The Koopa and penguin kings were lying on a wide towel atop an ashen grey beach. This wasn't any usual beach, because the water wasn't water - it was bubbling, flowing lava.

"Nice of ya to finally visit my kingdom," Bowser said, adjusting his sunglasses.

Dedede took a drink of his mojito, the perfect compliment to their surroundings. A fiery landscape might be fearsome to many, but not to the penguin. He felt like a total badass being here, and the air was so pleasantly dry and warm, he felt like he was wrapped up in a heated blanket.

Of course, his stifling robe and the rest of his clothes were off, and he lay there wearing nothing, basking in the warmth. It felt natural, and surely they were close enough by now that it wouldn't be weird. Bowser didn't seem to mind, and besides, it wasn't like he was really wearing any clothes either.

It was nice. Since most would consider this place inhospitable, the two kings had the area all to themselves. And even with all this open space, they still laid together.

Dedede rolled over a little closer. He cautiously put his hand on the Koopa's soft, rubbery belly.

No reaction.

So he decided to rub around it in circles, eliciting a grunt from his fellow ruler.

"What are you doin', ya weirdo?" Bowser growled, the lava making popping noises as it bubbled nearby.

"J-just… well…" Dedede's words failed him. It was a struggle to even form two, let alone a complete sentence.

"Don't be an idiot!" Bowser grabbed the penguin's hand forcefully.

The penguin yelped, his heart pounding so hard he thought it would burst out of him and wither away.

"Go lower," the Koopa demanded, pushing Dedede's hand downward.

Then he took off the sunglasses and looked Dedede in the eyes, rolling sideways.

His face was moving closer. And closer. Arms wrapped around him. Their lips met and everything collapsed into a burst of stardust.

Harsh reds. Blazing whites. Yellow and green, the colors of life - the sun, the grass, everything came back to yellow and green. But it wouldn't be complete without blue. Blue sky, blue ocean. Yellow, blue and green, with tones of red and white connecting it all together, like strings holding a puppet aloft.

The moment was interrupted by a bubbling cacophony. The lava encroached too quickly. Bowser got up and ran.

Dedede tried to do the same, but his legs were like lead moving through molasses. His robe was back on, and the lava caught the back of it - flames spreading up his back and soon to surround his body.

He tried to yell, tried to run, but nothing worked… Bowser was laughing in the distance, but his voice was loud and clear, as if they were still lying next to each other.

DEDEDE

The wall was the first thing Dedede saw as his eyes popped open. His next sensory input was the sound of Bowser snoring… and then the vibrations coming from him.

Dedede realized an arm was wrapped around him and sighed fondly. Looks like Bowser's at it again.

He laid there for a minute, not wanting to escape from Bowser's hold. He felt like a big, scary creature had just captured him… so why did it feel good? He tried to remember what he'd dreamt about. It seemed important. He closed his eyes, thinking maybe he could catch the idea again if he focused.

...

Rringgg!

Dedede awoke again with a start. His phone was ringing.

He had to struggle and slide under the blanket to get out from under the Koopa who was spooning him.

Rringgg!

He picked up the pink phone with an antenna that was making a ringing sound on the dresser. He pressed one of the buttons, shaped like a star with rounded corners.

"Hello? Hi Kawasaki. I was about to come and tell you. Huh? Why wouldn't I wanna eat? Yeah, pancakes would be good again. But with chocolate chips this time, okay?"

Bowser yawned, turning around in the bed. "Morning."

"Sup." Dedede felt stupid immediately after. That sounded so unnatural coming out of my mouth.

The Koopa rubbed his eyes. "What… is that thing you were talking to?"

"Oh, this?" Dedede held it up. "This is called a cell phone."

"What's a cell phone?"

"We have these here. If you're familiar with walkie-talkies, it's like that, but you can talk from much farther apart. I don't really know the specifics of how it works. Magic, I guess."

"Ah. So…"

"Do you get it?"

"Of course I get it. I think they have those on my planet. Everyone bugs me to get one but I never bothered."

"Who's 'everyone'?"

Bowser looked down at himself. "Second question. How… how did I get into your bed?"

"Probably by climbing in. Since we've already established you're a cuddle slut."

"I am not a cuddle slut, you wish! And watch your language! This is Pop Star, talking like that could get you arrested!"

"That's enough out of you." The penguin's eyes widened. "Oh! I just noticed..."

"What?"

