+++++ Weltschmerz: Saturday, December 10th (135)

For the first time, in what felt to be forever, Shinji was able to spend a quiet early morning sitting on his couch, reading over letters from other people. To one side, asleep, was Minami. The gyaru had finally crashed, as had everyone else, but she insisted on sitting up with Shinji to make sure if he wanted to talk that someone was there for him. He loved her for it, and left her on the couch instead of taking her to bed to not risk disturbing her. To the other, Pen-Pen was quietly observing the fish tank. He and Gaghiel had spent most of the time discussing quietly what it was specifically that the warm-water bird had in mind.

He'd made his way through several hundred letters, his skill at simply appending the ink onto paper via Sachiel's gifts had sped up his replies tremendously. The downside, however, was that his thoughts weren't as occupied without his body making constant corrections to avoid damaging anything with his strength by applying too much pressure to a pen. Sitting in state, in a nearby room, the clone of Noelle remained incomplete. He had, after a short conversation with Hikari, Maya, and Kodama, agreed to bond Sachiko. All agreed that what she had done wasn't 'optimal', but it also wasn't grounds for expulsion from consideration.

Rina and Hina had quickly held a conference, asking for a date later in the day on Sunday with he and Hikari. With Gretchen coming over later with news from the Japanese Prime Minister, it was shaping up that he'd have a much more 'balanced' household if all accepted being a part of something greater than any of them. He'd spent the last two days running himself ragged, his house hand managed itself. He'd not had more than a few minutes here and there with anyone from his house, unless they were helping him take care of keeping the world from flying apart. His 'date' with Minami, before she'd fallen asleep, was the longest contiguous timespan with any of them for quite some time.

Setting down the latest letter in reply to someone pleading for help, he asked himself, "Is this the world I'm supposed to bring Noelle back to?"

"Jealousy doesn't suit you, Pet," Lilith chided him, laying herself against his back. "I brought you with me, because you were the only one who refused to quit."

"…Hard not to be jealous, when the dead have everything I've ever wanted, Lily." He knew she wasn't wrong. "You're right, in that I don't know my own mind on this issue. Is there some…some monster inside of me that wants her back just so she can't have what I can never have? Is it jealousy, and not love? If she wakes up, and hates me…." Letting his head fall back onto her shoulder, he soaked up the comfort she was offering.

Her breath on his ear was sultry, "Only one way to ever know for certain, Lover."

He'd been stuck in the same cycle of thinking for ages. Always a different topic, always the same cycle. He knew the only way out.

+++++ Weltschmerz: Saturday, December 10th (135)

Finding Noelle's soul was the easiest thing to do, the reverberation of his love for the sparkplug made an unmistakable path for him and Lilith to follow. Aligning themselves to the cognition her soul had created, they remained invisible to those within the dream. Sitting atop a cliff abutting a long, winding, glen, a simple cottage with white walls and thatch-covered mud tiles stood as the only structure visible for kilometers in any direction. A field that was clearly intended to supply food for the family, and an attached chicken coop for eggs rounded out the scene.

Charming. If a bit too bucolic for my tastes, Lily commented dryly. This is the life she's dreamt of?

Shinji was about to comment when two children exploded out of the front door of the house, whooping and laughing as they ran away from…him. The playful smile on his doppelgänger's face as he chased two young girls was a knife in his heart. He felt the urge to allow his rage loose swelling, and it took Lilith's touch to his back to get him to key back down. I know. Forcing his jaw to unclench, he closed his eyes and nodded, I know.

It wasn't that she feared his wrath, as in the Ocean of Souls Lilith herself was far more powerful than Shinji. What she feared the most was him tainting his decision before having all of the data possible. Step on inside. I'll encourage these three to stay out here. Pushing him onwards, she smiled reassuringly as he looked back at her, Trust me, Pet. I'll be right outside.

Approaching the door, which sat wide open, he began to hear sounds of domesticity from within the house. Dishes being washed, the clanking of metal against porcelain. The front room, which opened directly to the outside world via the front door, had a cozy couch for two and a large rug sitting atop the hardwood floor for the little ones to play upon. A stack of books on a table at one end of the couch, tools and implements for a scrimshander on the other. The fireplace, carefully gated off to prevent accidents by little fingers, stood empty in the warm spring morning.

