Prologue: Bon Voyage

"Oops."

Sure, Ranma didn't care that much about the old slime. Or his collection of stollen 'darlings'. Still, spilling Akane's most toxic meal yet all over the pile of them in the middle of Happosai's room hadn't been Ranma's intention. Apparently the old man had been admiring his favourites, now they were dripping with... whatever Akane was trying to feed Ranma.

"Gonna need to go on a vacation while the room gets decontaminated, eh gramps?" Ranma stated, hoping to get rid of him.

"Ranma! Stop acting like my food is toxic waste!"

"Last time I ate any I got sick. An' I've got a stomach of iron."

"I'll admit, on reflection I should have checked if the chicken had heated thoroughly in the microwave. It wasn't that big of a mistake though. This meal was much better. Just a nice stew."

"They're all ruined," Happosai bemoaned to himself. "All my favourites."

"I saw you pour in like half a bottle of soy sauce," Ranma said, ignoring the old man.

"It's stew. It needs a broth."

Suddenly Ranma felt something clamp onto his wrist. The vile old codger had managed to sneak up on him, and had stuck on some sort of over-decorated arm band.

"What the heck is this you old worm?" Ranma asked, while trying to pull the jeweled piece of metal off. "It better not be something to mess with my curse!"

"Nothing so passé as that. You've upset me too many times for such a simple punishment. This is the Liufang Xiubiao: the Bracelet of Exile. I won't have to see your face again until I think you've learned your lesson," Happosai replied.

"Huh? What does this hunka metal do?" Ranma grumbled, still unable to remove the bracelet.

"I'm not completely sure, the scroll that came with it as rather damaged," the old leech admitted, "But it guarantees you'll be out of my hair as soon as I read the magic words. Abracadabra Alakazam!"

The bracelet began to radiate an odd violet colour, while the pigtailed boy stared daggers at the old man.

"Really? THAT was the magi-"

He vanished in a puff of green flame.

"Finally, I'll get a bit of peace and quiet around here. Even if it means I don't get to see that lovely redhead, there's plenty of girls to distract me around here," Happosai gloated, before having a moment of reflection on the various beauties in the neighbourhood.

A dresser to the head reminded him that Akane had been in the room the whole time. As he crawled out through one of the drawers she yanked him up to eye level by the collar.

"Where is he?"

"Somewhere far away. It's a bracelet of exile."

"WHERE!?" Akane demanded, her aura flaring up enough to actually worry Happosai.

"Ask Cologne. I've got no idea. Her people should have labelled their loot better."

Akane chucked the old grandmaster through a wall and stormed off towards the Neko Hanten. It wasn't too long of a walk, but was just far enough Akane understood why Shampoo had a bike. Of course you couldn't really stomp while biking and right now Akane wanted to stomp.

All but knocking the door at the entrance off its hinges Akane marched up to the counter. Mousse looked nervous.

"Mousse-kun, Where is Cologne?" she asked, angry but attempting to be civil.

"Uh, she's in the back."

Mousse scrambled into the kitchen and soon emerged with Cologne. The old woman pogoed over to Akane.

"What brings you in today? Not here to let Shampoo have son-in-law I'm guessing?"

"Of course not. I have questions about an artifact. The Bracelet of Exile."

Cologne looked stunned for a moment. "So Happi did take it... We have to get it back. That is one of the most powerful artifacts the Joketsuzoku ever acquired. Where is it?"

"Wherever it sent Ranma," Akane replied. "I don't care how far away that might be. I'll cross an ocean if needed."

"He used it... the old fool," Cologne mumbled to herself. "I'm sorry child, but Ranma is not anywhere you can reach."

"He... he isn't dead is he?"

"No. The bracelet sends whoever wears it to... well, the modern term would be parallel universes. The victim is only returned to her or his home realm when whoever spoke the magic words truly forgives them... or dies."

As the words sunk in Akane felt her heart break. Happosai was not the forgiving type. For a brief moment the idea of letting Shampoo try to kill him floated in her head, but she both knew that would fail and didn't like the idea of murder.

Author's notes: You may ask yourself, what is this? And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

The latter is easier to answer. You clicked the link. But good on you with the Talking Heads reference.

As for the former: this is my way to crank out my ten thousand AU ideas without writing that many fics. Okay, so maybe ten thousand is a slight exaggeration... but I still have too many ideas. If any prove popular enough they might get full fics. Some ideas are a bit less solid that others... but might end up flowing better than expected.

As always I claim no ownership over Ranma 1/2 or its characters.