[Author's note: This story takes place between Melee and Brawl, so Bowser hasn't met any characters that weren't in Melee, unless he has a logical reason to know them, and by logical I mean "made up by me". Also how is this ship so rare?]

BOWSER

It all started when the Koopa King decided to survey other planets. Maybe if colonizing the Mushroom Kingdom hadn't worked, he could set his sights on the stars.

It was on one particular "star" that he decided to land his airship first, on a whim. Pop Star, in particular. A land of boundless green fields, marshmallow clouds and forests teeming with life - even some of the trees were sentient. He'd been on Pop Star arenas briefly during fighting tournaments, but he'd never explored the planet proper.

Bowser was itching for something, and to him it seemed like he needed to conquer. If he could just conquer a real task that mattered, like, say, taking over a planet, then maybe he'd stop feeling that vague longing that sometimes overtook his chest when he didn't have anything to distract himself with.

Bowser hadn't brought any of his troops with him. This turtle-dragon of the Koopa persuasion wanted to be a pioneer. No underlings to trip over, no Kamek to tell him everything he was doing was a mistake, just he, himself and the emptiness of outer space.

He landed his grand airship, a flying wooden boat with cannons and propellers, and walked down the ramp onto a grassy, hilly area. Almost immediately he was surrounded by a group of orange, small creatures with cream-colored faces and stubby arms and legs. They were wearing bandanas and pointing spears at him.

"Shouldn't have come by myself," Bowser said. "What are you little guys?"

They didn't answer, but merely started leading him toward a village nearby, in the center of which stood a modest castle, not nearly as extravagant as the one that Bowser lived in, but homey and inviting.

The villagers all stared at him as he was forcibly led toward the castle doors. It was all rather embarrassing.

The large wooden doors creaked open. He felt a sharp spear stab at his rump and yelped. "Watch where you're pointing that thing! I know how to walk!"

They led Bowser into the castle, deep through its many hallways, passing numerous fountains and flower arrangements and statues of what looked like some kind of fat, round bird. "What IS this place?"

The halls were airy, with bright light streaming through the windows, plenty of decorations, generally the exact opposite of what Bowser's keep looked like.

Bowser's question was finally answered when he entered the throne room, a large chamber with two fountains in the back, large open windows, flowing drapery, and here and there an understated tapestry or vase.

"Welcome to Castle Dedede."

The voice came from the throne, upon which sat the same bird the statues mimicked. He was blue, with a red robe and hat, and a smug grin on his beak. Under the open robe, which had white fluff running from the collar all the way down the zipper area and along the bottom of the garment, he wore a patterned sash. "Forgive the Waddle Dees, they can be a little poke-happy."

"Yeah, I noticed," Bowser grumbled. "So what, your name's Dedede?"

"King Dedede," he corrected. "Penguin monarch of Dream Land. And you are?"

"Bowser. King Bowser of the Koopa clan."

"Oh, a foreign king? I feel so rude now. Guards, desist."

The Waddle Dees cautiously lowered their weapons.

"Nice unified movements. My troops all have two left feet."

"So what brings you here, King Koopa?"

"Please. The formality is making my skin crawl. Let's make a deal - you're Dedede, and I'm Bowser."

The penguin king was quiet for a moment. Then he let out a laugh. "Very well. So, Bowser, what brought you to my neck of the woods?"

"Well, if I'm being honest, I'm looking for new lands to conquer."

Dedede looked puzzled. "Isn't it kind of... stupid to admit that, when you're surrounded by guards?"

"It's not like I'm gonna take over this kingdom. Too saccharine for my tastes… it'd take a hell of a reno to get this place up to my standards."

"Saccharine? Dream Land? Noooooo." Dedede looked a bit threatened. "You know, I'm quite the villain myself. As you can no doubt tell by my epic throne room, armed guards, and general air of badassery."

"Well, how many princesses have you kidnapped?"

"Erm…"

"How many towns have you demolished?"

"Maybe a couple, I've lost count-"

"How many times have you clobbered your arch nemesis?"

"Arch nemesis? …clobbered? Who clobbers?" Dedede was dumbfounded at Bowser's choice of words.

"You don't have a nemesis? Mine is this middling plumber who everyone loves, including the princess, despite him being an overweight, middle-aged tradesman who wears his initial on his cap! Seriously, who does that?" Bowser finally took a breath.

"Nobody like that around here…" Dedede blinked. "That was quite a rant. Not fond of this plumber guy? Has he kicked you in the keister one too many times?"