As he stepped inside, he could see the two bedrooms. In one, an array of toys designed to improve manual dexterity and increase ingenuity. Brightly colored blankets atop soft-seeming beds. Slightly messy, as any child's room should be, it still showed signs of care and upkeep. The children weren't overly regimented, nor were they allowed to live in squalor. On the other side of a thick wall, he noticed the first sign of something amiss in the only other bedroom. Two beds.

"Wouldn't let him touch me." Noelle's voice, calm and clear, almost caused him to yelp in fright. Standing in an apron, with a farmwife's dress beneath, her long, blonde, hair tied off in an ornate braid, his Euromutt wingman leaned against the doorframe leading into the kitchen with a pained smile. "Took ye long enough."

His hand, of its own accord, lifted towards her. His fingers twitching, wary of reaching for her in case he was hallucinating. "N-Noelle?"

Tears of joy welled in the corners of her eyes, "Do ye have so many blondes in yer life that ye cannae recognize yer best girl?" Standing upright and holding her arms out, she laugh-cried, "C'mere ye daft widget."

The space between them didn't exist. His arms wrapped around her and hoisted her into the Father of All Bear Hugs, her tears staining the space between his neck and shoulder. "I missed you so much." He knew he was soaking the back of her hair himself. "You…you went where I couldn't follow, Raffle. I swear, I killed the bastard that did it. He doesn't even exist in this dimension any longer."

"I'm so sorry, Pally." She clenched her fingers tighter, begging him to hold her closer despite the literal impossibility of that act. "Ah ran away. Ah thought ah failed ye, failed all o' ye."

Dropping down to his knees, her feet still not touching the floor, he shook his head, "No. Never. Spirits, Noelle…. I felt like my heart was crushed when it happened. We lost so many people that day, and all I could think about was how badly I failed you. I had wanted to bring you home. I had-"

"Shh, shh, shh," sniffing, she soothed his back. "Yer here now. That's what matters."

His entire life had been spent with the ones he was supposed to love disappointing him. He had become so conditioned to loss and hurt that he no longer realized that success and joy were possibilities too until he stumbled across them. He was a broken man. A piece of him, however, was in his arms again, "Come home. Please." Feeling her stiffen, then push away, he frowned, "W-what?"

"What do ye mean 'Come home'?" Tear-stained confusion dominated her face, "Aren't…aren't ye dead too?"

The laugh that escaped from his lips was not, in any way, intentional. Fear, anxiety, and confusion had combined to propel it forth. "N-no. I came here, to where you went when you died, to bring you back. Amy, Amethyst…a doctor that I'll introduce you to, cloned your body after the fire. It's a perfect match for what you were, minus the scars and whatnot, just waiting for Lily and I to put your soul in. I came here to bring you home!"

Awe, then more confusion, then wonder and bemusement, took chaotic turns on her face, "Ye…ye're not pullin' mah chain?"

"Yes," he snorted, "this is one of those jokes that I'm world-renowned for. What with my famous sense of humor."

"Ye…but…." Blinking, she shook herself, "Yes! Th' hell are ye waitin' for? An engraved invitation?!"

+++++ Weltschmerz: Saturday, December 10th (135)

The process of appending her soul to the cloned body was over and done with in seconds. The yelp, then howl, of pain was quickly followed by fear and uncertainty in her song. Making sure that the first thing she saw in the semi-lit room was his face urging calm, Shinji ensured that Noelle remained as still as possible so that Amy could inject an anesthetic to numb the sensation of her nerves all coming online at the same time. With the medicine running through her veins, his favorite pilot flopped back onto the bed sweating and nude. He, as a gentleman, hurriedly covered her over again, "Sorry about that. There's no 'easy' way to do this, I'm told."

"It's fine," she croaked out. "Kinda…kinda like sleeping wrong on yer entire body." Blinking as she caught sight of Amy, she frowned, "An' who're ye? One o' th' Fair Folk?"

"Hiya," Amy introduced herself jovially, "I'm Amethyst, but you can call me Amy."

Shinji found his hand quickly stolen and held tightly by Noelle. "She's the doctor that figured out how to do this. Without her…I'd have lost you forever."

