Third time's the charm, eh? Though seriously, I'm going to try and treat this work a tad bit more seriously than my other works, from style to schedule. Why? Because Evil Dead is honestly one of my favorite things of all time and I can see a RWBY crossover being quite entertaining. My previous attempt will still be available to read for those are interested but will no longer be updated. Now, let's begin shall we?

Also for those of you who have never seen anything Evil Dead or Sam Raimi-related, the following may include:

- Cartoonishly bloody violence

- Harsh language

- Overuse of the word "Groovy"

- Black comedy and regular comedy

- Demons

- Aaaaaand Lovecraft references

"Wow, this place sucks."

Nora said what was on everyone's minds as they finally arrived at the 'luxurious cabin' that Qrow lent to his nieces this spring break. They've managed to survive Oobleck's tests, Goodwitch's drills, and even a few pop quizzes from Port. All that hard work while they imagined an amazing vacation with the entire gang in a nice, beautiful home.

The piece of shit infront of them shattered those dreams.

The cabin was about average size though its windows all either broken or boarded up. The wood had numerous marks of either blades or claws and worst of all they could smell sulfur.

Yang and Rubes sighed, dragging their bags as they walked to the front door. JNPR and Blake followed as Weiss huffed, "There is no way any self-respecting Schnee will ever step foot in such a place!" She stomped her way back to the van they came in, deciding to spend the night there rather than on some wood plank that had termites.

As the two teams entered, they were relieved that the place at least was decent on the inside. The front door connected to a nice living room area with a few couches and a fire place, numerous stuffed animals and paintings adorned the wall which uneased Blake a tad bit. She stared at the deerhead above the fire place, swearing the beedy eyes were staring back at her. She let out a screech when Yang slapped her back, "Come on, Blakey, we gotta call the best room before P-money and Nora do." She dragged her partner out as Nora raced after them. Ruby decided it was best to check the kitchen, with the two boys following.

"Wee!"

Nora jumped on the bed, enjoying the extra bounciness the springs gave it. "Maybe this won't be so bad?" She laid back, stretching as Pyrrha began unpacking her things. "Mhm, after all the woods look just lovely." They were lucky enough to get a room with a decent window, the Mistrali champ opened it up and smiled as she saw a young doe pass by. "Hmm, you think Jaune will want to go hunting while we're here...?"

"Or maybe skinnydipping?" Nora smirked, egging her teammate's side, "Oh! Or maybe Ren! You think there's a lake nearby?! I didn't pack a swimsuit, lemme ask Yang if she did!"

She rushed out of the room, leaving Pyrrha red in the face. Nikos laid back on the bed and smiled, This... This time I'll tell him how I feel.

Meanwhile, Ruby and the boys' were busy seeing what they could still use in the kitchen. To no one's surprise, the fridge was mostly booze and spoiled junk. Ren took a look at the liquor while Jaune was tossing the rest in the trash.

"Hmm, well we can use this for cooking at the very least. Found anything in the cupboards, Ruby?"

The young reaper managed to zoom past the room, going over the contents. "Well we got twinkies, bags of chips, chocolate chip cookies, wafer cookies, vanilla wafer cookies, strawberry wafer co-"

"Anything healthy in the cupboards, Ruby?" Ren turned his head over, seeing Ruby playing with her thumbs as she muttered nope. The boy turned to his team leader, "Check to see if there's a cellar, there might be more food. Ruby and I will start unpacking what we brought to cook."

Jaune smiled, "You got it, Ren!" He walked out, leaving the two to their work.

This just leaves the Bumblebee duo, who were currently looking through the shack outback.

"Hey, I found Rube's next birthday gift!" Yang smiled as she dusted off an old shotgun, "She goes nuts for antiques."

"Mhm..." Blake absent-mindedly agreed as she eyed a bloody chainsaw, That's... maybe that's just deer blood. Yeah, that's gotta be deer blood.

She shrieked as Yang blasted off the old gun.

Jaune let out a similar shriek after hearing the gun shot, it startled him so much that he tumbled down to the cellar floor. Hitting his head hard on the cement, thank Oum for aura, eh?

"Ow..."

He groaned, pulling himself up by a nearby barrel. Now I just need to find a light...

He scrambled through the dark until finally finding... nothing.

"Um, guys...?" The cellar door closed, Arc luck, eh...

"Guys?!"

