Flagg1991 sits in the armchair, his legs crossed and a cigarette jutting from between his thin lips; smoke hangs heavy around his head like dragon's breath. He stares down at his cellphone, his thumb scrolling up, up, ever up. Next to him, Raganoxer glares at Luan, who squirms in her seat, her eyes filled with terror. As she watches, he presses his thumb to his throat and mimes cutting. "You know," Flagg says, "I'm very disappointed in some of these emails." He taps the screen. "Look at this one: You and Abbarentscript are literally the shit stain of this community. These fanfic stories of yours reflect on how pathetic your social lives are. Utterly pathetic." Flagg grabs his crotch and squeezes. "I got your social life right here."

He takes a drag and blows out a bluish plume of smoke. "And the amount of people," he says around the filter, "who want to see Lucy fart on me and Rag. I swear to Christ, I forgot how fucking autistic you people can be." He jabs his finger at Kenny Rogers, who recoils like a skittish dog before the boot of a cruel master. "You, Kenny, are for some strange fucking reason very popular with our audience. Your fat ass hasn't even done anything." Flagg blows a raspberry.

Suddenly, the phone on the end table rings. "Well," Flagg grins, "looks like we have our first caller." He picks up the phone and holds it to his ear. "Welcome to Torture the Louds, good sir, what can I do you for?"

"I love Leni, and I wanna save her. Idrc what happens with the other family members. My name is John btw."

Flagg snorts. "Sorry, kid, but there's no saving anyone here. Leni-eni-bo-benny is probably going to die before the nights out, and that's that."

He hangs up the phone, and it rings again. "You're on Torture the Louds numero dos, what do you want me to do?"

"This is the same John from before, I really want to save Leni."

A dark shadow flickers across Flagg's face. Taking a deep breath through flaring nostrils, he sets the phone back into the cradle and reaches into his coat. "Some people," he remarks. He pulls out a revolver, aims it at Leni, and pulls the trigger: A hole appears between her eyes, and the back of her head explodes in a shower of blood, meaty pink brain, and shattered skull fragments; gore splatters Lynn and Lola's faces, and everyone begins to cry, scream, and thrash against their bonds. For a minute Leni sits there, eyes wide in shock, then she topples forward and crashes face first into the floor, her butt up in the air like she's a bitch in heat. Red soaks into the carpet.

Flagg shoves the gun back into his jacket and looks into the screen. "Wanna save anyone else, John?"

Next to him, Rag snickers. "Hur hur, good one, Flagg."

Flagg nods, then picks the phone up when it rings. "Give me something I can work with, please."

"Here's something even better, instead of torturing the Louds, have them torture that piece of shit called "Misha" on the "The Loud Booru". This cocksucker got the OC pics that don't have any official characters in them deleted resulting in the creation of "The Abomination Booru"! Now people have to go back and forth between sites to see everything! Make Misha pay in cold blood!"

Flagg throws the phone down and presses his fingers to his temples, his features contorting as if in pain. "I don't know much about that, alright? But here's what I understand: OCs are not allowed on the Booru on their own. They need a canon character with them. The sin kids were grandfathered in, but Misha changed the rules, and you know what? If that's how it went down...good on him. Why should those OCs be allowed but no one else's? I have a shit ton of great OCs, why should Lemy and his fuckwit sisters be allowed but not Daggy Goldberg or Amber Paulson or Wayne DiRosario or Alex and Jessy? Huh?" Flashing, Flagg whips the gun out and puts another bullet into Leni's head; her body jumps limply. "Misha, call in, give me your info, and I'll send you a beer." He puts the gun back and looks at Kenny. "Kenny," he grumbles and gestures toward Leni, "get that dead bitch out of here."

"You forgot about Krog and Ferret" Rag says under his breath. Kenny waddles over, grabs Leni by her arms, and drags her around the couch and into the kitchen, leaving a trail of blood. Lynn Sr. and Rita press their foreheads together and sob inconsolably. "Shut the fuck up," Flagg sneers, "that damn bullet probably raised her IQ a few points."

The phone rings, and Flagg picks it up. "For the love of all that is holy, give me a real request."

"Roast Lincoln's shoes or something."

Flagg pulls the phone away from his ear and stares at it for a moment, then shrugs. "Eh, I can do that."

