Disclaimer: None of this is mine. If it were, goddamn, it were in hiatus because I haven't read this manga in months.

Secret Santa to Tumblr user stardustshinyas, originally posted in ao3. The old sacred tradition, if you forget to post a Christmas fanfiction in your others fanfic sites, wait till July. It's more fun that way. :^)
English is not my first language.

(this is not an au because I say so, carry on with the anachronisms, if any, they're good).

Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année

Vanitas hated Christmas.

He hated joyful people, the consumerist desire to buy things for people who don't deserve it, and religious people who celebrate the birth of their so-called "lord". Vanitas's tendency was to low-key hate everything, but in times of festivities, his hatred went high.

And of course,

Noé loved Christmas.

He just could tell. It was so obvious. Of course, doe-eyed, kind-hearted Noé loved Christmas. He probably still believes in Santa!, Vanitas thought, and while that may be annoying in any other person, it was endearing in Noé.

Goddamn it.

He was willing to stand Noé as long as he didn't annoy him too much. Hopefully, he wouldn't, but there was a high chance of being invited to dinner, and maybe even go to church because Noé is that weird.

Why there was a weight on his chest pushing him to do whatever Noé wanted to do?

Vanitas explained how much he hated Christmas, and the reason why he did, and Noé then proceeded to vomit their room with Christmas decorations. Vanitas be dammed.

Vanitas hated it, of course, but aside from some snide remarks, he kept his mouth shut, which was welcomed. And strange.

He could feel his stomach flutter every moment Vanitas smiled at the "stupid" tree. He seemed to be very observant about it, without noticing the strategically placed mistletoe, right above him.

He stands at his side and just started to look at the mistletoe nervously.

Vanitas picked up the hint, and while he looked angry and embarrassed, he placed his lips above him. It was short, just a touch where he felt the warmth and softness of his lips. After it, Vanitas took down the mistletoe and went away ranting about how much he hated the stupid costumes of their time.

Noé laughed.

They didn't talk about it, then again, unless Noé brought something up, they never really talked about their issues. It was Vanitas secretive personality's fault. But he really was embarrassed by kissing Noé in such conditions. Perhaps laboring these awkward feelings for one's partners was not the best thing in their business, and yet he could only keep falling and falling for Noé.

There was something about him, the way he walked in this world and how he interacted with him; the way his words, both sweet and hard, affected and altered his mood and perception of the world. Vanitas liked to think he was a man of his own world, with unwavering beliefs. And yet one word from Noé's mouth is capable of making him want to destroy the world and make it anew just for him.

What was he supposed to do with such tortuous feelings? Confess them? Keep them quiet? Bury them in the deep ends of his heart?

This time of the year was utterly terrible for romantic feelings*.

While he would admit to no one that Noe's smile to this sort of paraphernalia was adorable, he was very scared as to how he wanted to spend Christmas's Eve. He could stand Christmas's parties because they were very superficial, but being around people the midnight baby Jesus was supposed to be born pissed him off a bit.**

He was surprised when Noé said they were going to be only the two, and he invited Vanitas to walk around Paris with him in Christmas's Eve. Vanitas felt something twitch inside of his chest, letting that fact go, Noé was too innocent to realize how he made his propositions. Noé just talked, and that was okay, he liked that, but he felt so trapped by Noé's words sometimes. It is as if he wanted to be loved by him, but that's ridiculous because he's unlovable first and foremost.

Dominique wasn't around, Noé sorrowed. Vanitas liked that wicked women, even if it was in an admiration full of contempt sort of way, it wouldn't be that way if she weren't so... so. He was alone with Noé because of it though, so he enjoyed her absence.

The need to bury feelings was present again, as he could only feel butterflies in his stomach at spending more closer time with Noé.

And it was so infuriating to have such a clueless Noé to spent time with.

Especially because of how sad Christmas was, to him. A family celebration, indeed. He could see people walking down the street in combos, going to their adored church, spending time together, big smiles and adored laughs. What is it to be happy and sharing that happiness with someone else? Vanitas didn't even want to think about.

And yet, he didn't after a while. He was even enjoying himself. Walking, eating deserts, watching the decorations in every shop. It wasn't a bad day.

Maybe he should be used to it by now, but sunsets in Paris were breathtaking, especially from a rooftop.

He had to squeeze his own hand, to control the desire to stretch it and grab Noé's hand, to hold his hand while they're watching a sunset on Christmas's Eve.

Oh, when did he get so corny.

Noé was telling some story about his childhood with Dominique and Louis. Noé as a child was probably the most adorable thing. There was a hint of a blush in his cheeks, and those desires creep into Vanitas more strongly, he could almost feel the warmth of his face, how it would feel to hold Noé on his cheeks, that was something that filled his thoughts.

"Are you okay?" Noé asked, and oh, how sweet of him to ask.

"I don't think so, no."

Vanitas didn't continue, and Noé was unsure if to ask.

"I think I like you," Vanitas whispered, completely sure that Noé had listened.

"I like you too," answered Noé, completely serious.

