Hiya, I'm Zoey

Prologue: Introductory Whatsits

Hiya, I'm Zoey, Zoey Fassenheimer; strange name, I know, but it's whatevs. There's a lot about me that—shut up, Ken! I'm tryna do a shoddy cam session, ya cunt!... No! Not that type of—ugh! No, no, it's whatever. I'm gonna continue and YOU are gonna shut up, got it?!... thank you. Chrissake. Anyway, anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Anyhoo~ Ray wants me to do these daily recording things. Y'know, so we can keep up with our daily lives or whatever it is that robot wants these for. Maybe she has like, a human fetish or something, Hell do I know.

Okay, so, we got the name out of the way, so let's get the story then, shall we?

There's a lot about me that these other blokes don't know; maybe it's because I'm not from around here originally, maybe it's because I dye my hair for the helluvit, but that's all external shite, y'know? I'm talking about stuff on the down-low, the personal leve—YES, Ken! I do have a bloody personal level. Go do your bloody ninja-ing somewhere else... God, he's a sexy bastard—You did not hear that! Go away, you drongo!

Finally! Damn arsehole, made me lose my train of thought again. Okay, let me see here; rewiiiind that... ah! Okay, so my name's Zoey, got that out of the way, and I'm a survivor. A foreign one at that; coming from the lucky country to visit some online friends when the apocalypse started and everything went into the shitter. Now that I think about it, never did meet up with them. Hope the blokes are alright... anyway, before I sidetrack myself again, as I've said, I'm a survivor. I've been helping this group, an aged man, and a robot, to fight off this storm-thingummyjig. Now, it's not your average storm—obviously, as I've mentioned the word apocalypse somewhere in this damn recording—it's brought back the bloody dead!

Not your run-o'-the mill walkers you'd see in shows or games or whatnot, but they're like—it's a tad difficult to explain really. They're like walking carcasses—of course they are, Zoey, ya dag, they're dead—they're like zombies, but... oh, sod it. I've already failed this thrice over, just say it, yeah? They're an unholy crossover between skeletons and zombies; hard to imagine, I know, I'm having a hard time just tryna put the bloody creature into words. Think of it like a mask, yeah? But it's a human face an' pulled back all the way down to the neck. Zombies, but bodgy, y'see?

These bastards decided to up and ruin my little vacation and probably killed my friends. So what if I feel like I need a little vengeance, they bloody well deserve it! Luckily enough, I ain't the only one who thought so—Ken, that arsehole from before, saw fit to train his already flexible... incredibly toned, fill 'er up in all the right places—Zoey, shut it—body to fight these things alongside me an' four others. Not counting Ray and the guy goin' by Commander. Never learned his name, did I? Ah, forget it, as long as I'm havin' fun, right?

The other three, not counting Ken; one's a mug from the UK, lass named Penny. She'll believe bloody everything ya tell her, but she's a sweet gal. Couldn't find it in my gum-drop heart to deceive her... for the Nth time. Another lady named Ramz, er... Remriz? Ramiz... shite, what was it... Ramirez! Yeah, grew up in Minnesota, me thinks. Don't talk to her all that much, she's a conch. She'll likely work herself to death than die by zombies... well, her work is fighting zombies so... maybe both, whatever. Lastly, we've got Jonesy. I swear on my mum he looks exactly like someone I've seen before, but I can't put my damn finger on it. He's this blonde, tall, serious lookin' fella. You'd think he'd be like Ramis—Ramirez, all uptight and busy busy busy, but no.

Is it just me or are all the men in this group idiotic? Leave a lad to do a lass' job, as they say.

Ken, already talked about him. He doesn't need any more recognition. Was raised somewhere in Chicago, blah blah blah, looking for his parents. I hope they're alright, for his sake, y'know? He's a nice bloke, a moron for sure, but nice enough. Couldn't bear to see him hurt in any way. Wait, didn't I just say I won't be giving him any more screentime? Oh, for fuck's... moving on. Then there's me, but I already told you how I got here. All that's left is who I am, I suppose, yeah?

If by now, you couldn't tell by my bloody recording, I'm a bit of a stumblebum. ADD or whatsit; my thoughts are organized, for a few seconds, and then everything happens and then I lose my fuckin' spot and I'm restarting once again. Thankfully enough here, Ken left, so I'm able to do this without rambling on about whatnot for ages on end and moving to different topics every five seconds. I work better alone, y'know? Of course you know, you're a machine; Lok, right? Yeah, Lok. Says on your little bitty name-tag there. Sure, I do great with a squad, but when it's bloody paperwork or shite like this, I need to be by my bloody lonesome!

Give a lass some space, yeah?

Anyway, ah, I think that's all I have to record for today, right? Introductory whatnots. Tomorrow'll be more interesting, since, y'know, you're comin' out into the field with me. Yeah, it'll definitely be interesting. Make sure to get a good look at my ass, will ya? I know Ken's gonna be crackin' a fatty over this! Well, he'd best, at least. I'll give the bastard a good kick in the doodle otherwise.

God, I need to have a naughty. Maybe a lollipop.

Yeah, no, that's a thing.

This is gonna be one in few 'video log' chapters, so, don't expect much of this after the prologue; it's actually going to be mostly from the first person perspective from Zoey's P.O.V. Remember that green haired girl from Season 4's Battlepass? Of course you do, she has green fucking hair and is just about the best skin since Renegade Raider. In my opinion.

Anyway, this is a what-if fanfic, as in what if she was in S.T.W. I toyed with the idea a bit in my head, and this is what came to mind. An Aussie with ADD and a major love for sweets. As in Ken's sweet ass, amiright? I'm joking lmao. You can't tell, but I'm finger gunning, right now.

Lastly, not all of the chapters are going to be this short; usually I hammer out about 2-4k words in a chapter. This was just introductory, y'know? Just wanted to get that outta the way.

Anyway, that's that for, er... that? As usual, you're all the best and I hope you continue to enjoy.