He puts the phone back in the cradle, gets up, and saunters over to Lincoln, who stares up at him in quivering terror. "Nice shoes, asshole," Flagg says. They're white with blue stripes on the sides. "Let me guess, your Mom got 'em at Wal-Mart for ten bucks. They didn't even come in a box, they were just hanging on the rack." He gets down to one knee and slips one of Lincoln's shoes off. "You got some big fucking feet, kid." He twists around and holds it up so Rag can see. "Look at this fucking thing, looks like a clown shoe."

Rag lets out a chuckle, "Fitting since he's the joke of the family" Rag hugs one arm around Luan and squeezes the air out of her and laughs a bit harder while slapping a knee; Luan groans in terror.

"Or maybe he's also overcompensating for something like a certain someone I know" Flagg says while eyeing Rag's long ass hat.

"Hey butthole. I'm agreeing with you, This is about Lincolns gorilla feet." Rag spits back.

"You know what they say about big feet," Kenny says as he comes in.

"Yeah," Flagg says and stands, "big socks."

The phone rings, and Flagg answers. "Hola."

"Give Lana a whipping for bringing termites to Aunt Ruth's lake house. I can't fucking stand a karma Houdini."

Flagg puts the phone down and turns to Lana, who cowers. "Look," he sighs and begins to approach, his head down, "homeownership is...it's a lot of work. You got property taxes, you got...you got bills, when something breaks, you gotta fix it or pay someone else to fix it for you." He's standing over Lana now, looming, tall as a building. Like lightning, he snatches her by the front of her overalls and drags her off her butt; she squeezes her eyes closed, tears streaming down her cheeks. "AND TERMITES EAT HOUSES!" He shakes her violently. "YOU FUCKING THOUGHTLESS PIG!" He flings her across the room; she crashes into the wall and drops to the floor in a heap. "Thinking about the damage those bastards cause...and the money your aunt had to pay for repairs infuriates me." He stalks over draws his foot back, and kicks her hard in the stomach. She lets out a muffled cry and starts to weep.

"Fucking asshole," Flagg snarls. He goes over to the armchair and sits. The phone rings and he picks it up. "Yeah?"

He winces when whiny electronic feedback fills the line. "This is Not-Raganoxer, you should totally have that Rag dude kill Luan."

Flagg turns to Rag - he's facing away, his hand suspiciously up to his ear and his head tilted. "Really?" Flagg asks tightly.

"It's not Rag…"

"I can hear your voice echoing." Flagg shoves Rag, and a cellphone drops from his hand. "Fuck's a'matter with you?" Flagg demands.

Rag sighs. "Come on, man, I just wanna fuck, kill, then fuck this bitch."

"Wait for a request, assnugget." Flagg shakes his head. "I swear to fuck, it's only chapter two and already my blood pressure is through the roof."

"They got pills for that you know, can't imagine you when you get the even more autistic requests."

The phone rings. "Kill me, please."

"Force Lincoln to watch Clyde and Ronnie Ann have sex and every time he doesn't look you shock him."

Flagg grins. "I wouldn't do it...but everyone hates Clyde, sooo…"

He whips out his phone and texts Clyde and Ronnie Anne. Within minutes, they're standing in front of Lincoln, whose eyes are filled with misery. "Alright, kids," Flagg says, one hand on Ronnie Anne's shoulder and the other on Clyde's, "do this for Uncle Flagg, and I'll let your families live."

In the corner, Maria, Bobby, and Clyde's dads are bound and gagged.

Sighing, Ronnie Anne hooks her thumbs into the waistband of her shorts. "Let's get this over with."

Clyde reaches into his pants and pulls out a massive black cock. Ronnie Anne sees it and her eyes widen slightly. "Whoa, it's so much bigger than Lincoln's."

Flagg grins. "Now just like I told you."

Shorts and panties pooled around her ankles, Ronnie Anne bends over Lincoln and splays her hands on his knees; their faces are inches apart, their noses almost touching. "Remember, Linc," Flagg says, "you gotta watch or you get the shock-shock." He holds out his hand, and Kenny slaps a tazer into it.

Gripping Ronnie Anne's hips, Clyde thrusts into her, and she jumps with a cry, her nose bumping into Lincoln's. Clyde starts to pump, and Ronnie Anne's eyelids flutter. "That actually feels really - " her mouth drops open and a look of bliss crosses her face. "Faster," she pants.

