find another healer to teach Merlin, maybe Adrian?'

'I could ask him if he would be willing to have a second apprentice, Sire, although Merlin should go to my state to study'

'Hmmm, it's not ideal. Look for healers in Camelot wanting for apprentices. If you don't find any, I'll search for physician willing to stay in Camelot'

'Yes, Sire' chorused the three knights.

'Don't worry, Arthur, Merlin will have what he deserves' said Elyan before going, presumably, to the lower town to do what Arthur commanded.

A small hope ignated in Arthur's heart while he saw his knights disappearing through the corridor. All was not lost, he could still name Merlin as Court Physician… in time. He just needed time. He turned to see Guinevere and the look she gave him confused him. It was calculating, like she analyzing him and was planning to tell him… what? It unsettled him, more so because he had expected a happy face at the idea of defending their friend to the end. A strange sensation replaced his hope, and that made him angry and afraid at the same time. Stupid emotions, why do they have to be so complicated?

Eventually, they reached the Kings chambers. As soon as the doors were closed, Arthur began pacing to and fro along the table ignoring his wife as he tried to make sense of what he was feeling.

'Arthur, look me in the eye' demanded Guinevere and Arthur was forced to do so, although his frustration still manifested in the incensat movement of his fingers. 'I know you love Merlin and you don't want to hurt him, but can we really afford to have a Court Physician not fully trained?'

'You heard Adrian, with a little more time he could be a good healer. And the knights! Their idea was good. He only needs a little more time' But as Arthur was saying that, he knew he was grasping at thin air. They didn't have more time. They had to choose now.

The choice was obvious, but the part that was went against all logic and was loyal to Merlin was screaming at him angrily and a tiny bit desperate. As King he knew his duty was first to his people and, usually, when it was him making a sacrifice he didn't mind it all that much. But when it required for others to sacrifice something of themselves… that was another matter altogether. He didn't want to ask Merlin to sacrifice his last connection to Gaius, he deserved better. He was King, damn it! He could do as he pleased! If he wanted Merlin as Court Physician, he would have Merlin as Court Physician!

Guinevere words cut through his haze.

'If you had all the time in the world, would you still choose Merlin?'

At first Arthur was struck speechless at the cruelty of her words. Had she so little faith in him, her so-called best friend? Didn't she think Merlin capable of learning something as complicated as healing? He knew he called Merlin an idiot most of the time, but he never thought of him as an actual idiot. And Guinevere always reprimanded him when he called him that, telling him that Merlin was smarter than he looked like. So why…? Oh. It wasn't Merlin she didn't have faith in. It was him. Well. Sort of. It was a problem so obvious that Arthur was a little ashamed of not thinking of it earlier. If Merlin was Court Physician, then he couldn't be his manservant. What Guinevere was really asking was if the was willing to relinquish his friends company.

Arthur was King and he knew his duty was first to his people. He didn't mind making sacrifices… Usually. But there again was the part of him that listened to no logic and was loyal to Merlin, and now that part was screaming not to give Merlin the position. How easily that part of him had changed. He thought, briefly, that if he was so loyal to Merlin he would make him Court Physician even if that would take him away from Arthur. The quick denial that followed surprised him. Maybe that irrational part of him wasn't as loyal to Merlin as it wanted Merlin for himself. It shamed Arthur to think he was so selfish, but Merlin was his manservant, not everyone physician. Plus, Nathaniel was the better healer of the two, hands down. Would it really be for the benefit of the people to have Merlin as their medic when there was clearly other people better qualified? No, it wouldn't.

Arthur looked into Guinevere eyes. So beautiful and so full of knowledge. She knew what he was going to respond, and the reason behind it, and she didn't judge him for his selfishness.

'No', he said, 'I wouldn't choose him' And those words hurt him, because it was the truth. The selfish, pratish, self-absorbed decision that the prince that he had been would have made.

'Then let's announce our new Court Physician" She looked at him warmly, with a little, odd, smile he could not quite understand. But he understood her eyes. She supported him and forgave him for this decision.

He could only hope that Merlin would do the same.

After his dark, depressing and (a little) exaggerated negative thoughts the previous two nights, Merlin woke up in his new bed and laughed at himself. He had sounded like a petulant adolescence who had been denied a flimsy desire and thus proved that the whole world was against him. How dramatic of him. True, his friends hadn't visited him, but he was sure they had a reason, a good reason. What reason could that be he had no idea, but he was sure there was one. He had to had faith in his friends. Yes, they were his friends; even if they didn't know him completely they laughed with him, shared their food and drink with him, stood by his side. Last night had been a Dark Day, today was not. It wasn't a Bright Day, either, but it was what he had.

Giving a brief sniff on his clothes he decided he needed new ones and a bath, not necessarily in that order. There was a little basin and a cloth in his cupboard, so he fill the first with water and then heated it with worldless magic. That was another thing that had improved overnight: his magic wasn't moody anymore. It didn't feel the need to lash out at everything, instead it wanted to please him, as if it felt he needed cheering up. Knowing that his magic was quite peculiar he wouldn't be surprised if his magic had a conscience; creep out of course, but not surprised.

