Kate remembered the first time she'd really noticed a gay couple. It was when she was sixteen. She was at the store with her mother and her sisters. She noticed the two men while attempting to keep her sisters corralled by the shopping cart. They were way down the aisle.

She wasn't sure if they were local or from out of town. They were holding hands. One said something that made the other laugh. That one kissed the other man on the cheek at they disappeared down another aisle.

Kate had been glad her mother didn't notice. Beverly would never start a scene in public, and she wouldn't say anything in front of Mary or Lynn. But Kate was sure she'd hear her mother rant about it when her sisters and father weren't around. Beverly usually ranted to her friends from church. They all had the same opinion on that subject.

A week later, Kate sat on the couch, home from school with a cold. Her father sat on the opposite side of the couch. He opted to stay home to keep Kate company while she was home, so Beverly went to a church meeting. They were watching Sister Act. Beverly didn't like the movie, but Kate and her father loved it.

"Hey, Dad?"

"What's up, Katie? Did you need me to get you something?"

"No, I just had a question."

"Okay. Shoot."

"Why are your and mom's opinions on... homosexuality so different?" Kate asked hesitantly.

Because Beverly and Richard had such different opinions, homosexuality was never a subject the two talked about, nor was it brought up at services. Even though Richard was a pastor, he was in the minority at church with his opinion. Kate... she wasn't sure how she felt.

Richard looked thoughtful for a minute. "Katie, do you remember the murder trial that was in the papers last month?"

"Um... yeah?" Kate raised a brow in confusion.

"I don't believe God hates people like that man."

"But.. 'Thou shalt not kill.'"

"God isn't the one who punishes murderers. I believe he feels pity for them. That he feels sorry they can't see the light. Sorry he couldn't save them."

Kate nodded. "That does make sense. But what does that have to do with my question?"

"I don't believe God is capable of hate. He couldn't hate anybody. He loves all his children. Why would he hate a man for feeling love for another man, or a woman loving another woman?"

"...I.. I guess he wouldn't. But, Mom and the others..."

"The hate they feel, the wrong they see, that all come from them. It's their judgement. We have no right to judge. Only God can judge. And love, real love, isn't something that can be judged."

Kate nodded, unsure of what to say.

"What brought on your question anyway, sweetheart?"

"I saw these guys at the store last week. They were together, like together together. Mom would have lost it if she saw them, and... it just got me thinking."

Richard sighed. "I love your mother with all of my heart. Before we got married, I told her I would be understanding of her opinion on this matter, but that I didn't ever want it brought up when we were around each other, in public or otherwise. After you were born, I told her I didn't want it brought up around you or any other kids we had, until they were old enough to form their own opinions."

"So, that's why you never talk about it with each other?"

"Yes. I have hope that your mother and the others in the church will come to understand my beliefs eventually though."

"I hope so." Kate said quietly, turning her attention back to the movie.

Blackwell Academy. It was a nice enough school. Arcadia Bay was lovely, and very scenic. Kate loved her family, but being on her own was nice. And it was nice to be away. Away from that particular church, away from the tension that occasionally crept into the house. Just away.

She sat at her desk in her photography class, reading The October Country while waiting for class to start.

"Whatcha reading?"

Kate looked up from her book. A girl was leaning against her desk. Her long hair fell over her shoulders, and she looked at Kate with intense green eyes. A blue feather ear-ring hung off one ear.

"The October Country."

"Oooh, nice. I love Bradbury. He's a real poet. And those macabre themes of his are something else."

"Yeah. It's easy to get lost in his words."

"I've never seen you before. You new?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm Kate. Kate Marsh."

"It's nice to meet you, Kate. I'm Rachel Amber."

The bell rung, and everyone moved to their respective seats as the teacher walked into class.

"Chit-chat later, alright?" Rachel asked. She moved to her desk before Kate could answer.

After class, Rachel walked back over to Kate. "So, how's it feel to be taught by a professional photographer?"

"Mr. Jefferson really knows his stuff."

"Yeah. Hey, you busy?"

"Um... no, not really?"

"You like tea?"

"Yeah..."

"Want to go grab some?"

"With you?"

"Did you have someone else in mind?"

"No. I mean..." Kate shifted in her seat a little.

"I know I'm being a little forward, but you seem really nice. I'd like to give you the run-down on this lovely little hell-pit. So, what do you say?"