Bowser stepped back. "Nonono, Dedede, I'm just annoyed by his persistence. No matter how many times I beat him up, he keeps coming back for more. He's like a masochist or something, you know? Always wants to get turtle terrorized."

Dedede smirked faintly, shifting in his chair. He almost looked a little uncomfortable. "Well, you're certainly an interesting character… your brashness has an endearing quality."

Bowser paused, looking befuddled. "Is that a come on?"

Dedede lost his smile and reddened. "What? What? Jeez, can't I give a compliment without you thinking I'm hitting on you? Are you that egotistical?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Bowser replied.

"I assure you that my interest is platonic, but even that is dwindling after that... insult."

"What, it's insulting to imply that someone could be attracted to me? Am I that monstrous?" Bowser was still being snarky, but there was a tinge of a genuine emotion in his voice.

"N-no, I didn't mean that," Dedede stood up from his seat, and walked left, over to one of the two water fountains that adorned each side of the throne, slightly behind it.

"So you DO think I'm cute," Bowser said. The pure snark in his speech was evident.

"NO!" The penguin regarded the fountain's waters thoughtfully, facing away from the Koopa. "The insult is that you think I'm attracted to you after spending merely five minutes in your company."

"Usually only takes three, pal." Bowser looked at his nails, thinking they could use a trim soon.

"I'm not... I'm not looking for that kind of companionship, believe me. And if I were, I wouldn't be into anything or anyone even remotely resembling you." Dedede scowled, barely noticeable due to the angle at which he was standing.

"Relax, don't worry, I ain't into tubby penguins anyway. I'm more into snatching cute princesses."

Dedede's head snapped around so fast, Bowser almost mistook him for an owl, not a penguin. "Tubby? TUBBY!? Guards-"

The doors burst open before he could even finish his cry.

A young woman ran inside, dressed like a painter with a red beret, long green smock (slightly stained with primary colors), and a short dark skirt. She had black hair, round cheeks, and big, honest eyes.

"Dedede! Where have you been?" she exclaimed. "You were supposed to meet us for the picnic half an hour ago!"

"Oops… I forgot."

"You forgot?" She raised her hands in the air in chagrin, walking about the room. "How do you expect to have any friends at all if you can't even keep your dates?"

"Daaaaates?" Bowser smirked.

Dedede scowled, his lips pursing in a way that made him look rather like a duck. "Shut up, you."

The painter girl ran up to the penguin king and grabbed the fluffy white part of the front of his robe. "Come on, Dedede, everybody's waiting!"

"Adeleine," Dedede said nervously, looking at Bowser for a minute, "how many times have I told you to call me King Dedede?"

Adeleine appeared puzzled. "Um… never?"

"Ha... ha… ha… you're so silly with all of your jokes, Adeleine!" Dedede put an arm around her shoulder.

"Yo, Deeders, is this kid being insubordinate?" Bowser stepped toward them. The guards didn't seem to mind her presence. "She's walkin' around like she owns the place. You need me to put 'er in the dungeon?"

The painter girl finally noticed him. "There's no dungeon in this castle… who are you?"

"It is I! Your one and only King, Bowser Koopa." He spread his arms out, as if presenting himself to an adoring audience.

"No need to be so theatrical," Dedede grumbled.

"Oh, how wonderful, you've made a friend, Dedede! And he's visiting royalty, no less!" Adeleine clapped her hands.

"You don't have to act so surprised," Dedede said, crossing his arms. "A- and anyway, he's not my friend, don't jump to conclusions!"

"Yeah, I'm a lone wolf, I don't need anyone stealing my limelight, kid!" Bowser added, with a macho, toothy grin.

"That's what everyone says when they have no friends," she replied with a youthful innocence, not meaning anything rude by it.

Bowser froze, his teeth parting as his smile drooped a bit. "Heh."

"Anyway, Dedede, bring your new friend with you to the picnic! He looks interesting! I bet he has all kinds of stories from his home that he's itching to tell."

"Now then, Adeleine, hold your horses," the penguin king said. "I'm sure Bowser was just on his way out-"

"Actually, that sounds great. I'm feelin' kinda… peckish." He glanced at Dedede. "Get it? Cuz you're a bird?"

"Bring your jokes with you too!" Adeleine beamed. "And hurry, before all the food is gone!"

Dedede sighed and looked at Bowser. The Koopa just flashed his teeth and winked.