Vanitas believed him to understand. He blushed, and they probably looked stupid at having such embarrassing blushes in their faces.

They didn't feel the need to say anything, enjoying the lights of the cities and the sounds of Christmas carols.

Vanitas liked him!

He wasn't sure how to react at that moment. He wanted to say he really is that dull, but he is not. He can be an airhead sometimes, but being distracted doesn't mean he is dumb. He realizes he doesn't react in the best way at things.

After staying with Vanitas this Christmas's eve, Dominique was probably furious, even if she said she was OK. She was around, actually, he purposefully asked her permission to miss the party to spend time with him. He knew Dominique only cared about her Christmas party, and that she never really pays attention to him on that day, but it feels weird not going. He has to give him a very good present, only the best for his very dear friend.

He didn't get anything to Vanitas. He knew more than anyone than Vanitas liked being left alone. So alone time with him was what he gave him for Christmas. Just a night of the two of them wandering through the city and talking. He hoped Vanitas liked it.

He really wanted to talk about his feelings right now. He felt his hands sweat and his feelings get all rushy, he was excited. But he was unsure, should he give Vanitas time? How should he proceed? Maybe Dominique has the answer, but she barely likes Vanitas.

This is so embarrassing.

Noé was quiet today. He supposed a Christmas morning was just another regular morning. He was happy Noé didn't try to give him any useless present, but at the same time, he felt a bit sad. Maybe Noé didn't want to give him anything?

Anyway, it's not like he had a present for Noé. It's all okay. They're friends, they understand each other.

Are they friends, though? He thought so. He wasn't planning on confessing. He doesn't want this. He doesn't care about love.

And yet that "I like you too" made revolutions in his heart.

Feelings are dumb, feelings are stupid.

Fuck feelings.

Vanitas looked handsome in that suit, and Noé was well, they looked adorable together. There was a nervousness in their interactions, a shyness in their touches, clear indication of a flourishing *something*.

Dominique could only watch them for afar, longing for older times.

She took a sip of her wine, expecting Noé's happiness. She then dedicated all her time to Jeanne.***

"Maybe we're not meant to be if we can't talk about our emotions properly."

Vanitas was surprised at Noé's upfront approach. Jesus.

They were staying together in the same room where Dominique held the party, probably thanks to her as well. Wicked woman. It's okay, it's okay, he was a big boy and if he had to sleep in the same bed with another man so be it. Does it matter that he is in love with that man? Yes, but he will roll with it.

Roll with him, kiss with him, let him drink your blood and enjoy that mind-blowing pleasure at the hands of an exquisite man such as Noé Archiviste.

An answer was needed.

"It's... difficult for me," he mumbled, untying his tie.

"I understand. But I want to say, I'm waiting. I really like you, and I think we do a good pair."

Noé's eyes were shining and beautiful and inviting. Noé, doe-eyed kindhearted beautiful Noé. He wanted to give in so badly, his breath hitching at the idea of kissing Noé.

His feet moved by themselves. He didn't have a clear head, none at all, and when he felt that warm feeling in his lips he sighed. Noé was kind and strong and his grip on his waist was delicious.

Noé rested Vanitas in the bed. They were sitting, their hands holding every each of face they could get. They kissed for a while, a very long while, and suddenly he asks them to stop. Noé stops right away.

They finish undressing and they hop on the bed.

"Tomorrow," he says, "Would you like a date?"

Vanitas breath hitched again. It should stop doing that.

He said yes.

Noé's really can't sleep that night. Vanitas lips were so soft and his breath smelled nice and he was so warm, he just wanted to hug him forever, to slept with him and kiss him until his lips hurt, to kiss his entire body and know every little piece of skin like he knew his own.

He didn't realize when he hugged Vanitas in his sleep, but he does. Vanitas wakes up a bit grumpy, but that's usual, he doesn't really sleep well. He hopes that his company helps him a little bit... He wants to help Vanitas so much, he would love to see Vanitas happy.

One step at the time.

(It was really cute that Vanitas really didn't complain that morning about his sleeping habits).

The date is nice. It's really a bit similar that going out as friends. If they were a man and a woman, they would hold hands, but still, it really all just feels... not awkward. And it's weird because he's certainly embarrassed and wishing to go away and not liking to bare his feelings like this in front of Noé but it's still... comfortable. He feels comfortable along Noé, he felt he could tell him any secret and, even if he doesn't understand something, he will keep it to death. Noé is reliable, and oh so cute, when he gets his face full of crumbs. He sipped his tea, smiling at whatever Noé is saying.

When they end, they kiss again. It's a bit bolder this time, they touch more skin, they touch their arms, savoring the shape of Vanitas body and the fitness of Noé's back. They touch under the clothes, adoring the warmth of their skins.

It's suddenly 11 pm and they realize maybe they should sleep. How quickly does time pass when one has fun.

Kissing was fun.
He had kissed before. Louis was sweet and wanted him to practice and it was all kid's games; and he doesn't remember why he had to kiss Dominique once but he has, they were a bit older, long since Louis was gone. However, it doesn't compare. There is something so special about Vanitas's lips, about Vanitas's noises, about Vanitas as a general; he couldn't get enough of it.

