Warmth was what roused her, after what seemed like only moments but must have really been

hours. A ray of midmorning sun slanting through the living room window behind her fell across

her face in a ray of brightness that she could see even from behind closed eyelids. Muffled

thumps and distant giggles coming from the ceiling above her head let her know that the kids

were awake as well, but she stayed there a moment longer, with her eyes shut against the golden

warmth, hovering in that peaceful, dreamy haze somewhere between sleep and conscious

thought- until sour morning breath huffed into her face made her crinkle her nose and insistent

small hands assaulted her cheeks. "Mommy? Mommy are you awake?" Meredith smiled wryly

and reached up without opening her eyes to still her daughter's hands gently in her own. "If

I wasn't before, Zo-Zo, I am now." She answered softly, voice raspy and thick with sleep. She

drew one pudgy palm to her lips for a kiss and yawned deeply while Zola rattled on, almost

faster than her still-drowsy mind could follow. "Why are you sleeping on the couch? Why is Uncle

Alex here? Did you have a sleepover after we went to bed? No fair!" For a moment, Meredith

was confused by her daughter's questions; the tequila and exhaustion of the night before had

made her memories hazy. But Alex's name brought it all rushing back and she realized that the

low rumbling noise that she'd sleepily assumed was someone's lawn mower was actually her

person's soft snoring. Suddenly very much awake, Meredith's eyes flew open. She stifled a groan

as stiff limbs protested against movement and did her best not to jostle the couch too much

as she carefully pushed herself up onto one elbow to follow Zola's pointed finger and pouting

glare. The sunlight filtered through Alex's tousled hair as he slept beside her on the couch,

highlighting in brilliant gold the first few scattered threads of grey that were beginning to show.

His mouth hung open as he snored softly, still slumped back against the couch the same way he had been when she'd curled up next to him last night, only now his neck was tilted in an awkward looking position that made Meredith cringe at just the thought of the pain he would be in when he woke up. Sometime during the night she had stretched out, she noticed, because now her legs were flung across his lap, cold toes burrowed into welcome warmth between his thighs. But she quickly swung them down

onto the cold wood floor when she realized that the fleshy firmness her heel had been resting

against was also a type of wood... morning wood. Embarrassment made her cheeks flush hot

red and her breath come fast. She didn't know why she was so flustered- after all, she had three

children; she was hardly unfamiliar with morning erections. Unbidden memories of all the times

she had been late for rounds precisely because she and Derek had taken advantage of such a

morning occurrence flooded her mind with tender, passionate sounds and images of the two of

them that deepened the shade of scarlet in her cheeks and made her inexpressibly grateful that

Zola couldn't see her thoughts. Shaking her head to clear it, she glanced back up at Alex again,

eyes lingering for an inappropriate moment on the bulge beneath his pants before darting away

again, as her mind continued racing far too quickly for before coffee. The intimate memories

had confirmed that she was certainly no stranger to erections, and she had never been one who

was shy about sex. But it had been so long since she had lost Derek, she thought with a heavy

sigh, a twinge of pain twisting her heart and coloring the memories of their morning trysts a

little grayer with bittersweet loss. She had spent more than a few long, broken nights since then

wrapped in Alex's arms, desperate for a barrier between her and the foreign emptiness of the right

side of the bed; or crawling into the guest bed with him after he was asleep on those nights she

worked late and he stayed with the kids, to escape the haunting loneliness she often felt,

even in the crowded hospital or at home surrounded by her beautiful children. But somehow,

this morning felt different. Her mind began to churn with frightening emotions, and possible

explanations for what would make it different came rushing to the forefront of her thoughts,

demanding to be heard and understood. But Meredith quickly stood up from the couch and took

Zola's hand, choosing to throw herself into the day and deal with feelings the way she always

had- by ignoring them until they passed. "Shhh. Zo-zo come to the kitchen with me, honey. let's

let Uncle Alex sleep." She whispered. Zola trailed sullenly behind her as she shuffled stiffly into

the kitchen and headed straight for the coffee maker, moaning as her back launched a painful

complaint about the uncomfortable softness of the couch cushions and her head throbbed

with the familiar aftereffects of consuming indecent amounts of tequila. But a few moments

later as the coffee began to brew, filling the kitchen with the best smell of morning, Meredith

realized that despite the headache and stiffness, she actually felt... good. For the first time in

three days her body felt rested and her mind was clear, free from the fog of repressed fear and

haunting nightmares that had been shrouding her- waking or sleeping- ever since the incident in

the trauma room. A warm surge of gratitude for Alex's stubborn refusal to let her push him away

washed over her and a soft smile played involuntarily around the corners of her lips- unfading

even when Zola slumped pathetically onto a barstool on the other side of the kitchen counter

and glared at her- chocolate eyes as full of the caliber of sulky betrayal that only a 5-year-old

who feels she has missed out on fun can muster. Sucking her bottom lip in between her teeth

to keep from chuckling, Meredith walked around the counter to wrap her dejected daughter

in a fond hug. "Oh Zola, sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't know Uncle Alex was coming over until after

you were already asleep, I promise. It wasn't supposed to be a sleepover; but you know your

mommy and Uncle Alex are old and tired." Zola only sniffed in reply to her mother's explanation,

but she leaned into the hug and this time Meredith did allow herself to laugh softly before

stepping back and dropping a kiss onto her daughter's forehead. Meredith took a cautious sip

of steaming coffee while Zola began bargaining for her own sleepover, as expected. Shaking her

head apologetically, she explained to her disappointed little girl that Uncle Alex had to work until

late that night and that Jo would be sad if he didn't come home again, but deep inside, there was

a frighteningly large part of her that secretly wished she could grant her daughter's wish to have

Alex stay again. Refusing to dwell on the thought, she tousled Zola's sleep-mussed braids and

told herself that the reason she had slept so deeply was simply due to the alcohol and exhaustion

finally catching up to her. But when she came downstairs 30 minutes later, after taking a quick

shower and waking Bailey and Ellis, the wonderful, carb-y smell of Alex's signature waffles and

bacon breakfast greeted her, making her stomach growl loudly. And the throaty sound of Alex's

deep laugh when Zola told him the same joke she had been telling him all week and the way

he grinned in fond amusement when Bailey took the stairs two at a time and threw little arms

around his legs in gleeful surprise, turned the little ripple of gratitude that she'd felt upon waking into

a tsunami wave of warmth that swelled inside her chest and crashed with a flutter in her stomach. And it was the flutter, which she hadn't felt in years and had thought she'd never feel again that finally forced Meredith to admit to herself the truth she had been avoiding all morning: that she'd been

exhausted and a little drunk plenty of times, but she still hadn't slept that well since Derek had

died two years ago. The only difference last night had been Alex's presence; and she was afraid

of the complicated reality she'd have to face if she stopped to analyze what that meant, or

admitted to herself who she'd woken up next to the last time her stomach had been this quivery

and her cheeks this red. So instead she pressed a kiss into Ellis's chubby cheek, and walked into

the homey scene in the kitchen with a soft smile, returning Alex's cheerful good morning greeting

and accepting the heavy plate he handed her, piled high with the waffles and whipped cream that

he knew was her favorite breakfast. She ate in silence, sharing bites of her waffle with little Ellis,

just enjoying the bright chatter of her children and the soft brushes of Alex's arm against hers as

he shifted in the seat next to her, choosing to lose herself in the golden moment and leave her

tumultuous feelings for later.