"Your shell is over here on the floor."

"Well, yeah, otherwise, your mattress would be in pieces right now."

"It's just... you seem kinda... naked without it." Dedede tugged at his clothes, which felt incredibly constricting right now.

"Ooooh, is the penguin king awestruck by my flagrant nudity?"

"I mean..."

"Relax. That shell is like a backpack. Everything you really wanna see is tucked away anyhow." Bowser let out another yawn, more akin to a growl.

"W-who says I want to see anything else?"

"Figure of speech, Deeds."

"Well, it's a dumb speech and you're a dumb face!"

"Wow, you're really not good at verbal sparring, are you?" Bowser turned around onto his side.

"Oh, what do you know..." Dedede paused. "Hmm."

"What's up?"

"This is early morning light, but I feel so rested, what's going on? We were up past sunrise."

Bowser looked outside. "And wasn't it kinda foggy before? Now it's sunny."

Dedede shrugged. "Anyway, breakfast should be ready soon. Let's head down."

…

The pair sat down in the dining room.

Kawasaki put a plate of pancakes in the middle of the table. "Sire, are you looking forward to the Gourmet Race later today?"

Dedede blinked rapidly. "Today? Surely you mean tomorrow."

Bowser grabbed some food for his plate and started to dig in.

Kawasaki shook his head. "No, today is the commencement ceremony and the King's Race."

Dedede sat up straight. "Shit! I mean, shoot! Bowser! We slept an entire day and night!"

Bowser yawned, uncaring. "We musta needed it."

"Is that all you have to say!?"

The chef stepped back. "Should I leave, or-"

"Maybe I am a bad influence," Bowser said. "Sleeping in, swearing…"

"This isn't funny, Bowser! Stop eating now! We need to save room!"

"But the pancakes…"

"I'll put them in the fridge for later."

"Reheated leftover pancakes? Pass."

"Whatever, dig your own grave." Dedede turned around.

Bowser shrugged and took another mouthful.

…

On the outskirts of town, where rolling fields began, the race track was almost done being set up.

Streamers were hanging between tall wooden poles. People were gathered at the sides of the track, a long dirt road, finding seating wherever they could, whether that be a hill, a rock, or a folding chair.

"It's too bad we couldn't train yesterday," Dedede groaned. "I feel totally unprepared for this."

"At least you've done it before. I'm gonna be a total noob."

At the start of the track, a huge wooden stage had been built. Above it hung a giant blue banner with the words "GOURMET RACE" painted in gold. Large speakers were set up at its corners, connected to a microphone held by the announcer onstage. Usually, Dedede helped with this project, but this time he'd been… busy.

The cheering became deafening when Dedede came around. High expectations, he thought.

He and Bowser climbed up on the stage.

Dedede could see Adeleine and Wanda waving and cheering amongst the crowd.

The announcer stood behind the podium. He was a moustached, pale, ghostly looking town resident whose name escaped the penguin. "Here is a leader who needs no introduction. Please welcome... King Dedede!"

Dedede held up his arm and waved sheepishly, amid loud applause and cheering.

"Usually, we see him racing with our friend Kirby, but today, due to special circumstances, there will be a change. Please give a round of applause for his new competitor, from across the stars… King Bowser Koopa!"

Adeleine and Wanda and a few Waddle Dees clapped. Mostly there was silence. Bowser scratched his head.

As the announcer rambled on about the history of the race, a few scattered clouds rolled slowly across the sky, sun streaming down on everyone. This just made the unprepared Dedede sweat even more. They stepped down the stairs at the back of the stage and approached the start of the race track, where a large scale was set up.

"We'll weigh you now, and again after you finish."

Bowser got on the scale first. "Are you gonna, like, announce what we weigh?"

The announcer adjusted his moustache. "Legally we can't, unless you sign a waiver."

"Good. Wouldn't want Dedede feeling embarrassed," Bowser quipped.

"Yeah," Dedede scoffed, "That's what you're worried about."

"Please," the Koopa king replied. "Eating and running? This is supposed to be a challenge? Don't make me laugh."

…

"I regret every decision I've ever made," Bowser groaned, rubbing his belly.

Dedede hiccoughed as they walked away from the racetrack, which had looped back to the starting area. "I feel…. kinda dizzy…"

"Blood sugar is probably through the roof," the Koopa said, letting out a loud belch, a few embers rushing out into the air. "Congrats, by the way."