Looking around at the opulent decadence that was the bedroom, Noelle was abstracted as she said, "Oh. Well, thank ye kindly."

"She looks healthy, and the scans aren't indicating anything regarding rejection." Amy clapped quietly, a giddy grin on her face, "It worked!" Waggling her fingers towards the bathroom, she urged Shinji to move, "Go. Go. Clean off all of the preservative fluids. Let her skin breathe. I'll go get Misato up, she requested to know when you caved."

"Shower does sound nice," Noelle frowned as Amy danced out of the room. "Pally, where are we?" Helping him pick her up in a bridal carry, she let her hand flop around, "This isn't yer house."

Willing the bathroom door to slide open, turning the lights on as low as possible to not hurt her brand-new eyes, he prepared himself for a long talk. "This is the Wandering Palace, the home for the Emperor, and Empresses, of the Ikari Empire." When she chortled, and his face didn't so much as budge, she blinked several times and tried to ask a million questions at once. "You've been dead for close to two months, and because it seems like closer to a few hundred years…there's been some changes."

The door to Noelle's bedroom slammed open, and the sound of a rapid scramble quickly preceded Misato slamming into the doorjamb. With an enormous smile, and tears beginning to form, Shinji's General squealed with glee and crowed, "She's back!"

"Tits?" Noelle noticed that Misato was wearing what she typically wore to bed, a thong. Nothing else. When she caught Shinji's bemused grin, the next in a long line of questions came out, "The hell happened?!"

"Help me bathe her." Making soothing motions, Shinji urged Misato over and dismissed his own clothing. "I'll prop her up, you take good care of her skin." Setting himself on the stool used for the pre-bath shower, he prepared himself for the next phase of a very painful morning. "I'll try to take it slow, and stop me if something doesn't make sense, ok?" So began a lingering shower, with an entire panoply of emotions careening across the face of a woman he loved dearly.

+++++ Weltschmerz: Saturday, December 10th (135)

With Noelle safely bonded, and sleeping off a number of medications intended to cement the bond between spirit and flesh, Shinji stood on the second floor balcony overlooking the main entrance to the Palace. Misato and Kelly were watching over the spitfire blonde, and word was spreading throughout the house that both breakfast was ready and one of their dear friends had returned. He expected that, by lunch, she'd be up and moving about. Which, in turn, was why he was where he was. "It's up to you, Jorth. I just wanted to let you know that…that I saved who I could."

"When I see you, you do realize that stopping me from slapping you will likely end up with me kneeing you in the balls instead?" The foreign priestess sighed, "Shinji…my husband died the way he lived. I'll never forget how deeply I loved him, but I can't very well insist that everyone on Earth suffer because he's gone. I love Noelle, I'm overjoyed that she's home." Letting go of the stream of anger she'd been building, she sighed again, "I'll be waiting for the military to come pick me up. I've finished what I set out to do here anyway and will be handing over the keys to the apartment to the landlord after I hang up with you. The movers you provided did an excellent job."

"Your room has a lovely view," he attempted to demonstrate that he was happy she'd allow him to help. "I'll be able to expand it outwards for a nursery. Your daughter will have securable access to her own yard. I can even help her set out offerings for the local Kami."

Her voice proved that she was, while terribly blunt, exceedingly gentle at heart, "Just as Thor will make certain to show your daughters how to honor the spirits. We are family, Shinji. You don't have to push yourself to be happy for me right now. I'm not fragile, just sad."

"You're also precious to me," he replied softly. "I'm trying to be a good man…and all the examples to aspire towards seem to keep dying on me." Spying motion in the distance, he readied himself to resume his emotional armor, "I'll see you soon Jorth. Bye." Following her return gesture of parting, he narrowed his eyes and tried to make out details on the man being escorted by two of the JSSDF personnel assigned to gate guard duty that morning.

His thoughts were interrupted by his Light working her way under his arm, "Is she coming?"

"Yeah." Picking her up and jumping off the balcony, he floated down to the ground and set her back on her feet. "Why is he here?"

Surprisingly unruffled by having taken the express route to the ground floor, Hikari tilted her head and considered the man approaching, "I…don't think I know him."

