CHAPTER 1: If She Dies, I Die

"April? APRIL?"

Owen Hunt finally stopped to catch his breath. He was sweating. His heart was racing. That's when his phone rang.

"Did you find her?"

It was Meredith Grey.

"No. Meredith, there's nobody here. I've been searching for over an hour," he replied.

"Well, maybe she's fine. Maybe Matthew was just confused. Why would she be in the car with him anyway? It doesn't make any sense."

Meredith was right, Owen couldn't think of any reason April and Matthew would be carpooling. And yet, he felt uneasy. Something was wrong.

"I don't know Mer, I have a bad feeling about this. April didn't show up to work today, and her phone is going straight to voicemail."

"Owen, you're over-thinking it. She's not there, so come back. We'll ask Matthew when he wakes up."

Owen reluctantly agreed. April was never late for work. But he took a deep breath and turned around. He had searched everywhere. What more could he do?

Meredith ate her lunch in silence. Her head was throbbing.

I'm sure April is fine, she had reassured Owen. But that's what she'd thought about Derek until the police had showed up and told her he was dead.

"Hey, have you seen April?"

She looked up in surprise. It was Jackson. They had decided not to tell him till he got out of surgery.

"Jackson, I uh, I haven't."

"Oh, okay. I saw that her name wasn't on the OR board. And she's not in the ER. If you see her, will you please tell her to call me? Her phone keeps going to voicemail."

Meredith sighed.

"Jackson, something might have happened."

His eyes widened in alarm.

"What do you mean?"

"Matthew Taylor came in today. Car crash."

"Oh," Jackson replied, confused.

"He kept saying April's name before passing out."

"Okay?"

"So Owen went to look for her at the site of the crash. He didn't find her. Do you think she could've been with him in the car?"

Jackson was shaking now.

"No, they don't hang out," he said, his voice sounded terrified, "Why would she be in the car? I'm sure April is fine. She sent Karev's wedding invitations just this morning."

"Right," Mer replied, "I'm sure she's fine."

They sat in silence for a minute. Then she got a call from Bailey.

"Matthew Taylor is awake."

Miranda Bailey checked his pupils as Matthew slowly opened his eyes. Jackson came running in, followed by Meredith.

"April?" Matthew mumbled, "Is April okay?"

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't she be?" Jackson asked, an edge to his tone.

"The car crash," Matthew replied.

"April was with you?"

"Yeah, didn't you find her? I tried to tell you," Matthew said to Meredith.

"Matthew, we searched for her. She was nowhere to be found."

"Oh god..."

"Why was she in the car with you?" Jackson glared at Matthew.

"It's not exactly any of your business," he replied.

"The mother of my children is missing, of course it's my god damned business!"

"Okay, calm down," Bailey intervened, "Matthew, where was April when you made the 911 call?"

"911 call? I didn't make it."

"That means April made it," Meredith said, "We'll go down to the station and ask them. And we'll file a missing person report. We will find her, don't worry. Okay Jackson?"

Jackson looked furious. But he nodded and left the room, Meredith after him.

"That's her voice," Jackson exclaimed as the officer played the 911 call for them, "She sounds hurt. She's not okay."

"But she's alive," Meredith replied encouragingly. She tried to keep the thought of Derek and his car crash out of her head.

"Was alive," Jackson corrected, "when she made the call."

His eyes were welling up. His voice was hoarse. Meredith could see that he was on the verge of breaking down.

"Hey, you have to be strong. For April and for Harriet. Come on, Jackson. April Kepner is a warrior. She'll be okay."

"Soldier."

"What?"

"April Kepner is a soldier."

Jackson and Meredith entered the attendings' lounge at 2 a.m. They had filed a report at the police station. Then they had gone back to the place of the car crash and searched for April hopelessly. Jackson had called Arizona and asked her to take Harriet for the night. Then they had come back to the hospital.

Now he sank onto the couch.

"If she's dead...," Jackson whispered.

"Don't. Don't do that to yourself. She's not dead yet," Meredith said sternly, "We have to fight for her."

Jackson put his head in his hands. He didn't know if he felt hot or cold.

April could be dead.

Stop it.

If she dies, I die.

Don't think like that.

"Hey," Owen entered the lounge, "I didn't know you guys were back."

They looked up at him, "Any news?"

"The police are here. They're questioning Matthew."

Jackson stood up.

"Jackson, let them do their job."

"I need to know what happened. Why was she there? How did they crash? I need to know everything if I'm going to find her," he said gathering all his determination.

He walked out of the lounge, and Meredith and Owen reluctantly followed. Jackson took a deep breath when he reached Matthew's room, then walked in. Matthew pursed his lips at the sight of Jackson, but didn't say anything. There were two police detectives standing on either side of his bed.

"So you and Dr. Kepner had been seeing each other?" One of the detectives asked.

"That's right," Matthew avoided Jackson's gaze.

WHAT? April had been seeing Matthew Taylor again? Since when?

Jackson was feeling too many emotions to process. So he just gritted his teeth and focused on the conversation.

"And this morning, you were dropping her off to work?"

"Yes."

"Then what happened?"

"I was going fast, a little over the speed limit. She told me to slow down. But it was an empty road. So I kept going. Then suddenly, a car came speeding towards us. It was in the wrong lane. I swerved as fast as I could. April was shouting at me to watch out. Then I don't remember clearly. I remember our car turning. The other car drove away. Then I remember the wailing of an ambulance."

Jackson's blood was boiling.

"So you were speeding and now she might be dead because of it?" he hissed.

"Hey, I feel bad enough," Matthew said defensively, "But the other car was in the wrong lane."

"But if you had been going slow-"

"Dr. Avery," Bailey gave him a warning look. But Jackson ignored her.

"You just robbed Harriet of a mother," Jackson said, his eyes welling up.

"Jackson, come on," Meredith touched his arm gently, "Let's get some air."

Jackson stormed out of the room. Then broke into a run. The tears were making his vision blurry. He found an empty stairwell. And broke down. He sat there, crying alone for a long time before Meredith finally found him. She sat beside him.

"They'll find her," she said gently, "We will find out what happened. And we will bring her back home."

"But what if she's dead? That's all I can think," Jackson said between the sobs, "What if she dies and we can't save her?"

"We are not going to assume that till we see a body," Meredith replied confidently.

"She has to be alive," he replied, "She has to. Harriet needs her."

There was silence. Then he spoke again.

"I need her."

I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. Be sure to leave a review.