"For what?"

"You won."

Dedede blinked. "I crossed the finish line first. We still have to get weighed - a sufficient increase can turn the tables at the last minute, and you're definitely looking pudgier than usual." He reached over and slapped Bowser's stomach.

Bowser winced as his tummy jiggled. "Screw off, I'm gonna be sick…"

They approached the scales, amid cheers from the crowds.

The announcer came over to them. "The winner of the race proper was King Dedede!"

Loud applause.

"Now," the announcer continued, "We will determine the weights of our participants."

Dedede stepped up onto the scale first. The dial on top zoomed quickly from 0 to… well, it would be rude to repeat the number that showed up. He stepped off and burped gracefully, looking smug but also feeling uncomfortable at the same time.

Bowser was next. He took a deep breath. Planting his feet on the scale, the dial instantly shot up so hard that the glass around it shattered.

The Koopa looked taken aback. "Do… do I have to clean that up?"

The announcer gasped into the microphone, which prompted the audience to gasp collectively. It was all very dramatic. "In an astonishing turn of events, we have a new winner! By this measure, the Koopa King has undoubtedly consumed more than double the amount of food that our own liege has!"

Dedede felt crestfallen. Don't be a sore loser, idiot. You can mentally whine about this later.

The crowd was silent for a moment, before erupting into a cacophony. There was a mixture of cheering and booing. Mostly the latter. Someone threw a Maxim Tomato in Bowser's face.

"Why are they heckling me?" the turtledragon shouted, wiping the red gunk from his snout.

"They must be upset that you… well… showed me up," Dedede offered, sighing. "Let me handle this."

The penguin stepped up to the podium, taking a microphone from a stand and tapping it. "Hello? Testing? 1-2-3 and all that stuff?"

The loud jeers and noises from the audience died down a bit.

"I know you're all surprised by the results of this race," Dedede began, "But it is both rude and disingenuous to be upset with a foreign contestant for beating me. The race isn't a time for us to bow down to me and allow me to win, it's… well… a race. We should respect the winner, and I, the actual 'offended party', do not consider this an offense. After all, when Kirby wins, we don't get upset, so Bowser shouldn't be treated any differently. It's actually kind of refreshing to face such a good challenger!"

Mumbling from the crowd. Then they finally reneged and gave Bowser a proper congratulations, after which Dedede beckoned him to come up and join him on the stage to accept a trophy. He saw Bowser look up and smile gingerly at him. Dedede felt a sudden jolt in his chest.

That smile...

Bowser approached, climbing up to the stage, not breaking eye contact, which made Dedede's heart thump harder and harder. He hoped the Koopa didn't notice him sweating and looking nervous.

Bowser flashed another smile, this one more confident, and Dedede's brain stopped processing everything else. The sounds of the crowd were muted. His peripheral vision was blurry. All he could see were Bowser's red eyes, his hair swaying in the wind, his smile… and his lips…

Bowser then took the trophy.

He stepped up in front of Dedede and struck a cool pose, holding it up above his head, roaring and breathing fire.

Okay, showboating at a time like this? After I just saved your ass? Come on! Dedede couldn't help but find this behavior cute, as annoying as it was. At least it snapped him out of his weird reverie of distraction.

The announcer stepped up on stage and took the trophy. "We'll have this sent to you so you can take it home, Mr. Koopa," he said.

Home… Dedede thought. Bowser's going to have to leave again, soon…

BOWSER

It sure felt good winning that trophy. Right now, that was the only thing that felt good, however.

My stomach is going to explode.

There were numerous yellow, glittering stars hovering over the grass a few yards away from the racetrack. People were hopping on them left and right, and soaring off into the sky as if they were vehicles.

"These are Warp Stars," Dedede explained as they walked toward them. "They'll take us home really quick."

"'Home'?"

The stars were disappearing as the last of the riders, including the announcer, flew off.

"As- as in my castle."

"I know, it's just funny you phrased it that way. It's been starting to feel like I live there, hasn't it?"

"Y-yes... But… you have to leave soon, right?" Dedede scuffed his foot on the grass.

"Yeah…" Bowser tried not to look disappointed. He'd definitely overstayed his welcome by this point.

"So, the Warp Star… just, grab onto it and think about where you want to go. In this case, my castle. And then, you can control its direction by- well, you'll feel how it works when you're on it."

"Sounds… dangerous. What if I fall off?"