Kate considered this for a moment. She didn't have anything pressing to do. And Rachel seemed like a nice enough person.

"Sure."

They sat at a little table in the Bay Leaf.

Rachel stirred sweetener into her tea. "So, you enjoying Blackhell so far?"

"Well, yeah. It's alright."

"The longer you're here, the more you'll hate it."

"It can't be that bad."

"It has its moments. Which reminds me. Steer clear of the Vortex club."

"The Vortex Club?"

"Yeah. The 'popular' crowd. Some of them are alright. Juliet and Dana are pretty cool. And Hayden is usually chill. But I'd stay away from Victoria and her two little slaves, Courtney and Taylor. And avoid Nathan Prescott entirely."

Kate knew the Prescott's were an important family in Arcadia. They owned her dorm building. "What's so bad about Nathan?"

"He has... issues."

"Issues?"

"Yeah. The kind of issues that require professional attention. The kind a man like his father doesn't want to admit he has."

"Oh..." So the Prescott's were that kind of family. Kate felt sorry for people like that.

Rachel lowered her voice. "He's involved with drugs, too. He hooks up some other members of the club."

"How do you know all this?"

"I have ways." Rachel said in a playfully mysterious way.

Kate couldn't help but laugh. "One of the first people who talks to me, and it's the girl who knows all the secrets."

"What better friend to have then a friend on the inside?"

"'Friend'? So, you want to be friends?"

"Well, yeah. That was kind of my idea." Rachel took a sip of her tea. "But, I'd understand if you don't want to be friends"

"I never said I didn't want to be. I'd like to be friends, I think. We just need to get to know each other a little better."

Rachel smiled. "That can be arranged."

They spoke to each other a lot over the next few weeks. Having tea together became a regular thing. Rachel told Kate what it was like living in California, and Kate told Rachel about her life growing up in northern Oregon.

One day, Rachel took Kate to the lighthouse. They sat on a bench, watching the sunset.

"It's really beautiful up here." Kate remarked. It was like seeing Arcadia from a new perspective

"Yeah, it is. I like to come up here sometimes. It's nice to get away from everything." Rachel let out a soft sigh. "I noticed the flyers for that abstinence thing you're a part of. How's that all going?"

Kate shrugged. "It's going. Some people think I need to mind my own business."

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "Is someone giving you a hard time?"

"No, not really. Just.. well, you know Victoria..."

"Sometimes I wish I didn't. It's not like you're trying to make her or anyone else listen to you. You just want to let them know that you're there if they want to listen."

"I'm glad you get it."

Rachel bit her lip in a thoughtful manner. "Kate, with the whole abstinence thing... can I get your honest opinion on people who don't wait?"

"I don't think they're damned, if that's what you're asking. Waiting for marriage, or not waiting, it's person's choice. I just think people should make those choices for the right reasons. I know some girls, and guys, do go to far with someone out of feeling pressured. People shouldn't feel pressured into doing something they aren't ready for."

Rachel gave a small nod "So, like, waiting for love, then?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah. Something like that. Do you mind if I ask why you're asking?"

Rachel shrugged. "Just wanted your opinion. Partially, your opinion on me."

"You?"

There was some silence. Kate figured what Rachel was getting at, but wasn't sure what to say.

"If I could go back in time, and not.. you know, I would." Rachel sighed.

"Was it for the wrong reasons?"

"It was out of selfishness. I lot of things I do.. did, were out of selfishness. It still feels that way sometimes. That's why I said I'd understand if you didn't want to be friends."

"I don't think you're selfish, Rachel. You know, aside from Stella and Alyssa, you're the only other person here I really like."

Rachel smiled. "Sounds a bit like process of elimination, but I'll take it. Honestly, I thought you might not have wanted to stick with me for this long."

Kate tilted her head. "What makes you say that?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. It's just... I've hurt people before. People I care about. I didn't mean to.."

"Most people have done that, Rachel."

"I can't imagine you've ever done that."

"Well, no.." Kate couldn't even remember the last time she'd gotten scolded. "Who did you hurt?"

"My parents. My father. He only wanted what he thought was best for me. That's what fathers do. Look out for their little girls, right?"

"My father is like that. He only wants me and my little sisters to be happy."

"And, my mother.." Rachel looked down at her bracelet. "I just feel I made a mess of things. Are you close with your mother?"

"I'm closer with my dad and my sisters."