Shinji didn't like puzzles, and the man's mind wasn't immediately broadcasting anything in particular other than attempts at preparing for talking with him, "You wouldn't."

"Your Majesty," the ranking guard called out at a reasonable distance, "Miss Haraldson called the gate, authorized him to enter the AO. Figured we'd walk him up here." The unspoken, 'In case we need to walk him back out', was obvious.

"Thank you, Corporal." Shinji's frown had clearly set the man on the defensive. "Jorth Haraldson will be arriving in an hour or so, please make certain that someone contacts us as soon as she's inside the wire. Dismissed." When the two soldiers saluted smartly and hurried back to their post, the enormous god finally addressed a man he hadn't seen since the train car at the Proving Grounds, "Agent Stillson."

"Your Majesty." Paired with a polite Western bow, the man greeted someone he'd seen at his worst as if nothing had happened.

"Agent?" Hikari attempted to figure out why her husband wasn't at ease, "Has something happened, sir?"

Her question prompted the correct thought to float to the surface of the Agent's mind, which prompted Shinji to click his tongue and look down, "Doctorate in Child Psychology. Of course." A deep breath, and he patted Hikari's back. "Please, go inside and make sure everyone eats. I'll take George here to go see Idunn, and then I'll be a while in talks with him." Opening the door with Bardiel's touch, he allowed his wife to enter first and waved his guest in, "Please, just Shinji while you're in here. We have a few kids running around, and we try not to overdo the formality to keep them as grounded as we can."

"An excellent idea, if you're preparing them for life outside of the Palace," the man who'd helped Idunn save him from a mind controlled Ritsuko Akagi applauded the act. "I certainly would not mind at all lending my talents to them as well, if you would like me to."

Shinji knew he was feeling him out and kept his reply to a simple noncommittal grunt.

Now following behind his host, the Agent asked the obvious, "She didn't tell you I was coming, did she?"

"She knew I'd say 'No'," he replied simply. Knocking on Idunn's bedroom door, he asked silently, Your fellow Agent is here. Are you decent?

You realize that's terrifying to me, right? Idunn's voice held notes of panic, Yeah, I'm dressed. Bring him in.

Opening the door and waving his guest in, Shinji caught sight of Yang further down the hall and rolled his eyes in response to her raised eyebrow. When the parade of teenaged beauty, partnered with the Sailor Squad, strolled past he offered each a chaste kiss of greeting before stepping into the room himself. With the door safely closed, and no chance of Nozomi or Yinghua hearing him, he turned around and asked his own question, "When, in the entire time you've known I existed, have you ever known me to enjoy being surprised with something?"

"He's got a Doctorate," she already had her defenses straightened out, ready for the fight, "he's read your file, he's seen what has been done to you in person and followed your case from afar, and most importantly he's gay."

The last point caused his retort to flame out, "He…what? The…how does that matter?"

"Agent Haraldson, I will remind you that my private life is not yours to discuss with potential clients." George grimaced at his onetime confederate before turning to Shinji and appearing apologetic, "What she's intimating, Shinji, is that I'm not going to be looking around this household thinking leering thoughts about the women within it. I'm 'safe', in a word."

"He's also not macho," she pressed. "You don't deal well with 'Alpha' anyone. If someone, other than maybe Kyoko or Kiyomi, tries to chest up to you, you either growl harder or clam up. You need to talk to someone about everything that's been happening, and I trust Stillson more than any other man except you and my dead brother."

"As…colorful as my former partner can be, she's not wrong on the merits." George spread his hands in a gesture of peace, "I'm not insisting. I'm not demanding. I'm asking you. Would you be willing to sit down, for a few hours, and talk?" Holding one of those hands up, "I swear, on the honor and oath of my profession, that I will hold everything you say in the strictest of confidence. Nobody will know what I'm doing here, because everyone outside of this house will think I'm simply visiting an old ally. While I agree that she should have spoken with you, if for no other reason than to retain your confidence in her, again I think the plan has its merits."

The list of things he had to accomplish rolled past his thoughts as Shinji looked over towards the window. Outside, it was a crisp, bright, Winter's day. A comment one of the people on board the VTOL that had brought him home from the train rang through his head, 'You still matter. You matter just as much as they do, but you're prioritizing them over yourself for the moment. That's fine, but neglecting to process this crap is going to harm them long-term. Once you have feet on the ground, be ready to reassess your priorities.'