"Try to not."

"O...kay?"

Bowser grabbed onto the Warp Star, and it made a weird twinkly sound, levitating slightly, before taking off like a shot.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" He wasn't expecting it to zoom off immediately.

It yanked him upward about fifteen feet, before it slipped from his fingers, sending him spinning back down to the grassy floor with a loud crash.

"B-Bowser? You okay?"

The Koopa had landed on his shell and was breathing heavily, the wind knocked right out of him.

This is so humiliating… Bowser thought. Finally he regained the ability to speak.

"Uhhh…. Can you help me up? K-kinda hard to right myself when I'm lying like this on my shell. Think my spikes are stuck in the grass."

"Oh, uh, right!" Dedede took both his hands and pulled as hard as he could.

Bowser's shell wouldn't budge, and soon the penguin lost his balance and grip, stumbling and falling forward…

Right on top of the Koopa.

Oh my god, what's happening!?

"Um, heh…" Dedede's face was inches away from his.

He's the softest thing I've ever touched...

"C-caught ya," Bowser said, laughing nervously.

Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-thump.

"Do you… hear something?" Nobody else was around in the huge open field, and Bowser couldn't see anything besides Dedede and a background of fast-moving clouds.

"I… feel something… is that your heart that's pounding so hard?" Dedede mumbled.

"No! Why w-would my heart rate be elevated? It's probably you!" Bowser huffed, feeling agitated.

"I-I have a perfectly normal heartbeat right now!"

"Y-yeah right, anybody'd be scared to be this close to me!"

"I wouldn't!" Dedede panted. Then a moment of silence. "I-I mean, I wouldn't be excited, either!"

"T-then get offa me!" Bowser felt sweat pooling down the side of his face.

The penguin slid off the Koopa and stood back up. Relief washed over Bowser. Why was that such a tense moment? Need to calm down.

They grabbed hands, both looking away from each other awkwardly.

"Pull properly this time!" Bowser grunted.

"I'm trying!"

"God, this is fuckin' embarassing-"

Yank!

Bowser's spikes dislodged from the ground, leaving holes a few inches deep where he'd been stuck. He rolled over onto his belly and pushed himself up. None of this was helping his stomachache.

"Finally…"

"Lucky there are a few extra Warp Stars left," Dedede remarked.

"I don't know why you use these safety hazards."

"They're really not difficult at all. You must just suck at riding things."

Bowser scoffed. "I'm great at riding things. Er... I just couldn't keep hold of the smooth surface. Would it kill ya to install chairs into them or something?"

"Look, do you... need me to share one with you, so I can help you ride?"

"N-no! Don't be a fool! I'll get it right this time!" Bowser looked down at his feet.

"Famous last words," Dedede snorted.

The Koopa looked up again. "I'll show you, smartass." With that, he defiantly marched over to a new Warp Star and grabbed on, clinging for dear life this time. It vibrated and rose for a few seconds before launching off quickly like before.

"Hang on tight!" Dedede shouted from below, barely audible.

...

The sky darkened into starlight as Bowser got higher and higher. The star was travelling so quickly he could barely hold on, arms getting tired already. He was nauseous, deathly afraid of losing his grip again, so he clenched his teeth and tried to muster all his strength. It wasn't what he'd call a smooth ride, either… he'd much rather be in his Clown Car.

In fact, the star was so jerky that Bowser was starting to feel a rumble in his stomach, amplified by the anxiousness the whole experience brought.

"Oh no… oh no no no-"

Huuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrk!

Bowser emptied the contents of his stomach over the side of the Warp Star. He turned his head around to watch them spill away into the night sky.

"H-hope that doesn't land on Dedede…"

…

The Warp Star began screaming downward toward the grounds outside of Castle Dedede. It didn't seem to slow down at all as it descended.

"I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die-"

Bowser gritted his teeth.

The star landed violently, popping out of existence as it absorbed the impact. Bowser flew off in an upward arc before landing face-first in the dirt, sliding a few feet and then coming to a stop.

"Grrrrrrr... Never liked public transportation." Bowser lifted himself up to his knees, rubbing dust out of his eyelids.

"Need a hand?"

Bowser looked up to see Dedede holding out a glove.

"Nice of you to… drop in," the penguin chuckled.

"Har har. Coulda warned me about that." Bowser took Dedede's hand, pulling himself up.

"And miss seeing this? Not a chance."

