This is something that I sat down and wrote because it was in my head. It doesn't fit into my other story, so I'm making a new story. I'm not sure how long this will be or what the outcome will be yet. There are triggers in this story-extreme depression and an eating disorder. So don't read if these are triggers for you. I'm not even sure there will be an HEA at this point. This is just a plot bunny that wouldn't go away. I've been depressed the last few days and this is what comes of my depression evidently. No, I don't have an eating disorder and no I'm not nearly as depressed as Hermione is in this story. There is no need to worry. Please read and review and let me know what you think.

Depression was something I had to handle alone. It was the most painful reminder that I am human, whether I have magic or not, I'm still human. I sunk into the deepest bowels of depression. I couldn't eat. All I wanted to do was sleep.

I was appreciative of the money I had gotten from the Ministry because I was able to buy a house outright. I didn't feel like I deserved the money, but still I was appreciative. It allowed me to pay for everything months in advance, so I didn't have to think about anything else but myself.

Harry and Ron came to check on me daily at first. I would sit in my bed while they tried to talk to me. I didn't have the attention span to listen. After seeing the horrors of war in the Final Battle at Hogwarts and the clean up afterward, I went to Australia to see if I could reverse the memory charm I had put on my parents. But I couldn't find them. I figured out that I had basically led the Death Eaters to my parents when I had done the memory charm on them. I wasn't as careful leaving as I thought I was and they found them. And killed them. The Death Eaters had created a stasis charm on my house for me to find my parents, murdered and raped, and a note on the wall saying I was next.

I shut myself off to feeling anything after that. I worked for a few days to bury my parents and sell their house, but then the depression struck, and I couldn't get out of it. I was sinking deeper and deeper into it. That was ten months ago.

As much as I wanted to sleep, I had nightmares that shook me awake and left me screaming and sobbing in my pillows. The only time I left the house was when I ran out of food and could no longer go without food. If I was lucky, I could go a few days without food before going to the grocer.

Looking in my refrigerator and cabinets for the third day in a row, my stomach was rumbling. I knew I would have to go to the grocer. I decided to go to the apothecary as well to get a few doses of dreamless sleep. The last few nights had been full of worse than normal dreams. I needed at least one good night of sleep or I would be sick on top of depressed. I hated being sick.

Deciding to go to the apothecary that day changed my life.

I just didn't know it yet.

I took a shower and got dressed for the first time in five days. I'm sure I smelled, but I didn't care. Harry and Ron barely showed up twice a month now. They had given up on me. It was the only thing that made me feel anything, when I had looked at my calendar and realized that for the last three months I had been more and more alone. It didn't make me happy. It made me angry. I never gave up on them, why the fuck were they giving up on me?

I would wash my sheets and towels when I got home, maybe do some light house cleaning. Maybe a tiny light would shine in my world if I cleaned a little. Maybe not.

I walked out my backdoor and apparated to the Leaky Cauldron. I had never opened a floo connection to my house, mostly because I didn't want to deal with the hassle of ministry paperwork.

No one noticed me. I looked so different from how I used to look. I had grown tired of my hair after waking night after night drenched in sweat from nightmares, that I had cut it into a pixie cut. With it being so short, it was wavy and easy to deal with. No one noticed me without my halo of hair around me. With my hoodie over my head, I blended into obscurity.

I walked quickly to the back and opened the passage to Diagon Alley. It wasn't busy. I was glad because I was less likely to run into someone I knew. Arriving at the apothecary, I picked up a basket and went to the pre-made potion section. I remembered a time years ago when I would rather have made my own potions than trust a pre-made potion, but I had not attention span to give to brewing anything.

I picked out three dreamless sleep drafts, two calming drafts for the days when I had anxiety attacks and took them to the front of the store. I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and ran into a wall of grey and fell back and would have landed on my arse, but a hand grabbed my waist and kept me upright. I looked up into grey eyes. I had run into none other than Draco Malfoy.

"Excuse me, I wasn't watching where I was going," I said and moved out of his grasp. My voice sounded like crushed gravel from lack of use.

"Granger? Is that you?" Malfoy asked in a shocked voice.

I walked around him and picked up my basket that I had dropped when I ran into him. I chose not to respond. The less I spoke the better.

Malfoy grabbed my right forearm and stopped me from moving forward. "It is you. Potter has been worried sick over you for months, and I didn't believe him. But he was right. You look like shit. Are you even eating, Granger?"

