When I said that I wanted to begin contributing to the front again, this wasn't what I had in mind.

Granted, there's less cushy positions than sitting in a bunker, hundreds of feet beneath the sands of the least hospitable environment on Earth, with nothing but greasy back room boys and cranky old wise men that think the common tongue tastes like ash, with my only reading material being the ravings of a madman that somehow guesses questions he can't possible know more right than wrong with answers he can't possibly have, but what the hell? It's as boring as can be. Not even a division to command, just a bunch of NERDS and a keyboard.

Granted, blah blah blah liaison, blah blah blah military expertise, blah blah blah necessary resources, blah blah blah important positions- and fuck it. Edit this out. You've hired someone to scrub my work, so make him work for his due.

Thesis: The purpose of this dossier is to give basic working information for those in the field, with regards to our fellow creatures on this lovely continent, within the Kanto/Johto regions, by evolutionary line in order of the assigned dex # in accordance with the pokedex project. This information will cover basic history (the most basic), basic biology (the same), sociology, where to find them, how best to kill them, how to eat them, and how to cuddle the cute sons of bitches (only the most kawai, to use the local slang), and how not to get your face ripped off/melted/incinerated, and how not to get your ass ripped in two/off/melted/incinerated/eaten.

Biology: Know thy enemy, and how best to choke, maim, and most effectively commit chemical warfare upon him, and how he'll mangle your sorry ass, and you need not fear the outcome of a hundred battles.

Granted, with the limited knowledge of our soldiers in the field, they may soon resort to Unovan pop music, of course, that carries significant risk to their own lives, in addition to violating Humane Combat Conventions (under supersonic weaponry bans, and cruel and unusual punishment).

That tangent aside, there are two challenges with covering basic biology of even the most common pokemon. Firstly, Kantonese and Johtoan science is a farce. While they have decent behavioral case studies, everything else is a laughing stock that makes me wonder why they think WE are savages. Bluntly, they DON'T study anatomy and physiology, they don't study kinetics, chemistry or biochemistry. They don't know HOW pokemon do what they do.

Second of all, a lot of pokemon anatomy is fucked up, so incredibly fucked up beyond unfucking. It was fucked up before the Shattering and it's ESPECIALLY fucked up now, like a godamn horror movie fact checked by an undergraduate science major. Considering the nonsensical nature of pokemon science, producing a cohesive summary is difficult.

Nonetheless, each summary will contain basic information of what pokemon do, how they do it, how to exploit it, and where to shoot them. If anyone that knows more chemistry than I do is able to figure "Wow, what an amazing opportunity to create a chemical/improvised weapon that likely violates several international laws and kills like nobody's business"… so much the better.

History: Not really important in the least for our boys, but some of these entries relied upon HIS RECORD, which require some historical context.

Plus, the shit's entertaining.

Psychology and Sociology: Just what it sounds like. Generally a good idea to knowing when they want to kill you, and how to keep them from wanting to kill you long enough to stab them in the back. Basic shit, take advantage of how your enemy thinks, make him do what you want to do. Not much else to say on this, except maybe Kantonese is a little less shitty in this respect, so it can be assumed to be a reference. So congrats, fuck ups, your shit didn't amount to less than nothing in the end after all. Sucks that now we have to save your world for you.

Combat: Now for the meat. I should say now, that all of the information in this document is speculation, and speculation from the great and powerful ME is still speculation, so take this to be a baseline of the abilities of the enemy. Though to be honest, if you're in the field right now and assume that this document is the infallible holy bible of monster killing, I advise you to go find the nearest agricultural arcology, and farm turnips for the rest of your miserable life, you fucking dumbass.

Now that the essentials are out of the way, we can get to the details.

While titled combat, a more accurate description is "The many ways these can intentionally or accidentally cause you great bodily harm, and how to prevent them from doing so." This portion will focus on environmental hazards caused by the enemy, preferred means of combat, problems that arise from unchecked propagation.. etcetera, etcetera, and whatever the fuck I want to say.

With regards to combat specifically, I will cover the moves and weapons preferred by the enemy, with the scenarios they are most likely to be encountered within (with regards to environment, cause of conflict, enemy group composition), known deterrents or specific weaknesses, and weapons that are ineffective. These sections will be concluded with advisories on how to engage the enemy, in the contexts and situations in which they are most likely to be encountered as hostiles.

It sounds boring, put like that, so for my own amusement, I'm implementing a lethality scale for individuals of each specie group. Three units of measurement will be used. The smallest unit of measurement is the idiot; which represents the combat ability of a single typical soldier in the field, and the probability that he will engage victorious in combat against an enemy or group of enemies (1 idiot= 100%, .5 idiot= 200%, 1.5 idiots = 66%). Obviously, 2 idiots means a single idiot has only a 50% chance of emerging alive, but two soldiers will be certain to defeat the enemy, even if not both survive.

Of course, probabilities don't necessarily scale up with numbers, enter the second unit; the gaggle, a squad of seven soldiers, assuming all men are properly equipped, with designated weapon specialists. Same rules apply as with the IU.

As I am the most lethal son of a bitch Orre has ever seen before my morning six cups of coffee and the second most lethal son of a bitch Orre has ever seen after my morning eight cups of coffee, the final unit of measurement is the ME unit, which measures up my own lethality, pitted against the biggest, nastiest fucks this world has to give.

I don't fear anything but let's see how close we can get.

Extra Extra: Freaks

Every species has its freaks. What between mega evolutions, primal reversions, ancient ones, super colonies, my ex-wife, champions, crazy crime fighting mutant turtles, freaks of science… well, there are things in this world that need to be judged on their own. What limited information we have on them will be presented in this section, and rated according to the ME.

In addition to the above sections, I will do whatever the heck I want as new requirements become necessary, and will go out of my way to do so- consider this little joke a of a template payback for my current straits. Fuck you too, kiddo.

-ME