Bowser grumbled, brushing the dirt off himself, coughing. "How'd you even get here before me?"

"Can't help it if I'm a Warp Star professional," the penguin said, laughing. "You look better, at least. Did the ride ease your post-binge nausea?"

The Koopa king released a nervous laugh. "...You could say that."

"So…" Dedede trailed off, looking sad. "When are you leaving?"

"What, eager to kick me out as soon as you can?" It was a joke, but inside, Bowser felt like his entire life was hanging on a thread, and the answer Dedede gave was going to be a pair of scissors. He tensed up.

What is up with me? Must still be kinda sick.

"N-no! No. I mean, you're annoying as heck, and I can't stand your stupid face, but…" the penguin cleared his throat, looking downward. "We have had fun... right?"

Bowser didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he sighed. "Heh. I suppose we have."

Dedede looked up and showed him a goofy grin, with tight lips, as if he was trying to stifle it and look serious. Bowser smirked back in his usual cocky way. In a moment, the penguin's mouth relaxed, and brought a genuine look of happiness to his face, eyes twinkling. This, in turn, caused Bowser to loosen his jaw muscles and form a true smile.

He looks so happy… why does my heart swell with pride? Am I proud that I finally got in his good graces? As if that says something about me, that I was able to befriend someone like Dedede?

Or is this joy I'm feeling… is my soul mirroring his own emotions?

"Um, sires? Are you coming inside?"

Both of them blinked and looked over to see one of the Waddle Dee guards waving from the castle entrance a few yards away.

How long was I standing there, grinning like a fool? Bowser wondered. Jeez, I'm an idiot around this penguin for some reason.

DEDEDE

"So, what do you want to do now?" the penguin king asked, walking with the Koopa through the castle hallways, meandering in the general direction of the throne room.

"Uh… honestly? Have a lie down. That race really took a lot outta me," Bowser said. "Don't think it'd be smart to fly back this way."

"Right. You should definitely rest, then. I-I'll let you head back to your room." Dedede started to walk away.

"You're not coming with?"

The penguin stopped in his tracks. "...Hmm?"

"Well, I didn't say I was going to sleep. Aren't ya gonna keep me company? I am your guest, after all."

Dedede sighed, ostensibly out of exasperation. "Fine." He tried to sound cool.

When they got to the guest room, Bowser headed into the half-bath that was connected to the room through a narrow doorway he clearly had some trouble fitting through. The penguin heard the water running, and saw the Koopa bring out a wet washcloth. It made sense, he was covered in dirt and grass stains from those Warp Star shenanigans, not to mention his mane was all messy and disheveled, but it still felt odd to see the turtle king taking care of his personal hygiene.

It also felt a little awkward to be watching, so Dedede looked up at Adeleine's painting work on the ceiling. It had been awhile since he'd admired it, but hearing Bowser gush about it the other day had made him want to appreciate the effort again. It really was impressive how well such a young girl could paint.

He heard a thump as something hit the floor.

When he looked back down, he did a double take, noticing Bowser had removed his shell. That must have been what made the sound, as it was sitting against the wall near the window.

"Y-you-" Dedede stuttered.

"What?"

"Your… shell…"

It wasn't as if the Koopa was really in a compromising position. He just had a naked back now. But Dedede noticed how muscular his back was, broad and sturdy. And as his eyes went down a little lower…

Those glutes… is this what the kids are calling "thicc" these days?

Bowser turned around. Without the shell, he looked less bulky, and stood up straighter, making him appear more muscular and less stocky than before. "Well, what are you stammerin' about? It's just a back. Not like I got my dick out or something."

This thought made Dedede blush. "Ah- I- I dunno, I just t-thought maybe…"

"What, that I was giving you a strip show?" Bowser turned around and wiped himself with the cloth in a mockingly seductive manner.

The penguin choked and gave him a dirty look, sweating up a storm. "N-n-n-no! No, asshole!"

"Then what's the big deal?" Bowser took a step closer. The mere act was so intimidating, it caused Dedede's stomach to tie up in a knot.

Oh my goodness, he thinks I'm checking him out. Yeah RIGHT. As if. Dedede couldn't figure out how to formulate a sentence - he was so overwhelmed by the uncomfortable situation he'd created.