Kate loved her mother dearly, she really did. But some of her opinions, like the other people at church, like the people she'd seen on TV... It made it hard to know what to think. What to feel.

Rachel looked at the tattoo on her wrist. "And then... Chloe. I hurt her, quite a bit. And I don't think I can forgive myself for that." A look of regret came to Rachel's face.

"Was she the one that you...?"

"No, she wasn't. She and I... we.. It was so complicated.. we were friends, but... there was... it always felt like there was something... else."

"Oh." Kate said softly. "So you're... you like girls, then."

"I like boys, too. Chloe was the first girl I ever noticed like that."

Kate noticed that Rachel kept using past-tenses. "What happened?"

"Ever hear the term 'bisexual disaster'?"

Kate shrugged. "..maybe?"

"Well, I was just a disaster. Like I said, I did a lot of things out of selfishness. I got Chloe caught up in all of it. When I look back, I realize I took advantage of her. It all caught up with us eventually. I don't blame her for being pissed at me. I'd hate me too."

Rachel let out a sigh. "But, I cost myself a very good friend. And I miss having her as a friend."

"Then why don't you talk to her?"

"I want to, Kate. I really do. It's been quite a while... What would I even say to her?"

"You can start by apologizing."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It won't be easy, Rachel. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You deserve a second chance to be friends with her."

Rachel looked down at the ground. "Do I? I don't really feel like I've earned it."

"Everyone deserves a second chance." Kate placed a hand over one of Rachel's hands. "Rachel, two things I believe are redemption and forgiveness."

"Even for me?"

Kate smiled. "Especially for you."

Rachel put her arms around Kate, pulling her into a hug. "I'll give it a shot."

"I'm sure things will work out." Kate said, leaning into the hug. This felt nice.

A few hours later, Kate was feeding Alice when her phone's notification binged. It was Rachel.

Rachel: Hey. I talked to her.

Kate: How'd it go?

Rachel: We talked for quite a while. I'd almost forgotten what a colorful vocabulary Chloe has.

Kate: Sorry.

Rachel: Don't be. I had it all coming. She wants to trust me again. So, we're going to work on being friends again.

Kate: I'm glad things worked out.

Rachel: I want to thank you for helping me out. I think I needed an angel in my life.

Kate felt her stomach flutter.

Kate: I'm not an angel, Rachel.

Rachel: Could have fooled me ;)

Kate: Oh, shush.

Rachel was too sweet.

Kate was just about to open her violin case when she heard a knock on her door. She opened it, letting Rachel in. "You have very good timing, Rach."

"Maybe I have ESP. Or me and you just share a connection." Rachel said. She walked over to Alice's cage, and took her out. She sat on the bed as Kate took out her violin. "Oh, Max wants to know if we're still on for tea this weekend."

"Of course. Will Chloe be joining us?"

"If she suddenly develops a liking for tea. Since she probably won't, the three of us are going to binge slasher films. Wanna join?"

Kate shook her head. "No way."

"Oh, right. I forgot." Rachel smirked. "You're not allowed to watch R-rated films, right?"

"Funny."

"I try."

Kate shook her head. She began to play her violin while Rachel petted Alice.

"You are so cute. Yes you are." Rachel cooed to the rabbit. "Just like your Mommy."

Kate's hand slipped a little, drawing the bow across a string the wrong way.

Rachel looked over at her. "Looks like I caught someone a little off guard."

" .. I just got distracted."

Rachel smirked, and looked down at Alice. "Your Mommy is cute, but she's a terrible liar."

Kate shook her head, returning to her violin playing, trying to ignore the blush she felt creeping to her cheeks.

Hanging out in a junkyard wouldn't have normally been Kate's idea of a 'chill' afternoon. But Max and Rachel both manage to convince her to join them and Chloe there. And aside from the broken glass and what looked like used needles, it wasn't so bad.

Chloe snaked an arm around Max, planting a kiss on her cheek. Kate remembered the two men she saw at the store two years ago. They'd look happy. Like how Max and Chloe looked happy.

"So, Max and Rach finally convinced you to come along." Chloe remarked.

"Nah. We're holding her against her will." Rachel said before Kate could speak.

"Well she's a pretty content prisoner."

"Well I do have ways with people. And you know I am quite charming." Rachel looked over at Kate, giving her a small wink.

Kate looked away, feeling really warm.

"Aww, someone looks a little embarrassed." Chloe quiped playfully.