"PTSD, if nothing else," George murmured. "I'd like to speak with Doctor Akagi, as well."

Shinji's retort was cold and stiff, "She did not-"

Recognizing his error, the man raised his hand out in apology, "I meant in her capacity as someone who can provide you medications and monitor their use. I've read up on what's happened with her case, and I'm familiar with her place in your house. If you trust her, then whatever happened was clearly not what everyone thought it was. In conjunction with talk therapy, medication is often useful in easing the symptoms of traumatic experiences."

He had been ready to snap, because he didn't stop to think. That…wasn't balanced. "In exchange, Idi, you're going to go outside with everyone today. I'm done seeing you sequester yourself away in here. Vengeance will help you move outside. Sitting in a chair, or on the lawn, is fine. But you need some sun."

"He makes a good point," George backed him up. "He's going outside of his comfort zone, at your request. The least you can do is get some Vitamin D at his."

Idunn was proud. She was confident, most of the time. She was, however, also very pragmatic. "Done. Once you're out of the room, I'll ask her to help me out to the table. I'll need to change my clothes, if I'm going outside."

Nodding, Shinji went to lead George out, before turning back and reminding Idunn, "Jeg elsker deg."

Her smile was sad, but her heart swelled, "Jeg elsker deg også."

+++++ Weltschmerz: Saturday, December 10th (135)

Hikari stood out in the chill of early Winter, absolutely loving the scene before her. Nozomi and Yinghua, both well rested and happily engaged, were chasing Matarael and Pen-Pen around the yard while an invisible Kyoko and Momiji cried joyous tears. The Aspect of Rain, in turn, never moved so quickly that Yinghua couldn't keep up, nor so slowly that she wasn't pushed into actual exercise. Pen-Pen easily evaded Nozomi, pushing the healthier child harder. The snow that was drifting down around them, the first snow that the region had seen in ages, she was being told, made things all the happier.

Yang and Minami were discussing fashionable Winter Wear with Bardiel and two of the Sailors off to the side, each young woman's outfit changing at random at a suggestion or comment. The leggy waitress and gyaru both wore matching smiles as they bonded with Minako and Usagi. While the quartet might have seemed unlikely just a month ago, the joy emanating from their laughter and glee fed Hikari's heart.

Misato, who hadn't left Noelle's side, was helping the dead walk again under the watchful eye of Rina and Hina. The Twin Doctors wore matching, playful, smiles as they monitored everyone's exertions. Before anyone had left the house, they reminded everyone that cold weather increases the chance of cardiac failure. They were exceedingly serious, until Makoto Kino asked them if dead hearts could stop.

The Agents, with the assistance of Tsuru, Makoto, and Kelly, were building an enormous snowman. Sachiel provided the materials that Matarael's snow hadn't quite yet granted them, and Zeruel ensured that everything didn't topple over on anyone. Grudgingly, at first, but with increasing enthusiasm, Leliel worked with Sahaquiel to roll up the segments that the Lilin were putting in place.

Ami and Ritsuko sat under an umbrella, working towards a cure for the virus that was plaguing everyone with Sandalphon, Justice, and Amethyst. What mattered, in their case, was that they were outside and with the family.

Rose and Suzuka spoke with Rei Hino, Iris, and Arael regarding trivial matters. The group seemed content, even the White Raven who magnanimously accepted the presence of Phobos and Deimos on Rei's shoulders.

Kodama and Fuuka, along with Israfel, Shamshel, and Gaghiel, were making much smaller sculptures such as turtles and bears. The wide-eyed teen was overjoyed at her first real snow, exuding a fragility that Kodama was content to shelter.

Sachiko and Kiyomi were clearly discussing recent events with Jorth, both women acting as a sounding board for the powerful priestess who sat alongside Idunn, holding her sister-in-law's hand while Vengeance marveled at the snow around them. Idunn herself wasn't thrilled to be outside, and seemed to be waiting for someone to bark at her for something, but the overall atmosphere wasn't dimmed for her presence.