They weren't sure if trying to go all the way right away was the answer. But they were taking it slow. They were getting more secure each passing day, trying to do whatever they feel comfortable with. It was so easy to feel comfortable with Noé and-

It was scaring.

Vanitas wasn't sure how to react to this. He liked Noé, he really did, and he didn't have a problem with him being a man or anything of the sorts, because he doubted he would ever want a family or even live enough for that be a concern but-

That's the thing.

He has a particular way of living he's not sure Noé would want to share from here to the future. Maybe yeah, for a couple of years, whiles he's accomplishing whatever he wants, but when that's a dead business? What's going to happen to them? Does Noé, sweet Noé, would want to be with someone as broken and helpless as he was? Vanitas tried not to get worked up, but he knew he's barely human. How could Noé truly love him, when he finds out the real Vanitas, that one who he doesn't show anyone, the one Noé has only seen glances, and only because Vanitas has allowed him to do such?

They weren't kissing or touching anymore. Noé was confused as to why was that, but they were having busy days and he didn't pay much attention. Maybe Vanitas just needed some time, which was perfectly okay, Noé could give him all the space he needed.

New Year's Eve was coming and they were definitely going to Dominique's next party.

He had to spend some time with her, being honest, he was being a terrible friend to her.

The party oozed class as Dominique tended to be. He wanted to have more male friends, so it was nice to see Dominique happy, even if Jeanne was a bit jealous. But even with all the attention on her, she still had time to speak with him. And oh how he loved to speak with Dominique, it brought out so many memories, especially in New Year's Eve.

While not as exciting as Christmas, there was something fun about the fireworks and adults saying what they will do the next year back then. Fireworks are still awesome, new year's resolutions were something he never quite grasped, because if you wanted to do something, you could just do it.

His New Year's Resolution was about to be to fuck the fuck off out of Noé's life.

He was definitely more happy with Dominique. He probably loved her, and her blood, and their precious childhood memories together. There was a reason why Dominique went around saying she was her betrothed, they probably were or intended to be. And he was probably getting in the way. Noé would be so much happy with someone like Dominique. Sure, she's crazy, but she's also committed and loyal to him. Vanitas isn't sure if he could be such a trustful companion. And to be honest he doesn't want to try.

Maybe stepping away was the best thing to do. He may talk with Noé tomorrow and end everything for good, but today he wanted to go away and step into the new year sleeping.

He had to find Vanitas for midnight. Dominique was ranting about kissing Jeanne at midnight and he had to do it as well.

He found Vanitas about to go away with a terrible pout in his face.

Oh god, he is adorable.

"Would you dance with me, Vanitas?"

Vanitas frowned at his hand, extended to him, but he reluctantly accepted. Just feeling his warmth through the clothes was enough to feel at home.

Stupid Noé.

Asking him to dance was a low move. There is something melancholic about dancing together, something that makes his heart spin and aches at the same time. It is still beautiful and he can't deny himself one last dance. Or at least, he hopes it is. Besides, he was at a party, he could enjoy himself.

Noé looked like he wanted to say something. Vanitas bumped into him, arching his eyebrow in a question.

"You're my New Year's Resolution, Vanitas!" Noé practically shouted.

Vanitas went red on the ears.

Oh, Noé. Why are you so beautiful, your soul shines as thousand suns, it is just not fair.

Dominique explained to him that New Year's Resolution could only mean a long-term goal you wanted to achieve, to have the public announcement to fuel your actions. That made a bit more sense, and it was kind of cute if he had to be honest. There was a clear thing in his mind, he wanted to be the next year with Vanitas. He wanted to come to understand him, to know more of his past, his mysteries, to know more of him. He still wasn't clear on all that love meant, but he thought he could feel love when he looked at Vanitas's beautiful eyes.

People started counting for midnight, and when the time came, he gave a passionate kiss to Vanitas.

Vanitas received it joyfully.

Maybe going away wasn't needed when Noé was so adamant about being at his side. He hadn't had a merrier Christmas, and with Noé at his side, the prospect for the new year was actually very happy. He still thought he was going to ruin everything, or something else was going to ruin everything. He didn't want to think about that, but he did, and he was sure of all that.

But still.

There was something in his heart that wanted to be with Noé even with an impending doom. To enjoy his time with Noé. To love Noé for as long as he could.

To try to be happy with him.

.

A/n:*This is meta because Christmas in Japan is a romantic Holiday, as far as I know. (lol).

**Vanitas hating Chruch is weird because I don't get that impression of him for canon, but was the development I got of him into this. Sorry not sorry. I feel that modern Vanitas would be a grinch atheist. He still doesn't like Christmas, he stands it for Noé.
*** I actually really dislike Dominique/Jeanne, but hey, I do like the idea of Dominique ending up with a girl, and Nox is a servant so maybe she wouldn't be in a party. So there's that, lol.

(Dominique's party are full of queer people, sorry not sorry).

This ended up a lot sadder than I expected. Sorry!