"Come on, guys. Quit picking on her." Max said.

"It's alright." Kate said. "I know they're just messing around." She still felt warm. It was warm today, right?

"See, Max? She's chill. You know how to play darts, Kate?" Chloe asked.

"No.."

"We can show you. Come on."

There was a little shack in the junkyard, and the girls had a dart board set up on the wall. And after watching Max throw darts, Kate felt better knowing she wasn't the only one who wasn't good at this. But, at least Max had managed to hit the board a few times. Kate came close.

Chloe crossed her arms. "Wow. You really suck at this."

Max shoved her shoulder a little. "Chloe! Be nice."

"It's alright, Max. She's right. I'm not very good at this."

"Neither am I."

"At least you can hit the board."

"Here, let me give you some help." Rachel said, picking up the darts.

Chloe raised an eyebrow. "Since when are you an expert?"

"I'm better than you." Rachel retorted.

"At close range, maybe."

Rachel scowled at her as she walked the darts over to Kate.

"Is it always like this with you three?" Kate asked.

Rachel shrugged. "Yeah."

"Pretty much." Max added.

"You'll get used to it." Chloe said.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Kate said quietly.

"Would you like us to pray for you?" Chloe asked in a joking matter.

"I think I can take care of that myself. I can pray for you too, if you'd like."

"Nah. I'm in a constant 'damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don't' state anyway."

"Guys, we can ponder our immortal souls later." Rachel interjected.

She handed a dart to Kate. "You want to pinch it between your thumb, index, and middle finger, like this." She showed Kate. Kate did so.

Rachel stood slightly behind Kate, putting an arm around her shoulder. "Now, when you throw it, you'll want your arm to be almost completely straightened out when you release it, like this." She placed her hand over Kate's, and mimicked the motion.

Kate bit her lip, trying to focus on throwing the dart, instead of how close Rachel was to her. It wasn't working. The dart hit the wall just beside the board.

"That was so close! You'll get it next time." Max said encouragingly.

"You might want a different instructor." Chloe said.

Rachel glared at her, which was met with a smirk. At least the two were back to how Rachel said they used to be.

"Give it another go, Kate." Rachel placed her hands over Kate's shoulders. "Relax your shoulders."

'I'm trying.' She thought. God, was she trying.

She held her breath a little as she threw the dart, and she got really close to the bull's-eye that time.

Rachel squeezed her shoulders a little. "There ya go! I knew you could do it."

Kate only nods, smiling shyly, liking how Rachel still held her shoulders. Did it get warmer outside?

Kate's attention was pulled from her book when Rachel sat on the top of her desk. She looked up into those intense green eyes. "Hey, Rach."

"Hey. You busy tonight?"

"Well, I have some homework to go over."

"What about later tonight? Say.. when everyone's asleep?"

"I planned to be sleeping too."

"Wanna post-pone that for a bit?"

"Why?"

A mischievous look came to Rachel's face. "I have to keep some mystery for later, Ms. Marsh. But trust me when I say it'll be a lot of fun. So, you in?"

This sounded like something they could get in trouble for. Kate knew she should say no. But looking at Rachel, she couldn't bring herself to say it. Rachel wouldn't plan anything that could get them into any serious trouble.

Kate nodded. "Sure."

What would be the harm, honestly?

Kate waited in her room for Rachel. She felt more anxious then usual. It was because she didn't know exactly what Rachel had planned. Yeah, that's what it was.

A soft knock at her door startled her.

"Kate?" Rachel's whisper was hard to hear. "You ready?"

"Yes." Kate whispered back. She stepped out of her room, shutting her door as quietly as she could.

They crept out of the dorm and across the campus. Kate tried to ignore the pit in her stomach. She didn't want to get in any trouble. And Rachel couldn't afford any more trouble.

Rachel led Kate to the pool. Rachel hit the light switch for the pool.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Kate asked. "We could get into so much trouble."

"Only if we get caught." Rachel said, setting a couple towels down on a bench. "Life's no fun without a little risk, Katie."

'Katie?' Her parents called her that sometimes. It felt a little different hearing it from Rachel. Not in a bad way, though.

"I'm not really a risk taker, Rachel."

"Maybe it's time to start. Don't be so worried." Rachel shoved her shoulder a little. "Besides, you'll be fine. You're with me."

The nervous pit in Kate's stomach was replaced with a warm flutter, which she felt in her chest too.