Ireul, alongside Maya, Eve, and Lilith, brought Hikari her cup of hot chocolate that she'd been waiting on. The Aspects and Lilith showed no discomfort for the weather, and Maya had a smile that matched Hikari's own. "This was a surprise, wasn't it?" The Advisor hugged her wife close, taking the opportunity to draw comfort from a woman she loved, "I wish he'd spend some time with us all, but I understand why he distracted all of us with this chance." All five women looked up to the balcony, where Shinji was speaking with George Stillson, his emotions as numb as their hands.

Ireul shrugged simply, "He speaks on topics that have long troubled him. If he manages to open up to this man, then that is far better than spending his time continuing to patch over his wounds with thin bandages."

Hikari, for her part, agreed, "I've got the best woman in the world on my arm, a family of wonderful people enjoying the snow, and my husband is finally sitting down to actually try getting help. I'd say that this is the best day we've had in months."

Eve's smile was hope-filled, "Master is continuing to try and learn how to be a better person. One missed day of family fun isn't too great a price, if it helps him."

Lily, to everyone's surprise, agreed with her counterpart, "He'll make it up to us. Winter is just beginning, before we know it the Solstice will arrive. We'll all have a chance to spoil him rotten, that day. Which means, of course, that he'll twist everything into something for us."

"We've got all the time in the world, so long as we keep him healthy." Giving a chocolate-tasting kiss to her wife, Hikari rubbed her nose against Maya's playfully, "So don't be a grump."

"I wasn't being a grump," Maya pouted coyly. "I was lamenting that we didn't have the third leg of our tripod down here groping both of us."

+++++ Weltschmerz: Saturday, December 10th (135)

"At the end, the questions I have don't have answers," Shinji concluded. He'd spent three hours giving an outline summary of what life had done to him, and what he'd done to try and survive. "Which, ultimately, makes me no different than anyone else muddling their way through life. I have the power to make things better, the responsibility to use those powers wisely, and absolutely no example to draw from in the doing of those two things." Allowing his thoughts to develop further, he leaned his chin on his fist, and watched everyone at play, "I have to remain focused on my goals, which means that I have to better define them. To do that, I need to study. The search for knowledge, for meaning…I know that I can find the truth."

"But is the truth, the answer you're looking for," George took his meaning, considering his drink for a time.

The god trying not to fail smiled sadly, "More or less." Turning his two-toned gaze back to his would-be therapist, he shook his head, "Tonight, I'm going to bond more women to this family. More lives that will never be able to separate until they ask me to kill them. Women I will love, and can't give enough of my time to. I understand that they accept this. I understand that most of them have chosen this. And so, the questions…don't have answers." Shrugging, he sighed, "They've asked for five years. If any group of humans will figure out a way to help me help everyone? It's them. I came forward in time, I was gifted a chance to try and save the lives of people I had failed. Here, at the most recent end of many endings…." A small smile curled one end of his lip up, "Maybe I can try for a new beginning." Standing up, Shinji extended his hand to his guest, "Thank you for the effort, George. I'll give your offer some thought, and I'll listen to Rits and the Miyamuras about possible medications. I've got a long road ahead of me."

"It's good that you aren't afraid of it anymore," he offered, accepting the farewell gesture.

"Could be worse," The Wanderer let a young boy smile through as he looked down towards Hikari and Maya, "I could be all alone."

+++++ Weltschmerz: Saturday, December 10th (135)

Shinji had paused time for everyone. There was more than a hint of guilt, but what he needed to accomplish required only one other being at the moment. When he arrived at the well-guarded cell containing Shinji Ikari, he dismissed the vines he'd used to hold him in place and was faced by a look of crazed terror. Watching his now-animate prisoner inch himself away towards the rear of the cell, the contempt and loathing overtook any possible pity he might have felt for the failed usurper. "Lay still. If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead." Crouching down, he set two fingers on one of Shinji's broken feet, healing all of the bones that he'd ruined in proving his point.

"S-s-stay away!" Without waiting past the pain being dulled, he scrambled back and pressed himself in the corner of the room. "Stay back!"