"Let go Malfoy. Why are you talking to Harry about me?" I asked shaking my arm to get him to let me go. He just held me and looked me over. His eyes taking in my face, my emaciated form, my depression. When his eyes met mine again, I could feel him touching my mind with his, and I didn't care to stop him. I didn't have the strength to keep a skilled Legilimence out of my head and I knew that Malfoy was very skilled in mind magic. Let him see my pain, let him tell Harry that I'm way more screwed up than anyone thought. After a moment, he had tears in his eyes and had stopped going through my mind. He grabbed me and held me in a bone crushing hug. I stood there stiff and unsure of how to react. This was not the Draco Malfoy I knew in school who called me Mudblood. That Draco Malfoy would never have touched me much less entered my mind. I was too dirty for him.

"Let go Malfoy," I said again and pushed against his chest with the palm of my hand.

"You have been alone for too long, Granger. Your pain is not what defines you. You are the brightest witch of the age and yet you live all in your mind. When was the last time you had a conversation with someone?" he asked me.

I tried to pull away from him again. He didn't let me go. I wasn't going to try to have a conversation with him. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to talk to him.

He looked in my basket and saw what I was buying, "I have better potions at my house. Will you come with me to my house and something that will actually help you sleep?"

Fear gripped me. I couldn't walk into the Manor. I started hyperventilating and grabbed the arm that Malfoy was holding, just below his hand. He had unwittingly covered most of the slur that was carved into my arm. My legs buckled, and I would have collapsed if he hadn't used his seeker reflexes and grabbed me under my arms.

"Oh, no Hermione, I don't live at the Manor. I can't. Breathe, in and out, in and out. Breathe. Its ok," he said. He held me to him and led me in breathing, but really it wasn't helping. I kept myself from thinking about the torture. I couldn't handle it without going into a complete panic attack. I grabbed his shirt and started sobbing. I heard him curse, and he must have decided about me going home with him because the next thing I knew, he had picked me up bridal style and walked out of the apothecary. I felt us apparate away.

We landed in a bright room. Malfoy set me down on a couch. I was still sobbing and holding my arm. I was reliving the pain repeatedly. That's all I did now anyway was relive pain in one way or another and try to put a stopper on other painful memories.

"I'm going to get a calming draft. Its in the next room over. I will be right back," he said quietly. I just looked at him. He walked away. I wrapped my arms around my knees and sobbed.

I felt Malfoy touch my shoulder. I looked up and he held the potion to my lips. I opened my mouth and he poured the potion into my mouth. I felt the potion take effect within seconds. I took a deep breathe and let go of my knees.

He sat on the edge of the couch at my feet and took my hand in his hands. He just sat there looking at me. I didn't know what to say to him. I hadn't broken down like that in front of anyone in months. And to show such weakness to Malfoy was writing a free pass for him to call me all sorts of new names.

But when I looked into his face, his eyes confused me. They had tears in them. None had fallen, but they were wet. Full of tears. I looked at him. I really didn't know what to say to him.

"Hermione, shit, there are no words to express how sorry I am for the pain that you are in. Will you stay for lunch? I'm not much of a cook, but we can order anything you want," he said only a little hesitantly.

"Thank you for the calming draught. I should go home," I said pulling my hand out of his. There was no way I would stay here for lunch. I couldn't bare that he now has things to hold over me.

"Why?" he asked.

I looked at him and stood up. Now the calming draught that I buy from the apothecary does not have the effects that Malfoy's draught had on me. When I stood up, my legs couldn't hold my weight and if I hadn't been by the couch I would have immediately fallen but I fell onto the couch instead.

"I should warn you that I brew the calming draught strong. You need to rest for a little while. What would you like to eat for lunch? You can literally ask for anything, from anywhere, and I can get it for you," he said with a smirk.

"So, I'm a prisoner here?" I asked appalled.

"NO! If you are completely against staying here, I can escort you home, but I will have to know where you live and then you won't get rid of me because I will just order something at your house. So, you choose do you want to eat here or at your house?" he asked with a larger smirk.

I huffed, "That's very Slytherin of you, fine, I'll eat here. I'll have sushi," I hadn't had good sushi in a long time. I was sure Malfoy wouldn't order just the sushi down the street, but good sushi.

"Any particular kind?" he asked quirking an eyebrow.

I shook my head, "Nothing too spicy." I sat on the couch with my arms crossed and looked around the room.

"Will you be ok for five minutes while I order?" he asked. I just looked at him quirking my eyebrow back at him. I refused to talk to him. He walked out of the room.

Looking around, I saw that I was in a library of sorts. It was a beautiful room, to be sure. I was so used to the dark and quiet of my house that this room took me by surprise. The windows were floor to ceiling and from the couch I could see a lake. The bookshelves were of dark wood and were also floor to ceiling. Besides the couch I was sitting on, there was a desk in between the two windows. The floor was a lovely light hardwood with a large rug in front of the couch.