Rachel smiled. "Now, let's enjoy ourselves a bit." She began to undress.

Kate turned her head away, feeling her cheeks heat up. She turned her head back as Rachel did a cannonball into the pool, dressed in her underwear and bra.

Rachel surfaced, brushing water off her face. "Dude, this water feels amazing! Come join me already."

She'd already come this far. Why not?

Kate took her necklace off, and kicked off her shoes. She reached for her shirt, and looked at Rachel. "Um.. could you.. not look?"

Rachel nodded, turning her head.

Kate slipped out of her clothes until she to only wore her bra and underwear. She felt very exposed, and nervous. She knew she shouldn't be. She was with Rachel. Why should she feel nervous around her?

Kate let her hair out of its bun, and slid into the water. It did feel pretty nice.

Rachel swam over. "There. That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"No. This is pretty nice."

Rachel tilted her head, a soft smile on her lips. "I've never seen you with your hair down. You look cute."

"Thanks." Kate murmured, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. She hoped the lighting didn't reveal the blush she felt on her face. "I like your tattoos. I.I mean, I've seen the star on your wrist, but the dragon one on your leg is really cool."

"Thanks. You can't see the dragon unless I'm wearing shorts. Or less, like I am now."

Kate nodded, averting her eyes from Rachel's barely clothed body. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire. God, what was Rachel doing to her?

She was pulled from her thoughts when water splashed over her face. Rachel's smirk was quite wide. Kate retorted by splashing back. They went back and forth for a bit, laughing.

After a bit, they rested their arms against the side of the pool. Kate noticed a scar around the upper part of Rachel's arm. It wasn't a very long one, but it looked like the wound had been deep.

"How'd you get that scar?"

"I got stabbed."

"Someone stabbed you!?" Kate asked, horrified. "Who? And why?"

"It was some asshole named Damon Merrick. It was a few years ago. I hit him across the head with a wooden board."

Kate looked at Rachel. She remembered Rachel had told her she'd gotten into trouble before, but she'd never suspected it had been that bad.

Rachel saw that Kate wanted an explanation. "The whole thing happened because I was trying to find my birth mother."

"Rose isn't your birth mother?"

Rachel shook her head. "After my dad told me, I wanted to find her. I wanted to meet her."

"What happened?"

"Well, Chloe offered to help me. Remember how I said I took advantage of Chloe? That's how. I dragged her into some serious shit. And, well... you know how that all culminated."

Rachel looked at her scar. "That fucker Damon severed an artery when he stabbed me. Thank God Chloe was there. She drove me to the hospital. The doctors said if I had been brought in a minute later, I wouldn't have made it. Chloe blamed herself, but she saved my life."

"Bless her for being there for you."

Kate tried to think about what it would be like to never have been able to meet Rachel. She didn't like that thought.

"So, did you ever find your birth mother?"

Rachel shook her head. "She's out there, somewhere. Maybe I will meet her someday. But for now," She looked at her bracelet. "This is all I have. Chloe said that wherever she is, she loves me."

"I'm sure she does, Rachel. Who wouldn't love you?"

Rachel looked at Kate, and Kate let her words sink in. After a moment, Rachel smiled. It was shy, so unlike herself. The lighting was a little dim, but it looked like she may have been blushing.

"That's sweet of you to say. I'm getting a little cold. Wanna get out of here?"

Kate hadn't realized she felt a little cold. "Yeah."

They got out, drying themselves off and getting dressed. Kate kept her eyes averted. This feeling... it wasn't nervousness. Nervousness was mixed in, but it was something else. Something she couldn't remember feeling before.

They snuck back to the dorms.

"So, did you have fun?" Rachel asked quietly.

"Yeah, I did." It was the most fun Kate remembered having in a while. They stopped outside her door.

"We should take risks together more often." Rachel said playfully.

Kate giggled quietly. "Maybe."

She could make out Rachel's smile even in the dim hallway. And her eyes. Did they ever lose intensity?

"Hey, Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

Kate bit her lip, unsure what to say. Unsure what she had wanted to say.

Rachel stepped closer. "What is it, Kate?" She was close enough that Kate could smell the chlorine.

Kate felt herself trembling a little. She took a breath, trying to calm her self. She met Rachel's eyes. It was like something passed between them. It made Kate tremble more.

