Stuck Between Slugs and Toads

A reincarnated soul finds itself stuck between a short-tempered Senju princess and a perverted Dead Last—all while stuck in the mind of the series's infamous, sociopathic snake. Foreknowledge barely means anything when the pieces of the plot have yet to begun. Reborn!OC

one: red

orochimaru: three years

years to second war: twenty-one years

I deserve this.

I come to this same spot every day. Eventually there would be a day when I arrived while it rained. Today, the downpour threatens drown me in hot, pregnant droplets. The damp, black ground reflects my appearance. My face. A reflection I have tried so hard to avoid.

The great mystery of my parents' death is solved: first war casualties. I had the chance to see them bruised and bloodied so that the medical-nin could preform a DNA test. I recognized my parents from their faint chakra signatures alone.

Their bodies still haunt my dreams. There is no stable Yamanaka psychological ward yet, so I am left alone with my night terrors. Very few children can say they have buried their parent's bodies, more flesh and rotting tissue than people who gave them warm hugs and love.

I keep staring at the gray stone slabs before me, but my pale body is reflected everywhere. Skin so sunken and transparent I feel more like a ghost than human.

What should I do now? I am not the boy who should be standing here. In the short time I've known my parents, I knew they would die. I am not supposed to be here. Standing here should be the real Orochimaru, the one who would become a great antagonist who searches to defeat death.

I have stolen his position. I am fake, just as fake as this world I live in. If my fate is to become a villain, I should die and save the world the trouble. I've died once and it has landed me in this skin. Die twice and I may see my true family in the afterlife.

What is the point of existing?

The black sky is a never-ending void. Water falls endlessly. It's hard to breathe. I hope it'll drown me and let me die. I don't think I can kill myself intentionally.

This rain can make me sick. I'll suffer through the cold without treating it. Then I shall die. Then the world can be saved.

If the only thing I'm good at is hurting others, then there is nothing good I can bring to humanity. Thus the world will live kindly without me. Everyone will be all the safer. Unfortunately the Legendary Three Ninja will never exist in this world. At the very least, not in the same way as in canon.

"Oi! Outta this rain, weirdo! You wanna get sick, or somethin'? Geez!"

A hand the color of healthy pink seizes my wrist and drags me away. My black silks curtain most of my vision, but as dark as the afternoon is, I cannot miss her bushy hair of blood red hair.

An Uzumaki. They are not extinct yet. It's very absurd. To see such a busty woman of a clan that is as good as dead. We are both ghosts.

"Are you an orphan? There's no way any reasonable parent would ditch their kid outside! For God of Shinobi's sake, the Leaf needs a orphanage."

She forces me to follow. We gradually get close to the Hokage Rock where the Second Hokage's face is currently in construction. Then, surrounded by a small fence, is a partially cylindrical house.

Easily she enters the open gate and marches to what seems to be her home, a three story house colored red and tan. A lonely swing set is hung up in the tree. She bangs on the door and, before long, a man with dirty blond hair appears.

"Tokonoma!" says the adult in awe. Though he may be thin, it is possible to see some muscle definition underneath his full, deep green kimono.

"Look what I brought: a orphan boy. Been standing outside for hours. I went to talk to Momma and I get outside hours later and see the boy hasn't budged! Get this child a bath going."

He meets my eyes and something dampens his brown eyes. "Absolutely. Please, enter."

The Uzumaki woman picks me up by my waist and steps inside. The man has given us a towel to dry off with. She dries me off before herself.

Next I follow her to the kitchen with my cold, bare feet warming up by moving on her warm floor. Tokonoma makes tea and hands me something out of the cabinet closet, wrapped in blue cloth.

"Eat it," she orders. "You'll get sick at this rate, kid."

I take it and it's chocolate. Very bitter chocolate that stings my mouth and leaves a coffee-like aftertaste. Then I am drinking scalding hot tea with quick sips to avoid touching my tongue and sensitive mouth flesh.

Distantly, I hear the tub being filled.

"You look funny."

I find the woman is staring at me. Her eyes are the same color and depth as the sky outside. Her long, feminine eyelashes contrast her rough speech.

"I don't think I've seen your folks around. I would remember them looking strange as you. Oh well. Guess my next problem is getting you a home. No way am I raising another child in this house, y'know."

She puts her arms behind her back and stretches.

"Tokonoma! The tub awaits!"

"Yeah, yeah..." She picks me up without warning. "C'mon, we're gonna bathe together. I don't really care if we're strangers. You're a skinny baby and you just might break yourself if I left you alone. Listen here, I'm not real patient, so you better not be annoyin'."

I dangle helplessly as she carts me into the bathroom—very large, expansive, and completely lacking a toilet—and begins to wash me up, first with soap and water outside the tub, rinsing, and then soaking in the tub.

She joins me in the lavender water as if we were in a hot spring. In her hands is water she scooped up and sniffs.

"My husband," Tokonoma sighs. "Rose water, witch hazel, honey, and bath salts. He goes overboard."

I try to avoid my purple-tinted reflection by staring at the misty tiles. While I look away, Tokonoma starts threading her gentle fingers through my still wet hair. She untangles a few knots and smoothes the rest.

"Man, if only I had some good hair as you, boy," she comments. "Keep your hair healthy. Girls would kill for this. Lucky devil, you."

We remain in that hot tub for a long while. At her husband's fifth call that dinner is ready, Tokonoma allows us to escape the tub. She wears a well-fitting kimono-like tunic and housecoat. I get to wear her daughter's pink yukata that ended up being to long for her. The woman also ties up my hair with a towel and gives me thick socks.

My skin feels really smooth. It reminds me of what I imagine snakes to feel like.

Dinner is curry and seafood. Tokonoma piles on spices on her plates while her husband eats placidly. I never had a dinner together with my family. We ate alone and whenever we wanted. In hindsight, maybe they thought they would get more time with me.

"Tokonoma," says the man a few moments after a brief silence, "are we truly parting ways with our guest?"

She speaks with food still in her mouth. "Of course! But I'm glad I saw him earlier. He coulda been bird food by morning."

"Our daughter would be so happy to have a brother, though..."

"Nuh-uh. I don't got time to be dealing with two puberty cases in my household. Somebody might want him."

"Who do you think will?"

"Could be those cuddly Akimichi people. Probably Sarutobi, with Hiruzen and all. Push come to shove, another Senju might want him."

Their conversation starts to become very meaningless babble. I eat, finish, and sleep in their room on a seperate mattress. They find an old blanket for me to use and blow out the candles. I can still hear their steps throughout the house.

This warmth is almost nice. Since my parents had been busy with the war effort, I never thought I would miss this as much as I do now.

Falling asleep, I hope I don't dream of any night terror.

end

Uh, no clue how unique of a concept this is? Anyway, just had an idea: what if an oc was born as a sanin? Since this era will have to utilize a buncha OCs because the lack of specificity, might as well make the man cast canon characters.

Ergo, OC trapped in Orochimaru. Because I think Jiraiya's or Tsunade's body would be too stressing considering what s/he's responsible for. For Orochimaru, his goal is to have some talent to Jiraiya's none and not go evil. Not as stressful, but it has it's owwn difficulties. I'll try not to get to excessive levels of angst.

Also, this timeline is going to give me an aneurysm.