I bet if I ever DID check him out, though, he'd punch me in the face, or call me a weirdo, or something. I don't see why I would, though. It would be kind of weird to have the hots for a gruff creature like Bowser, wouldn't it? Well, I guess if he has a son, that must mean that SOMEBODY wanted to jump his bones before, right? So I guess he's not... sexless. But he's not really someone it would even OCCUR to me to THINK of... objectifying. He's just... the Koopa King. Nope, nothing intriguing or appealing about his features at all.

Finally, words came to the penguin. "I-I just thought, you know, h-how... thoughtful, he doesn't want to tear holes in my guest bed... I was so surprised at your respectfulness, it's quite unlike you."

Wow... that was a pretty good save. Wait, save from what? Why was I even so staggered in the first place?

That save came at a cost, anyway. Bowser snorted smoke out of his nostrils, grabbing something out of his duffel bag on the floor. "Are we on this again? I'm not just some craaaaazy monster who wants to destroy everything in sight. I have a brain and respect for peoples' property."

"Didn't… didn't you say about a dozen times how you wanted to take over my kingdom and overthrow my rule, kill me, eat me, burn me, tie me up, kidnap me and drag me to your castle, wrestle me into submission... et cetera?"

The Koopa briefly ran a comb through his messed-up hair, before fluffing it back into place with his claws. "Okay, first of all, I'm pretty sure you made half of those up. Secondly, yeah, but I've been here for days and have I actually done any of that?"

"Maybe you're just waiting for the perfect time to strike." It was supposed to sound funny but came out sounding stuffy and serious.

"And maybe you're a jerk who insults people even when they're trying to be nice." Bowser climbed onto the bed and lied down on his back. "Hmmph."

"Bowser-" Dedede didn't want to apologize, because that was like admitting defeat, but at the same time, he could see he'd upset the Koopa, regardless of his intentions. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't trying to be mean. At least, not intentionally mean. You do the playful ribbing thing all the time, but when I do it, it comes across wrong."

"Sure. You're just like everyone else, even if I convince myself otherwise."

"Like... everyone else? How so?"

"I'm nothing to ya but a big, freaky, destructive, obtrusive, no good beast. Which I am, obviously, but..."

"No… Bowser…" Dedede walked over and sat on the side of the bed. He wasn't sure how to handle this, never expecting to see a side of the Koopa that was anything like this. "You don't think that, and neither do I, anymore. Sure, first impressions weren't great for either of us, but I know there's more to you than what your… spiky exterior projects."

"Nah, I know what I am."

"Do you? Because a minute ago you were denying your monster...ly...ness… and now you're saying you're nothing but a monster."

"Aren't you the active listener." Bowser's face betrayed no emotion.

"Listen, maybe sometimes stuff I say will sound worse to you than how I mean it, because you're expecting me to think of you the same way 'everyone else' does. Am I on to something?"

"Why do you care?"

"Oh, come on, help me out here... Bowz!"

The Koopa seemed to smirk a little, but turned over on his side, facing the wall. "I'm getting bored of this conversation. Anyway, I'm really tired and I gotta get some shuteye if I'm gonna be fit to fly tonight."

Dedede bit his lip. His heart was pounding and he felt sick.

Am I really going to-? No, it's stupid, I'll get my face torn off… Then again…

The penguin lied down and put his arm around Bowser.

The Koopa king stiffened. "W-what are you doing?"

Dedede licked his lips. His throat felt so dry. "Hey, don't get the wrong idea. But if I was really afraid of you… if I really thought you were just some mindless monster… Would I be able to do this?"

"If you keep doing it, I'll show you how scary I really can be." Despite his crankiness, Dedede swore he felt the Koopa inch toward him ever so slightly, muscular back pressing into the penguin's soft tummy.

"I'm gonna call your bluff," Dedede said, squeezing him.

"W-when I get up, you're gonna pay for this," Bowser said, his tone lightening up again.

Dedede grabbed the edge of the blanket and tugged it over them. "Now you're really stuck."

The Koopa grunted. "I'm warning you, just because I'm not moving doesn't mean I'm okay with this. You just sealed your fate."

"Hah, I'm sooooo scared."

Bowser was rumbling gently. "Oh, you little…"

…

The twilight was seeping through the window as Dedede's eyes opened. He didn't even remember falling asleep. He noticed that the bed was empty, and wondered why that made him feel sick to his stomach. Then again, he'd eaten enough food to feed a family for weeks and then taken a nap, so that was probably a major contributing factor.