If I hadn't been in such a petulant and depressed mood, this room would have made me very happy. But other than inspiring awe in me for the number of books in the room, I felt nothing. I didn't try to stand, although I really wanted to go to a bookcase and see what type of books Malfoy preferred. Curiosity was something I hadn't felt in a very long time. My mouth dropped open with the thought.

Malfoy walked in and looked at me, "what?"

I looked at him, trying to decide if I should ask him about the books or sit silently. He sat down on the other side of the couch. He continued to look at me with sad eyes.

"Books?" I finally mumbled.

"Yes, Hermione, this is my library. Its not all my books, but they are my favorites. The ones I can't live without," he said smiling at me.

"What kind of books?" my curiosity getting the better of me. Books were probably my greatest weakness.

"Well, they are arranged like in a library, by genre then by author's last name. I enjoy texts on alchemy, potions, wand lore, fiction. I even have a section of Muggle authors," he said pointing to the different sections.

I was in awe of his system. It would have been almost exactly the way I had my library arranged if I ever got my books out of the boxes they were stored in.

I looked at him, unsure of what to say. I never knew that he enjoyed reading. And the way he talked about books made me think he enjoys reading the way I used too.

"I have four copies of Hogwarts: A History," I finally say.

"Which four?" he asks laughing at me.

"5th edition, 7th edition, 10th edition, and of course the current edition," I said smugly.

He stands up and walks to a glass case behind me. I turn to watch him walk. Inside are very old books. Malfoy pulled three books out and walked back to me, handing me the one on top. It's a rare first edition of Hogwarts: A History, followed by the second and third editions as well. I look up at him in shock. I run my hand over the cover of the book. It is lovely. I pick it up and smell it. It has the lovely old book smell that I love.

"This is incredible! I can't believe you have the first three editions. It took me ages to find the 5th and 7th," I say smiling a weak smile. I realize this is the first time I have smiled since before the Final Battle over a year before. It feels strange on my face. I give him the books back, "They are beautiful."

Malfoy returned the books to the case, "I'll be right back, I think the sushi has arrived." He ran off through the same door that he came in by earlier. I tried to stand but found that my legs still did not want to hold me. I was stuck here at least through lunch.

I wondered for a moment how he knew that the sushi had arrived. But decided that it wasn't worth my time. Maybe I should start ordering out. I lived in a Muggle neighborhood. I could get pizza or Chinese delivered easily.

He walked back in a few moments later with three bags of food. He was levitating plates and glasses of water. He set it all down on the floor. "Unless you want me to carry you to the dining room, we will eat on the floor in here, is that fine with you?" he asked me clearly sure that I would be ok with the floor.

"You would eat on the floor? Isn't that beneath you or something?" I ask sliding to the floor and leaning against the couch.

"Well, technically the floor is always beneath me, but yes, I actually eat on the floor in here when I'm in the midst of research," he said.

"What do you research?" I heard myself asking. Why the hell am I asking him questions. I'm supposed to eat and leave. Not converse. I'm only going to give him more ammunition for later.

"I am going to get my mastery in potions starting next year, but I have a lot of research and things I need to do before I start. My seventh year was useless in Potion making. Slughorn barely taught a thing, he was too scared of the Carrows. So, I asked Professor McGonagall if I could have a copy of Snape's 7th year curriculum, and I am slowly working through it. It is very research intense. I'm not sure how he got a class through it in one year," he said opening the bags and pulling different sushi rolls out. "Potter is actually helping me with my research on one of the potions. There is a book that I know the Blacks had at one time, but we have been unable to find it. No one knows where it is and as Potter is now the owner of the whole Black library, minus some books of my mother's we have been combing through the library trying to find it."

"What book are you looking for?" Curiosity got the better of me again.

"I bought two of each non-spicy roll that was on the menu. I have a limited knowledge of sushi and wanted to be safe that I bought something you like," he said handing me a plate, "dig in. I'm looking for the first edition of Evard's Potions: The Art of Brewing Darkness. It's in the catalog that is a part of the library, but it isn't there."

I quickly grab chopsticks and pick up a piece of one roll and pop it into my mouth. It tastes delicious. I moan in satisfaction. I hadn't had sushi in such a long time. This was decadence at its best. I choose a piece of each roll and start eating. Malfoy is watching me eat with a smile on his face.

"What?" I ask him not understanding why he is smiling.

"You really like sushi, don't you?"

I nod and swallow, "thank you for the sushi."

"You're welcome. Can I ask you a question?" He waits for me to think and I nod. I feel like he may deserve at least the answer to one question for getting me the best sushi I may have ever had.

