Author's note: okay so I've been gone for a very long time and I needed that. I've realized my mistakes with the last story and after some kindly given and very much appreciated constructive criticism. I have hopefully improved somewhat. It's been three years and I deleted my other story but, I hope this story will be received well and can make your day :).

If you're reading this you're reading my story and I thank you for it.

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

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Rae-Rae

Are you okay?

Is probably the question I loathe the most at this point.

Ever since my father died a year ago it's all I've been hearing, it feels like everybody's vocabulary suddenly got limited to Are, You and Okay. Specifically in that order.

It was frustrating.

Of course I appreciated their concern for me and knew that in some way they were trying to show me that they cared. But why did it feel like everybody was only asking me.

I have 2 older sister's and people mostly just tell them to stay strong or Keep pushing. Like I wasn't being strong, or keeping it pushing.

It was almost like they were expecting me to fall apart any moment.

Like a two year old child.

I am 21.

My dad died when I was 20, Yea sure I wasn't exactly and adult, but I wasn't a child either. I'm not saying that it wasn't heartbreaking and surprising because it was, but I wasn't a child anymore, I was well aware of death and the way it sunk it's claws in you. I know what it entails and how to handle the pain and aftermath.

I mean I wasn't angry when it happened. I was just sad.

And honestly for a while I did wallow in my sorrow, but that didn't mean that I was incapable of handling it, I mean my dad just died off course I was sad and closed off.

But to everybody else it wasn't the way I handled my fathers death. It was the fact that I wasn't able to handle my father's death as 'Well' as my sister's.

Something I thought was really demented.

Because honestly who decided when something was done well or not, especially mourning. Everybody mourned in their own way, and because I chose not to ignore or try to move past my grieve I was immediately the one to be pitied.

I was immediately the weak sister.

Honestly, I don't remember the day my father died very well. All I remember was the feeling of near suffocation that came over my lungs as my mother relayed what had happened to me.

I felt like I was going to choke from the amount of oxygen in the air.

Like just keeping myself alive was hard.

I remember the distinct look of panic that filled my mother's face, as I struggled to take oxygen into my lungs. It was almost as if I was seeing her face morph in slowmotion, first there was this very undeniable portrait of agony on her face. And then it quickly turned to soul gripping panic. Her long curtain of black hair whipped across my face as she dashed forward in an attempt to catch me.

Like I said, I don't remember much of what happened that day, but I remember my mother's facial expression.

I remember her pain.

And her fear.

My mother, Cassandra Crane But more commonly known as Cassie. She was Native American; Quileute to be exact. And she was proud of it.

She would often tell us that she didn't regret leaving Lapush. But she regretted not going back, Mom wasn't ever dishonest and it showed in the way she spoke so honestly about her regrets and mistakes in life.

She told us that she had indeed been afraid of the backlash she would get for marrying an African American man. It wasn't something that was commonly done in her community. And honestly she was scared of the rejection she would be met with upon her return, She didn't want people to reject her husband and she didn't want anybody to treat us differently because we were biracial.

She didn't want us to be in pain because of her selfishness, so even though she missed Lapush she stayed in Chicago, Illinois.

And yet here we were, a year after my father's death, we were moving to Lapush. To stay with my grandmother .

The morning my mom told us we'd be moving to Lapush. Was a relief more than anything. I think none of us could stand to live in that house any longer, it just felt empty without my father around.

So none of us complained.

The only one that complained was my Aunty Chachi. But we promised her that we would visit and she promised us she would visit as well, My Nana Nita cried but understood.

"Rae ..."

Honestly I didn't know what Lapush would be like, but I knew that I didn't want to stay in Chicago anymore.

"Raegan ..."

There wasn't much there for us anymore, besides heart breaking memories and . . .

"Raegan!"

I looked up at my older sister, Taercy. Taercy was 25 years old, and the most extra person you would ever meet.

And when I say extra, I mean it.

She once showed up to my cousin Chuchi's wedding in a white ballgown. You could imagine how well that went over with anyone. Especially because she was a bridesmaid. When she first walked in some people thought she was the bride.

Many people would say Taercy is, Self-absorbed and has a tendency to only think about herself. And honestly they would be right, Taercy is so immersed into her own world that she tends to ignore everything else but herself.

Although I'd like to think she doesn't do it in purpose because I'm her sister.

Vanity was something Taercy marvelled in, and it wasn't something anybody in our family appreciated.

We tried to stay as humble as possibly due to our religion.

Well it's more of a way of life really, but . . .

Yes I am a Christian, I got my Love for God from my Father, I remember how much he loved God and how much he shone in happines whenever we went to church.

That made me Love God, just seeing happiness and acceptance embodied through my father. It made me want to exude that as well.

"Rae, have you seen My white circle bag?"

It was funny Taercy almost looked like she was accusing me of something. Probably of stealing her imaginary circle bag. "You mean have I seen My white circle bag." I asked sarcastically.

Already I could see the tell-tale, flash of anger in her eyes. Which basically meant that she didn't care it was mine, she wanted it and so she would have it.