Moaning, Lincoln squeezes his eyes closed, and Flagg jams the tazer against his neck; his body jerks and his cowlick crackles with electricity. Flagg laughs merrily. "Look into her eyes, Linc, watch he girl you like cum from another man. A bigger man. A better man."

Ronnie Anne digs her nails into Lincoln's knees and leans her forehead against his as her knees begin to shake. "Oh, fuck...oh, fuck…oh, fuck."

Lincoln closes his eyes against a rush of tears, and Flagg zaps him again. Kenny grins evily and Rag stares fixedly at Luan.

Ronnie Anne buries her face in the crook of Lincoln's neck as her orgasm hits, bearing down on his flesh with her teeth and making him yelp. Clyde blows his load and pulls out in a rush of sperm.

"Well," Flagg grins, "how'd y'all enjoy that?"

Clyde and Ronnie Anne share a smile...then take each other's hands. "Aww," Flagg says and looks down at Lincoln, who is weeping. "Isn't that nice? They found love...and release." He turns to Clyde and Ronnie Anne. "Why don't you kids go do it again...this time in Lincoln's bed. And when you go to nut, Clyde, do it on Bun-Bun."

"Yes, sir."

Holdng hands, Clyde and Ronnie Anne go upstairs and Flagg sits in the chair. Everyone on the couch is crying or staring blankly into space, traumatized. "I say we're off to a good start," Flagg says.

The phone rings and he picks it up. "What it do, yo?"

"Shame on you Flagg, leaving me out of the credits. If I remember correctly, I'm the one who gave you the idea... Or else you took some of the inspiration for it from one of our conversations. I shan't be a footnote in history."

Flagg rolls his eyes. "Sorry, Gabe," he says in a tone that clearly indicates he isn't. Looking into the fourth wall, he says, "Last year, Gabeclone here accused me of having a hard on against the Louds because they died in a few of my stories. Goodness knows no one ever fucking dies in fiction. Anyway, I decided if he wanted a vendetta, he'd get one, so I took the family hostage and the rest is history. He, then, is responsible for this, not me. All of this is his fault." He turns back to the phone. "Anything else?"

"Ask Lola how her sessions with Mr. Thomson have been going. Ask her if she's still having those nightmares. Ask her why she thinks Lucy's been avoiding her. Does she still feel the insects crawling beneath her putrid flesh? Does she still feel a deathly chill seep into her bones at the thought of sleep? Does she still feel the phantom fingers pulling her down?"

Hanging up the phone, Flagg looks at Lola. "Do you still feel the, uh, fingers of Mr. Johnson giving you...boners at sleep?" His face crinkles in confusion. "I should have written that down. Damn it. Next caller."

The phone rings. "Speak to me."

"Flagg straight up throws Lily across the room, breaking through an inch of wall."

Flagg grins. "Levi, my man. Look, I actually had a similar idea, but I'm gonna leave that to the next chapter cuz we're coming up on a commercial break. You're gonna love what I have in store for that little rugrat." He smiles coldly at Lily, and she begins to tremble.

He hangs up, and the phone instantly rings again. "Goddamn," he remarks to Rag, "we're on fire." He picks up the phone. "Ello, ello."

"To the poster that suggests torturing Misha of "The Loud Booru", yes!

That piece of shit should be beaten to a pulp by Loan, Liena, Lyra, Liby, Lacy, Lemy, Lupa, Lizy, Leia, Lulu and Lani for his prejudice against them! I'll let you choose the torture methods to use on this dipshit! Though, I will say that after the kids are done torturing that waste of sperm, they put him in a box and pour cement into it, and then toss the box with him in it, into a radioactive swamp!"

Flagg hangs up, then puts the phone to his ear and dials. "Yes? Edible Arrangements? I'd

like you send your biggest, best, and most expensive fruit basket to Misha. From The Loud Booru."

He nods, then holds his hand out to Kenny. Hanging his head, Kenny takes out his wallet and gives Flagg his credit card. Flagg recites the number and expiration date, then hangs up. "Misha, enjoy your fruit basket, brother." He turns to the fouth wall. "And you enjoy these words from our sponsers."