"When I was in your mind, I felt your loneliness, your depression, your fear. But you are alone by choice, why?" he asked quietly.

I take a moment to think about it. There isn't an easy answer to the question he is asking.

"I don't know. It's just easier I guess. Harry understands what it is like to lose his parents, but he never knew them, so it is still different. Ron understands loss, but not on the level that he can understand the pain I felt. I was the cause of what happened to my parents. If I wasn't a fucking witch, they would be fine. If I had put the damn wards up correctly, or made sure no one saw me, or whatever was the cause of how the Death Eaters entered the house, they would still be alive. I'm alive, but they are dead. And the pain of living is just too much. So, I live a half-life. One of these days my body will give up on me starving it, and I will die. I feel like if I distance myself from Harry and Ron now, they will hurt less later. No one fucking understands the pain I have to shut off just to keep myself functioning in the minimal way I have been for the last ten months," at some point I had started yelling and crying at him. He just let me yell. I felt the pain all over again. The pain of losing my parents. I had been suppressing it for so long that this one question tore the cover off the hole I had put the pain in. I wanted to scream. It hurt so much.

"It's all my fault. I pushed them away, so I could protect them one last time. I knew that they would eventually stop coming. They would get tired. Did I want them to give up on me? I wanted them to fight longer for me. But I couldn't work through this with them. I am alone in this. And it hurts so fucking bad, Draco. You don't get it. I would rather be tortured by Bellatrix again than feel the pain of losing my parents. And it doesn't go away. Nothing I do makes it go away. I can't sleep because of the nightmares. I can't handle it," I cried into my knees that I had pulled up and wrapped my arms around. I was trying to hold myself together.

At some point, Draco had picked me up and pulled me in between his legs. My legs were in his chest and his forehead was pressed against my forehead with his arms holding me steady. My breathing was shallow, and I was crying but not as hard. He gave me a handkerchief. No one had listened to me for so long without interrupting before. I had yelled and screamed. I probably would have thrown something if I could have walked around.

Eventually I stopped crying. Draco looked me in the eyes and said something that I will never forget, "You should never have had to feel the pain you have felt. Don't give up on living Hermione. Life is worth living, you just need a reason to live again."

"That is a problem since I don't have a reason to live anymore." I said pulling away from him and try to stand up. I'm finished with this conversation. I'm uncomfortable. I've cried more in front of this man that I've cried in front of anyone save Harry. But my legs are still weak. I'm able to pull myself onto the couch but groan when I can't stand all the way up.

"Let's find you a reason," Draco said soothingly.

"No. Aren't you going to call me all sorts of horrible names? You have plenty of new ammunition. Hell, you saw into my mind. You have enough to bury me. Go on then, bury me. Stop playing nice and get on with it," I yell at him. He had moved so he was kneeling next to the couch.

"I'm not going to use anything that I've learned from you to harm you. I want to help you. You are so fucking lost, and you don't want to be found. But I'm glad you are yelling at me. Go ahead, say more of what you feel. I can handle it. But feel something. It's been so long since you have really felt something other than fear and pain. Feel anger. Feel hate, feel love. But feel something Granger."

"Like hell you won't use what you have learned. I know you. You will wait for the opportune moment to crush me like you always wanted too. I'm just the filthy Mudblood that shouldn't have magic. An aberration. I have never belonged. Not in the Muggle world, not in the magical world. I've never fucking belonged. It took a fucking troll for Harry and Ron to be my friends when I was eleven. I can count on one hand the people who are my true friends. I'm alone. I always have been. I always will be. I give you bloody permission to crush me. Go ahead, say your worst."

"No. I'm not the enemy here. I know I was a snot and brat in school, but I'm not that anymore. Especially not to you. I fucking watched my aunt torture you, and you were strong enough to withstand the torture. I would have capitulated and given her what she wanted. But no, you were strong, Hermione. That day, I realized, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Muggleborns are not the enemy. That we are all people who deserve a chance to live our lives. That day, I started to respect you. Hell, even like this, feeling so lost and alone, I still respect you. I can't imagine the pain you have felt," Draco grabbed my face and made me look into his eyes, "Hermione, I will never use anything you say against you. You are safe here to feel whatever you need. Just feel something."

With those words, I let the pain take hold of me and I collapsed into his arms sobbing. I held his shirt tightly in my fists. His arms were tight around me. I could feel my shoulder get wet from his tears. He was running his hand through my short hair. Somehow I knew that he was crying tears of mourning for me. I cried so hard and so long I fell asleep.

A/N: I don't have a clue how many editions there are in the Potter Universe of Hogwarts: A History. I just made those editions up. If anyone knows, let me know so I can adjust accordingly.