After he felt like a person again, Merlin walk into the adjacent room, the King's Chamber, to see if Arthur needed anything, and probably apologize a little for his sulking mood and his outburst of emotions. He knew it wasn't easy for Arthur to deal with loss and Gaius had been almost as much as a father to him than to Merlin. He should have been there with Arthur so they could both ease they sorrow.

Determined to leave behind his foul mood and help Arthur, Merlin step into the King's chambers only to find them empty. The curtains were drawn, the light of noon passing through the windows. 'Damn, it's late. I should bring Arthur's lunch' But the thought of having to go all the way to the kitchens and bear all the stares from his fellow servants made him pause. He didn't want their pity; even worse, he didn't want to see them laughing at him. He'd never been one to shy away from his emotions, more often than not displaying them on his face for all to see; nonetheless he had always controlled to some extent how much of his emotions he wanted to show. Not in this case. He had broken in front of everyone, utterly and completely shattered. He was ashamed of how weak he must have look like and he didn't have the strength to confront the ridicule that awaited him.

Merlin shook his head. That was the influence of the Dark Day talking, it was not true. He was friends, or at least friendly acquaintances, with almost every servant of the castle and the few that didn't like him, he didn't care what they thought of him. He had nothing to fear from them. Except, perhaps, their pity. 'Maybe it's best if I stay here and polish Arthur's armor. I don't even know if he'll eat here or when'. Convinced that staying in the chamber was for the best (and ignoring the nagging voice inside his head that said he was a coward), Merlin started to polish one of Arthur's boots.

That's how Sir Carador found him some time later.

"Merlin? The King and Queen request your presence in the Court Room" the knight said, startling Merlin. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you"

"No, it's alright. What do they want me for?" Merlin asked. He was confused: they have ignored him for the past four days and now, suddenly, the summoned him in the Court Room? What could they possible want to talk with him there and not in a more private environment?

"They're announcing the new Court Physician"

With that, Merlin knew what his friends have been doing: they have been busy arranging all the paperwork necessary to make him Court Physician. In all his sorrow about losing Gaius he never once thought of what it meant for him and his career. He was no longer an apprentice and he had to take the mantle of his mentor. He had no doubt that he was going to be Gaius successor, after all he had been preparing for this for the past six years. He would finally be an equal to the rest of his friends. With a very Merlin-like smile that surprised Sir Carador for its warmth, Merlin followed the knight through the corridors.

Soon, though, his happiness transformed in worry. What if he wasn't good enough? Wat if he had to treat something he never treated before? He was quite assured in his abilities to deduce whatever illness he might come across, but the doubt was there anyway. Curiously enough, it wasn't the idea of having someone's live depending on him that frighten him (the whole fate of Camelot had been in his hands in more than one occasion; compare to that one single life was not that daunting), but the idea of disappointing the trust his friends had trust upon him.

He knew that the Court Physician did not only cure people, but also advised the King and Queen. In public. He was no stranger to giving counsel to Arthur, but it was a more emotion-related, good-and-wrong type of advice. Not what he should do with an epidemic or, the gods forbid, other matters of state. He knew nothing of such things, nobody had ever teached him, and he was afraid of saying something stupid and make Arthur ashamed of him. No, that was de Dark Day talking. Gwen hadn't have a clue how to rule a kingdom either, and yet Arthur had been patient, and still was, with her until she could stand on her own two feet. 'But Arthur always had a soft spot for Gwen, while in the other hand he considers you stupid. I bet he doesn't even intend to naming you Court Physician. After all you're just an useless idiot' Damn, the Dark Day was not so silent today as he had initially thought. He needed to reign it in, to shut it's lying words. Arthur and the rest would never do that to him, they knew how much it meant to him to followed Gaius footsteps. He had work hard to earn it and they knew it. He was going to be named Court Physician today. This was going to be a Bright Day. It had to be.

Merlin entered the Court Room, forcing himself to feel the happiness he knew he should be feeling. The Dark Day was wrong and Arthur was going to prove it. Only that one look at his friend had Merlin doubting and the Dark Day screaming like mad.

The look in his eyes. And Gwen's. They look like the King and Queen about to pass judgment, not a trace of Arthur and Gwen behinds their eyes. Against the best of his intentions, Merlin began to truly doubt the reason he was here.

Arthur rose from his throne.

'Queen Guinevere and I have come to a decision after the trial'

'Trial?', Merlin thought, 'what trial? Why wasn't I told anything?' A growing panic began to raise in his chest. Did they know he had magic? Were they going to sentence him to death? Could he escape?...Did he wanted to?

'After considering Nathaniel Fawcett's capabilities as a physician against Merlin of Ealdor's, we have concluded that the latest has not yet the abilities to completely fulfill the role of Court Physician and thus the title becomes Fawcett's'

A polite but subdue applause followed the announcement. Merlin couldn't spare one flying fuck about it.