Glancing around the room, he noticed Bowser's shell and the rest of his belongings were nowhere in sight. His heart sank.

He pulled the blankets over his head, wanting to be in darkness for just a minute before he committed to waking up. Bowser had left already.

Bowser…

The sheets smelled like Koopa, dark and spicy and exotic, but also familiar, like a warm campfire. Maybe a tiny bit musky from all the exercising earlier. That was when Dedede realized the side Bowser had slept on was still vaguely warm…

Maybe he's not gone yet!

The penguin shot out of bed, rushing out the door. He went up to the first guard he saw and asked if they'd seen Bowser. Negative. He dashed through the castle, asking whoever he ran into, but no one had caught sight of the Koopa.

Did he really leave already?

He got outside, looked around, and saw Bowser's Clown Car parked under a brick overhang, where he'd left it originally, to keep the rain out of it.

"There you are."

"Oh. Bowser!" Dedede jumped, startled. He turned around and felt a wave of relief to see his guest standing there.

"Looking for me?" The Koopa raised an eyebrow.

"I mean… I was kind of just wandering around…" Dedede tried to hide the fact that he was panting. "Where were you anyway?"

"In the shower. Didn't wanna go home smelling like dirt and tomatoes."

"Ah. Right. Well, you didn't smell bad. I-I mean, not that I noticed any scent one way or the other!"

Bowser was silent for a moment. "Did you really think I was gonna leave without saying goodbye?"

"The t-thought hadn't even crossed my mind. You think I'm always thinking about you or something?"

The Koopa smirked. "I mean, I would be if I were you."

What's that supposed to mean? Well, at least he seems to be in better spirits.

"Please. You're barely a blip on my radar, Bowz."

"And yet you've already picked out a nickname for me. Cute, by the way."

Dedede fumed. "Better than your nicknames for me. 'Deeds'? 'Deeders'?"

"I'm workin' on it. You got an awkward name to shorten, Dee."

"I didn't say I hated them. But Bowz is a much cooler creation."

"Oh, I know I'm a cooler creation than you, but thanks for saying it officially."

"The nickname, doofus. Don't start with me."

"Whatever, 90% of people I've met call me Bowz. Did you think you were clever?"

Dedede sighed. "Oh, shut your stupid face."

"Anyway… guess it's time to go."

"Right…"

Bowser held out his palm. "It was good."

Dedede shook the Koopa's hand. "It was good"? That's it? And not even a hug? Or does he have to be drunk to be affectionate? Wait, why do I even care? This is how 'bros' interact, right? Not by cuddling and picking flowers like a...

Bowser's grip was strong, but he finally let go. "So, uh, guess I'll… see ya 'round." His voice had a tinge of melancholy in it.

"...yeah."

Bowser got up into his Clown Car, started the engine, and rose off the ground as the propellor began rotating.

He gave a salute, shifted gears, and was soaring away, just like that.

Dedede looked up at the sky and watched as the silhouette grew smaller and smaller, until he couldn't see anything anymore.

That's it. He's really gone… so abruptly, too. Then he came to a realization. Oh, damn it, and I didn't even think to figure out a way we could stay in touch! Stupid, stupid.

The penguin sat there on the grass as the sunset turned to dark, ruminating.

Finally, having thought himself into a brand new headache, he sighed and went back into his castle alone.

[Author's note]: Well, that's it. That's the end. Hope you liked my story!

… just kidding. That was mean. And I already trolled you with the opening. Don't worry, there's still more on the way. This chapter sucked to write because I wrote the entire thing and then lost it somehow, so I had to write it twice. I suppose it was a blessing in disguise, because the rewrite gave me time to think of new ideas and make it more interesting, whereas in the original I pretty much just described the gourmet race. I elected to cut that part from this second draft because it was boring. No one wants to read "Bowser ran and grabbed a piece of cake off the ground" fifty times. You're here for Bowz x DDD interaction. As am I!

Anyhoo, I THINK I didn't lose the next chapter, so hopefully that one will be easier to handle. We're gonna see the two heroes… well, the villain and the half-villain… dealing with stuff other than each other for a minute! Things will expand ever so slightly.

...yeah, the ending of the chapter is a LITTLE based on the ending of that old episode of the Simpsons where Homer meets his mom and then she leaves.

I appreciate all the reviews and such, it's been a lot more enjoyable working on this knowing that a few people are enjoying it! Hope this chapter serves you well, until next time.