The next thing she knew, Rachel's lips were on her own. And Kate was ever eager to lean into the kiss, to melt into Rachel. Her own inexperience showed through, but Rachel didn't seem to care. And neither did Kate. Because Rachel's mouth was soft and warm and tasted of honey.

Rachel pulled back, breathing hard. The smell of chlorine was mixed with lilac. The space between them was cold, almost painful. Kate wanted warmth. Rachel's warmth. So she pulled Rachel in.

Rachel took more control, pushing Kate against the door as she kissed her. A quiet moan escaped her lips as she accepted Rachel's tongue. It's only when one of Rachel's hands starts to slide under her shirt that some coherency come to Kate's mind, followed by shock, and mild panic.

One hand finds the knob of her door, and Kate uses her other hand to push Rachel away as she turns it. She slams the door a little to hard, and she leans against it, panting and trying to wrap her head around what just happened.

"Kate! Kate, I'm sorry! I.. I didn't mean to... I'm sorry!"

The honey taste lingers in Kate's mouth, which is too dry to speak.

"Katie, please..." Rachel's voice has a tone of desperation Kate hadn't heard before. It was heartbreaking.

"Goodnight, Rachel." The words came out a little more snappish than Kate intended. But she wanted to be left alone. Wanted to sleep.

Maddening silence follows. Soft, fading footsteps follow that.

Kate buried herself under her blankets.

She stays in her room most of the morning. She painfully ignored her phone's persistent ringing. After sitting up, she read the texts that had followed.

Rachel: I'm so sorry, Kate. I shouldn't have kissed you.

Rachel: Can we still be friends? Please?

Rachel: Talk to me, please.

Kate set her phone aside. She couldn't reply. Didn't know what to reply. Her skin itches. She needs a shower.

The water is cold, but Kate doesn't notice. She still feels the warmth from the pool, still feels the warmth from Rachel. A part of Kate hates the way the shower washes the chlorine from her.

She had plans with Stella and Alyssa. As she walks to the parking lot, she sees Max and Chloe getting into Chloe's truck. She sees Chloe kiss Max, and sees how Max leans in. Sees how happy they look when they drive off. Kate wondered if they were meeting Rachel somewhere.

She ends her plans with Stella and Alyssa early. She's not feeling like herself.

Her phone went off several times.

Rachel: KAte? I'm ssrrsy.

Rachel: Plseas. Tlk to me.

Rachel: Plsse. I msiss you.

Rachel: Pllassse. I'm oss fuvcd up riefgt noww..

The incoherent words made Kate worry. She jumped as her phone rang. It was Max.

"Is everything alright, Max?"

"No, not really. Rachel's..." Max went silent.

"What, Max?"

"She's wasted. Like, seriously wasted. Even Chloe's concerned."

Kate's throat went dry. That explained the misspelled messages. "What.. what happened?"

"I don't know. She showed up at Chloe's house, drunk as shit. She said you weren't talking to her."

"I've been really busy. I'm sorry."

"This isn't your fault, Kate."

Kate bit her lip. 'Yes, it is.'

"Anyway, me and Chloe left her alone for just a minute, and she got one of David's beers. Now she's... I don't even understand what she's saying."

Guilt washed over Kate. She heard a muffled 'God damn it', and then silence.

"Max?"

More silence.

"Sorry about that, Kate."

"What happened?"

"Rachel passed out. She's going to have an awful hang-over in the morning.."

"You and Chloe keep an eye on her, okay?"

"We will. Goodnight, Kate."

Kate buried herself into her blankets. She dreamed of swimming, and honey and lilac.

Kate sat on her bed, looking a picture she drew of Rachel.

The way Rachel looked at her, the way she teased her, flirted with her. And the way she felt around Rachel. The flutter, the warmth, the blushing... God, how had seen not seen what was happening?

Kate remembered all the things her mother said, all the things the other pastors and the rest of the church said. She'd developed a 'shrug and nod' system to tune most of it out, because she'd never been sure what to think.

Those men back at the store two years ago had seemed so happy. And Max and Chloe were happy. That couldn't be wrong. That couldn't be sick or evil.

She remembered what her father had told her. Real love couldn't be judged. And God couldn't hate. How could he?

Then why was she struggling so hard with her own feelings?

That's when it clicked in Kate's mind. It was because it was her feelings. Not what other people thought she should feel. They were her feelings, and they were real.

God, she felt so stupid.