No reply, though by the sound of it everyone ran outside to the source of the shotgun. "Guys?!"

"Yang! Where did you find this?!" Rube smiled, eyeing the shotgun, "Now I just need to saw off the barrel and it'll be perfect!"

"Hey, you guys hear anything?" Blake scratched her ears as Jaune once again screamed in the dark. Yang shrugged, "I think it was a flock of geese."

Oh God, I'm going to die down here aren't I...?

The Arc scion sighed, resting his head back.

Click

The lights came on, the blonde saw that he managed to hit the lightswitch. "Thank you, Arc luck!"

He got up and dusted himself, taking in his surroundings.

The cellar was largely barren cement with a single lightbulb providing any light, by the looks of it Qrow used it as a place to store more booze. Jaune passed a number of barrels filled with everything from wine to whiskey. How... How is he not dead of liver failure yet?

Jaune found no food but his attention was strangely drawn to a part of the wall. To the naked eye, it was just another massive bit of concrete but Arc still began to walk slowly over to it. He ran his fingers along it, finding that it felt hollow. He charged aura into his fist and punched through the wall, peeking through the new hole he saw an entire room.

After making the gap large enough to serve as a door, Jaune finally got a good look of the cabin's latest addition.

It was reminiscent of a professor's study, hell he could see Oobleck's room at Beacon looking something like this. The shelves were stock full with ancient books in languages Jaune barely recognized, beside them was a desk with numerous papers and a tape recorder ontop. What really drew in Jaune was the face that one of the drawers was locked with chains. Despite that obvious warning there was just... something that entranced Jaune to try and open it.

After smashing the lock off, Jaune finally came to his senses and looked around. "W... what did I do...?"

"Are you sure this is safe?"

Ren kept a watchful eye as Ruby pulled out a couple of powertools from the shed, beginning to saw off and paint the shotgun they found. Yang and the others were also busy looking through the shack as if it were a yard sale, conveniently forgetting that this stuff is all technically Qrow's. Weiss quirked an eyebrow when she pulled out a tea set, "I... can honestly say that I'm surprised this isn't filled with empty booze bottles."

Their afternoon antiquing was cut short by their missing blonde coming out of the cabin, "G-guys!"

"What did you break this time, fearless leader?"

Pyrrha hushed her teammate, "I'm sure i-"

"The basement!"

The redhead sighed, Goddammit you beautiful blonde idiot...

The teams followed the dunce back inside and down to the cellar.

The eight teenagers were in various stages/types of surprise, ranging from outright shock to amused. Once again, Nora was the one who broke the ice.

"Aww... I thought it would be a BDSM dungeon..."

Ren made a mental note not to let Nora go through Blake's bag, or near any of her books. Her comment aside, the group were still amazed by the face they unearthed a secret study. The group began to scour through, curiousity taking over them. The faunus among them immediately went for the bookcases, the contents of which seemed to have something in common.

Savage Spirituality: A study of frontier religions... The Duality of the Divine Siblings... A in-depth look at the Darkness figure in Remnant religions..

She narrowed her eyes at some of the titles, not only were some of the languages unintelligble but some of the script they were written in were alien to her. She put a hand to her chin as Ruby and Yang moved to the desk. Weiss immediately picked up the shattered chains, "We...were these like this when you found this place, Jaune?"

The blonde opened his mouth to speak but his mind was drawing to a blank. "I... I don't know..." He scratched the back of his head, trying his best to remember the events that led to him coming to the room.

"I'm sure its just dust crystals or spare flasks, Weisscream." Yang rolled her eyes, opening the drawer as Ruby looked through the desk's papers. "Huh... these look like designs..." Nora popped behind the reaper's shoulders, "Oooh, designs for a better dungeon?"

The redhead frowned, seeing it was just schematics for some kind of scythe. She turned her attention to Yang who had a ghastly looking book in her hands. "Oooooo!"

The Valkyrie snatched it out of her hands, skimming through within seconds. Chicken scratch, chicken scratch, chicken scratc- Ooooo, it's a picture book! "Ren! Just look at these awesome drawings!" She turned to her partner, showing what appeared to be a pale human creature without a face. Suffice to say, it was a bit too realistic for the zen master's taste. "That's.. nice, Nora." He lowered the book, the hell kind of book is this? He turned it over, jumping back when he saw the cover.