He couldn't believe it. This wasn't happening. This was not happening. How could they?! After all this years of service, and they just didn't give a shit about him? The Court Physician title was his. He had been studying for the past six years, he had treated the knights and Arthur on their trips, he had proved time and time again that he knew what he was doing. And they just… what? Ignored it all and look for some random guy to take away what was his by right?! Did they trust him so little that they preferred a completed stranger before him? And what fucking trial? Who had represented him? Was he represented at all? Did they even know who had he treated? He saw a few villagers on the side of the room. They had been the ones to defend him? No wonder Arthur and Gwen didn't think him fit for being a healer. He had treated them ages ago, when he knew next to nothing! Where were his more recent patients? The ones he had taken over from Gaius?

'Obviously they did not search for them. Why would they? This was the perfect opportunity to "justly" denied your right. A few peasants treated years ago for a few broken bones and your inadequacy is proven to all. Even better, they look like they tried, like they are the heroes of the story for trying to defend their poor, idiotic, mentally addled friend.'Merlin knew it was the Dark Day talking, but he couldn't stop it. It's poisoning words rung true in his head and had Merlin seething with barely contained rage. He tried to calm down, but the next word almost shattered his self control.

'Lord Fawcett, would you be willing to have Merlin as your apprentice so he could finish his education?' asked Arthur, as if he was giving Merlin a magnificent boon instead of stealing his title.

'I thank you, my King, for giving me this vital part in your court. I will do everything in my power to be worthy of your trust ' said the random guy, Fawcett. Merlin had never before seen him in his life, but he knew the moment he saw that asshole eye's what his answer would be. Merlin briefly debated to blast him out of the window. 'And for an apprentice… alas, I'm not looking for one in this moment as I think it would hinder me as I grow accustomed to live in court.'

For the look on Arthur's face, he expected no other answer. The King took a big, deep breath as if the next words hurt him. Merlin, in his darkening mood, doubt it.

'Merlin, as you are no longer the physician apprentice you can no longer live in his rooms. As you are my manservant, you have full access to the servant rooms adjacent to mine. You have two full days to move your things to your new quarters'

That was it. He was going to blast the whole hall and all those in it, himself included. Merlin could barely keep his magic from acting out. He could feel it rushing through his veins: screaming, furious; an angry river full of sharp shards of ice. It was pulsing with hatred and hurt, begging him to let it free so he could make those who were making him feel so used and insignificant pay. He wanted to cry and yell that it wasn't fair. He wanted to destroy and roar that he was going to get what was his.

But he knew it would be of no use.

The words of the King were clear as crystal: he was a manservant, he'd always be a manservant. He was not their equal, and now he would never be. Merlin laughed at himself silently. He has been so stupid to think Arthur and the rest would give him the opportunity to stand alongside them. How many times had he gone into danger and fought the same battles as the rest, only for them to be recognized and praised while he remained a servant, a mere footnote on the stories of their glorious achievements? They never considered him worthy enough to be a knight, but he had deluded himself thinking that the reason was because he was worthless with a sword. Now it seems that the real reason was that they considered him worthless altogether. And not enough with denying him any respect, they were now kicking him out of his home, his sanctuary and last connection with Gaius.

At that thought, the raging river of his magic froze and with it his emotions. He didn't feel hatred or sadness or hurt. He just felt a detached cold. So be it. They wanted a manservant, they would get only a manservant.

Merlin look to the face of the traitorous snake that was the Pendragon King, and made a perfect bow, the kind that he never had bother to do before.

'Sire', he said. And then left the hall, unaware of the silence that his action had provoked.

Outside, black clouds of an electric storm were gathering. 'The Dark Day was right', Merlin thought. The wind rose and hauled an ire-filled cry.

This is a very important chapter. I tried to justify both Arthur's and Merlin's thinking. Arthur, although he had good intentions at the beginning and he really wanted to do right by Merlin, is overcome by selfishness and decides he wants Merlin for himself. Is a bit OOC? Yes. But also it isn't. His final decision is for selfish reasons (which one would think he outgrew them by now, but apparently not. That's the part were he is a little OOC), but he also has a valid reasoning for not making Merlin court physician. If Merlin is really capable of being the Court Physician or not is something for you to decide. Personally, I think he needs, at this point in his life, a little more training, but he's not nearly as hopeless as Arthur and Co. thinks he is.

As for Merlin. The Dark Day, as he calls his bouts of depression and self doubt (it's not an evil entity nor nothing of the sort), is making him think in ways he wouldn't normally think. He's not emotionally stable at the moment and so is more susceptible to the Dark Day.

Speaking of depression, I don't have it and thus I don't know if I'm being insensitive about something or if I'm pulling trigers for someone. The Dark Day will appear frequently to give Merlin bad suggestions and to question his worthiness, but nothing more. Even so, if there's something I'm doing wrong or think it has the potential to triger someone PLEASE tell me. I'll do my best to fix it or at the least put the necessary warnings.

One last thing before I disappear again: if I don't answers your review is because I'm a colgada (spanish expression meaning that I do intent to do something and then I completely forgot what I wanted to do or I postponed it so much that in the end is better not to do it), but know I really appreciate them.

See you… someday...