Chloe was kind enough to drop Kate off at the Amber house. James and Rose welcomed her in. Rachel sat in the living room. She gave a Kate a brief look of surprise, before replacing it with a smile. It didn't meet her eyes.

They let her stay for dinner. They talked about school and friends. Rachel rarely met Kate's eyes.

They let Kate stay for the night. She and Rachel stayed up a little late, watching reruns of sitcoms. Rachel led Kate up to her room to lend her some pajamas for the night. Kate glanced at her as she changed. Rachel turned on her star light, and stared at the star patterns on the roof.

The silence was beyond maddening, and tension was unbearable.

Kate sat beside her. "Max called me last night. She said you were wasted."

Rachel shrugged. "I suppose I was. I don't really remember."

"I got your texts. All of them."

"Did you? I though your phone may have been down." Rachel's voice was dry.

"Rach.."

"You made me feel like shit. Like the Queen of Shit, really." Rachel said. "I shouldn't have kissed you, I know that. But, I wanted to. Everything felt so right, so perfect. The way I feel around you, it's not like anything I've ever felt with anyone. Not even Chloe. It's sweet, and wonderful and magical, and real. And I was foolish enough to think you could feel it too. Hope you could feel it too."

Tears ran down Rachel's face. "But I was wrong. You're not... you don't like me like I like you. And I can live with that. But I still want us to be friends. That's all I want. Please just let me have that, please." The desperation was back in Rachel's voice, as heartbreaking as ever.

Emotion roiled inside Kate, robbing her of words. The things Rachel said, the sweet, heartbreaking things swam in her mind. Rachel liked her. Quite a lot. She said it was real. Real. Just like how Kate felt.

"Kate, say something. Please." Rachel pleaded.

Words weren't enough.

Kate placed her hands on Rachel's shoulders, and kissed her. And it was just like that night, with the warmth and the honey taste of Rachel's mouth. The lilac smell of Rachel's hair was stronger without the chlorine.

Rachel starts to pull away, but Kate wants to feel her lips, needs to. So she pulls her back in. Rachel's arms wrap around her tightly, holding onto her like it was for dear life, and Kate eagerly accepts her tongue.

Rachel pushes her into the bed without breaking their kiss, and Kate lets her have control. Her heart was beating like crazy, and her breath was trembling, but God, Rachel's body pressing into hers felt good, and she didn't want to think about anything else but that, and Rachel's soft lips and lilac scent.

Rachel's hands slide up under her shirt, and the rest of the world fades away.

The chill against Kate's bare skin is a mild distraction. It didn't matter. What mattered was the way Rachel held her close, the way their skin felt pressed together, the way Rachel stroked her hair as she panted.

Kate buried her head against Rachel's neck, and some of her hair, her lovely, lilac-smelling hair.

"Actions usually speak louder than words." Rachel whispered. "But you still confuse me a little."

"How so?" Kate managed to breath into Rachel's neck.

"The first time I kiss you, you shoved me away. You don't talk to me for two days, and make me feel like trash. You show up at my house, and sit through a very awkward dinner. Then, you kissed me, and, well..." She traced circles on Kate's stomach with her free hand, her finger still somewhat damp. "Here we are."

"I never meant to put you through all that, Rachel. And I'm sorry."

"Oh, you're completely, one hundred percent forgiven, Katie. That's not what's on my mind. I know where we are. What I want to know is what we are."

Kate shifted around to look at Rachel's face. She looked relaxed, at peace even. Kate felt it too. Happy. Content. Even with the gentlest look, Rachel's eyes were still intense. Kate could get just as lost in them as her lips. She wanted to.

"We're us." She said softly.

"Us? You really want that? You really mean it?"

Rachel's voice was quiet, and shaky, so unlike the girl who had made every nerve in Kate's body tremble.

Kate took hold of the hand tracing circles on her stomach, and laced their fingers together. "I do, Rachel. I swear, I do."

The smile on Rachel's face was the most beautiful thing in the world. She kissed Kate softly, sweetly. She held Kate close, gently stroking her hair, and pulled a blanket around them.

The feeling of Rachel's fingers brushing her hair, the feeling of her warm body, the sound of her breathing, her sweet lilac smell, was enough to lull Kate to sleep. As she drifted off, she thought she heard Rachel murmur.

"I think I love you, Katie."

She was too far into her lull to responded. As sleep finally embraced her as much as Rachel was, knew she loved Rachel too.