Everyone turned to look at him, the usually stoic man had a look of shock on his face and his hand was pointing at the book. They followed it's direction and they noticed a few things,

1. The book appeared to be bound in what looked like pigskin of some skin.

2. The front cover had an actual human fucking skull coming out it.

"W..what the fuck is wrong with your uncle?!" Blake ressisted to urge to hurl at such a sight, turning away. Nora shrugged her shoulders, "Eh, it's not that bad, gives it a nice spooky feel!"

Ruby and Yang looked at each other, "I... I think that this place might not be Qrow's..." Their eyes then turned to the tape recorder, "Maybe there's a recording that says it's an elaborate movie prop...?" The younger of the sisters suggested.

At that moment, the lightbulb went out for the briefest second and when the light came back our actors were in very different places than they once were.

Blake was hiding ontop of the bookshelf while Weiss got behind Yang who was currently holding Ruby. Jaune was in the arms of Pyrrha while Ren was back on his feet and regained his composure. Nora, well Nora found an excuse to hold onto Ren without actually being scared.

The Arc scion coughed in his hand, "Let's do this upstairs, agreed?"

"You can put me down now, Pyrrha."

Jaune blushed as he couldn't escape her iron grip, currently placed on her lap while she sat in a comforter. By how she was burying her face in his backside, she was long gone.

Ruby turned from them back to the rest of the group as they sat in a circle on the floor, the book and tapes in the center. "Riiiight, so... who here knows how to work one of these?"

Everyone looked sheepishly to the side, until Weiss huffed. "Can't be that hard, can it?" She was about to press a button until Blake stopped her, "Maybe... just maybe we should figure out how it works before we do something that could break it."

"Someone wanna go downstairs to get the manual?"

All of the teens minus Ruby put a finger on their nose and yelled not it.

"Son of a b-..." She muttered that last bit as she walked back down to the cellar.

After finding things that she will gladly erase from her memory, Ruby came back up with a dusty manual. "It was taped under the desk, also found some papers in the drawer the book was in."

She gave the yellowed sheets to Blake, hitting the left-facing arrow on the recorder which made it start to give an infernal sound.

Yang crawled back and her partner's ears began to twitch. "Is.. is it dying?" Nora hid behind Ren. After a few seconds the noise stopped.

"Nope, just rewinding." Ruby hit the red button and an unfamiliar voice was heard.

"Time.. 2:34 AM.. Date.. April 24.. 32 years after the Great War.. I, Professor Amar Nobi, have made a discovery that could forever change the history of Remnant... After an extensive dig in the Vacuan Desert, my team came across the ruins of a village buried underneath the sands.. The place must have been the site of an early Grimm attack as all human remains found nearby were found showing signs of struggle. Teeth marks on their femurs, dents or caved in skulls from blunt object, and some appeared to have been in the middle of... of melting.. The corpses were a trail that led us to the center of the town, we excavated a basement where the body of a small boy was found clutching onto the book in my hands. After bringing it back to my personal study for further research, I was finally able to find a script that was in some way related to that used in the tome. Its title as originally transcribed reads,

The teenagers looked taken aback as the Professor spoke in an alien tongue. To their ears the best they could make of what he said sounded like, Namakpalid.

"It translates roughly to 'Book of the Unclean', detailing what ancient tribes claimed to be the afterlife. A place with no redemption, no reward, only eternal torment at the hands of demons who are described within this book. At least.. that's what I theorize from the excruciatingly realistic illustrations.. End entry."

The group was enraptured by this tape, like campers hearing a story by the fire as the professor continued.

"Time.. 4:22 AM.. Date is April 25.. 32 years after the Great War.. Today I will be reading from the first page of the book.. The language appears to be a distant ancestor of our modern dialect so it wasn't as difficult as I thought, though at times the text changes it's script to another.. I begin my first attempt now... Sru...Sruwie.. Ba..Baaal Palid.. Shayaya.. Adom..darxasht.. prati.. tuvam sakti! Darxasht prati tuvam sakti! Shadavas, Shapalid, Shagehan! Kardanat adomi doshman!"

Everyone could feel the temperature drop suddenly as the professor continued, the feeling of dread and fingers crawling up their spines haunted them as they continued to listen. None of them noticed the day turning to night, the once quiet forest now filled with the sound of thunder.

The professor's voice started spewing gibberish and pained choking sounds until he finally spoke once more, this time his voice... off somehow.