Had he once been this…child? Alone, terrified, lashing out at anyone and everyone without realizing that it was his own fault that his world had crumbled around him? Slipping his hands in his pockets as he stood up, The Wanderer gained a better appreciation for why he'd come calling on the pale shadow of his former self. "I doubt you'll understand me when I say that this is all your fault." When Shinji went to argue, he found himself muted. "I'm talking now. It's rude to interrupt." Looking around the stark cell, he continued his musings, "Yes, people were cruel to you. Yes, people were unkind. That's how humanity is, from time to time." He gestured back towards his palace, "They can also be incredibly understanding in even the most trying of circumstances. When you are willing to give, to sacrifice, the rewards can be immeasurable." Hearing the angry retort in his prisoner's mind, he sighed, "Yes, that means accepting that not everyone will be kind. It means taking risks. There is no 'safe path' through life. You were a child, Shinji. A child put in a terrible situation, asked to do terrible things, and given terrible support." His voice hardened, "That all ended when you took control of Instrumentality and repeated the cycle of suffering. You could be forgiven for attempting suicide by letting the world burn around you. Apathy had been your constant companion. You could be forgiven for jerking it over your comatose teammate's body. She is the most frustrating beauty we've ever known, and you were a child who had never actually known what love was. Your own guilt ate at you for that act. Misato would likely have forgiven you for her death, if you had actually used it to do some good in life. What you cannot be forgiven for, what I will never forgive you for, was wasting Rei Ayanami's gift to you. She gave you the control needed to create a world free of everything that had tortured you. She gave you time to learn how to craft it. She gave you experiences and visions of other worlds where things wouldn't be so hurtful. So what did you do with it?" Leaning forward, his anger rising, The Paladin snarled out, "You choked Asuka on a beach, abandoned her, and set out to abuse Instrumentality into a reality where she was amenable to your lazy madness." His eyes glowed, one with anti-light, the other with holy flame, "You don't deserve Asuka."

Regaining control over his rage, he turned away and walked towards the door to gain distance before he began pummeling a defenseless being, "Is she guilty of a great deal? Yes. Her bipolar doesn't free her of that, but it does mitigate it somewhat. She was trying, in her own broken way, to reach out to you and Misato. She didn't know how to be friends. How to be a family. She was suffering, exactly the same way you were. She reached out! Was it chaotic and unpredictable? Yes. But at least she made the effort. Misato made the effort. You just sat there and watched. You chose to be a passenger in your life. I'm standing where I am because I realized how incomplete I was. I'm still incomplete." Crossing his arms, he leaned against the doorframe, "But I'm working on it. I'm building actual bonds with frustrating, wonderful, annoying, amazing people." He paused, "…I'm living my life." Taking a deep breath, slowly letting it out, he expunged as much of his hatred for what he used to be as he could. "I'm gifting you a choice. You can be destroyed, like Kaworu, like Adam. I will send you to where they are, wherever that may be. I no longer fear that destroying you will unmake everything. 'Reality doesn't allow for that to happen', after all." That was the option he preferred be chosen. "Or you can remain a prisoner for the rest of your life. Your crimes are too numerous to count, too dire to forgive. The uncounted horde of tortured life cries out for me to gift you a punishment worthy of Prometheus or Sisyphus…. But I am not an animal. Their vengeance, their justice, will not be met with increasing the suffering in this life. Decide."

+++++ This Is (Not) The End: Saturday, December 10th (135)

Eating dinner outside, next to a roaring bonfire, had been Yinghua's idea. One too many television shows had given her the notion that it would be 'fun', and when she asked timidly for it nobody had the heart to tell her that it was going to still be cold, damp, and loud. She was happy, however, which made everyone else happy. It helped that several of the Aspects spent time holding her and Nozomi, helping warm them with a much more gentle heat than the bonfire's.

Shinji took time to sit with each grouping of women and Aspects that had formed, often moving from one group to the other with one of the previous grouping interested in speaking with others as well. Plans regarding the continued reconstruction of Tokyo-3, or for visiting the shopping district to try and broker deals to help both businesses and citizens survive, or for performing the needed work on finding a cure for the sterility plague, every group he sat with had a different, yet similar, focus. The topics were heavy, but they weren't discussed with morose attitudes. Optimism, that rarest of elements, buoyed everyone in the house. It wasn't shocking to him when he found himself infected by it.