Needless to say a lot of people thought I was the older sister.

"Whoever's white circle bag it is, I need it." She said and promptly held her hand out, mind you we were actually in my new room.

I was just folding up my clothes and I have off course seen many a circle and many a white bag float by. But I wasn't going to borrow her much of anything with the attitude she was portraying.

Yes, I was a nice person but I also wouldn't enable my sister's tendency to believe that she was the only person alive on this planet. So either she would ask nicely or I would put her out of my room.

Nicely.

"Well then, go ask Whoever." I said and shrugged as I folded another t-shirt.

"Rae, I don't have time for any of your little games. I have a Job interview and you are seriously getting, me late." She said and stomped her foot on the floor. Her eyes bugging out of her face.

"Whether you get or don't get the job has nothing to do with wearing a white circle bag." I snorted, like I said . . .

Extra.

"Where is your job interview anyway?" I asked curiously.

Taercy narrowed her eyes, the annoyance in them was clear and honestly I was amused by it. Taercy went to beauty school for two years and was a hairdresser, her long life dream was to open a salon but at the moment she made due with working at one.

"One of Mom's old friends opened a salon/barbershop down the road and Mom put in a good word for me ... It doesn't really pay as much as in Chicago, But it means I won't have to depend on Mom and Gran for money." She said and folded her hands over each other.

"Amazing that you've actually considered Mom and Gran in your decision." I said and clapped sarcastically, again Taercy didn't appreciate that.

"Listen Tae, if you wanna borrow my Bag. All you gotta do is ask." I said sympathetically, I had poked enough fun at her for now. And she had a Job interview to ease mom's burden. And that was actually a good amount of Progress for one day.

I know what you're thinking, 'why are you on her like that?'. And honestly I just want her to do better, it's hard for me too and the fact that she doesn't acknowledge anybody's pain but her own makes me furious sometimes.

"Can I please borrow it." She asked mockingly, I rolled my eyes but pointed to my closet, "I keep all the small bags in the bottom drawer."

The squeal that came out off her mouth next was deafening. "Thank you Rae!" She said happily, grabbing the bag and smiling brightly at me. "That bag, was one of the few bags I splurged on . . . Don't ruin it."

The smile I got in answer actually made me want to rip my Bag from her arms.

That was officially the last time I would probably see my Bag alive.

"Tae, You ready?"

Elaery, our eldest sister standing at a solid 28, asked as she stepped into my room. A grey turtle neck and grey slacks. Clung to her body, making her look like a grey garbage bag. And the curtain of long sleek black hair wasn't helping.

As far as looks went, Elaery was the one that looked more like our mother. With her smooth copper skin and long Raven hair. But out of all of us Elaery was the least fashionable.

Elaery was beautiful, but she hid it behind thick black hair that went down to her waist, and bangs that stopped just above her eyes and Clothes that weren't flattering at all.

Don't get me wrong, bangs are amazing, just her bangs not so much.

"Yea, let me just go get my shoes and You, Rae don't worry. I'll take good care of the baby." The sarcasm basically dripped off her voice and I was really regretting borrowing her my Bag.

Taercy walked out of my room. 'Please Jesus let her be back with that bag, it cost me 300 dollars.' I inwardly whispered, hoping that our Lord and saviour would be able to save my sister from her own stupidity and hopefully my wrath.

"You taking her?" I asked Elaery before she walked down the stairs. Elaery nodded, a gentle smile on her face. "Mom went to work with her car, and I'm going towards Sue's diner. She offered me a Job."

I grimaced, Elaery was actually a dental hygienist. And the fact that now all of us - Well except Tae - weren't able to do the jobs we knew we could do anymore was too much.

I hadn't actually officially worked as a nurse yet. I only just got my degree and was hoping to start at a hospital a while ago. But when my father died I wasn't up for working in hospitals. And I'm still not up for it.

Hospitals only bring back memories for me, and I want to steer clear from them for a while.

Though in the meantime, My mom used her amazing connections and found a young woman of about Elaery's age who's looking for a Nanny. After 2 conversation, one by phone and the other at the diner. I got the job.

Which I'm excited about, I love kids and the pay is decent. Off course I'd be making much more as a nurse but that's expected.

"Doing what?" I asked.

"I'm mostly gonna be making coffee, making pastry's and helping to plate up. Nothing major"

Elaery answered.

I was worried that Elaery was going to crumble under the anxiety of moving but I can see she's somehow determined to make this work.

"Until there are more job opportunities or some dental hygienist loses their job. I need to bring some money in and this is not such a bad way." The whisper in her voice was something I recognized as anxiousness, I was sure anxiety was eating away at her at the moment. But I could see that she was trying to keep strong and I wouldn't disturb her confidence.

"Yea, I get it."

She smiled sympathetically at me.

"Listen, everything's going to be okay Rae. We're going to have to cut back on expenses a little, but we are going to be fine."

Her words stayed stuck in my room even after she left. And they stayed stuck in my heart long after that, I probably sat there for an hour. Thinking about why she was reassuring me, I was fine with it.