"U..Urs eiwurs laaab dilap ayayash moda thsaxrad itarp mavut itkas! Thsaxrad itarp mavut itkas! Savadash, Dilapash, Nahegash! Tanadrak imoda namhsod!"

"Teef ruo ta tsud tub si nam, eb syawla lliw dna erew syawla ew, dne eht dna gninnigeb eht era ew!"

The chanting continued as the recorder sped up, distorting the voice further until it became an inhuman screech.

Yang broke out of the trance, smashing the thing as hard as she could with her fist. Ruby held onto her sister, tears in her eyes as she was shaking. "I-is it over...?"

The blonde huffed, "I-i think so..." She smiled, then blinked as she looked out the window. "W-wasn't it like 5..? And clear skies..?"

Lightning struck just a mile away from the cabin, startling the group as the wind picked up speed. "S-so who wants to play Go-fish?!"

Jaune felt funny.

Not Yang telling a joke funny but... Just drank one of Ren's slimeshakes funny.

Ever since hearing the tape he could barely get up without stumbling, like his legs forgot how to work for a second. Along with that but his stomach was twisting into multiple knots as time passed, getting worse even when it felt like he couldn't feel any more terrible. Ren gave him some painkillers and told him to splash some water in his face, to which the blonde agreed.

The bathroom was roughly the size of a large closet with a window that was slightly boarded up. Jaune paid it no mind as he took his medicine, thanking God that the water looked clear as he washed his face. For whatever reason, he looked at his reflection quick.

Worthless

His eye twitched, a word he was familiar with as it rang through his head like a splitting headache. The Arc grabbed at his hair, gritting his teeth until the pain passed. The blonde sighed and splashed his face one more time, Maybe I should just get some rest...

He absentmindedly scratched at his cheek, his body feeling tired.

"Got any 2s?" Ruby chimed, rearranging her deck.

"Nope~ Go fish, Red!" Nora smirked as the youngest huntress pouted. The game was made up largely of the two, Yang, Pyrrha, even Weiss had a hand as she was bored. Ren was fast asleep on the comforter as he rolled around, dreaming the same dream he always does. Next to him was Blake who was on the floor, looking over the Namakpalid along with Nobi's notes and reference books. She tuned out the background noise as she found herself trying to translate its contents.

Hearken... Lord of... the Impure? No, of the Unclean.. Great king... I ask for... your power.. No, that's not right... Your grace..I ask for your grace... King of.. enemies? No... King of Demons... King of the Unclean.. King of ... of Ardh.. No, Earth? No... that's not it either.. King of Humanity..? Curse my enemies...?

The page illustrated what appeared to be a bull faunus, multiple horns sprouting from his head and wrapping around like a crown. Their hair going down to their shoulders and conceiling their face. She continued reading, this time from the reference books which thankfully had bookmarks.

Valid..Obscure frontier god in northern Vacuo... A god of night and vengeance.. depicted as a bull faunus with four horns and a sword at his side..

Jaune managed to find his way to his bed, curling up into a ball as the pain continued. He felt his breathing be hitched, as if a hand reached into his throat and started squeezing.

Bali, minor demon of the Vacuan desert.. said to be the patron of those who die alone..

The Arc felt his body start to convulse, slamming against the bed with such force he felt his aura start to drain.

Valpalis.. demon of ancient Vale.. an import from Vacuo.. Patron of plagues and of madness...

The blonde's eyes began to roll back into his head, his mouth cracking into a disgustingly wide smile.

"Go fish! I WIN!"

Ruby beamed as she tossed her cards down, blowing a raspberry at the girls. Her victory was shortlived as they heard Jaune let out a scream of pain followed by the sound of a loud thud.

Pyrrha jumped up, rushing over to see what's wrong along with the rest of JNPR and RWBY minus Weiss. The Ice Queen tossed her cards aside and sighed, not wanting to be left alone.

The group were infront of the door, it having been locked by Jaune. The resident Champion kicked it down, her sword drawn as she was prepared to gut any monsters hiding underneath beds. A figure jumped her from above which she swiftly decapitated like it was nothing.

Instead of the usual fade away of Grimm, the creature fell limp onto the floor and a fountain of blood covered the Spartan from head to toe. It's head rolled over slowly to reveal...

"JAUNE!"

Ah, this is going to be fun I just know it. Expect the next chapter within a few weeks or not if this story bombs.