Eventually, he found himself laying on a thick blanket staring up at the night sky. Surrounding him, each with their head laying atop a portion of his gigantic frame under a heavy 'o'-shaped comforter, was every humanoid member of his household. Those who lacked human frames, such as Gaghiel and Matarael, were contented to curl up on his core between everyone else. The stars twinkled without any light pollution to choke out their merry glow, their meaning something significantly different to several members of the Imperial Household than to others.

At a natural lull in the conversation, Shinji decided it was time to speak his mind, "When I arrived in Tokyo-3, the first time, I never realized how much opportunity I actually had. Even with the machinations of SEELE, of my father, I had been gifted an opportunity that I absolutely squandered. Looking back, I realize that my father was actually the one gifting me that opportunity, as payment for what he would have me do to reunite him with my mother. I came, I drifted, and when everything was crashing down around us…I fought. Finally, and for the first time, fought for what I wanted."

Lilith reached back and caressed his thigh, "I was so proud of you, Pet."

"It was a sight to see, after watching you dither for so long," Rose added with a huff of approval.

Maya rubbed her knuckles against the abs of her wife from beyond the stars, "He wasn't given adequate support. We're lucky he's made of stern stuff."

"When I arrived in Tokyo-3 for the second time," he smiled, "I managed to actually screw up successfully. Put a better foot forward. Somewhere along the way…I realized that it's never entirely about what you've done, or what you'll do. It's about the effort you put into making things better than they were. I was trying to live for myself, the first time. For everyone else, the second. Both are important, or so I've been told by some very wonderful women." He felt Kodama and Hikari squeeze him. "I'm going to need all of you. Aspects, Lilin, [Song]. Our story…it doesn't have an ending. There will never be a 'happily ever after', or a 'painful tragedy', that summarizes our entire life together. These five years…they're just the first five years. I don't need to make permanent decisions. Not for myself, not for all of creation. I just need to try my best to make things better than they have been while I learn who and what I really am."

The first hollow thump startled several of the women, familiarity with combat preparing them to react to hostile fire. When the firework burst far above, shimmering with a bouquet of light, there was some relieved laughter and a few thwacks against his body in places. Several more bursts lit the sky, offering hope and relief to all who saw them. The battle was over, even if the war never would be. Celebration was a necessary part of endings. To do otherwise the battle could never be declared over, and his people would forever suffer. He had entered their lives with explosions and suffering as Sachiel attempted the impossible. It was only fair that he remembered them with explosions and celebration, as he attempted the impossible. The smile on his face wasn't forced, or strained. There was suffering in the world, in the galaxy, in the universe…but he couldn't fix it all in a single day. His soul caressed every living being that surrounded him, and he reveled in their presence.

I love all of you. Thank you…for helping me become more complete.

+++++ Author's Note, Final.

Sometime around the end of Spring in 2018 I got a wild hair to try and repair a story that had failed, in my opinion. That story still exists, and may very well be worked on again in the future, but it served as a good warm-up for what would become this tale. I honestly, originally, had not intended it to be quite as…long. Ultimately, the length reflects the reality that life is just never as simple as people believe it to be. Petty details, major crises, tragic losses, and heartfelt gains all weave themselves around someone as they walk any path through life.

Shinji entered his second chance unaware of who and what he was. This was before he was even burdened with becoming The Wanderer. He was a young man, little more than a child, who was struggling to find his way through a life that seemed determined to cause him a headache at every turn. When, instead of running away, he turned into the headwinds and powered through…he found hope. He blazed a trail for everyone else to follow, showing them that chance. Did he do it knowingly? Of course not. Many of our greatest heroes didn't know that's what they were in life.

Throughout the writing of this story, I ended up facing my own hardships. I nearly died, twice. Was almost killed, once. Suffered several financially ruinous events. I did things I'm not proud of, things that everyone around me takes pride in knowing me for, and generally muddled my way through almost two years of my time on this Earth writing for a group of people I'll never meet in person. When you consider the final words of the story itself, the last chapter (of far too many chapters), remember that Shinji's story began in medias res. His story will continue the same way. He, like you or I are, is in the middle of his story. Incomplete. Incompletable.

But always working towards completion.

Take care of yourself, folks. Remember, there's always a chance to be better.